Chapter 12
Chapter 12
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 12
Chapter Title: A Delusion of My Own
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"How utterly unpleasant."
Helios greeted the morning in a sullen mood, at odds with the fine weather. He climbed down from the bed, boldly baring his well-muscled upper body.
Running a hand roughly through his slightly tousled hair, Helios muttered under his breath with a quiet curse.
"Of all people, why that bastard..."
His brows remained furrowed from the unpleasant dream of the previous night.
It had come upon him as he drifted off to sleep, thinking about the Elpis Merchant Group's delivery scheduled for today.
It was a dream. Helios realized it right away.
Otherwise, there was no way he would be watching Esther and Noel sitting side by side in the secluded rear garden of the castle where no one ever came, chattering away.
"Feeling better now, Merchant Guild Master?"
Helios's mood soured. He wanted to shove Noel away from Esther's side—the man grinning obnoxiously with wide eyes. His heart pounded fiercely, as if he'd run a marathon.
"Thanks to you, I've calmed down. I'm truly sorry for showing you such an ugly sight."
Helios's gaze fell on the handkerchief clutched in Esther's tear-streaked hand. His fists clenched tight. The crest of House Marquis Micarus was boldly embroidered on it.
"Don't doubt yourself, Esther. Ah, I just called you by name without thinking. We're the same age, and sharing these worries makes you feel familiar. Sorry about that."
"Ah, no, it's fine."
Esther waved her hands frantically, eyes wide as saucers, staring at Noel who was striking up conversation with exaggerated gestures that anyone could see through.
Helios felt his insides boiling.
"So, can I think of us as friends starting today, Esther?"
"Ah, it would be an honor for me. Young master."
Esther gripped the handkerchief in her hand even tighter, expressing her tension.
Noel, looking down at her, noticed her nails digging into her skin and grabbed her hand with a sleazy smile.
"No need for formalities between friends. Call me Noel, Esther."
Before he knew it, Noel had lifted both of her hands, gazing at her with eyes full of feigned pathos.
Helios wanted to rush over and pry that hand away right then. His foot, which had unconsciously stepped forward, hesitated and stopped. A whirlwind of thoughts raced through his mind.
What could he even say if he went over there? He had no relationship with her—would he just barge in and tell the guy to get lost?
No, he couldn't. He lacked the confidence to act like nothing had changed if she found out how he felt.
"How utterly cowardly."
He lacked the courage to confess his feelings, so he had no right to meddle in her friendships out of base jealousy.
Helios pulled his foot back to where it started. He couldn't approach. He was nothing but a coward without the qualifications.
"Now that we're friends... could I ask you something, Esther?"
Even so, the moment Noel uttered her name, Helios's heart turned ice-cold.
She was a woman even he hadn't dared approach lightly. And yet...
"Sure, what is it?"
Not some other guy, but trash from the House of Marquis Micarus hiding his dark intentions.
Helios couldn't tear his eyes away from the two. At that moment, Noel spoke up.
"Are you... involved with His Highness the Crown Prince in some way?"
"Pardon?"
Helios's heart sank with a thud at the question. It was the very thing he'd desperately wanted to ask but never could.
The reason he'd expanded trade with the Elpis Merchant Group under the pretense of helping her from the shadows, too cowardly to step forward.
The reason he'd anxiously awaited each delivery day to the castle.
The answer to the question he'd never managed to voice was about to come from a perfect stranger. Esther hesitated briefly before her lips parted.
"We're not involved at all. His Highness was simply kind enough to help me."
"Really?"
"Yes. For someone like me, even speaking to him feels like an imposition. There's no connection whatsoever."
Despair. That was the emotion surging through Helios.
Did she truly think there was nothing between them at all? Had the gaze she once turned his way, the moments he'd believed meant his feelings were reciprocated... had it all been his delusion?
"Ah, I saw you chatting with His Highness at the Imperial Palace by chance last time, so I had to ask."
"That was just me thanking him for his help. What link could there possibly be between His Highness and me?"
As she waved it off in denial, the fragile thread connecting Helios and Esther snapped with an audible crack in his mind.
"I've thought so since I first saw you, but your eyes are truly beautiful."
"P-Pardon?"
Noel leaned close to her ear, his gaze precisely aimed in Helios's direction. Their eyes met.
Noel whispered something softly, then lifted his head. Esther's cheeks flushed pink.
"...I like it."
"Yes, I like it too. It must be fate that you and I met here like this."
At the same time, the bright laughter from Esther that Helios had so longed to hear rang out.
Watching her smile so radiantly tore at his gut. Oblivious or not to his pain, Noel spoke to her again.
"To lead a merchant group to such success at our age... I'm truly impressed. I'm working hard to inherit my marquisate, but you're remarkable."
"I still have much to learn, but I'm doing my best. Ah, if you ever need something, Noel, come to our group. I'll give you the best deal."
"Haha, that rolled off your tongue so naturally... Ah, sorry. We're the same age, so how about we drop the formalities?"
"Ah, but... is that okay?"
"You've already switched to informal speech."
At that, Esther burst into delighted giggles once more. Noel gently tapped the bridge of her nose with his index finger.
Esther, cheeks still rosy, gazing only at Noel; Noel, offering her a tender smile. Helios turned his reluctant feet away and distanced himself from them.
She likes him? What exactly did she like? That wastrel Noel de Micarus sitting beside her?
A flurry of thoughts raced through Helios's mind. He raked a hand through his hair roughly and headed toward the banquet hall.
Even knowing it was a dream, the sensations felt so real that goosebumps prickled his skin. His vision flickered as he opened his eyes.
"Why of all people that damned bastard..."
The unpleasant sensation from morning stemmed from this wretched dream that kept replaying in his mind, but dreams were the least of his concerns now.
Today was the day the Elpis Merchant Group visited the Imperial Palace. As Helios hastily threw on a shirt, someone knocked on his door.
"Your Highness, the Elpis Merchant Group has brought the goods."
"Is the Guild Master with them?"
"Yes, Merchant Guild Master Elpis and the usual Carter."
"Bring the Guild Master here. I have important business with her. Treat her with utmost respect."
"Understood."
Only after the footsteps faded did Helios exhale in relief.
How anxiously he'd wondered if Esther might not come anymore. But since she had, perhaps she thought positively of him too.
His heart raced with excitement as he sat on the sofa. Another knock sounded.
"Your Highness, the Elpis Merchant Guild Master."
"Come in."
Helios straightened his posture, steadying his nerves. The door opened, and Esther entered.
"I pay respects to the Empire's Little Sun, His Highness the Crown Prince."
"It feels like ages since we last met. I hope you've been well."
"I've been fine, without incident."
Esther gave a plain, succinct answer and sat across from him.
"How's your health? Feeling better now?"
"Thanks to you."
Helios's mouth went dry. He lifted the teacup before him and took a sip. He wanted to ask about that conversation, but courage failed him.
Esther, watching him fiddle with the teacup handle, spoke first.
"Your Highness, I've given much thought to what you said that day."
"Ah, that matter..."
"You said you wanted to maintain a good relationship."
Helios's heart pounded wildly.
It was because of that unpleasant dream from last night. Esther's words from the dream stabbed at his heart anew.
Hearing her say they had no relationship in reality would shatter him.
"Ah, Guild Master Elpis. I think I made a grave mistake last time. I didn't mean to burden you. It was just my selfish desire to grow closer while sharing stories..."
"I feel positively about it too."
His words tumbled out like an excuse, but he stopped abruptly as if by magic at her response. Immense joy washed over him.
She hadn't forgotten their past memory. And the woman he knew was right there before him. That alone made him happy.
"Does that mean... I can assume you feel the same? That you want a good relationship with me...?"
Helios imagined reaching out a hand he could never extend toward the ideal he'd longed for yet couldn't touch.
Esther looked at him and nodded slightly.
"Yes. If this lowly me can be of help to Your Highness in the future, I'd like to build a friendly relationship."
The love he'd only watched from afar felt closer now. Unable to control his rising smile, Helios hastily covered his mouth with his hand.
"I'm glad you think that way... Esther."
"......"
The name slipped out with a spark of courage, but Esther showed no reaction. Feeling sweat trickle down his back, Helios swallowed dryly.
"I'll do my utmost to be of help, despite my shortcomings."
Even after he called her name, she responded without refusal. Helios wanted to leap up, grab a passerby, and boast endlessly.
"Is Your Highness all right?"
"With what?"
Esther gazed at him with serious eyes.
"Weren't you suffering? Dreams about me, visions of things that never happened..."
"Ah, right, I said that."
Helios nodded lightly. He didn't mind her worry—in fact, he liked it. Perhaps that's why he'd brought up last night's dream.
"Come to think of it, I had a similar dream last night. Dreaming of unreal events like this... I must be on edge lately."
"Your Highness."
"Yes?"
"When do these episodes happen? Avoiding those situations might prevent the pain."
"Are you... worrying about me?"
In his excitement, Helios overlooked that Esther's hands couldn't stay still for a moment.
Digging through his memories, Helios answered as if struck by a sudden realization.