More Than Comrades, Less Than Lovers
The carriage began to slow in front of the base. We would have to get off soon. Realizing this might be his last chance to apologize, Eryk knelt before me with a desperate expression.
“Major, if I offended you, I’m truly sorry.”
“……”
“Major…?”
“Lieutenant Colonel, thank you. Please take care of yourself and achieve a great victory in the coming battle.”
“……”
Of course, I delivered it all with a perfectly blank face, told him to stand, and clicked my tongue once.
“Tsk.”
“…!!”
“What are you staring at?”
“…Sorry. I won’t bring it up again.”
“……”
Eryk looked a little pitiful like that. I stared at him with a sullen expression and let out a long sigh.
“You really are frustrating.”
“Have you calmed down now?”
“I have not.”
“……”
When I glared at him with that same emotionless mask, Eryk fell silent.
“I’m sorry for being so small, Lieutenant Colonel.”
“Ah, no, that’s not what I—”
“It’s fine if I’m not to your liking. I understand completely. My heart must not be wide enough, so I end up being this petty.”
The more I spoke, the more lost Eryk became. I frowned deeply and crossed my arms while watching him squirm.
“…I like every single thing about you, from one to ten. So of course it hurts when you say things like that, Lieutenant Colonel.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Good. You know, then. It’s going to be a long trip, so don’t speak to me.”
“……”
“…If you really stay quiet, I’ll kill you.”
At that, Eryk nodded quickly in understanding.
“…This is the last day before we head to the battlefield.”
“I know.”
“I’m calling you because I wanted to see your face one last time, Lieutenant Colonel.”
I continued, intending to give him a chance.
“…If we go to war while fighting, I won’t be able to focus. That’s all. There’s no deeper meaning.”
When I turned my head away, Eryk did the same without a word. By then the carriage had come to a complete stop.
“Then, take care.”
“Yes. You too.”
After we stepped down from the carriage, we treated each other exactly as we always did in front of others—criticizing and tearing into one another during the strategy meeting. We had never spoken warmly in front of our subordinates anyway. If anything, I realized Eryk had always been the one looking after me.
…Now that I think about it, Eryk really is kind.
I ended up staring at him while he explained the operation, completely lost in thought.
“Major…!”
“…?!”
“The Lieutenant Colonel is asking you a question…!”
Kriha tapped my shoulder repeatedly. I quickly masked my surprise and looked at Eryk.
“Valentine, are you dozing off in the middle of a briefing?”
“…My apologies.”
“Tsk. Useless anywhere you go.”
“……”
“……”
Tears threatened to spill. Eryk must have noticed the tiny shift in my expression; he looked momentarily flustered before clearing his throat.
“…Ahem. Pay attention.”
“I’m sorry.”
After I answered, he gave me a wink that Kriha, Jenny, and Kyle couldn’t see.
Sorry.
I knew exactly what the wink meant, so I slipped my hand under the desk, rested it on my thigh, and gave him a thumbs-up in return. Eryk seemed slightly relieved and resumed explaining the operation with his usual smooth precision.
In the tent where I lay alone, in the private quarters prepared just for me, I stared blankly at the ceiling.
“Haa… haa……”
PTSD was creeping in again. The hero of the Empire could not be allowed to crumble. Showing weakness in front of my subordinates would be no different from dying. Knowing that all too well, I had claimed I needed a nap and lain down to endure the pain in silence.
“Haup…!! Kugh…!!”
I couldn’t breathe properly. My body thrashed about, screaming in agony. The mental anguish was so severe it was physically crippling me.
I stayed in the capital too long…
A crushing wave of depression swept over me.
“Haa… haa… haa.”
I gasped for air on the bed, but deep breaths refused to come. In that terrifying moment when it felt like my lungs might stop entirely, I desperately clung to thoughts of Eryk.
Eryk… Eryk…
It seemed I had developed a dependency. When I was beside him, the PTSD vanished like magic.
“It hurts……”
Phantom voices of my old comrades kept whispering in my ears. Tears slid down my cheeks. I had fought so hard to survive because I feared war, yet I had become someone who could no longer live without it. It was pathetic. I felt like I was breathing through a straw. I wanted to draw in one proper breath, but it wouldn’t come. Everything grew hazy. My head spun from lack of oxygen and throbbed as if it might split open.
“Heuk… kugh……”
Drool trickled from the corner of my mouth.
If this keeps up… I’m really going to faint…
My thoughts simply stopped. At the same time, I unconsciously held my own breath until I blacked out. A truly ridiculous way to go.
Eryk couldn’t stop worrying about Valentine. Had his words and actions during the meeting hurt her? He had deliberately stoked his old hatred for vampires and ended up being harsher with her than necessary. The result was this.
“…Did something happen at the imperial palace?”
“…!!”
“Please refrain from treating the Major so harshly, Lieutenant Colonel.”
“…I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Thank you.”
Even Kyle had come to ask him not to mistreat Valentine. Eryk’s leg bounced anxiously.
…I can’t take this anymore.
He decided to visit the tent where she was staying. He had already prodded at her complex early that morning and upset her; any more damage would be disastrous.
“It’s gotten cold.”
The sun had already set. There had been too many tasks to handle, so only after dusk could he finally head toward her. His steps felt heavy. What if she was crying behind that blank mask? Now that he knew how fragile she truly was beneath her expressionless facade, that was all he could think about. Was she shedding tears behind that carefully maintained wall?
With those worries weighing on him, Eryk reached the entrance of Valentine’s tent.
“……”
Should he go in? There was no sign of movement inside.
“…Is she asleep?”
If so, it would be terrible. This was the night before they marched to the battlefield, and he had waited until she fell asleep. Eryk didn’t want them to part on bad terms when they might never see each other again.
In the end he couldn’t hold back. He flung the tent flap open.
“…!!!”
There lay Valentine, unconscious. Foam-like drool leaked from the corner of her mouth—she had fainted.
“Valentine…!!”
Too startled to use her rank, Eryk rushed to her side and frantically checked her pulse and breathing.
“Th-thank goodness.”
Her pulse and breathing were normal. Just to be sure, he gently shook her. Valentine’s eyes fluttered open.
“…Valentine.”
“Ah…”
“Are you coming back to your senses?”
“…The person I like most…?”
“…!?”
Her eyes were only half-open, her hair a mess. Valentine smiled dreamily and murmured, still half-lost in her vision.
“…A good dream. It’s been so long. I love you, Eryk.”
She closed her eyes again and whispered that she had been scared. Eryk froze on the spot, completely helpless.
Isn’t this a weapon…?
Could something so adorable and lovable truly be called a weapon? The question swirled in his mind. Of course Valentine was a human weapon, but this…
“I’m… sorry for being small…? I’ll try harder to be more likable, so… please don’t throw me away.”
The impact was considerable. Still with her eyes closed, Valentine turned her head toward him.
“…Sniff, sniff.”
“Val…entine?”
“It smells like Eryk… It’s a dream, but it feels way too real……”
“……”
Eryk decided to watch the dream-drunk Valentine a little longer. He pulled up a chair and sat beside her. The sound of the chair must have been louder than he thought.
“…Lieutenant Colonel?!”
“Ah……”
Valentine jolted awake. She sat up in a panic.
“Wait…? I definitely had PTSD……”
“Are you all right?”
“……”
When he asked, she simply stared at him in a daze.
“…I’m fine.”
“That’s a relief. I was worried.”
“Thank… you……”
At his words, Valentine’s face flushed. She tried to sit up fully, but Eryk gently pushed her back down and brushed the hair from her forehead.
After thrashing through a nightmare, I came to my senses and found Eryk right in front of me.
…He really came.
Honestly, I thought he wouldn’t. After all, I had gotten angry over something so trivial. Yet here he was, holding me tightly.
“I love you.”
“…I love you too.”
When I answered, Eryk’s fingers traced my cheek. I felt like I would lose my mind from how much I adored him. I wondered if he could feel my heart hammering against his chest. I wondered if the feelings I tried so hard to hide behind my blank mask were spilling out in embarrassment. Tense, I looked up at him.
“What is it?”
“…You know how I feel about you, don’t you?”
“……”
“Can you feel my heartbeat?”
He nodded. I pressed my face against his chest and heard a powerful, steady thump. It was his heart, not mine.
…So Eryk feels exactly the same way I do. He’s just as nervous.
The corners of my mouth lifted slightly.
“…I love you, Eryk.”
Our relationship—more than comrades, less than lovers—probably wouldn’t last much longer. My heart raced like this every time we looked at each other. How could we possibly keep it up? I hated death flags more than anything, but today it felt like I could say it.
“…After this urban battle ends, I’m going to confess.”
“…!!”
“So don’t confess first. Wait for me.”
Once this war was over, I would confess to him. They were the words I hated most in the world, yet—
“Hehe, what’s with that face? Are you surprised…? Uaa, I’m sleepy……”
—today, they were the words I liked best of all.