I Was Hated, I Was Hated, I Was Hated, I Was Hated
I was hated. I was hated. I was hated. I was hated.
I'm going to be abandoned again... just like back then....
"...Shut up. That won't happen."
.....Well... Just remember this is your only chance. We can't regress again like before.
"...Go away—!!"
".....Sir? Are you okay?"
"......"
Huh. Where am I?
....Oh, I'm inside a taxi.
Only then did Yoo Soyeon regain some semblance of awareness. She pressed hard against her throbbing temples and lowered her head.
"....I'm sorry...."
"No worries. When you're drunk, all sorts of old traumas tend to bubble up, you know?"
"....."
"That guy who hailed the taxi for you earlier—was he your boyfriend?"
".....Ah, n-no. We're just senior and junior."
Her hands trembled violently.
"....."
Yoo Soyeon tried desperately to steady her shaking hands and hide them from view. Yes. She'd been outside for far too long today. It had been manageable with Jinwoo sunbae beside her, but now that they were apart, it wasn't. She needed her inhibitor immediately to suppress the 'selves' chained inside her.
"Could you... drive a little faster, please?"
"Hm? I'm already going as fast as I can. Haha, worried about the fare?"
"....No, it's not that. I just need to get home quickly. I think I left the gas stove on."
"Oh dear... I'd better step on it then."
"...."
She clenched her fists tightly.
Recalling the behavioral guidelines she'd painstakingly built over the past year, she clutched her pounding heart and leaned her head against the cold taxi window.
Door opening.
Save me save me save me save me save me.
Leave it to me. Just follow your instincts.
".....Haa, haa, haa...."
Her head was spinning. Nausea surged up from her stomach, and her hands—which she'd barely managed to stop shaking—were trembling again. Yoo Soyeon staggered forward, groping blindly for the shopping bag.
Inside was clothing far too large for her. Men's size.
".....Huuup, haa.... huu...."
For a long time she buried her face in the fabric, her expression hazy as she greedily inhaled his scent. Several minutes passed before her face cooled into its usual icy mask. She carefully folded the garment, placed it back in the shopping bag, and hid it somewhere out of sight.
"......"
A wave of emptiness and depression crashed over her. They began tearing down her sense of self once more.
Slap—
"....Just die... just die...."
Her slapped cheek stung. Just how far had she fallen into the abyss?
It was fine if she wasn't as pure and innocent as her old self. The things that had happened in previous rounds... had been 'accidents.' She had absolutely no desire to drag out those dark, vile 'selves' again and force one-sided love on him.
In this final life after countless regressions, she only wanted to share normal, genuine feelings of love with Jinwoo.
....Still.
....If possible, she wanted to... mix their bodies together at least once.
"......"
'Am I... someone who deserves to be with Jinwoo?'
Stalking him every day to see if he was with other women, sneaking into his house after cracking his password like it was second nature, stealing his clothes... What kind of insane junior does that?
'Is it... greedy of me to approach you again?'
...... Her head began to throb again.
---
A peaceful morning.
...For the first time in a long while, he'd gone to bed early in his studio apartment, so he arrived at the lecture hall a full twenty minutes before class began instead of cutting it dangerously close. Even Shin Dongbin—who had gone for a fourth round of drinks yesterday—was shocked by this achievement.
"....Ugh, what the hell. What's up with you... My head hurts. Fuck...."
"...I went home early. You should've known when to stop and left."
"How could I? The girl at the next table was Seyeon sunbae, the one I like. Damn it...."
"So did you make any progress?"
"....Well. I got her number while we were both drunk. Planning to text her tonight."
"....Ooh.... That sunbae really is pretty, though. Looks like a lot of guys are after her...."
"....Whatever, I'm going back to sleep...."
"Go ahead. I'll wake you before class starts."
"...."
"....What?"
"Hey. Yesterday.... what was that? Why was that freshman girl glued to your side?"
"....."
"They say even the quietest cat climbs onto the stove first... You said you weren't dating anyone, but you're already making moves on an innocent freshman?!?!"
"...It's not like that. She came over first and asked to drink together."
"...Why would she?"
"....."
Right. He had no answer for that.
'...Now that I think about it, is she okay? She didn't look too good yesterday....'
Tap tap—
"Jinwoo sunbae."
"....Oh, hey."
Shin Dongbin, who had been slumped over from his hangover, lifted his head and stared at me blankly. I deliberately ignored his sharp gaze and greeted her as warmly as I could.
"Um, yesterday... I think I was a bit drunk. I'm scared of blood, so...."
"Ah, that can happen. I also tripped while walking weird and passed out... Just forget about it."
".....Yes."
The moment she answered, Yoo Soyeon stared intently at the seat beside me. One side was empty, and the other....
"....Um. Can I sit next to you—"
"Ugh.... Hey, I'm going to the convenience store. I can't take this anymore. Gotta buy some hangover medicine."
"Oh, sure...."
"....."
"....."
With a scrape of the chair, Yoo Soyeon sat down right beside me.
...A little too close, actually. Our shoulders were brushing, and that dizzying lavender scent kept tickling my nose.
"....Is this... too uncomfortable for you...?"
"No, not at all. This lecture is super boring and I was feeling lonely, so this is perfect. Did you get home okay yesterday?"
"Yes, I did. I thought you'd pay for the taxi... but you really just hailed one for me?"
"...Hey, I gave you ten thousand won...."
"...Hehe. Just kidding."
Yoo Soyeon wore the same relaxed expression she'd had yesterday as she teased me. ...Her tone made me want to flick her forehead. It wasn't bad, though.
"...So. Aren't you going to tell me?"
"Hm? Tell you what?"
"You said we knew each other before. What kind of relationship did we have...? If you tell me, I'll apologize properly... haha."
"....Ah....."
Her expression changed strangely. It was hard to describe... but it looked full of mischief?
"I don't want to tell you...?"
"...."
....This side was honestly dying. If it turned out we'd actually been close, it would be a disaster. I couldn't poke at it, but I still wanted to know. That kind of feeling.
"You're my sunbae. Right now, I'm your... junior."
"....I see. Junior. Did you bring the textbook today?"
"....Pardon?"
"The required reading. It was posted in the group chat. You didn't bring it, did you?"
"....."
Heh. Just as I thought. On the first day of this professor's class, I'd forgotten the reference book three times.
"You can look at mine."
---
Scribble scribble—
Honestly, I couldn't understand a single thing the professor was saying. I had chosen the department I wanted and was taking the appropriate classes, but the content was on a completely different level from what I'd expected... It killed my motivation and left me feeling powerless.
The professor was the sadistic type who took attendance right before class ended, so the only thing I could do was take notes and try to protect my grade.
That's what I was doing—focused on note-taking—when...
Scribble scribble—
"....?"
I felt the soft touch of skin against my arm.
....No way. But then again, her handwriting was quite large. Maybe it was just an accidental brush?
Yoo Soyeon gently moved the pen in her left hand and began drawing in the corner of the notebook. A cute cat character. Then she started adding speech bubbles one by one.
"....."
What was this strange sense of exhilaration? It felt completely different from typing out the usual lololol in an internet messenger. A college student doodling in her notebook... Normally I'd have called it childish and cursed at it, but...
...Somehow, it wasn't bad.
'....Club?'
....Our club?
Unlike other sports clubs, the gender ratio was fairly balanced, but choosing it so suddenly made me a little worried. Clubs were supposed to be the flower of university life... If she just followed a guy in, she might regret it later.
She paused—
Yoo Soyeon fidgeted for a long time as if deep in thought, then began writing in the corner of the notebook again.
"....."
"....."
When I glanced over, Yoo Soyeon was deliberately looking the other way.
....Get a grip. She didn't mean it like that—she just meant she'd join because at least I could talk to her.
'Let's not get ahead of ourselves... Pretty girls like her talk to lots of guys anyway.'
I steadied my complicated feelings and resolved not to fall for this sly fox of a junior's ambiguous words.