Confession, Dating, and Rumors
It was an utterly impulsive decision. You idiot!
Drunk. And thanks to Eun-chae noona, brimming with confidence.
“Shit.”
There was no taking it back now. I stood in front of the mirror, fussing over my clothes.
My muscles caught my eye. They’d gotten noticeably thicker. Since it was midsummer, maybe I should wear something that showed off my arms a little more?
“…Good enough.”
The best outfit I owned.
Simple, but just revealing enough to show off my trained body. I rolled the sleeves of my short-sleeved shirt up once.
Time to go meet Se-eun.
It hadn’t even been two full years, yet the street where we’d agreed to meet felt slightly different.
I stood among the passing crowds, glancing between my phone and the surroundings. Our meeting time was almost here.
“Ah.”
“…Hm?”
“Minjae!”
A familiar voice.
I lifted my head and followed the gentle sound. There she was—exactly as I remembered. No, even more beautiful than I remembered.
“Hehe. Hi.”
Se-eun waved at me.
“It’s been so long. Wow.”
“Y-yeah, it has.”
“But you… wow, you must’ve worked out a ton. Your body looks amazing.”
I hadn’t done it for the compliments, but it felt good to know the brutal training had paid off.
“You look the same.”
“Heh, really?”
She actually looked more refined.
Unlike the wide-eyed freshman who’d been all youthful innocence, the third-year Se-eun standing before me had become a full-fledged woman. The kind whose violent curves suited her perfectly.
“Um… should we grab a seat at a café first?”
Standing around felt awkward, and I wanted to catch up on everything we’d missed.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
“Actually, I already knew. That you’d been discharged.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re still friends on messenger. I saw the update.”
Then why didn’t you message me?
I almost asked, but stopped myself. I hadn’t reached out much either.
“Have you been well?”
“…Yeah. Same as always.”
…Something about that answer felt off.
We talked about everything we’d missed. Even though I knew it made me seem unpopular and tactless, once I started sharing, stories from the military just kept spilling out.
Se-eun smiled along with my stories, but she barely shared anything about herself.
“Tell me about school. Anything fun happen?”
“…”
“Hm?”
“No, it’s just… you already know.”
Know what?
The only things I’d heard during my service were that she’d dated a senior and broken up with him not long after. That was it. I didn’t know anything else.
Maybe the breakup with that senior still weighed heavily on her?
A sudden tightness filled my chest.
I studied her expression before speaking.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you.”
“…Huh? Didn’t the others… tell you anything about me?”
“You know I don’t have friends.”
Se-eun looked surprised for a moment, then let out a small laugh and took a long sip of her coffee.
“Then why didn’t you message me?”
“You didn’t either.”
“True. I didn’t.”
Se-eun fell silent, resting her chin on her hand as she gazed out the window.
It probably wasn’t a good idea to pry.
“I was scared to. I thought you might’ve heard the rumors.”
“Rumors?”
Se-eun calmly told me what had happened while I was away.
Word had spread. She hadn’t said anything herself, but it was probably right after the breakup.
That she was a slut. An easy girl.
That she slept around with every guy she met. A whore.
There was no basis for any of it, yet the rumors had spread through the entire department until everyone knew.
The men’s stares had grown openly lecherous. The women had started avoiding her, looking down on her. If it hadn’t been for a few truly close friends, she said she wouldn’t have been able to endure it.
“So I thought maybe you’d heard the rumors and were avoiding me. That you were disappointed in me.”
“…”
Goddamn military. It was completely useless when it mattered.
If I’d been around back then, I would’ve done something to help her.
“…I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
Even as she smiled and said that, it looked like she was forcing herself to cover the wound.
“Agh, I shouldn’t have brought it up. Sorry.”
“No. Thanks for telling me.”
“…Want to go somewhere else?”
Was this what dating felt like?
I wouldn’t know—I’d never done it before. We wandered around, played at a claw machine, and when she dared me to try the punching machine at the arcade, I went all out and set a new record.
As we talked and moved from place to place, Se-eun suddenly stared at something.
“Let’s take a picture. Together.”
She tugged lightly at my collar and led me toward a photo booth.
‘We look like a couple. Ugh, I should’ve put on cologne.’
I’d never taken pictures in a place like this before, so the tension showed clearly on my face.
Se-eun pulled me a little closer. A pleasant scent washed over me.
Following her lead, we took several shots. She smiled as she looked at the photos of us.
“They came out nice, right?”
“Y-yeah.”
She handed me one of the prints.
“It’s so nice hanging out with you again. I should’ve messaged you sooner.”
“…Yeah. It really is.”
I didn’t know why I felt this way. The awkwardness between us still hadn’t completely disappeared.
That was exactly why—if not now, when we were still somewhat used to being close, it would’ve been even harder later.
We wandered around some more, had dinner together.
Se-eun smiled the whole time, and I felt my chest swell with the overwhelming feeling of love.
Before I knew it, evening had turned to night.
On a quiet street leading to the bus stop, where the streetlights shone especially clearly, I stopped her.
The words just tumbled out.
I rambled, barely able to follow what I was saying myself.
But everything I said was the truth I’d been holding in for so long.
Just one day after meeting again after my discharge, I poured out everything I’d kept buried in my heart for years.
That I’d liked her all this time. That if she was okay with it, I wanted us to date.
Her eyes widened. Her face flushed deeper and deeper.
She fidgeted, unsure how to respond, then lowered her head slightly and looked up at me.
Even with the distant sound of cars and the chirping of insects in the bushes, Se-eun’s small voice reached me clearly.
“…Y-yeah. I… like you too.”
***
I’d heard it countless times growing up—that confidence was everything for a man.
Guys who’d succeeded at something, even something small, or guys who’d gotten a girl to fall for them, would drop it like some profound saying while bragging.
I never thought it would apply to my own life. It wasn’t so much confidence as just pushing forward, but still.
That was how I ended up dating Se-eun, the girl I’d liked for so long.
I was overjoyed that she felt the same way. Maybe because she was matching my pace, Se-eun didn’t seem like she had much dating experience either.
It was fresh and innocent, just like two people in their early twenties. That was what our relationship looked like.
After dates, I’d walk her home and gather the courage to hold her hand. In front of her house, I received my first kiss with my heart pounding wildly.
After that, whenever we were alone or she was in a good mood, she started calling me “honey.”
The night the buses stopped running and it suddenly started raining.
Se-eun called her parents to say she’d stay at a friend’s place.
Without a word, we simply held hands as we stepped into a motel.
“…Ah, aah….”
‘Blood?’
Amid the mix of embarrassment and excitement, I pushed into Se-eun’s tightly clenched entrance for the first time.
While I was surprised by the resistance I hadn’t felt with Eun-chae noona, I noticed blood trickling down her thigh.
‘Her first time? I thought she’d already done it with that senior?’
I’d assumed that senior had taken her virginity. But the way she clutched the sheets, enduring the pain, made it clear this was her first time too.
“D-does it hurt…?”
Se-eun flinched at my voice. Then she covered her face and shook her head.
‘Of course it hurts. She’s bleeding…’
The sensation around my cock wasn’t entirely pleasant. Even if this was proof of her virginity, I could feel the pain of her hymen tearing.
I gently took her hand to uncover her face. Tears welled in Se-eun’s eyes.
“L-let’s stop—”
She cut me off by pulling me into a hug.
Her full, soft breasts pressed firmly against my chest. She buried her face in my neck and shook her head again.
“…It doesn’t hurt…”
Her voice was nasally. It only made her seem cuter.
Wanting her to feel no pain, no discomfort, I slowly pushed deeper inside her.
Whether it was pain or a moan, she clung to me tightly as I entered her, but she never pushed me away.
After I’d buried myself to the hilt and waited a long while, she finally lifted her head.
“You can move now, honey…”
My precious girlfriend.
The sight of me slowly rocking my hips in missionary position probably didn’t look much different from when I’d been with Eun-chae noona.
Time passed, and it was time to return to school.
While I was in the military, I’d wanted nothing more than to come back here. But now that I was actually stepping onto campus again, worries filled my mind.
Still, there was one thing that gave me strength.
Se-eun told me, as if it were nothing, that she didn’t want people at school to know we were dating.
She never told me exactly what she’d gone through, and I didn’t ask.
‘She’s probably worried about the rumors.’
I nodded and said I understood. In return, I even got an adorable little kiss.
I greeted a few familiar faces, attended lectures.
After lunch, I went to the smoking area and lit a cigarette. Three guys who still looked like freshmen walked in.
“Dude, I think I just saw that girl the senior was talking about.”
“Who? Oh… the really pretty one? What was her name again?”
I used to be like that too. After the military, they just seemed like kids.
“Se-yeon or Se-eun or something. Anyway, listen to this.”
I flinched.
Startled, I looked at the guy and our eyes met. For a moment he glared at me, but after sizing up my muscles, he quickly looked away and led his friends to a corner.
“Her tits were fucking huge, man. Seriously, they were bouncing like crazy even when she was just walking.”
“There are plenty of girls with big tits here. You sure it’s her?”
“Her face was insanely pretty too. Long straight hair, no dye. Looked like a celebrity. Super innocent vibe.”
“But I heard something about her.”
Right then, everything seemed to slow down, like in a movie or a game.
“They say she’s a total slut.”
Thud.
‘What the fuck? The rumors… they spread across the whole school?’
The long ash from my cigarette fell to the ground.
“She didn’t look cheap at all, though. Who told you that?”
“Jae-hyeok hyung. He said the rumors in their department are really bad.”
“See, innocent-looking sluts are the real deal. Fuck, should I try to get her number?”
“Even a filthy slut wouldn’t go for your face.”
Control yourself. Control yourself.
I shoved my trembling hands into my pockets and slowly looked at them.
“Hey.”
“…Huh? U-us?”
Most guys get into a few fights during their school years.
Still, I hadn’t hit anyone since middle school, but right now… I wanted to kill these bastards.
But…
I clenched my fists tightly, forcing the rage not to overflow. My knuckles felt like they might burst.
“I’m in the same department as Se-eun. Hearing that kind of talk out here doesn’t feel great.”
“…Ah, w-we’re sorry. Really sorry.”
The little shits bowed their heads, apologized, quickly put out their cigarettes, and left.
Acting all tough, pretending to be adults. Good thing I built up these muscles. They couldn’t even talk back—they just ran.
“…Haa.”
I wanted to proudly say I was Se-eun’s boyfriend and protect her.
But that might only dig deeper into her wounds. So I just lit another cigarette.
It was true that I felt a sense of superiority.
That girl—so pretty, with such a great body, like a celebrity—was my girlfriend. And I was the one who’d taken her virginity, contrary to all the rumors.
As long as I was the only one who knew that, it was enough. That’s what I told myself to endure it.
But their words lingered in my ears for a long time. Fuck, I should’ve just beaten them.
Those bastards, talking about her with filthy, vulgar looks from behind her back.
‘…Huh?’
What flashed through my mind wasn’t Se-eun.
It was Eun-chae noona, lying beneath me that day.
The experience right after my discharge that I’d completely forgotten about because my mind had been filled with nothing but Se-eun. That atmosphere.
I could feel the lingering echo of that moment, when everything had existed completely outside the rules of this world.
“…What the hell.”
I forced my anger and discomfort into the cigarette smoke and exhaled.