A Lucky Day (3)
Sunday came and went, and Monday arrived.
Jinho was nowhere to be found at school that day, either.
"Jinho... where's he?"
I asked the kid sitting right behind that empty seat — Junyong, or whatever his name was.
He glanced up at me.
"How should I know? He just didn't come."
His voice was indifferent. Or maybe not indifferent so much as faintly hostile — like he was thinking, And why would you be asking?
Still, I threw out one more question.
"Yeah...? He didn't, like, message you or anything...?"
"Nope. What, did he die or something?"
"No, it's not like that..."
In the end I left Jinho's classroom with nothing to show for it, went back to my own, and sat there turning it over and over in my head.
Seriously... what was he even trying to pull, not showing up to school like this?
The truth was, looking back on Sunday, I'd had plenty of reasons to feel wronged myself. I'd ended up getting a little angry, I think. It was frustrating. It was ridiculous. And it was just so absurd. Whatever else it was — who just unilaterally announces something like that?
I get that I was in the wrong. I get that you were furious about what happened. Then just say something. Don't just... cut everything off by yourself like this. We could have talked it out. This is rude of you, too. Yeah. You're the one who didn't show me a shred of consideration. It's a selfish thing to do — thinking only about yourself, only about your own feelings.
That was why I'd spent Sunday stewing alone in that anger born of sheer disbelief. Yeah. Honestly, I couldn't help feeling a little rotten about it. A declaration of cutting someone off like that. It even felt like I was being toyed with. And besides, we were going to run into each other at school anyway. Doing this was just so childish.
......
But then Monday came, a school day, and Jinho still didn't show. The anger I'd been holding onto got a little buried under the confusion. Because he wasn't the kind of kid who just skipped school. He was already introverted, and on top of that he was timid. He didn't have the nerve to just... not come to school like this, out of nowhere.
And it was Practical Performance Assessment season, too. Leave of absence or not, this was a no-exceptions period. Well, our school tended to be pretty flexible about that sort of thing, sure. Even so. And I didn't think he was the type to apply for something like that in advance, either.
"Ahyeon! How'd the audition go? How was it?"
"Ah... yeah. It went well. They said they liked me and they'd be in touch."
"No way! For real? That's insane!!"
I was still in the middle of all those thoughts when Sohee sidled up beside me and started talking. Come to think of it, I hadn't even told her the results. I'd been so out of it I hadn't had a chance. Yeah. I hadn't even been able to fully enjoy the happiness of it myself.
"Yeah, thanks. This is a first for me, too..."
"Then why do you look so drained?!"
Sohee suddenly stared at me, then said that. I guess that was how I looked right now. Well, it made sense. God... how long was I going to keep thinking about this?
"I just... I still can't really believe it...?"
I fixed my expression and offered that as a reason, trying to shift the mood.
"For sure...! This web drama is a huge production!! And it's coming from a channel that already gets insane views."
"Right? That's why it doesn't even feel real to me."
"Yeah! Then... shouldn't we throw a party or something?!"
"A party...?"
I quietly turned the word over in my mouth.
A party...
I'd worked so hard to brighten the mood, and that one word made something in me go solemn again. I'd originally been planning to have a party with Jinho. I was supposed to. I just... couldn't, because things had gone this way. The happiest day. The most joyful day. I'd wanted to celebrate it together, the way it deserved. And Gu Jinho... had ruined all of it. So honestly, this stung on a personal level, too. It had been such a happy day for me, and he'd gone and wrecked it like this.
"Yeah! Let's have a party with Jinho! All of us who were cheering you on together. Wow — that's gonna be so fun already—!"
And without even waiting for my answer, she hurried off somewhere.
"Ah..."
I just let out a long breath, watching Sohee's back as she practically skipped out of the classroom. A moment later she came tearing back in. Just looking at her, I already knew where she'd gone and why she was rushing back like this.
"Jinho's... not there?! They said he didn't come to school today!!"
"Y-yeah?"
Sohee said it like some kind of disaster had struck, all flustered. I answered in a lukewarm voice.
"Did something happen to Jinho?! What's going on...?!"
She went on like that, looking genuinely worried about him, then immediately pulled her phone out of her pocket and started fussing with it.
"It's... probably nothing. Kids skip school here all the time, anyway."
I turned my head away, pretending not to care, and said that to Sohee. It was true — at our school, being absent wasn't that unusual. Trainees and kids who were actually working in the industry often just barely hit the minimum attendance days. It was just... Jinho wasn't that kind of person. That was why I'd been thrown off, too.
"Did you try contacting him?"
Sohee asked, her voice full of curiosity.
Contact him... Of course I had. I'd already tried more than a few times.
"Ah, no..."
But that was what I chose to say. Yeah. Honestly, I didn't really want to admit I'd been blocked. It felt a little humiliating. And if you traced it back to the reason, I'd just be digging up my own mistake all over again.
"Why? You two are childhood friends..."
"It's just... being childhood friends doesn't mean we have to stay in touch all the time, you know."
I tried to brush it off in a listless voice again.
"Then... I'll try calling him!!"
After that, Sohee suddenly held her phone up to her ear. I found myself staring at her. I couldn't look away. I could feel my heart pounding. Yeah. I was so nervous I thought I might lose it. What if he picked up Sohee's call? I'd been blocked — but what if he answered her? That terrified me.
"What the... he's not picking up."
Sohee lowered the phone from her ear, looking disappointed. Yeah. Thankfully, her call didn't go through. Only then did I quietly let out the breath I'd been holding without realizing it. It was disappointment for Sohee. For me, it was relief.
"He's... probably just sleeping. It's still morning, after all."
Feeling a little lighter, I added that like it was no big deal.
But then.
"Oh! Jinho just texted me!"
Sohee snatched her phone back up and said that. At those words, the sigh of relief I'd been letting out caught in my throat before it could even finish leaving. The tension that had just started to ease stabbed straight through my unguarded chest, like it had been waiting for the one moment I couldn't brace myself.
"W-what did he say...?"
I asked. I asked as calmly as I could manage. The truth was, I didn't particularly want to know what he'd sent. No — honestly, I was curious. Ah... I didn't even know myself. I didn't want to know, and I wanted to know. That kind of weird feeling.
"Hmm..."
At my question, Sohee seemed to hesitate for a moment. She took a beat before answering, sneaking a glance at my face.
"He said he'll get in touch later. That things are a little... right now."
And with that, she tucked her phone away.
Gu Jinho...
I turned the name over inside me, and suddenly I could feel something starting to boil in my gut like molten lava. You blocked me. You made sure I couldn't reach you at all... and you're just casually texting Sohee? You know Sohee is my friend, Gu Jinho. You know that. And you're doing this right in front of me anyway. What's that supposed to mean? It sure as hell doesn't look like anything good. What else is there besides you deciding to piss me off on purpose?
......
Ah, for real...
Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want. That just now pissed me off so damn much. There's a limit to how far I'll go trying to understand your side of things. There's a limit to how much of that loser personality of yours I'll put up with. Yeah. You've got something on me now, don't you. Because I was in the wrong, you're trying to do something with it. I get it. I do. But... even that has to be in moderation. If you keep it reasonable, I can still come to you with my tail between my legs and apologize. No — I actually have been doing that this whole time. I'm still doing it right now. So what the hell is this supposed to be? God. Gu Jinho, you... I'm the only one who knows what you're like and still keeps...
"Ahyeon?"
I'd been watching her exchange texts with him like it was nothing, and for a moment I was possessed, seething alone in the dark — when Sohee pulled me back out of it.
"Sohee, let's just hang out, the two of us."
"Huh? What about Jinho...?"
"Forget it. If he doesn't have time, there's nothing we can do."
I tried to hide how sour my mood had gone, but even so, my tone came out a little rough.
......
Well. At this point I was pretty much past caring. It wasn't like there was anything more I could do right now, anyway.
After that, Jinho didn't come to school the next day, or the day after that, either.