A Drunkard
“Open the cabinet. Take out the whiskey and drink it.”
“The juice is smooth, I like it. A thief of the palate.”
“Give me just one more sip.”
Singing a theme song I rearranged myself, I crawled toward the cabinet. Of course, on all fours. I don’t know about a happy ending, but I reached the shelf, climbed up, and rummaged through it. _Klink_
“Ouch. The alcohol’s all gone because I crawled. How long did it last? I’ve lost track after more than a week.”
Even the wall marked with dates scratched by a sword was useless to me in my blurry vision. The last cigarette was in my mouth, and my wallet had been picked clean long ago. But everyone should just hold on tight. I’d prepared for this ahead of time.
Crawling had become too much trouble, so I rolled around on the floor instead. Every time I moved, the piles of empty bottles rolled along with me. Swam between the butts and bottles decorating the floor, and reached the drawer beside the bed. Ah, it used to be a bed. On the very first day of my regression, the moment I walked in, I smashed the bed to pieces. I taught that wicked piece of furniture a lesson on who its owner was, just by looking at it.
Opened the first compartment of the drawer. Nope. Just an empty silver ring with two meaningless characters engraved on it.
Opened the second. Just as empty as me. Third one. Here. I pulled out the special time machine only I could use. A finished rope with the perfect overhand knot I’d bought at the general store. I’d only realized that after going to the store, because my idiot hands couldn’t tie a rope by myself. I pointed my neck at the sturdy middle-aged woman and asked her to tie a knot that fit perfectly. She stared at me for a long time and said, “I can’t do it before you tell me what you’ll use it for.”
So I flicked a gold coin at her face instead of words. There’s no business before money. Finally, she served me by gently oiling and conditioning the rope, and it ended up in my hands. “Want me to come again? Sure, sure.” Long live the Pater Empire. Long live His Majesty the Emperor. Citizenship education is thorough. Live like that forever and die, you bastards. I’m going first.
I hope one day when rebellion and famine break out, I get dragged out of this endless empire or its leadership. Watching that scene now would be the greatest regret of my life.
Pushing off the table, I barely stood up. The damp, sealed place had spilled so much alcohol that the table leg was already rotting and couldn’t hold my weight anymore, swaying. The table friend’s chair had been destroyed long ago. Since the bed refused to break, I’d smashed it with a chair. The wooden splinters under my feet were his remains.
While staggering on the table, I threw the rope at the beam on the ceiling. It only brushed the ceiling a few times before falling limply, and it didn’t catch at all. _Thud_
It really doesn’t catch. Thinking about it, even if it did, I’d have to tie it again anyway. Done. Just find a knife and pierce it into my neck this time. _Knock knock_
I was wrapping the rope again when a knock sounded at the door. No big deal. In about two minutes, we’d already be irrelevant to each other. We’d decided to part ways on the table, so I climbed down.
Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock_
The knocking didn’t stop; it became an irritating noise that triggered neurosis. Just out of curiosity, I couldn’t kill him now. I kicked the door open with my foot, thinking I’d use him as a stepping stone. _Bang!_ “Heuugh!”
From the swaying, blurred vision, someone fell off the open door. I tried to identify the uninvited guest gripping his reddened nose. Sky-blue hair, academy uniform, teary expression—must be Iris. It wasn’t that happy to meet her after so long. Honestly, I felt the same no matter who I met.
“A, Ain… If you push the door so hard…” “Good riddance.” “Eh, eh? W, wait…”
I grabbed the handle to close it again, but Iris slipped her foot through the gap. Then both hands reached through, and while trembling, she started wrestling with me. “J, just a moment… Why, why… Talk to my nuna…” “There’s nothing to talk about.” Fuck, she must have cast Strength Enchantment again. Probably because I drank more than in the previous timeline, I couldn’t win.
I gave up and suddenly let go of the handle, but Iris was flung out and rolled down the stairs in front of the door. “A, it hurts… Too much…”
But Iris stood up again and tried to grab the door. I was too tired to fight anymore, so I just let go and stood at the entrance. Moving just a little more and I was on the verge of vomiting. “…What’s that?”
Iris’s expression and tone hardened instantly, like the others. I followed her gaze to the rope still in my hand. I’d forgotten. I should have thrown it away before coming out. “A choking device for self-pleasure. It’s popular now, so I was thinking of trying it.” “S, s, s, s, s, s!?”
Too lazy to make excuses, I just blurted it out randomly. Iris’s ears and neck turned bright red while she stammered. How old was she? Judging by her reaction, she probably hadn’t even met a man yet. “If you’re not here to watch, go home. It’s normal for little brothers to need their own time.” _Bang!_
The excuse didn’t work. Iris charged in, putting both hands on the door with strong force. The hinge screamed more loudly than usual. “L, lie… You’re lying…” “Want to see? Just wait a sec. I’m taking off my pants.”
My hand toward the belt was caught by Iris. She glared at me with sternness that made me think she was walking the academy hallway, wrist broken if I moved. I entered the room without another word, keeping my hands down gracefully.
Because of my staggering steps, I almost fell a few times before finally reaching the table. “Sit anywhere. My recommendation is right by the door. That place is the cleanest.” Pointing at the spot where only dust had accumulated instead of butts and bottles, I plopped onto the table.
Iris approached me staring at the floor while spitting out the cigarette in my mouth. Ignoring the owner’s wishes, she moved the accumulated junk one by one to make a spot and sat beside me. “T, the room… Uhm… I, it’s a mess…” “So polite. Smells like a barn?”
“A, Ain… Are you okay…?” “Yeah. Perfect. Remove one arm and one eye, and the whole body balances.”
After a long time of talking, I suddenly remembered cigarettes more than ever. If I checked the pocket, the only things in my hands were broken bits and tobacco leaves. Seeing my gesture, Iris lit a fire like always. “It’s over. I quit. That last one was the last.”
“The cigarette smoke is so thick… And the alcohol smell…” Ventilation was abandoned. A rain of shitty memories was pouring down. “Quitting starts with resolve. Since starting is half, I’m already halfway there.”
When Iris reached out to touch my forehead like she used to when she had a fever as a kid, I lowered my head further. My tongue was already slurred, and now my voice shrank too. Iris brushed her hair behind her ear and leaned her face closer to mine.
“Why… Why did you drink so much… Ah, you didn’t even go to the academy…” “Must be puberty. Block it out and give Douglas a massage.” “Ah, because of Dad…? Ah, there’s a lot to talk about…”
“If you came to make me kneel under that bastard, I refuse.” “Again…? Did my nuna ever tell Ain…?” Now it was obvious. I wanted to praise her for at least one effort.
I answered without a word, just picking up the empty alcohol bottle beside me and bringing it to my eyes. Looking through the refracted glass, I had to admit this pigsty of a house was somewhat tolerable. “Y, you wrote many letters… Why… Only one at the door…?”
To answer the question, I snatched the letter from Iris’s hand and went to the kitchen. Even without cigarettes, the matches from the tavern were overflowing. Holding the lit match to the letter, I watched the white envelope turn brown then black.
“From now on, all incoming letters should be handled like this. Easy, right?” When I looked back at Iris, her trembling eyes were glued to the burning letter. The strict dignity she showed earlier was gone. What replaced it was pitiful sadness.
“A, Ain… Today you’re strange…” “I told you it was puberty.”
Still gathering hot ashes, I placed them on my palm and threw them toward Iris. The ashes only scattered in the air; they never reached her. The room filled with snowy ashes. The dirty air grew murkier. Through the haze, a blue-white form approached me without hesitation. I couldn’t avoid the hand reaching toward my face. It wasn’t because Iris was fast. It was because I was slow. Not as quick as Mace. Because I was Ain.
“Y, you still… Feel like you burned your face…” “At this age, my nuna touching me is embarrassing. Remove your hand.” “H, let’s go to the hospital… Huh? Or I’ll buy medicine right away…” “Remove your hand, Iris.”
But with hands losing strength by the second, all I could do was wave them like chasing flies. Ignoring it, Iris kept pressing her hand back on my forehead and cheeks, comparing her body temperature to mine. Unable to properly push her away, the head gradually tilted.
The fever I’d been carrying seemed to escape outward, and the vision began to flicker. _Thud_ “A, Ain?”
The dull shock starting from my head spread through my whole body. I must have collapsed onto the floor. Since childhood, I’d never had a single illness. . . . . .
As soon as I woke, whether because the alcohol fever had left my body or something else, I immediately understood the situation. The sound of shaking and hooves—fuck, a carriage. It was Iris who rode in. I jumped out of the carriage by opening the door in front of me and running. “Eh? Ain? W, what are you…” _Splash_
I happened to land in muddy water from the rain. In the water entering my mouth and nose, I flailed while crawling toward the opposite side of the carriage. The carriage stopped with a whip crack, and someone jumped toward me. The person gripping my shoulder and turning my face was Iris with a much harder expression than before. But the tears she was shedding hid the severity.
Iris’s pronunciation was clear without any stutter. “Are you crazy? What are you doing! If you get hit and die, what then!” “It’s fine… I’m not going to the hospital or the mansion…” “What five-year-old kid is this? Why are you so stubborn!” “Live on your own… After all, in a few months I won’t even look at your face…”
Spitting out the muddy water in my mouth, I barely answered. The remaining fever in my body cooled rapidly in the mud. “You’re doing this because you were going to take me to the mansion? You hated it that much?” “Yeah. I hate it. The mansion, you, Douglas, and all the other bitches are terrifying.” “You, you… Explain why you’re doing this…”
Iris’s voice started stammering again. When I rolled out of the carriage, I only caught my sprained ankle. Fortunately, I no longer felt my heart ache at her tears. I just wanted to go back to my house, avoiding this situation and environment, and find a knife. Whether Iris knew my heart or not, she was clutching my skirt tightly.
Nodding once as if she’d made up her mind, Iris squatted down. Her yellow eyes, filled with undried tears, didn’t tremble at all. “If I don’t see Dad, is it okay? Did you get really angry with my nuna?” “……”
The anger is on me. Some person who breaks everything I touch. “I’ll make sure none of the mansion servants or parents see you. It has nothing to do with the proposal I was about to suggest. Ain, you’re injured. Not just the leg, the face too. There are so many wounds. Your body is burning hot.”
If I said it’s okay because I could kill myself, her expression looked like she’d slap my cheek. Whether surprised by her attitude I’d never seen or just because of leg pain, my mouth didn’t close. “Let’s go together. Huh? My nuna will take care of you.”
In the current situation, there was no right to refuse anyway. I was forced to lean on Iris’s thin but strong arms after she lifted me up.