The Weight on Small Shoulders
What is he plotting? It carried a damp smell. The soil had drunk deeply of the water, leaving behind an intensely wet, clammy stench. Yet thanks to the coat draped over me, I didn’t feel cold at all.
“......”
I wondered if the snoring Kriha beside me had left it there and turned to look, but—
“...Uhehe… Kyle, ah, not there……”
“Crazy bitch……”
She was wearing her own coat. Then who in the world had left this one? Is it a men’s size? I thought it might belong to Kyle, but the rank insignia pinned to the coat was not his.
“…Lieutenant Colonel…?!”
“Ehh?!”
My shout woke Kriha with a start, but I barely registered her. My mind was in chaos. Eryk? Eryk did this? It was already incomprehensible that he had only subdued me and let me live, yet something even more inexplicable had happened. That Eryk showing kindness to a vampire? It was impossible.
Eryk covered me with his coat? The same man who recoiled in disgust at the mere sight of a vampire had placed his coat over me.
“Major, are you awake?”
“......”
“Major?”
“…Captain, where is the Lieutenant Colonel right now?”
While I remained lost in confusion, Kriha giggled and answered.
“The Lieutenant Colonel? Isn’t he outside smoking a cigarette or something?”
“......”
Without another word I shot to my feet and picked up the coat.
“I should return it to its owner.”
As I spoke, I slipped one of the premium cigarettes from inside the coat. He left his cigarettes here too. What was that man doing instead of coming back for them? Thinking this, I went out to find Eryk.
The battlefield had fallen silent, as though the earlier clamor had been a lie. Only then did the groans of the wounded begin rising again from every direction.
“Aaaagh… my leg, my leeeeg……”
“Medic…! Hurry, over here!”
It was horrific. The dirt inside the trench was sodden with blood and squelched underfoot.
“......”
“Salute!”
“…Salute.”
A relatively unharmed private offered me a salute. He had the foolish, snot-nosed look of a kid, yet his eyes already burned with poison. The hand he raised in salute trembled violently.
“…Are you afraid?”
“I didn’t catch that, sir!!”
“I asked whether you are afraid of war.”
I lit one of Eryk’s cigarettes and asked again. The private hesitated for a long moment.
“…I-I’m not afraid…!!”
“......”
“I’m not afraid at all!”
His face was scrunched up and his voice cracked with tears, yet he forced the words out.
“Wipe your tears before you speak.”
“…I-I’m fine, sir!”
“Why aren’t you afraid of war?”
“......”
Once again at a loss for words, the private simply stared at me. His arm still shook without pause. Looking closer, it wasn’t only his arm—his lips were quivering too.
“You’re mistaken about one thing, Private.”
I gazed at him as I spoke.
“War is a frightening thing.”
At those words his mouth fell open. I kept my face blank as I continued.
“War is frightening. Comrades—perfectly ordinary young men who might be someone’s family—reduced to disposable goods. The future of the nation shredded by machine-gun fire. That is what war is.”
“I, too, am afraid of war.”
I handed him a cigarette.
“Do you smoke?”
“…Yes, sir!”
“Take it.”
“…Thank you, sir!!”
He accepted the cigarette with both hands. In one of them was a dog tag.
“Whose dog tag is that?”
“…It belongs to my older brother, sir!”
“…I see.”
Tears rolled down the private’s cheeks. I lit the cigarette for him and patted his shoulder.
“…I offer my condolences and gratitude to your brother. Gratitude for stepping onto this battlefield for the sake of the Empire.”
“…Hic…! Th-thank… you… sob…!!”
The private collapsed to the ground and began to weep openly. Watching him, I felt my insides burn. As expected, war was frightening, cruel, and utterly wretched.
“Private, remember this. War is frightening, cruel, and meaningless.”
“…!!”
“…Nevertheless, never forget that those who sacrificed themselves for it are noble.”
“Understood, sir!!”
“You, your brother, myself—everyone here is the same, regardless of rank.”
I patted the recruit’s head.
“Where is your helmet?”
“…It was holding my comrade’s dog tag, sir…!”
He pointed to the bullet-riddled helmet lying on the ground. I told him he had done well, then continued walking through the trench in search of Eryk.
The stench of blood stung my nose. I can’t get used to it. I wrinkled my nose and covered it against the revolting smell—then spotted Eryk in the distance, personally collecting dog tags and hurling enemy corpses out of the trench.
The moment I saw him, my emotions grew tangled. Just what was his reasoning for helping me? Why didn’t he kill me? I wanted to ask, but the sight of him sweating profusely as he stripped dog tags from his fallen men sealed my lips. Eryk’s face was twisted with pain.
......
Come to think of it, if I hadn’t been a vampire, I probably wouldn’t have hated him so fiercely. After all, Eryk was the protagonist of this world, the character I had once cheered for with all my heart.
Not anymore.
These days, just looking at him irritated me. I always wondered what fault he would find with me next. Still, for today at least, I decided to help him in silence. Not for his sake, but for the subordinates. For the young lives that had fallen in vain.
“Lieutenant Colonel.”
When I approached and called out, Eryk’s pupils trembled. I held out the coat.
“…You left your belongings behind.”
“......”
He said nothing. Seeing him like that, I complained that my arm hurt.
“…I won’t overlook insubordination.”
“......”
After saving me and everything, what kind of nonsense was that?
“…The order not to die is still in effect. How dare a filthy slave girl disobey my command?”
Eryk’s brow furrowed. He looked genuinely furious. The words I had meant to say died in my throat. I had wanted to thank him, but they never came out.
“Insulting a superior officer and attempting suicide in combat? Can you still call yourself a commander after that?”
“…No, sir.”
“A vampire who drives her subordinates onto the battlefield, brainwashes them, and ultimately takes their lives……”
Eryk seized my shoulder before I could finish.
“…Don’t you dare try to die as you please.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Survive until the end. Live, and spend your entire life atoning to them.”
“Understood.”
I kept my expression blank as I answered. Only then did Eryk straighten his back, composure returning.
“…Tsk. I wonder when that wound will heal. If I die, it’ll be your fault, so when you collect my dog tag, at least have the decency to drink my blood.”
Eryk looked down at me, then spat at my feet.
I was going to say thank you.
It seemed today was hopeless after all.
Eryk stared at his own hand—the one that had gripped the small vampire’s shoulder with brutal strength. It was soaked in the blood of his subordinates. Once again he had hurled harsh words at Valentine. Rage had boiled up inside him, disgust had boiled up inside him. Perhaps it was the sight of her trying to find comfort alone that disgusted him so much.
Eryk had cursed Valentine. Yet even after the curses left his mouth, the turmoil in his chest refused to settle. The feeling that this was wrong twisted his insides. It hurt. It was agonizing. It filled him with fury.
“…Valentine.”
The image of her eyes as she still tried to kill herself remained vivid. The way she had swung her blade at him when he tried to stop her suicide was seared into his mind. Just how heavy a burden must weigh on those small shoulders?
Stop thinking useless thoughts, Eryk.
Before he could feel any sympathy for that weight, the guilt and grief of losing his family, along with his visceral hatred of vampires, crushed any pity he might have felt.
His chest felt a little lighter. The guilt he felt toward Valentine had eased somewhat. Yet the immense hatred he harbored for vampires could not erase the sensation of that small shoulder beneath his hand.
“......”
Eryk silently gazed at his blood-stained right hand. He remembered how completely that one shoulder had fit inside his palm.
“…Stop thinking useless thoughts, Eryk.”
He muttered the words and scooped up a handful of dirt to wipe the blood away. There was no time for this. Before the corpses of his men rotted and spread disease, he had to collect their dog tags and dispose of the bodies—enemy corpses included. The constant fear that the enemy might attack again at any moment paralyzed his thoughts.
The war had once more deepened the misunderstanding between Eryk and Valentine.
-Plop.
-Plop, plop.
Raindrops began to fall, striking the brim of Eryk’s hat and his shoulders.
“Haa……”
With a heavy sigh, Eryk looked up at the gray sky. The colorless expanse seemed to mirror his own heart. As though the gods themselves were weeping over this meaningless war.
Eryk simply stared up at that sky, lost in thought.
Just when…
Just when would this war finally end?
When…
When would he be allowed to be happy?
Eryk did not know. He simply stood beneath the falling rain, offering a moment of mourning to those who had departed. Once the rain stopped, there would be no time left for even this small mercy.
Inside the trench where bloody water was beginning to pool, Eryk gazed blankly at the sky above.