Chapter 40
Chapter 40
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 40
Chapter Title: Domestic Cheat Activation (1)
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A common misconception people have about medieval hygiene is that the people of the Middle Ages didn't give a damn about sanitation.
But in reality, the folks back then did pay some attention to it.
It's just that each city's administrative capabilities were lacking, and they didn't obsess over hygiene the way we do today.
Because of that, unless it was a place where the highborn lived and the excrement absolutely had to be cleaned up, they couldn't be bothered to do it.
As a result, people gradually got used to streets piled with shit and piss, turning into the filthy medieval cities we all know.
As I reflected on the history of hygiene in old Europe, the soldiers brought in the heads of the city administrators to my room.
These department heads—the inspectors—entered my room and waited with grave expressions for me to speak.
To meet their expectations, I skipped the formalities and got straight to the point.
"Reports have come in that the slums are overflowing with human and animal waste, causing a stench. I take this matter very seriously. Therefore, excluding those with urgent duties, I want you to immediately investigate the city's hygiene conditions."
Hearing this, the administrators looked baffled, as if they couldn't comprehend, and one retorted incredulously.
"Your Excellency, it's only natural for the slums to stink. Those people lack the means to clean up their filth. Of course, it's unpleasant when the smell reaches inside the castle... but what can be done?"
"...So it's not that the slums stink—it's that the filthy smell from the slums is wafting all the way into the castle?"
"Yes, exactly. You can check for yourself if you'd like..."
I quickly pulled out the report from my desk drawer and checked it again.
The contents read as follows:
'People living near the outer walls inside the fortress are suffering from the sewage stench rising from the slums.'
The slums must already be overflowing with trash and excrement—an environment where an outbreak of disease wouldn't be surprising at all.
We're just lucky no plague has hit yet, but it's like a time bomb ready to go off any moment.
So, before it explodes, I need to head to the slums myself, assess the situation firsthand, and respond swiftly.
If it blows up first, we'll be looking at hundreds dead at minimum.
And since my administrators don't grasp the severity of the slums' hygiene issues, they might not investigate thoroughly enough...
In the end, I'll have to go there myself.
"I'll inspect the site personally. Those without urgent tasks, grab your writing tools for reports and follow me. Time is of the essence—hurry up."
The administrators grimaced at the thought of going to the stinking slums themselves, but they followed me with sour expressions since I was going too.
Normally, I'd snap, "Is this how you serve as my vassals?" but slums in this era are dangerous, smelly, and filthy places even for nobles like inspectors...
I pretended not to notice their reluctance and quickened my pace.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Since possessing Siel von Kroitel, I'd never set foot in the slums, but I never imagined it'd be this dirty and chaotic.
The dirt roads were thick with dog and human shit, and the slum dwellers casually trudged through it.
The walls of the densely packed houses were splattered with the stuff too, drawing swarms of flies and bugs buzzing around to feed.
The scene was even filthier than I'd pictured; I felt like puking and signaled the administrator glued to my side to back off.
Soon after, I couldn't hold back the overwhelming stench vibrating through the entire slum and vomited.
"Urk..."
Seeing this, one administrator clicked his tongue and muttered.
"Good grief, Your Excellency. That's why you should've sent the lowly ones—why come yourself and..."
I'm the one who dragged you all here because you don't get how serious this is, and this idiot can't read the room even now?
Already pissed off thanks to Count Schwein von Nant, I suppressed the urge to punch him and yelled instead.
"What nonsense is this? You've lived longer than I have—haven't you even read the records saying plagues start in filthy slums like this? Didn't you write that twenty years ago, one began in the slums, spread gradually, and eventually reached the upper districts where knights live? Where do you keep your brain?"
The administrator dropped to his knees on the filthy ground before me.
"I'm sorry, Your Excellency... but..."
"Enough. I'm done scolding you. Just do your job right if you don't want to die."
"Yes... thank you..."
I turned to the administrators gathered behind me and barked my orders.
"Divide into two teams. One checks the hygiene of the slum dwellers' bodies and living spaces; the other surveys the streets and buildings. I'll disguise myself and talk to the people directly. Return now, assemble your subordinates, and start the investigation tomorrow!"
The administrators squeezed out reluctant replies.
"Understood, Your Excellency."
"Dismissed!"
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ The next day, as I'd told them, I disguised myself and headed to the slums.
A tattered cloak with holes, a shabby shirt with one sleeve torn, pants reduced to rags, and some dirt smeared in my hair to look grimy...
Sergeant Major Mark, who came from the slums himself, had vetted the outfit—it was perfect beggar attire by any measure.
Case in point: on the way, a knight who didn't recognize me gave me two copper coins out of "charity"...
Mulling over that awkward feeling from receiving the money, I wandered the slums when a toothless old man approached me.
"Well now, you new around here?"
"Yeah, that's right."
Hearing me, the old man looked at me with puzzled eyes, as if it was absurd.
"Your speech is too refined for someone new here. But using that tone around these parts is dangerous... You look like a bastard son kicked out from some noble house. Get underestimated here, and you might get jumped from behind anytime. Plenty of beasts around here hungry for... desires."
A chill ran down my spine at those words.
"Jumped from behind" meant exactly what it sounded like—men raping men...
This was the Middle Ages and a slum, sure, but why would buff guys even think of that?
...At least I'd planted disguised guards nearby for exactly this scenario.
"Is that so? Heh heh..."
"Damn right. Few months back, a pretty boy like you with fancy talk got it bad. Anyway, if it's your first time, you gotta pay respects to the Slum King first. Follow me."
The old man led me deeper into the slums' most remote corner.
The farther in we went, the thicker the stench of animal and human waste mixed with rotting food.
I fought the urge to hurl from the revolting smell.
About thirty minutes into the depths, the odor started to fade.
We arrived at what seemed to be the Slum King's place, tucked in the farthest corner.
The old man whispered something to two men standing guard out front, and they opened the door.
Inside, the scene was luxuriously out of place for a slum.
Luxurious in a relative sense: decent-quality pork legs and loins hanging on the walls, cheap liquor barrels scattered around reeking of booze.
As I gawked around in feigned shock, the old man patted my shoulder, assuming I was amazed.
"Surprised, eh? Yeah, you wouldn't dream of a spot like this in the slums."
Coldly speaking, even among knights, only those from somewhat powerful families could stockpile this much food and goods.
Just from the items here, I could gauge the Slum King's influence.
To exaggerate a bit, he probably held more sway than your average knight...
"Yeah, I'm shocked."
I admitted meekly, and the old man nodded in agreement, then pointed to a man dozing at a desk ahead.
"That's the Slum King. Looks like he's sleeping it off today—bad luck. Let's head out."
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ The old man then guided me to his own place.
His home was a tiny shack, maybe three pyeong at most, with another man inside.
We locked eyes tensely for a moment before I approached first with a smile.
"Name's Siel. First time here. Seems livable enough. Heard this slum's better than others—whaddya think?"
One of the men chuckled in response.
"Compared to other slums, yeah, it's tolerable. Church hands out barley-wheat porridge once a week."
"Better than nothing."
"Better than nothing my ass—this is heaven next to others. Elsewhere, the church gives jack squat, not even to the dead. Here, there's work if you show up steady—no starving to death."
...Gotta remember this. Increased food production trickles down, reducing slum starvation deaths.
"Problem is, it's overflowing with people now... No space to shit or piss, so folks just dump it anywhere. Can't be helped. Better than starving, right?"
True enough—humans can endure filth, but not hunger.
Why else would people from the Industrial Revolution through the 20th century move to dirty, cramped cities despite knowing better than rural life?
They had to, to avoid starving.
Smiling at the man before me, I said,
"Yeah? So how much do you make doing that work? You said it keeps you fed."
"What, you wanna try it? Work all day, get three bowls of barley-wheat mix. Work a month straight, they give extra for the family..."
"I see... Now, suppose someone offered to pay you in wheat porridge and wages to clean up the street shit instead?"
The man's face lit up like it'd grant his every wish.
"That'd be a dream. Less stink from this shithole street, more food..."
"Thought so. Alright, I'm gonna step out for some air."
"Sure, watch yourself."
Saying that, I'd figured out the solution. Grinning, I stepped out.
Right, there was that method all along...