83. The Beginning of Realization
83. The Beginning of Realization
[Chapter 83] - The Beginning of Realization
After the dance ended, Titania ran around the spacious ballroom, hurriedly searching for Vivian. Due to the nature of Marjuka's choreography, where partners changed frequently, she had switched partners several times since dancing with her mother, making it impossible to know exactly where Mother was.
A smile never left Titania's lips as she ran around the ballroom looking for Mother. To think Mother would even cross-dress to attend a masquerade. Titania burst into a giggle, picturing Mother's cross-dressed appearance.
'If she hated masquerades so much, isn't she the one enjoying it the most?'
Mother's cross-dressing was so perfect that such a thought crossed her mind.
Broadened shoulders and lengthened legs. Moreover, the flattened chest was as hard as if it were muscle. It was likely something like bandages, but the young ladies who had touched it slightly while dancing must have mistaken the bandages for hard muscles. Titania herself had thought the same.
If Mother hadn't spoken to her, she would never have noticed, Titania thought, giggling as she hurriedly began to search for Mother again. After walking through the ballroom for a while, Titania was able to find Mother quickly.
Finding Mother was an incredibly easy task. After all...
"Um, excuse me! Could you do that one more time? Where did you learn such sleight of hand?"
"Have you decided on your next dance partner? If not, please—"
"Ah! That's cheating! I was going to ask first!"
"Are you not speaking just to keep up the concept?! Huh?!"
She was surrounded by young ladies, to the point where she stood out to everyone.
She could see Mother, looking slightly flustered, listening to the young ladies' stories one by one. She was busy either showing off simple coin magic or declining the young ladies' requests to dance.
The moment Titania, having confirmed Mother's location, was about to enter the crowd, she saw Mother kiss the back of a young lady's hand. It seemed the young lady had asked Mother for it.
'It's fine if we don't dance, but I'd like you to do the same thing you did earlier.' Mother had tilted her chin as if contemplating for a moment, then immediately grabbed the young lady's hand and pressed her lips to the back of it.
"Kyaaak! Me too! Me too!"
At that moment, screams of joy erupted from the young ladies' mouths. Saying they were so envious, the young ladies were busy thrusting the backs of their hands toward Mother. The moment she watched that harmonious scene—
Titania felt displeased.
She didn't know why, but the thought immediately crossed her mind: 'Did I come to the masquerade for nothing?' Was it because people's gazes were directed at Mother instead of her? No, absolutely not.
She didn't possess such vanity. In the first place, she had attended the masquerade to hide the fact that she was a princess. It was actually a happiness and a joy that others didn't recognize her.
Was it because she kissed the back of a young lady's hand? This, she couldn't understand at all. 'Why am I angry that Mother kissed a young lady's hand?' Mother was just 'acting,' after all.
But why? Why does it feel bad to see Mother being popular? Shouldn't she be happy instead? No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn't find the reason, but Titania didn't want to leave Mother like that.
So, Titania—
"Excuse me."
She decided not to leave this situation alone.
When Titania spoke to the young ladies from behind, they recognized her and parted to both sides as if a wave were splitting. The young lady who had been next to Mother also stepped back in an instant.
The fact that everyone recognized her and changed their attitude, even though she was disguised and wearing a mask, made Titania feel even more unpleasant. This wasn't the masquerade she had expected.
Titania pushed through the crowd of young ladies and looked up at Mother. Through the small eye holes in the wolf mask, she could see a hint of relief in those green eyes.
Surely, those green eyes must have contained not just relief, but also the expectation that she would resolve this situation. However, Titania left such a Mother behind.
She opened her fan to cover her mouth, narrowed her eyes, and gave a bewitching smile.
"Young master, would you please grant me a dance?"
Then, Titania held out the back of her hand to Vivian.
The young ladies who saw the hand Titania held out began to murmur.
They muttered loudly enough that whispering was pointless, asking who on earth that young master was that the princess would ask for a dance herself, and saying that the princess had never asked for a dance herself before.
Vivian, hearing those murmurs, widened her eyes in surprise at Titania's sudden action. Then, she nodded slightly, realizing why Titania had done this.
She believed that this was the only way to get her out of there, and Vivian trusted Titania. Certainly, there was no other way to get out of this situation than to become someone's partner.
Vivian gently wrapped her hand around Titania's.
Then, as a sign of permission, she brought the hand she held to her lips and pressed them firmly against the back of it.
As she felt Mother's hot, soft lips touch her skin, Titania felt the hairs on her body stand on end. It must have been a kiss she had received countless times, but for some reason, it was different.
What is this? This feeling? Ecstasy? Emotion? She didn't know what it was, but Titania felt something pierce through her entire body. The feeling seemed to tighten her heart, and for some reason, she couldn't help but smile.
As she glanced down at Mother, who was kissing the back of her hand, Titania felt her mood improve, as if her previous displeasure had been a lie. It was enough to send shivers down her spine.
When Vivian took her lips off the back of Titania's hand, the young ladies around them let out sighs and cheers at the same time. Sighs of regret at having the young master taken away, and excited cheers at having seen something good.
Once those sighs and cheers ended, the young ladies who had been around Vivian and Titania began to scatter. As they were left alone in an instant, Vivian smiled bashfully and whispered in Titania's ear.
"Thank you. Honestly, I was worried about how to get out of there..."
"Yeah, why did you even cross-dress?"
"...?"
Vivian closed her mouth for a moment, not knowing what to say at Titania's attitude, which seemed full of anger for some reason. Was she sulking because she teased her for being uncoordinated and having no rhythm when they danced earlier?
Or, was the masquerade more disappointing than she thought? Titania's expression began to crumple even more. She looked disappointed, and she also looked uncomfortable. Vivian tilted her head slightly and whispered softly in Titania's ear.
"Are you sulking because I teased you? Or is the masquerade disappointing? You look very unhappy... Did Mother do something wrong to you?"
"Mother didn't do anything wrong to me. And I wouldn't be sulking just because you teased me. The masquerade is... well, it's disappointing, but that's not why I'm in a bad mood."
"Is that so? Then what is my daughter so dissatisfied with that her expression is so dark..."
"What? Me? You must be mistaken, Mother."
Titania turned her head to the opposite side of Vivian, saying she didn't know what she was talking about.
The way she turned her head to avoid showing her face was clearly sulking, no matter how one looked at it. Vivian tilted her head, as if she truly found Titania's sharp attitude strange.
As far as Vivian knew, Titania didn't sulk this bluntly, even when she was sulking. Like a child, she would puff out her cheeks and huff through her nose—that was how Titania sulked. But this attitude now...
It really felt like watching a middle school girl going through puberty, and Vivian felt her blood run cold. Vivian was reminded of stories she had seen on TV or the internet in the past about the hardships of parents with teenage daughters.
A daughter who suddenly became cold and parents who didn't know what to do. In most cases, the problem was really trivial, and the solution was always conversation with the child. Because you couldn't know if you didn't talk.
Parents would often leave the cold daughter alone, thinking she would be fine soon, only for the relationship to drift apart as time passed. The daughter would end up going down the wrong path.
"Anyway, I'm never coming to a masquerade again. I realized that it's a place where you can't hide even if you wear a mask. Besides, the young masters who try to force a dance with me because of their parents are also a problem. What would they have done if I hadn't changed the song to Marjuka? And the young ladies are a problem too. They think they can't be recognized just because they wear masks, but I don't know what they're looking at to rush in like that when the mask covers the face completely like Mother's? If it weren't for Mother, wouldn't the young master have been really uncomfortable? They're just rushing in based on a mask and appearance, aren't they?"
Titania badmouthed the young ladies like a machine gun.
Vivian thought that this side of Titania was also very unlike her usual self. Perhaps she was only like this in front of her, but Vivian had never seen Titania badmouth others like this before.
'Ah, there were two times, I guess. Fran and Princess Fiona.'
Titania didn't badmouth or tear others down by saying she hated them, except for Fran and Princess Fiona. No matter how much she disliked the other person, Titania was the type to just answer with a smile.
"Mother is the same. What kind of behavior is it to kiss their hands just because the young ladies hold them out? Young masters don't seduce young ladies like that either. In the first place—"
Vivian, who had been quietly listening to Titania badmouth the young masters and young ladies without stopping, burst into a giggle, thinking she understood something. The people Titania was badmouthing the most were the young ladies.
Especially the young ladies who had approached her side and the young ladies whose hands she had kissed.
"Titania."
"...Why, Mother."
"You're jealous of the young ladies right now, aren't you?"
"What?"
Titania looked up at Vivian with her eyes wide open, as if she were dumbfounded. Then, she glared at Vivian with her eyes wide open, as if to say she wasn't, asking why on earth she would be jealous of the young ladies. Vivian just grinned at Titania's expression.
"I see~ I see~ So my daughter was that upset that I kissed the back of a young lady's hand? You were upset because I didn't look at you and only paid attention to other young ladies, right?"
"No, Mother, wait a minute, what? I'm jealous of the young ladies, you say?"
Titania, who had been opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish, finally stuttered and asked her mother, as if she were dumbfounded. Asking if she really looked like she was jealous of those young ladies.
'I, I'm jealous? Because Mother kissed the backs of the young ladies' hands? Why on earth would I?'
She really wanted to deny it...
But in the question she asked back to Mother, Titania could tell why she had been displeased. No, Mother was right. This terrible emotion boiling inside her could only be clearly identified once she heard its name.
The fact that this emotion was 'jealousy' toward the young ladies.
Having realized her own feelings, Titania's cheeks turned as red as a ripe apple in an instant. The mask was red, the cape was red, even her lips were red. Titania's entire body was burning bright red.
Amidst such confusing emotions, Titania suddenly remembered the conversation she had with Viola last night. The conversation where they lay in bed together, looking at a romance novel and talking about love.
'Think about it carefully, Titania. Imagine you love someone. But that person smiles and tries to get close to others besides you. How would you feel?'
"Even if you say that, I don't get it...? Wouldn't I just let it be?"
"It doesn't have to be someone you love. Is there no one you're really close to? Or someone as close as me? A pet? Imagine your pet wagging its tail at someone other than you. But that person is someone you really hate. How is it? Do you get it?"
At that time, for some reason, Titania had thought of 'Mother' at Viola's question.
The image of Mother smiling brightly at someone else and sharing her love with someone else. Titania remembered that she had felt displeased when she imagined that scene.
At the time, she thought she felt that way because there was no one else to think of besides Mother. The unpleasant, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking emotion. She hadn't known the unpleasantness that had welled up inside her then.
But now, she thought she knew.
Titania now clearly knew the name of the emotion she hadn't been able to define back then.
That this was the emotion called 'jealousy'.
However, she didn't know this yet.
Whether she was jealous because she loved her as 'family'.
Or—