Regression is Good, But Why This Body Specifically.. (1)
I have one childhood friend I’ve spent a long time with.
Her name is Seo Ayoon.
We’re the same age.
She started as a child actress and is now a working model.
Ayoon and I went through kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school together.
Just being together for twenty-two years made my life smooth sailing.
Of course, it wasn’t that we were equals, but...
It was like having to stop at the gas station before I could flirt with Ayoon, if you will.
Because we’ve done so many things together...
...But it’s a bit unfair.
Why? Because I didn’t copy her! She copied me!
First, the fitting model who doesn’t show her face?
I did it first.
But the one who actually blew up was Ayoon...
So the school kids all thought I was copying her.
But if it was just this one thing I was compared to, I wouldn’t have this much inferiority complex.
It would have been fine.
After all, Ayoon’s looks are on the level of a natural disaster that could slap celebrities’ faces.
But then our Ayoon declared she had no interest in the entertainment industry.
More interested in academics, she said.
But...
When did she say that?
Right after I quit the fitting model job.
How am I supposed to feel about that? Of course I’m annoyed!
But I’m calm and composed.
Maybe Ayoon really started getting interested in academics?
I checked, of course.
But when I asked in detail, she lumped it together and said she aimed for the top school in the best department.
And as expected, not even that!
Every single word was exactly what I had said...
Thinking about it again makes me want to cry...
Anyway, we studied together like that.
Results?
Until middle school, I was first in class and had never lost.
But one Seo Ayoon scratched me... and I ended up putting all subjects in the same category...
And for two years straight, I didn’t get first in even one subject and finished second year.
Damn, I’m screwed.
It doesn’t end there.
Because of the above, I got my pride hurt and decided to take the exam route?
Yeah, yeah.
Now familiar with that feeling?
Just like that, our Ayoon, starting from when I was third year, followed my exam prep and lightly stomped on me...
But the way we were usually seen... people thought I was madly in love with Ayoon.
I’m pissed about this!
But what’s even more infuriating?
If I looked at us as a third party?
I would think the same, right?
'This is bullshit....'
And the scariest part is now, preparing for the exam again...
Ayoon is sitting next to me listening to lectures...
"Um, there’s about ten minutes left. If you have something to do, do it. If not, or if you’re bored, listen to the teacher’s love story or something and go."
What love story?
Other teachers’ lectures were packed for three hours and thirty minutes, but this one is relaxed.
Some students quietly leaving also seemed to think the same.
Of course, that didn’t stop the love story from continuing.
But just because it doesn’t stop doesn’t mean you have to listen.
I lay down.
But then.
The girl next to me poked me.
"Hey, you’re a model, right? Poor guy. Sister, help me out a bit?"
"What the hell are you saying."
"Hey! Not a curse. You bastard."
Even in front, she’s saying pointless things.
And on the side, similar nonsense piling up.
Love, love...
Honestly, I wasn’t completely unaffected by Ayoon.
'How could I not...'
Not an idol or actor, but a beauty who received the lead role in a drama dozens of times.
If she keeps hanging around next to me, even if I try to kill her, I end up liking her, right?
This is natural disaster level beauty.
The problem is, was it just me?
Natural disasters are all huge, right?
Earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, typhoons.
All of them.
She feels the same way...
Wherever she goes, men and women alike get hooked.
In school, the ratio of people who know Ayoon to people Ayoon knows is 1 to 100.
And even though she does nothing, she hears rumors like an octopus’s legs.
And if you see that next to you, you naturally get the point.
Of course, during puberty, I had a dream or two.
Around that time.
So, in high school second year summer vacation, she finally had her first love.
After that, she seems to be single, but...
Anyway, I don’t see her as a match, whatever.
'Fuck....'
Thinking about it makes me depressed.
I need to drink.
"You didn’t date anyone except for a short three weeks in your first year of high school, and you’re acting like this despite being on the same level?"
Ayoon’s face has dozens of question marks popping up.
"What are you saying? I dated when I was in the army."
The question marks on her face instantly turned to laughter as she said that.
'What the fuck.'
Now she’s not telling me such things.
If I try to tease...
My own injury gets worse.
I want a cigarette...
"How many did you buy?"
"Still dating?"
What the what!
Shock.
Panic.
Not fainting level.
Just a little surprised.
Surprised is surprised, but I need to verify.
"Show me the photo."
"Eh? Why? Why are you looking at that."
"Hey! Men should look at what men look at, you know?"
My voice got a bit louder because of that.
Because of that, the attention in the lecture hall suddenly focused on us.
'Damn, that’s why you make me surprised...'
I glared at Ayoon.
"Hey, why are you yelling..."
Ayoon whispered softly to me.
'Hey, but... it’s because of you!'
I wanted to say that, but I couldn’t.
Natural disaster.
Ayoon’s completely broken-hearted beauty.
That typhoon swept through the lecture hall.
When she entered, she was wearing a mask and hat.
But she said it’s okay during lecture, took them off.
'I knew this would happen.'
Most male students in the lecture hall, including student assistants, half their expressions blank.
It’s pitiful to watch...
'This is too much. Really.'
It’s a shame to watch alone.
There’s Ayoon next to me, why alone?
I myself am used to such gazes.
What about her...?
I got tired of it and started to hate it.
If I don’t look, when she looks, I feel it.
Now she’s looking.
Ayoon’s face is sinking.
"Haa... ha... haa..."
Still, she cut a lot.
She knows how to breathe deeply and calm down.
"Haa... ha, haa, huuu..."
Eh...?
"Hey, are you okay...?"
"Ha, haa, huuu..."
"Hey, hey, hey!"
Fuck, why is she like this?
Hyperventilating?
What?
She’s panicking, I think.
I was panicking too, but I didn’t want to show it.
I calmly rolled my head.
Thinking of things while rolling head is harder than during exam prep.
'Oh, maybe that’s it.'
I quickly lifted Ayoon and moved her body away from the gazes in the lecture hall.
When I exited the lecture hall, I met eyes with Ayoon and said.
"Are you okay. Sit here for now. Breathe slowly. I’ll count for you, breathe slowly."
Nod.
Ayoon nodded her head a bit painfully.
"Okay."
While reassuring Ayoon, I covered my mouth a bit.
"Breathe through your nose. Inhale for four counts. One, two, three, four."
Ayoon inhaled slowly with "sueup".
"Good. Now stop in that state for a moment."
I stopped breathing.
Count two seconds.
"One, two. Now exhale slowly through your mouth. Even slower. For six seconds. One, two, three, four. Good."
I took my hand from my mouth and considering the time passed, counted four seconds a bit shorter than the original exhale time.
"Now you’ll inhale again. Only through your nose for four seconds. Remember?"
Nod nod.
She nodded twice, a bit better.
Cute.
'Fuck!'
Snap out of it, Choi Jiwoo.
Natural disaster beauty.
Truly, can’t be anything but a disaster.
Even in my head, playing the national anthem, I kept counting numbers slowly with my mouth.
Ayoon also matched my counts, inhaling, holding, exhaling repeatedly.
"Huuu. K.. I think I’m okay. Thank you..."
"No problem."
Fortunately, after four to six rounds of box breathing, the hyperventilation seemed to stop.
But she was still gripping my sleeve tightly and squeezing her eyes shut....
'Probably panic attack.'
First, take the elevator to the top floor.
Go to the rooftop.
"Let’s go to the rooftop and get some fresh air."
"Yeah..."
Since we hurriedly left, the teacher who roughly understood the situation stopped the students, so no one followed or watched us.
That aside...
When did the panic attack start?
After coming back from the army, it seems there’s a bit more secret between us, a little...
A little... what to say.
"Sorry. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to worry you. Was it... hurt...?"
Yes. I’m pissed.
I should tell her humanly.
Is there a boyfriend?
I couldn’t get words out.
"What are you upset about. You should say you want me to take you to your boyfriend. I’ll get jealous."
"Ah, ah. Yeah."
......
"Yeah.... Yeah."
After Ayoon’s words, silence chosen by both on the rooftop continued.
So, after more than five minutes.
I, unable to bear it, broke the silence.
"Class should be over now... Shall we go?"
"A little more... No?"
What is this kid saying?
Completely not understanding.
The feeling of irritation rising from earlier.
Slightly bursting stress accumulated.
"Ayoon. Calm down."
"What?"
"What else. What more do you want to stay for. You said you started dating. What are you following now."
"What am I following. You always say~ It’s not that I followed, it’s just that it fits well with you..."
"Hey!!!! Stop it. Is this a joke? What fits? What? A model who does well, goes to university well, suddenly stopped everything and went to medical school? Stop it."
I felt the words got too heated, but couldn’t stop.
"And you know everything. Why I took the fitting model job to somehow, somehow try to get into acting."
The mouth that burst once.
Like vomit after drinking a lot of alcohol.
It wasn’t something that could be stopped by will.
"I also! I also wanted to be an actor. And isn’t that the same for you? When I gave up university and went straight to the army! You could have gone to another university with a higher department. But in the end, you went to the acting department."
"Hey, me too. Me too.... No. Okay. I’ll go. When I calm down a bit, let’s talk next time."
"Next? Don’t talk nonsense. Where’s next. I’m telling you to go back to your seat. I’m cheering for you. I’m cheering even now! So don’t stick to me like that, think of it as me, and do what you want!"
"Got it. If I said everything... Kyaak!"
In the middle of raising voice and arguing.
Ayoon looked somewhere and shouted.
"What is it?"
I also turned my head to where Ayoon was looking.
There was a student sitting precariously, drinking soju.
'Fuck, what is this. Again!'
I didn’t look back and ran.
What to do.
First, save her.
So I ran towards the student first.
Ayoon followed running.
The student saw us and shouted to stop.
"Stop! If you don’t stop, I’ll jump!"
"Wait, wait! Let’s talk. Why..."
But the girl had no will to talk.
"Even so, I’m glad someone saw me at the end.... After I die, tell my mom that because of you, our family is all over. Definitely. Definitely. Tell her."
After saying that, the girl stood up.
"No!"
I instinctively ran.
Maybe because she looked like me in childhood or like Ayoon.
I almost caught her.
Ayoon caught me.
So the three of us fell at the same time.
"Aaaaaaaaah!!"
"Kiyaaaaaaaang!"
"Aaaaaaaa!"
2.
Drrring- drring-
I slapped the ringing alarm sound.
Turned it off.
"Uum. Five minutes maaaaaak!!"
Sleep wakes up.
The sense of incongruity where the moment of falling from the rooftop and waking up merged.
But.
More incongruous than that was the sound just now.
From me.
I confirmed this incongruity by facing the mirror.
"Kiyaaaaaaaang!"
No way.
"Wh..what is this?"
In the mirror, Seo Ayoon’s appearance was clearly more deteriorated than I remembered.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Regression is really good, right?
I like regression so much!
What!
Why!
Why this body...!
'Is this because I poured out my inferiority and envy towards Ayoon...?'
No matter what, it’s the worst. Really.
