Gate Entry: The Hero's Unconventional Weapon

Gate entry. And since that was how things had turned out—Hero, take out your dick.

“Ahem!”

It was so completely unhinged that I even coughed for no reason.

They gave me this and called it a sword?

“Huh? Hero. You’re bleeding.”

“What?”

I wiped my mouth.

It was real.

That weird sensation in my mouth had been blood.

What the hell?

“Aaaagh!”

I immediately flung the dildo onto the ground.

Even after it left my hand, the thing kept buzzing and dancing across the dirt.

What is that…

More importantly, how much HP did I just lose?

“Status window!”

Whew… thank god. Only two points down.

If that thing drained me dry I’d be dead.

Hero’s weapon?

More like a demon’s weapon.

What the hell is this…

No wonder.

Something felt off the moment that incubus handed it over.

While scanning the status window I spotted a new line at the bottom.

A grace—so Raxia must have left it behind.

But what did “Infinite Semen” even mean?

I clicked it.

…

So “Infinite Semen” was literally just infinite semen?

The birth of a superior stud horse.

I was never telling anyone about this.

“Hero? Are you crying? Does it hurt that bad?”

Comput looked at me with genuine concern.

“I’m fine, Comput. Using that sword just wore me out a little—must be why I bled.”

“Kyaha! That’s just because you’re out of shape. Hero, you need some real stamina training.”

Abix flexed her muscles at me and laughed.

Truly impressive, my lady.

“You’re amazing, Abix!”

Of course those words never left my mouth.

I picked the dildo back up.

It was still dancing, but at least it wasn’t draining my HP anymore.

Like some kind of down payment…

But was this thing really a sword?

No matter how I looked at it, it was just a dildo…

“Heh. Still, holding a sword makes you look a little more like a proper hero.”

They say a beauty’s praise can make even a whale dance—and it didn’t feel half bad.

Guess this world didn’t have things like dildos.

Then again, with all the living dildos walking around, maybe they didn’t need them.

Could I check what this actually was?

“Confirm.”

Two MP an hour wasn’t as bad as I thought.

I still had no idea how strong attack power 20 actually was, but at least it counted as a weapon.

My HP was 100, so five hits from this thing would kill me?

So that was the calculation.

The moment I thought just shove it into the subspace, the dildo in my hand vanished.

Convenient, at least.

“Well then, since we’re finished here…”

In that instant a blue light shot skyward from deep inside the forest.

“A Gate!”

Abix shouted and sprinted toward it.

We followed right behind her.

“Blue means Rank 4.”

Comput filled us in while we ran.

“That’s a Gate?”

“Yeah. A Demon King’s Army Gate. Leave it alone and monsters start pouring out in a week.”

“What’s Rank 4?”

“They rank them by danger level. Blue’s the lowest—Rank 4.”

Lowest rank. Small mercies.

Everyone else might be fine, but I was a complete beginner right now.

“So what ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠do we do?”

“We go inside and smash the core. Most of the time a boss monster is guarding it.”

Felt like a setting I’d read in a dozen novels.

We reached the Gate soon enough.

“Do they usually just pop up without warning like this?”

“Yeah, but the light shoots high enough that you can spot it even from a distance.”

Got it.

The Gate swirled inward like a whirlpool, looking ready to suck in anything that touched it.

“Let’s go.”

Abix strode in without hesitation.

True to her role as vanguard.

A bow-wielding vanguard.

Azbinal followed right after her.

I looked at the two who remained.

“Mages always go last. We have to leave a marker.”

“A marker?”

“Yeah. Proof that we entered the Gate. It gets sent to the Magic Tower.”

Fair enough.

Then what about Comput?

“I’ll give you the glorious honor of going first.”

She said it while her face stayed a little stiff.

For someone who called herself an adventurer, why was she nervous about this?

In the end she was just telling me to go first.

Tch.

I touched the Gate with my hand. It passed through with a soft whoosh—no special sensation at all.

Like touching empty air.

I stepped inside.

It felt like I’d simply taken one step forward, yet the world that unfolded was completely different.

The forest from moments ago had become a desolate ruin.

This was almost…

Modern.

Collapsed concrete buildings formed piles of rubble.

What looked like a wide road was cracked everywhere, weeds pushing up through the fissures.

The sky was ash-gray.

No real clouds, yet the sunlight felt strangely weak.

Like dust had settled over the entire world.

It felt like I’d walked into an apocalypse.

But it really did look like a modern city.

A modern city left to rot for decades after it fell.

“Hero?”

I was just standing there when Comput, who had followed me in, called out.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just… the scenery feels familiar.”

“Familiar?”

She gave me a puzzled look.

Fair enough.

To people of this world it was just a weird ruin.

But to my eyes it was different.

Pillars that looked like utility poles.

A collapsed elevated highway.

Buildings made of glass and steel frames.

All things I used to see in the world I came from.

Of course they weren’t exactly the same.

Everything was just a little off.

Like a cheap replica pieced together from half-remembered dreams.

“First time in a Gate? Stick close to us no matter what.”

Azbinal looked after me.

“Yes. Are the insides of Gates always like this?”

“Yeah. Every Gate I’ve ever entered looked like this.”

Boom.

At that exact moment something collapsed in the distance.

I turned my head on reflex.

The sound came from behind the ruins of a building that ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠looked about ten stories tall.

From here I couldn’t see a thing.

“It’s ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠only Rank 4, so don’t get too tense.”

Abix, walking at the front, spoke casually.

She didn’t look tense at all.

Like she was out for a stroll.

“Still, we can’t afford to let our guard down.”

Azbinal, also walking at the front, answered.

There was a weird tension between the two of them.

The way they looked at each other almost sparked.

Because they were both vanguards?

Except one of you uses a bow and the other is a high priestess…

At least Azbinal’s reason for taking the lead made her a little pitiable.

The only one who could heal.

She walked in front because she hated watching her comrades get hurt.

“Which way? We need to find the core.”

“Kishishi~ Looks like it’s Comput’s turn to shine.”

Comput stepped forward, closed her eyes, and stood still.

Everyone else just watched her concentrate.

You guys actually trust her?

“That way! I can feel it in that direction!”

She pointed.

A burned-out car sat there.

And in that same instant, something moved behind the car.

“Gruk.”

“Orcs! Combat ready!”

What emerged was a monster with a pig’s head and massive upward-curving tusks.

So that was an orc.

Looked pretty ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠similar to the ones I’d seen in games.

Five orcs.

Weirdly, every one of them was wearing armor.

Their weapons weren’t crude clubs either—they carried fine swords and shields.

“Gruuuk!!”

The orcs spotted us, roared, and charged.

“Cover me!”

Abix, bow in hand, sprinted forward.

Azbinal followed right behind.

But I didn’t have a weapon to cover anyone with.

You’re the one who’s supposed to cover me, bow girl!

Slash!

“Gruk!!”

Abix swung the bow itself at the first orc that came running.

A pig’s head went flying high, trailing green liquid.

What the hell was that bow?

Why was she swinging it instead of shooting, and how did that separate an orc’s head from its neck?

On the other side Azbinal was chanting and throwing the same fist strike I’d seen before.

“†”

Boom.

It exploded.

The orc’s body simply burst apart, armor and all.

The remaining three orcs froze at the sight.

I would’ve frozen too.

And the expressions on the two who had just pulverized the orcs…

They were smiling.

Terrifying.

“Ice Spear!”

From behind, Felanala finished her chant and launched ice spikes.

Straight at me…

What kind of lunatic was this woman!

I ducked hard, but one ice spike still grazed my shoulder.

“Ugh!”

That definitely cost me some HP.

The ice spikes lost their target and kept flying forward.

And by pure coincidence they slammed into the three orcs that had been standing in a straight line with me.

“Gruaaak!”

Holes punched through their bodies. They died standing, looking utterly pathetic.

“Got them!”

Got them my ass.

She aimed at me.

Definitely at me…

Right.

She was the coordinate-setting disaster of a mage.

“That was nothing. Hm? What? Hero, you’re hurt?”

Abix noticed the wound on my shoulder.

“Yes. Just a small scratch…”

Lucky it only grazed me sideways. I could’ve ended up looking like those orcs.

“Be more careful… Let’s go. Comput, lead the way.”

Azbinal glanced at my wound, said something cold, and took the lead again.

Probably hurt her more to see me injured than if she’d been hurt herself.

But of course she never showed it.

She was the type who got misunderstood in every possible way.

“Hmm… Over there! That way!”

Could I really trust Comput’s directions?

She was directionally challenged.

I hesitated a little, but Felanala behind me urged us to hurry, so I had no choice but to follow.

A short while later—

“Gruk?”

Another pack of orcs attacked us.

Naturally they were cleaned up with ease.

I just watched.

From behind Felanala.

She wouldn’t shoot backward, right?

The farther we went in the direction Comput indicated, the more frequent the orc ambushes became.

What started as groups of five grew to ten, then fifteen.

But thanks to the two monsters up front, every single one died in one hit.

How the hell was Abix butchering orcs with that bow?

As we kept advancing, the ruins suddenly vanished and a forest appeared.

Comput peered into it, then turned and nodded at us.

So the core—meaning the Gate boss—was in there?

“There’s a hot spring up ahead!”

“What? A hot spring? Not the core?”

I blurted it out like an idiot, and Felanala behind me laughed.

“It’s common sense to rest at a hot spring before a boss fight inside a Gate.”

“You always find the hot springs, Comput.”

Azbinal’s praise made Comput scratch her head with a happy little grin.

Directionally challenged, yet somehow she never missed a hot spring.

Still, what a bizarre bit of common sense.

Resting at a hot spring before the boss fight…

This wasn’t a save point. What kind of world was this?

…

Right.

Excellent common sense.

Thanks, Bell.

After a short walk, a real hot spring appeared exactly as Comput had said.

“Hmm. The hero and I will stand watch. You three go wash first.”

At Abix’s words the other three brightened immediately.

They must have been dying to get in the water.

“Hero, let’s go.”

“Yes, Abix.”

I followed her to a spot a little ways from the spring.

“Dungeon and then a Gate. Rough day.”

She looked tired—probably from cutting down all those orcs earlier.

“Haa… So then, Hero.”

“Yes?”

“Take out your dick.”

…

Now I was the one who felt tired.