The Best Streamer Tournament

The one-month mark promised by Crocodile finally arrived—in other words, Friday of the fourth week. The Grand Streamer Tournament was officially underway.

For this monumental occasion, an enormous Colosseum had been generated in a separate dimension, linked directly to the main village via a portal. Streamers who had logged in early were already pouring through the gateway in steady waves.

Whistle—BANG! BANG!

Specially crafted fireworks detonated overhead in endless succession, embroidering the virtual sky with dazzling blossoms of light.

Da-da-da-daaaan~ da-da-da da-da-daaaan~♪

At the center stage, encircled by tiers of stadium seating, stood an array of armor stands holding various musical instruments. Behind them, colossal loudspeakers blasted out triumphant, swelling fanfares.

"Bwahaha! Look at how scuffed that is! They couldn't even bother recruiting a player orchestra beforehand? Lol."

"Right? It would've been nice to draft the folks who didn't qualify for the main events."

"That's easier said than done. You can't just drag people in to play background music and tell them to go home."

"Fair point... That'd feel pretty bad."

"Yeah, honestly this is way better. Everyone's busy grinding their own gear and stats anyway. If you forced people to gather and rehearse, they'd just get annoyed."

While the early arrivals gathered by the railings to chat and take in the view, more and more streamers flooded into the arena. By the time the influx finally began to taper off, Crocodile materialized high above them atop the Colosseum's VIP terrace.

『Testing, testing. One, two, three.』

The chatter died down as dozens of heads tilted upward in unison.

『Welcome, everyone, to the Grand Streamer Tournament! Now, I fully anticipated streamer time and explicitly told you all to be here thirty minutes early, yet it breaks my heart to see that a few of you are still missing.』

A collective burst of laughter rippled through the stands.

"Ah, you should've told them an entire hour early!"

"Over here! Tamtam isn't here yet!"

"Hahaha! Come on, you gotta cut her some slack. Her legs are so short she physically can't run any faster!"

"She's just taking a portal!"

"Dude, it takes her half an eternity just to roll out of bed and walk over to her PC!"

"Ah... fair point."

"Kekekeke."

While the audience bantered and laughed, Crocodile glanced down at a private whisper notification confirming that the final attendee had arrived.

『Alright... Word just reached me that our last ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠attendee has officially stepped through the portal. Give her a round of applause, everyone~!』

"Hahaha~ Welcome, Tamtam~!"

"Shame! Shame! You're late!"

Tamtamburin shrieked into her microphone at the barrage of teasing.

"Damn it all! Why are you guys so early today anyway?! Be late like you normally are, dang it!"

Her indignant squeal provoked another round of howling laughter. Once the commotion finally subsided, Crocodile raised a hand to signal the official start.

『Well then, now that everyone who needs to be here has arrived... It is finally time.』

He paused for dramatic effect.

『I hereby declare... the Grand Streamer Tournament... officially OPEN~~!』

"Wooooo!"

"Kyaaaah!"

"Crocodile, you look so cool!"

"Oppa, I love you~!"

Crocodile cleared his throat against the roaring cheers.

『Yes, thank you for the passionate reception. And Ddaenggyul, I have zero interest in receiving love from another man.』

"Boooo! Crocodile, stop the discrimination! End it now!"

"Hahaha! Poor Ddaenggyul! Rejected on the spot!"

『Alright, settle down. We have quite a few honors to distribute today, so I'd like to keep things moving at a brisk pace. When I call out a category, the winner, and their total vote count, that streamer should come up to the stage. Collect your special prize from Naembong and Matdasi over on the side, and then return to your seat. Understood?』

"Yeeees~!"

"Got it~!"

『Haha. If only you all listened this well every day. At any rate! The Grand Streamer Tournament! Our very first category is...?』

Drumroll~

『The Weakest Link of Cro.Farm 2! And the winner is... Tamtamburin, proudly claiming first place with a staggering 3,682 votes!』

"Pwahaha! She's officially certified dead weight!"

"Damn it! Of all the awards to give me, why did it have to be this garbage...?!"

Amidst a chorus of jeers and snickers, Tamtamburin grumbled her way onto the stage. She stomped over to Naembong, snatched the item from his hands, and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠hurried back to her seat.

"Hey, Tamtam. What did you get?"

"Shut up! Why do you care?!"

She snapped at Blackhat, her usual bickering partner. Still, unable to suppress her curiosity, she inspected the reward's description.

"Huh? What on earth is this? Defense increases by 50.5% when Combat Power is under 500? What kind of awkward number is that?"

"Right? Anything that doesn't round off to a clean ten is just uncomfor—wait. Wait, seriously? BWAHAHAHA!"

Blackhat cut himself off and doubled over, howling with laughter.

Tamtamburin glared at him suspiciously. "Why are you cackling like a madman all of a sudden? Do you know something?!"

"Hey... Tamtam. That number..."

"What? What is it? Spit it out!"

"My chat just pointed it out. 505 looks like SOS—it's literally telling you to scream for help!"

The realization hit Tamtamburin like a bucket of cold water, and she blew her top.

"'Save me'?! You want me to beg for help for the rest of my life?! Are you completely insane?!"

Blackhat wiped a tear from his eye, trying and failing to sound soothing. "Hey, but a 50.5% boost is massive for defense, right? It's actually a pretty sweet item! Kekeke."

"Sweet, my foot! If my Combat Power goes over 1,000, it drops to 5.05%!"

That was the final nail in the coffin. Blackhat clutched his stomach, convulsing in helpless mirth.

"Pffft—ahahahaha! What the hell?! That's basically the server telling you to stay a scrub forever! Ahahahaha!"

Watching Blackhat choke on his own laughter, Tamtamburin ground her teeth so hard they clicked.

"No wonder Naembong had that smug grin on his face when he handed it to me... Just you wait. How should I butcher these bastards...?"

Even as one disgruntled streamer sharpened her metaphorical knives in bitter resentment, the awards ceremony rolled on. Streamers receiving their prizes repeatedly tilted their heads at the oddly specific stat values on their items, only to burst into helpless laughter when the "pigeons"—viewers who hopped between streams to leak context—decoded the numeric puns in their chats.

"What the hell is this?! The prize for Most Fall Deaths reduces fall damage by 510%... and 510 means 'I believe in you'?! Are you telling me that instead of just jumping off cliffs, I should have faith and dive straight into lava instead?! Son of a bitch!"

"You think that's bad?! The Best Farmer prize makes crops grow 56% faster, and 56 sounds like 'I'm bored'?! Aaaargh! Do you think standing around watching wheat grow isn't boring enough already?!!"

Indignant screams echoed across the arena, answered only by roars of amusement from the spectators and fellow creators. The ceremony was an absolute riot for the vast majority—even if the winners themselves were busy burning with vengeful fury.

『Alright, everyone~! We are finally down to our very last award of the day. The category for our grand finale is...?』

Crocodile paused to build the hype, flashing a grin as he checked the final card. But the moment his eyes landed on the names, his face curdled in absolute disgust.

『Ah... damn it... This was still on the list...?』

The crowd blinked in confusion. Crocodile had spent the entire afternoon practically bouncing with joy as he publicly roasted his colleagues. For him to suddenly grimace like this seemed completely out of character.

Then came the announcement, and every single face in the audience twisted into an identical scowl of profound distaste.

『It turns my stomach inside out to say this with my own mouth, but... *sigh*... It's the Best Couple Award. Yeah. Whatever. The winners are Rusty and Kuronyang. Yeah. Come on up, or don't. Honestly, I don't care.』

Following his irritated declaration, Rusty led a hesitant, faltering Kuronyang up toward the platform.

A bizarre, suffocating silence descended over the Colosseum.

『.....』

Kuronyang shrank her shoulders under the sheer, smoldering intensity of hundreds of unblinking eyes. Meanwhile, Matdasi looked as though he had swallowed a hundred unripe persimmons as he reluctantly passed two rings over to Rusty.

Rusty accepted the items and turned to descend the steps with Kuronyang, glancing out across the silent stadium. The Colosseum remained thick with that eerie heat, a wall of pure, envious resentment.

When Rusty suddenly stopped in his tracks, Kuronyang halted beside him. Looking down at her flustered expression, Rusty casually activated a voice amplification spell.

"Kunyang. The prize is a pair of rings. Looks like they gave them to us to use as our couple rings. We should wear one each, right?"

"Uh... yeah."

Caught completely off guard by his sudden question in front of hundreds of people, Kuronyang's mind went blank. Hearing that it was from Rusty and that it was a couple ring, she took it on pure instinct and slipped it onto her finger.

The second both rings were equipped, glowing text flared to life above their heads.

Bathed in that radiant, unapologetic pink glow, the crowd's collective sanity completely detonated.

A monstrous din erupted across the arena, indistinguishable from the enraged roars of cornered beasts. And right in the center of the storm, Rusty offered them a smug, leisurely grin, launching a wide-area taunt straight into the crowd.

"Heh. Jealous?"

Right on cue, a colossal meteor materialized out of thin air, hurtling down directly toward his skull.

FSHOOOOOO—KABOOOM!!!

Watching the blazing rock obliterate the stage, Crocodile burst into maniacal laughter from his VIP box.

『BWAHAHAHA! PEST ELIMINATED! FUCK! Even Satan would shake his head at this, holy FUUUUCK!』

Crocodile swung wildly from hysterical laughter to raw, unadulterated fury. Every single streamer in the arena stood up and thrust their thumbs into the air in unanimous, solemn approval.

Snap!

A flawless thumbs-up across the board.

Though he had taken the meteor head-on, Rusty was operating in Admin Mode and took precisely zero damage. Shielded completely behind his back, Kuronyang hadn't lost a single point of health either.

Rusty leaned down, whispering to her with playful mischief dancing in his voice.

"So, how does it feel having our seal officially stamped in front ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of all these people?"

Smack.

Without a word, Kuronyang planted a fist squarely into his side.

It was just a soft, bashful nudge—a quiet confession that deep down, she ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠didn't mind it one bit.