I Acquired the Hero's Weapon! It's Called~!
I blinked my eyes and stared at him— no, at the egg.
"Am I supposed to have sex with you, Lord Egg King?"
"Yeah. After all, you're here to get the hero's weapon."
"Indeed... but..."
Egg King looked at me as if he had known this would happen all along.
"The hero's weapon can only be obtained by defeating me. But I'm incredibly strong. So I'm giving you the chance."
The quest was supposed to be raising affinity, not defeating me. What the hell?
"That's... sex?"
"Exactly."
"Um... could you tell me where my companions have gone?"
He laughed.
How could an egg sprout a mouth and laugh so wickedly?
"You were probably still dreaming under the mild sleeping potion. The others who came here earlier were no different. It was actually strange that you entered this place at all. How did you manage it?"
"Ah... so I'm not supposed to enter normally?"
"Obviously. Just seeing me in the dungeon I created is already an achievement."
If that's the case, why the hell did you even build it...
And you even advertised for the hero to come.
"Um... I'm sorry to say this, but I haven't had sex with an egg before..."
"What? The hero doesn't do that? Can't be helped then. Fine. I'll hatch."
Hatch right now?
Is that how it works?
Whoosh!
The egg sparkled with his words.
Then—
Crack! Crack!
Coo!
...
No way...
I don't believe it...
Not a chicken...
No fucking way.
Smoke cleared, and it took shape.
Long black hair down to the waist, delicate jawline, pale skin, red eyes, and horns.
Horns?
The figure seated on the throne was a stunningly beautiful woman.
What?
Wait a second...
Why is her chest so flat?
She's not a woman?
With that face, she had to be one, right?
"I'm a man."
No way!
"Correct."
...
Is he reading my thoughts?
And his speech pattern changed too.
"No. You can tell from your face."
Even as a boss, the intelligence of this dungeon monster is too high, isn't it?
"I came to visit my sister, and it looked fun, so I played a prank."
I still don't understand what the hell he's talking about since earlier.
Who's my sister? And what kind of nonsense is this?
"Heh, anyway, don't you want the weapon?"
"So... you mean you want me to do it with a man?"
"You can leave if you don't want to."
He pointed to a door on the wall with his finger.
It would be too wasteful to leave without getting the weapon...
"Then do it on your own. Or shall I turn you back into an egg? It's easier that way if you want."
His expression was full of mischief from the start.
Is this situation fun for him?
Wait...
I don't have to do this with her, right?
Raising affinity to 100 will break the quest.
"Status window."
**Hero of Hearts**
**Kim Junghwan** **Lv. 1** **HP 100 / 100** **MP 100 / 200**
Whoa!
MP was exactly 100.
I must have earned it from finishing inside Az right before I logged out.
*Really... Az, good work.*
*You're my goddess.*
"If you do it, then that's that. Sex."
"Huh? For real? With a guy?"
"You said you'd do it."
"...I'm an incubus. Not just any incubus—the King of Incubi, a god."
A god, my ass.
He's spouting bullshit.
Tump tump—
As I approached, he looked at me with a creepy thrill.
"First, before we start, let's shake hands."
"Huh? Yeah? Sure."
He grabbed my outstretched hand without hesitation. The King? A god?
I still don't know his name.
Anyway.
**[Raise affinity? (000/100)]**
"Maximum!"
"What?"
"Affinity."
**Affinity with Incubus God (Self-Proclaimed Egg King) Raxia** **(100/100)**
He's really a god?
His name is Raxia?
Self-proclaimed Egg King... what kind of bullshit is that?
Not the Bull King either.
**Hidden Quest Cleared** **Reward — Hero's Weapon**
The black sword dropped right in front of my eyes.
T-This is the hero's weapon.
Why is it censored?
Is it a small one?
When I touched it, it sucked into my body and disappeared.
Where did it go?
**The Hero's Weapon is stored in the Extra Space.**
**The Extra Space is the space that checks the weapon.**
**Speak its name to retrieve it.**
A voice immediately explained it.
I see.
Convenient.
It was censored because it hadn't been confirmed yet.
This is like a real game.
"What is this...? What kind of cheat did you use to pass this? And what is this affinity thing?"
Raxia looked at me with pure curiosity.
Since he's a god, maybe I can tell him?
After all, the affinity is already 100.
"I'm the Hero of Hearts."
"Hearts? What kind of hero is that?"
"The hero who raises affinity."
"Ah... interesting. Interesting. Sis."
I was looking for my sister the whole time and still don't know what the hell he's saying, but now that the quest is cleared, maybe I can go?
"Haha. Actually, this dungeon was made out of spite toward my sister, but I never expected a hero who could pass it to appear."
"I see. Then... I'll be going, Lord Raxia."
"Huh? Already leaving? Let me bless you."
A blessing?
The god is bestowing a blessing on me?
I turned toward the door and knelt before him.
"Thank you, Lord Raxia."
"A fun friend."
He stared at me for a moment and said something.
Then white light wrapped around me.
It felt similar to when I entered the boss room.
But the light faded, and I was back in the same spot.
**Grant** **Blessing — Merciless**
What kind of blessing is this?
"Um... could you tell me what kind of blessing I received?"
"Check your status window after you leave. Since you've revealed your location with that, you'd better run."
He still mumbled things I couldn't understand, melted into black and red light, and vanished.
*Must have been a dream...*
Anyway, I got the hero's weapon and a blessing, so I succeeded.
When I exited through the door Egg King pointed to, I was back at the dungeon entrance.
"Ah? Hero? What's going on?"
Comput came running toward me.
"I defeated the boss alone."
"For real? By yourself? Impressive. No injuries?"
"Yeah. I was lucky. What about the others?"
"Over there. I just woke up myself."
She pointed with her finger, and the other three were there.
They looked uncomfortable and kept rubbing their private areas with their fingers.
"I guess they were hit by a succubus."
"Ah, so that's why..."
An incubus, but still...
The good dream Raxia mentioned was this.
It's quite a sight.
Three beauties rubbing their pussies and dripping fluids.
"What should I do?"
"Since you're dreaming, a physical shock from outside should wake them. Shouting won't work."
She looked at me.
I looked back at her.
What? What am I supposed to do?
How do I touch these women...
"Comput, sorry, but I can't bring myself to touch a woman's body..."
"That's true. Even I can't due to my rank..."
A warrior of such high status she could clean the royal bathhouse, a mage who could answer at the Magic Tower, and compared to the High Priest, Comput is just the guide.
"But Comput, how did you wake up?"
She pointed at a tree.
"A tree fruit fell on my head and woke me up."
Showing a small lump on her head and speaking with teary eyes.
*Oh... that must have hurt...*
"Oh... then maybe the others should also have a tree fruit fall on their heads?"
"Correct. Hero. You're a genius, huh?"
I grinned wickedly and picked up a hard fruit lying on the ground.
A moment later, the other three woke up.
Rubbing the lump on their heads...
##
"So, did we successfully defeat the boss?"
"Yeah. Az."
When I called her Az, everyone stared at me in surprise.
But since she was silent, they didn't say anything.
I didn't know.
Azbinal asked to be called Az.
"So, what was the hero's weapon?"
"Ah, I acquired it and it vanished into the Extra Space before I could check. It was something sword-like..."
"If it's a sword, that's not bad."
Az also nodded at the word sword.
"The hero wields a sword. Not a bow. It has to be a sword."
You're a warrior and you carry a bow around...
Is that why I have to use a sword? Because our positions overlap?
"Anyway, we need to know something to prepare countermeasures, so let's check it now."
Fel was right.
"Then... shall we pull it out now?"
"Yeah."
But... the voice said to speak its name, but what is the name?
I didn't know because I just entered.
**The name of the hero's weapon you acquired this time is 'Dildo'.**
Oh, it's Dildo.
...
Fuck!
What kind of sword gets called Dildo and becomes a real weapon.
Dildo...
I had to have the worst name!
Yeah.
Maybe I didn't hear it right.
"Get it out already."
On Az's urging, I shouted in a small voice.
"Dildo!"
Instantly, the hilt appeared in my grip.
No censorship like before.
I had already checked it in the Extra Space.
And its shape was...
Dildo.
A real dildo.
A dick-shaped one.
Dildo my ass...
"Oh, is this the hero's weapon? It looks like..."
Az stared at the Dildo on my hand and her gaze shifted.
"A hero's dick?"
Straightforward.
As expected of a warrior.
Actually, what she said was accurate.
It was just a thick black dildo with a hilt.
"Hmm... I can feel mana. If I blow mana into it, the shape might change."
Fel's words while staring at the Dildo.
Hope sparked in me.
"Fel, how do I blow mana into it?"
"Um, like... think of the sword in your hand as part of your body, and mana flows from there with blood. Something like that. Not like smashing, but slowly. Got it?"
Got it my ass...
The explanation is really shitty.
**Close your eyes and sense the mana inside your body.**
**You'll feel an alien sensation under your belly.**
**Now the important part is your imagination.**
**Imagine mana flowing from your arm to your fingertips.**
**And imagine gathering that mana at your fingertips like filling a cup with water, then equipping it.**
As expected of a bell.
I followed her instructions and closed my eyes.
I felt the mana.
...
There!
A strange feeling right under my belly.
So, I imagined moving it down my arm.
And imagined filling it like pouring water.
Done!
The sword in my hand felt alive!
This is how you blow mana into it.
"Oh! It worked. I explained it so well."
Opening my eyes on Fel's self-praise, I looked at the sword in my hand.
The mana-infused sword felt truly alive!
...
No,
It was moving like a dildo.
Like a vibrator with a battery and switch.
Whiiiiing...
"Oh... is the sword crying?"
Az stared at it in amazement.
The sword was crying...
I was crying.
My life is fucked...