The Gap Between Us
Why would she make such a suggestion?
Alpha Class.
The core of Erasion Academy, a collective term for the elite. The privileges were, needless to say, immense, and the vast majority of graduates who left their mark on the world were from the Alpha Class.
“…Me?”
And just now, Eline, one of those very Alphas, had made me an offer.
She asked if I had any intention of coming up to the Alpha Class.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to come up.”
“…”
Eline was starting to use that difficult way of speaking again.
“You know how it is, Eline. It’s not like I can just go up there because I want to.”
But with great privilege comes great responsibility. The Alpha Class operated on a strict meritocracy. Even if one managed to scrape their way in through some loophole, it was a brutal system; if you failed to meet the academic standards the next time around, you were dropped immediately.
On top of that, the sheer volume of lectures and assignments was staggering. There were even those who, having once entered the Alpha Class, were so overwhelmed that they ended up dropping back down to the Beta Class.
In short, it was incredibly difficult.
Besides, the barrier to entry was monstrously high to begin with.
“How could I possibly get in? I’m not even good at studying.”
A self-deprecating laugh escaped me. This time, Eline felt like she was chasing clouds.
“Was that what you were trying to build up to since yesterday…?”
I laughed off the trivial matter and began to set up the chessboard. I lined up the pieces and, as always, placed them in front of her.
“Is it that you don’t do it?”
“…Huh?”
As I was placing a knight, I looked up at her. She was still expressionless, yet her gaze felt as if it were scanning through everything I was.
“Is it not that you’re bad at studying, but that you don’t do it?”
Her pupils didn’t waver. She was seriously demanding an answer to this question.
“…”
No, Eline was always like this. She didn’t joke, she didn’t speak in vain, and she demanded honest answers.
‘I forgot again.’
…So, I had to answer her seriously, too.
I set the knight down with a thud and spoke.
“I’m bad at it.”
“…”
Eline’s eyes seemed to flicker just a little, but she was still holding my hand.
“I’m bad at studying, Eline. I get sick of it the moment I open a book, and I space out during lectures. I don’t remember the content, and I only think about playing with my friends. I’m not cut out for studying, so that’s why I’m bad at it.”
Calmly, yet directly. I answered clearly, meeting her gaze. Letting her know what kind of person I was.
“…I don’t know why you’re saying things like that, but even if I started now, it would be impossible.”
Impossible, indeed.
“So, that talk… I think it’ll be difficult.”
It was subtle. I felt the pressure of her hand gripping mine increase.
“No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“You aren’t bad at studying, Lutes. You just don’t do it.”
…It was the first time. For the first time, I felt a dagger hidden in Eline’s words.
“…Huh?”
Her grip began to tighten even more.
“Lutes, you can do it if you try.”
…Me?
…No, that couldn’t be right.
Eline was just mistaken.
“Eline.”
“Yes.”
“…Don’t tell me, is this because of chess?”
No matter how similar the principles and logic of chess and magic might be, chess was, strictly speaking, a game. Being good at chess didn’t automatically mean one was good at magic, and the same was true for the reverse. I was an example of the former, and Eline was an example of the latter.
“Lutes.”
“Eline… right now, I’m… um… I’m sorry. To be honest, I don’t really know.”
A surge of intense emotion began to well up. I didn’t know why I was feeling this way, but I had to suppress it as much as possible.
“Being good at chess is different from being good at studying, you know that. For two years, I’ve been a Beta Class student for life. I’ve never even been close to the Alpha Class. It’s just that I lack the talent.”
That’s right. I have no talent. I’ve heard it until it was etched into my ears, until I was deaf to it.
‘Just stay quietly by your brother’s side. Tsk, a mage, what are you talking about…’
‘Everything is already decided, just follow along.’
My life is already set. I just have to follow that path. Ever since I was born, all I was meant to do was help my brother manage the estate. Whether I study and get good grades or enter the Alpha Class, it’s just a burden for me anyway.
‘Just get your diploma and come back.’
‘Wouldn’t it be nice to have one person from the Academy?’
That was the only reason the family sent me there in the first place.
“…Please don’t judge me as you please.”
This is the worst.
For the first time, my voice trembled, unable to hide my emotions. Realizing too late that I shouldn’t have done that, I slowly let out a breath. I managed to steady my wet voice and offered her an apology.
“I’m sorry. Pretend you didn’t hear that.”
My mind was a mess. A comfortable life. It’s a comfortable life. My life was already decided, and I just had to follow it. I’d heard it until it was burned into my brain. So, let’s not have any foolish thoughts.
“Lutes.”
Eline was still holding my hand. It was a small hand, but she was still gripping me tightly.
“…”
Why do you keep holding it, Eline?
She was truly a difficult person to understand.
“Let’s play chess.”
Eline said.
“What?”
“Play chess. You already set it up.”
She picked up the knight I had put down and dropped it in front of her.
“…Eline, I’m sorry, but I’m not really in the mood to—”
“Lutes.”
Her voice turned cold. It was so cold that I felt a shiver run through my body for a moment.
“…Okay.”
“Sit down.”
It was a request. I managed to sit back down, having been half-risen, and she calmly cleared the remaining pawns on the board. She slowly looked up at me.
“Let’s make a bet.”
When the word ‘bet’ flowed from her lips, I looked up.
“Huh?”
“A bet.”
“Suddenly?”
…I had a rough idea of what she would ask for.
“What for?”
“The winner gets to make a request.”
As I thought.
“What if I say I don’t want to?”
Eline touched a pawn and looked at me.
“You just have to win.”
“…”
Just have to win. She was right. But, honestly, I was scared. Her growth rate far exceeded my expectations, and even though it had only been a week, her skills had improved significantly.
If I made the bet and lost, I’d probably have to grant her request. What would that request be? It was obvious—something like, ‘Study, come up to the Alpha Class.’
“Eline, I…”
Of course, she had never beaten me before, but today, she might have grown enough to win.
“Don’t avoid it.”
“…”
At Eline’s firm words, I gripped and released the chessboard in front of me. Right, this was the only thing I could boast about being good at. If I said I wasn’t even confident in this… I wouldn’t have anything to say for myself.
“…I understand.”
I nodded quietly, and she seemed satisfied, immediately lowering her head to start the game.
Right, I can do this. Let’s try. I’ve done well so far. I just need to play without pressure. “I’ll go first.”
“Okay.”
Thud.
We played chess. It had been a long time since I’d been this focused; I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears. I concentrated on every move, playing as carefully as possible.
Eline was good. She was no longer a beginner. Her play was clean, without any excess, and she was beginning to show precision. ‘…As expected.’
The game was fierce. When I attacked, she defended; when she infiltrated, I blocked. As the tense and fierce standoff continued, we reached the endgame, with only a few pieces left on the board.
The noise of the students and the rustling of the wind faded away, and all my senses were focused on the small board.
Eline advanced a pawn.
“Lutes.”
Suddenly, she asked a question.
“…Yes.”
I blocked her.
“I’m just asking because I’m curious.”
She advanced the pawn once more.
“Yes.”
I picked up my rook.
“Are you uncomfortable with me?”
Thud.
“Ah.”
I made a mistake. Was it because my mind went blank the moment her question pierced my ears? I should have blocked, but I had moved forward instead.
Eline didn’t wait for my answer and quietly advanced her pawn, which reached the end and promoted to a queen. In a game with only pawns and rooks, the existence of a queen was absolute.
After a few moves, my king was driven into a position where it couldn’t move at all.
“Checkmate.”
Her declaration announced the fact.
As I slowly looked up, she was looking at me with eyes that still didn’t waver.
“Eline.”
“Answer my question.”
“…”
“Are you uncomfortable with me?”
I agonized for a long time over how to say it, but in the end, I knew the answer all too well myself.
That’s right, I’m uncomfortable. To be precise, I’m too burdened. It’s a thought I keep having—you are a being too good for me.
Why did you accept my confession?
…In the end, I was the one who deceived you.
I took a short, deep breath. The moment the air seeped into my lungs and I exhaled felt long. Right, let’s be honest.
“Eline.”
“Yes.”
“If you ask if I’m uncomfortable… I think that’s true.”
I admitted it.
“Even if I want to be by your side, even if I try not to pay attention to it, I eventually feel the gap between you and me… so I keep asking myself questions. To be precise, it’s not that you make me uncomfortable, but that I’m uncomfortable with myself when I’m by your side.”
I confessed honestly.
“From that day, the day you accepted my confession, it’s been like that ever since. Even though it’s only been a few days… you’re… you’re just too amazing…”
I sounded like such an idiot, rambling on. I wanted to bite my tongue.
“Lutes.”
She firmly cut me off.
“…”
And this time, she stood up. Slowly, she approached me, and she raised her arms. And not just one hand, but both at the same time. Was she going to slap my cheek…? As I closed my eyes instinctively, I felt a sensation.
“Ugh.”
I held my breath. *Swish—.* It wasn’t a harsh friction, but a soft touch. …I opened my eyes again.
Her warm, soft hands were gently cupping both my cheeks.
…?
“Eline?”
“Look at me.”
She held my cheeks and made me gaze at her quietly. Seeing her blue eyes up close, my heart started to pound. It was the first time she had been so proactive. I didn’t know how to react.
“How is it?”
How is what?
“Lutes.”
“…Y-yes?”
She said earnestly.
“I like you.”
… “So I want to be with you more.”
“Eli—”
“I want you to keep staying by my side.”
She poured out her words firmly.
“Not just seeing you during lunch like this, but I want to take classes together and sit next to you and talk.” Every time Eline’s words flowed into my ears, my body flinched.
“You said the reason you’re uncomfortable is because of the gap?”
I nodded quietly.
“Then, we can just solve that gap.”
Eline began to apply pressure to the cheeks she was holding softly.
“Eline… that’s easier said than…”
“I’ll help you.”
…
“…Why?”
Why are you trying to go that far? At my question, she said in a firm voice:
“Because I want to keep seeing you, Lutes.”