The Weight of the Second Life
When I looked at him with confusion, Won Ji-an avoided my gaze.
But then, perhaps finding the courage, he met my eyes again and opened his mouth.
“Actually, me…”
Won Ji-an spoke slowly.
“In my past life, I didn’t die like you from a traffic accident or something like that.”
At that moment, something popped up in my mind.
The various forms of death humans experience. Among them, what came to mind was…
“…No way.”
The one thing I’ve learned living this life is that intuition starting with “no way” is annoyingly accurate.
“It was so hard…”
The rest of the sentence was cut off, but it was clear what kind of death he meant in his past life.
Not a tragic accident caused by some chance like a traffic accident like mine, but by his own will…
“If I tell you, you’ll look at me pitifully, so I kept it hidden.”
Won Ji-an gave a bitter smile.
“…Why did you want to die?”
“Um, it’s a bit long to say.”
A long silence followed.
“My family was really annoying too, and you know, I was always alone at school, and I guess I should say it was just not fun.”
His words got stuck for a moment.
“You died because it wasn’t fun?”
Won Ji-an trailed off.
“Well, the only thing I felt was fun was singing, you know. Music was everything to me…”
For the first time, Won Ji-an’s slow speech felt frustrating. But instead of urging him, I decided to listen quietly.
After a moment of silence, Won Ji-an spoke again.
“You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘mediocre talent’? Ordinary face, not particularly great singing skills. So at some point, the dream became reality.”
Then, Won Ji-an turned around and stared at his own reflection in the mirror.
“I won’t be able to live like the protagonist even if I die and come back. Born as a mediocre human with mediocre talent, living in mediocre misfortune, and that’s how it ends.”
“…”
“I’d rather not live such a boring life, so I decided to die early.”
I just stared blankly, not knowing what to say.
So, he died because he thought the future life would have no fun or hope? From my perspective, it was indeed a pathetic death.
If I hadn’t had a traffic accident on the day of the college entrance exam, what would I be doing now? I often think that. To me, life is a game that’s tedious but worth playing.
“Life isn’t a failure yet because I haven’t tried anything.”
But not everyone thinks the same as me.
From Won Ji-an’s perspective, life might not have been a game worth playing. No, it was probably a boring game from the start.
So, he quit in the middle and left. He probably didn’t feel the need to continue a boring game.
“But dying just because it’s boring is too extreme, isn’t it?”
I stared at Won Ji-an in front of me.
“When did you die?”
Won Ji-an rolled his eyes listlessly, as if lost in thought for a moment.
“Well, three days before the college entrance exam? Since you died and not long after, I died too.”
Won Ji-an continued with a flat tone, as if explaining what he had for breakfast that morning if you didn’t know the context.
“And when I woke up, I was here. In my past life, I was an extra, but the reincarnated person was an extra, not the protagonist. So I tried to die again. But if I can’t debut, I’ll die anyway.”
Won Ji-an gave a bitter smile.
“I was hoping this life might be different. Hoping I could change my extra life from my own.”
The words stopped, and a long silence fell.
We both couldn’t say anything for a while. Because we knew how that hope was being crushed.
“I feel like I’m being punished.”
The next sentence that broke the silence was that.
“I gave up everything in my past life and now want to live. It’s ridiculous.”
In that sense, he was being punished.
“Now I understand what you meant.”
“I threw away everything because I hated mediocre misfortune, and now I’ve received real misfortune instead.”
We just stood facing each other with our mouths shut.
I didn’t know what comfort to offer. If it were the old days, I would have suggested a solution instead of comfort, but now I can’t even find a solution.
But keeping silent was annoying too, so I had to say something.
“There’s no such thing as protagonist and extra. Those are only in novels, movies, and dramas. What’s the point of becoming a protagonist in this ridiculous world.”
The only certainty is that this world, the system, is playing with us.
I know that fact but can do nothing. So I’m even angrier.
I took a deep breath and looked up.
“I’ll find a way somehow.”
“…”
“I won’t let you disappear alone. Just know that you’re not alone. Whether you’re protagonist or extra, you’re not someone I can let die.”
Won Ji-an stared at me for a long time, then closed his eyes.
“Thank you.”
* * *
After Won Ji-an went back to the room, I walked down the hallway blankly.
I said that, but my head was complicated because I didn’t know what to do.
Just as I was walking straight ahead, someone grabbed my shoulder from behind. When I turned, it was Han I-jae.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head saying I was fine.
“You look like you’re not okay.”
But Han I-jae noticed immediately.
“Really?”
“You almost fell earlier.”
“It was just dizziness.”
“Really? Is that all?”
I tried to make up an excuse, but Han I-jae, who is quick-witted, wouldn’t fall for it.
“What’s going on?”
I held back the breath trying to come out. Because I was afraid it would come out sincerely.
Han I-jae, seeing my inability to speak, gave a bitter smile.
“You told me last time not to pretend to be okay when you’re not.”
“…”
“But now you’re doing that. It’s completely contradictory. You can do it to yourself, but not to others?”
I had nothing to say.
Because it was right.
“If there’s something going on, tell me instead of pretending to be okay alone. It must be tough.”
Even with Han I-jae’s words, my mouth remained tightly shut.
How could I explain? In fact, I’ve already died once, this is a world where the novel’s worldview synchronized, and I can handle the system.
And Won Ji-an, who came from the other world with me, is destined to die taking on the misfortune narrative instead of me.
“They’ll treat me as crazy.”
It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s that I can’t talk.
“Is there a situation where you can’t speak?”
As expected, Han I-jae noticed my expression.
Han I-jae stared at me with a thoughtful face, sighed, and said.
“I thought you were inscrutable from the first time I saw you, and it still is.”
“You don’t like it?”
“Who said you don’t like it? It’s just that it’s frustrating. I thought I knew you, but then realized you’re far away.”
Is it really me?
“It’s almost over now, isn’t it?”
At that, my stomach churned again. That was the problem. Time was running out, but I didn’t know how to overcome this damn misfortune narrative.
“If it were me.”
Finally, I said something, and Han I-jae looked at me.
“If someone important to me is going to disappear from the world because of me, what would you do?”
“What?”
Han I-jae frowned, as if the words were unexpected.
“What are you talking about? Who disappears from the world because of you?”
“…”
“What’s going on. Well, someone preparing blackmail or exposure because of you? They say they want to die because of you?”
This. It completely missed the mark.
Actually, it was a sharp question. If you didn’t know the background, my question sounded like it had that background.
But it wasn’t. So I just shook my head as a response.
“So, you can’t tell everything?”
Han I-jae sighed in frustration. Thinking more, he shook his head vigorously with a complicated face, then spoke again.
“You can’t handle that. That kind of thing. Someone disappears from the world because of you. Unless you’re a psycho, no one can handle it.”
Han I-jae continued.
“I don’t know the exact situation, but if you think it’s a problem you can handle, drop it. You can’t handle or solve that kind of thing.”
It was right. So my stomach churned more.
“Then, I have no choice but to just stand by?”
Han I-jae tried to speak but closed his mouth. He looked unable to give an easy answer.
“You said there’s someone important to you?”
“…Yes.”
“I don’t know. I can’t say easily because I don’t know the exact situation. It’s not like that person is trying to harm you, is it?”
“No.”
Han I-jae said with a sigh.
“Then, just treat that person well. Until they disappear.”
“…”
“Even if you try to stop it, it won’t stop. So, do what you can. At least, you shouldn’t have regrets.”
Han I-jae scratched his head.
“I’m immature and lacking too, so I can’t advise you, but I hope you don’t have regrets.”
Finally, Han I-jae patted my shoulder twice and said.
“I hope that when the day comes to tell what happened, you tell me.”
But unfortunately, the day won’t come.
After all, only Won Ji-an and I know the secrets of this world. And the only one is currently in danger of disappearing because of me.
“Why can’t I be happy?”
Suddenly, the world felt resentful.
“Why is it that when someone becomes happy, someone else must become unhappy.”
No, is this even happiness? It’s just that the result is better.
They might disappear. The only person who knows my real name, knows my story, and can understand me in this world.
“Is there really nothing I can do?”
* * *
After the conversation, heading to the assigned room, the unusually quiet hallway today bothered me.
It was an unfamiliar feeling, walking through the air that was different from usual.
Just as I was about to stop walking unconsciously.
“What?”
Something was in front of me.
Something that looked like a person but wasn’t. A glowing black cube-like existence.
There was no explanation, but I could intuitively know what that existence was.
I am the System of this world.