Herbs and Bubbles
Throughout the carriage ride, Iris kept her arm locked tightly around mine.
We didn’t exchange a single word.
The only sounds were the crack of the whip against the horse and the wet crunch of wheels grinding through mud.
Unlike the last time she went looking for Douglas, she wasn’t watching my mood.
Whenever I moved even slightly, she glared and yanked my arm back.
She didn’t seem to care that the mud covering me was staining her academy uniform.
The carriage turned onto the path leading to the mansion instead of the hospital or the shopping district.
If it were up to me, I would have bitten my tongue and died right there.
But my body refused to obey.
The chill that had settled in the mud pit warmed quickly.
Not from Iris’s body heat, but from the miserable cold and the alcohol.
An unpleasant fever. Like rain that refused to fall, like her.
“From here, we’ll go on our own.”
At the narrow path by the mansion’s rear gate, Iris pulled me out of the carriage.
I saw no point in planting my feet and resisting, so I followed quietly.
All the way, she kept glancing anxiously at my unsteady steps and ragged breathing.
By evening the entire mansion was quiet and dark.
Leaning on Iris, I passed the storage building and annex, sticking only to paths where no one would see us.
She had kept her promise not to let me run into any servants or family members.
Whether it was because my ruined appearance would draw eyes or because she feared I would shiver in the wet clothes, I couldn’t tell.
Iris took off her academy jacket and draped it over my shoulders.
“N-no one’s here…. Hurry, Ain….”
After checking the door the servants usually used, she spoke carefully.
While crossing the unlit kitchen I scanned for any knife I could snatch, but my spinning vision made it impossible to focus, so I gave up.
Climbing the stairs to the bedroom felt like stepping back into childhood.
If Iris supporting me had been only half her current height, the feeling would have been exactly the same.
Thanks to her caution we reached the room without being seen by anyone.
“Why your room?”
“A-all the other rooms are being used…. I-it can’t be helped….”
Nothing had changed since the last time I came here.
Even though Iris had been living in the academy dormitory and the room should have stayed empty, the servants had kept it spotless.
Compared to my own shabby room, anywhere would have looked clean.
The refined tone Iris had used when I jumped from the carriage had already disappeared.
She sat me on the soft bed for a moment, then went into the bathroom.
The floor that should have been polished to a shine was now tracked with muddy footprints from both of us.
Listening to the water filling the tub, I looked around the room.
I recognized every piece of furniture from its silhouette alone.
I had seen them every day when I lived in this mansion.
A bookshelf crammed with magic texts and novels. A mahogany desk holding a flask stand.
Iris had always preferred wooden furniture that didn’t suit her age.
Yet the broken fragments of her childhood cooled my thoughts like a fever.
Iris came out of the bathroom wrapped in steam.
When she naturally took my hand to lead me inside with her, my mind snapped awake.
“Are you insane? Let go. I’ll go in by myself.”
“B-but…. You’re hurt…. I-it’ll be hard for you to wash alone, Ain….”
“Enough. There’s a limit to indulging your sibling playacting.”
“E-even if you say that…. No…. Y-your hands are shaking….”
The hand she held really was trembling, gray from the dried mud.
“It’s because I need a drink. Let go.”
“N-no….”
Iris showed no sign of releasing me.
Even when I frowned, she only looked away and refused to step back from the bathroom threshold.
Sticking to the word “you” since earlier hadn’t changed her attitude at all.
“…I’ll undress myself. Turn around.”
“O-okay….”
The waterlogged, torn clothes refused to come off easily.
After a long struggle I finally lowered myself into the tub.
I sank up to my chin in the wooden bath that matched the rest of her furniture.
Clear warm water rippled outward, slowly turning the color of the dirt that had covered me.
How long had it been since I last washed?
Iris stayed inside the bathroom, eyes fixed on the wall.
“I-is the temperature all right…?”
How nice it would be if my mood could improve the same way.
If I could scrub away the things clinging to my memories as easily as the grime on my skin.
When I stayed silent, Iris glanced back.
Her face held no trace of embarrassment.
No blush, no shy expression, only eyes full of worry.
I noticed that Iris was just as filthy as I had been.
Her once-white, smooth uniform was covered in mud stains and wrinkles.
The droplets on her nape weren’t only from the steam.
Even with magic, she had supported a man larger than herself the whole way here.
I was only rinsing my face.
“I’ll bring some scented oil and herbs…. Oh, you need a shave too, Ain….”
“Forget it. I’m getting out now, so you wash.”
Before she could actually try to wash me, I quickly left the tub.
I dried myself with a towel and changed into the prepared clothes.
Even while laying me on the bed, Iris’s anxiety refused to settle.
She left the now-cleaner me lying down and walked to the bookshelf.
She took out an old book, moved to the experiment table, and began mixing herbs with distilled water.
A red liquid brewed from herbs and distilled water, finished with fragrant spices to mask the bitterness.
Effect:Treats severe fever and physical exhaustion
“H-hurry….”
Judging from her attitude, if I threw it aside she would simply make another one immediately.
I swallowed the red liquid in the test tube in one gulp.
Only after taking the empty tube from me did Iris look relieved. She closed the door and left.
“…I told you to wash.”
Whether from the potion or the bath, my eyes began to close on their own.
The sound of willow branches tapping the window eased my consciousness.
Mace’s face, deathly white as she lay motionless.
Her hand reaching toward me in the rain—toward someone whose name she could no longer remember—then falling away in disappointment.
That mouth struggling not to cry, that forced smile. I could not forget them.
It would have been better if we had never met.
If we had never even brushed past each other, I would not have to mourn what I lost.
If only the medicine Iris gave me had been deadly poison.
If I could keep my eyes closed like Mace and never open them again.
If death did not mean regression but simply eternal darkness.
As always, I woke drenched in sweat and sat up.
Iris was dozing in a chair she had pulled beside the bed.
I noticed the damp cloth on my forehead and the fresh clothes I now wore.
On the table in front of me were bread and soup that had already gone cold.
Iris was still wearing the same dirty uniform.
Dried mud had fallen from her clothes and lay scattered beneath her chair.
Let’s go home. This should be enough to satisfy her.
Setting aside the nuisance, I no longer wanted to continue a relationship whose ending was already decided.
I was tired of keeping up the cynicism.
Perhaps because the alcohol had worn off, I could only feel the raw, scraped bottom of my heart.
I quietly lifted the blanket that covered me to the neck, careful not to wake her.
But the moment my body moved, Iris shot up from the chair.
I had been certain I made no sound.
“Y-you’re awake? H-how do you feel…?”
“I’m completely cured. Thanks for the potion and the nursing. I’m leaving.”
“W-wait….”
She grabbed my wrist and pressed her forehead to mine.
It seemed my age wasn’t even a consideration.
Heat similar to my own flowed from her forehead.
“N-no…. The fever is still there….”
“Then what do you want me to do? How long are you going to keep this up, Iris?”
“Until the illness is completely gone….”
I shoved her away from my chest.
Despite her words, my body really had improved a lot.
The way she stumbled back and dropped roughly into the chair proved it.
“If you want to use force, I’ll let you do as much as you like.
Just the fact that I have to breathe the same air as every single person in this mansion—including you—makes me feel so fucking sick I want to die right now.
Don’t touch me. Don’t lay a hand on me. Don’t come near me. Is that so hard?”
After pouring out her resentment for a long time, Iris sat back down, breathing hard.
The mud the color of cigarette ash clung to her, making her blue hair look even paler.
It was exactly the color of ash crumbling after being stepped on.
“W-what did your sister do wrong…? J-just tell me….
I-I won’t bring up Father…. Okay…?”
Iris’s head drooped.
The mud on the floor clumped together like dust, soaked by her tears.
“If I l-leave you alone…. I feel like you’ll… d-die….”
…….
If I told her I wouldn’t die, went home, and killed myself immediately, what expression would Iris wear in the next life, in the next round?
That fucking system window. That fucking author. What the hell do they want from me?
They keep forcing us to cross paths and collide so we can’t avoid each other.
And in the end they just watch with a grin while I fall apart.
They say human malice has no limit, but did I really do something that terrible?
“…Everything I touch gets ruined. That’s why.”
It was hard to steel my heart.
When I remembered Iris standing in the rain, staying in place until I disappeared.
At the very least, I owed her the minimal explanation I had given in my previous life.
After hearing the answer, Iris stopped crying.
She stepped closer and pressed her forehead to mine again.
Her lips, now regaining their pink color, parted.
The corners of her mouth lifted slightly, as if relieved to know the reason.
“E-even if you break everything, family is supposed to understand….”