18. Love Is Blind and Poisonous
18. Love Is Blind and Poisonous
[Chapter 18] - Love is Blind and Poisonous
"The Princess's birthday is coming up soon, yet that 'His Majesty' character won't even come out of his room, let alone give the Princess a name. I have no idea what my son, His Majesty, is trying to do."
Veins bulged on the back of the Queen Dowager's pale hand as she gripped her wine glass. As if to soothe her boiling insides with alcohol, she was busy gulping down the drink in her glass.
"You'll ruin your stomach if you keep drinking like that."
"I don't know since when you started worrying about my health to say such things."
"Your Highness must stay healthy, if only to see the Princess grow up into a beautiful lady. The Princess would also want you to stay healthy for a long, long time."
"......Tsk. Do you think I'll listen to you just because you're selling the Princess?"
Tak-
Contrary to her words, the Queen Dowager pushed the wine glass aside. I chuckled at the sight, filled the empty glass with cold water, and placed it in front of her.
The Queen Dowager gulped down the cold water I had brought as if to cleanse her palate, sighed as if exhausted for a moment, then glanced sideways and glared at me.
"Why don't you just give the Princess a name instead?"
"...That joke is going too far. You know it too, Your Highness. That I am no different from the Princess."
"...Right, I went too far with that joke."
The Queen Dowager let out a long sigh and chewed and swallowed a grape in front of her as if annoyed. In the first place, I couldn't give the Princess a name. Vivian hadn't received the 'Snow White' surname either.
But the Queen Dowager couldn't give the Princess a name either. If the Queen Dowager gave the Princess a name while ignoring the King in his room, the Council of Elders below would surely think this:
That Her Highness the Queen Dowager intends to put the Princess on the throne and become regent.
That Her Highness the Queen Dowager has finally given up on His Majesty in his room.
That Her Highness the Queen Dowager has judged His Majesty to be no different from a 'dead man'.
Everyone would surely say that in unison.
The Queen Dowager must not be giving the Princess a name because she's thinking about what would happen afterward. There's no way a Princess who ascends to the throne at such a young age could grow up properly.
...Come to think of it, I felt like storming into the room where the King is holed up right now, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him out. How is it that the King is the source of every problem?
Perhaps the Queen Dowager felt the same way, as she was busy letting out weary sighs. The most ideal method is to get the King out of his room within the remaining 3 months, but...
"You must have many complaints too. It's already been 2 years since you married His Majesty, yet you haven't even spent the 'first night' with him. Why does that law about having to spend the 'first night' to be granted the 'surname' even still exist?"
"Kuhp, cough! Cough!"
I choked on the water I was drinking because of the Queen Dowager's sexual harassment.
Ah, I'm so glad the Princess isn't here. I knew the fact that Vivian hadn't even spent the 'first night', but it wasn't a story to tell a young Princess.
"Keu-heup, I don't, cough! care about that anymore! Cough!"
"Is that so? Is that why you're acting like a different person? Have the emotional wounds you received because His Majesty didn't come for the 'first night' finally healed?"
"...I will leave that to your imagination, Your Highness."
I lifted my handkerchief to wipe my mouth, then quickly turned my head to avoid the Queen Dowager's smirking gaze. As if teasing me was fun, the Queen Dowager continued the conversation with a smirk.
"Right, clinging to a man trapped in the past will only hurt you, so I'm glad you've let go of those feelings, even now."
"......"
'A man trapped in the past.' That's how the Queen Dowager described her own son. Then, suddenly, the room I saw earlier came to mind. The appearance of that room, which looked as if it had cut out and preserved the First Queen's time.
...The more I learned about this place, the more I felt like I was falling into a labyrinth regarding whether the First Queen was dead or alive. The answer to this problem is inside 'that room' where the King is secluded, but...
As time passed, I started to get the feeling that the room where the King is secluded is like 'Pandora's Box' that shouldn't be opened. The feeling that even if I opened that door, I wouldn't be able to handle it... that kind of feeling.
However, I couldn't just leave the King alone like this. The only one who could give the Princess a name was His Majesty in his room, and now there were only about 3 months left until the spring 'Main Event'.
Within these 3 months, I had to meet the secluded King somehow.
For the Princess's sake, and for others' sakes too.
To do that, first...
"Your Highness, I have one question."
At my words, the Queen Dowager tilted her head and looked at me as if to say, "Go ahead."
...In the first place, the 'Queen Dowager' was the only one who could tell me this. Ainsel couldn't say anything about the First Queen, and the Queen Dowager would be the only one who knew this 'fact' accurately and could tell me.
"Could you... tell me why the First Queen made that 'choice'?"
*
Tak, tak, tak.
After my question, a heavy silence settled over the banquet hall. The Queen Dowager tapped the table with her fingers, contemplating whether she should say this or not.
"...You must know the rumors about the Marchioness."
"I am not foolish enough to believe the rumor that the First Queen made that choice just because of the Marchioness's education, Your Highness."
"It would have been better if you were foolish."
The Queen Dowager let out a deep sigh and gulped down the cold water as if to soothe her insides. After glancing at me for a moment, the Queen Dowager sighed again and slowly began to open her heavy mouth.
"As much as you loved His Majesty, you would know, but love is both blind and poisonous."
"...Pardon?"
"His Majesty, who was the late King's only child and the sole heir to the throne, had no choice but to bear that heavy expectation all by himself. Since he was only five years old."
The Queen Dowager recalled the past and slowly continued her story.
"I also didn't have the luxury of giving love to His Majesty. Before I married the late King, the Queen Dowager at that time had already passed away."
"......"
"So, I never gave His Majesty love worthy of the name since he was young. Still, His Majesty grew up under good teachers and was able to become a great King of this country."
The Queen Dowager, letting out a bitter laugh, shook the glass she had lifted and stared intently at the water sloshing inside. She didn't put the glass down, trying to cool her throat that burned every time she opened her mouth.
...It was a story I knew to some extent. That the Queen Dowager hadn't even expressed love to her own son, which was why she couldn't express it even when looking at her granddaughter, the Princess.
"So, to His Majesty's eyes, the First Queen must have looked incomparably sweet. Because she was a woman who offered love freely to His Majesty, who had to make bloody efforts to receive love until then."
"The First Queen, you mean?"
"Yes, the First Queen was that kind of woman. A woman who taught His Majesty love, made that love blind, and eventually became a deadly poison to His Majesty."
"Deadly poison..."
"...If that blindness hadn't been mutual, it would have been perfect. Tsk."
Mutual..?
Does that mean the First Queen also loved the King blindly? The Queen Dowager burst into a hollow laugh and smiled bitterly, as if it were absurd even thinking about it now.
"Even after the Princess was born, their love didn't know how to cool down. There were many who expected that a small sun would soon rise in this country. Although the result was miserable."
The small sun probably refers to a 'Prince'. Vivian was able to marry the King because there was no 'Prince' between the King and the First Queen. However, listening to the Queen Dowager's story, I couldn't understand it.
If they loved each other that much, why didn't they give the Princess a name? Why did they neglect the child, who was like the fruit of their love, without giving her a name?
"...You have the look of someone wondering why they didn't give the Princess a name despite loving each other so much."
"...Can you see that?"
"You'll see when you reach my age; you can read thoughts to some extent from people's expressions."
The Queen Dowager chuckled and returned to a calm expression.
"...It's awkward for me to say this, having never given love to His Majesty, but... 'Maternal love' and 'Affection' seem to be different."
"...Pardon? What does that..."
"His Majesty and the First Queen loved 'only each other', and they had no interest in the Princess who was born as a result. Doesn't this mean that 'maternal love' and 'affection' are different?"
...?
For a moment, it felt like my head was going to explode with the whirlwind of emotions. Feeling my common sense shattering, I couldn't say anything and had no choice but to keep listening to the Queen Dowager's story.
"...To continue the story, the two loved each other too much. If His Majesty even glanced at another woman at a place like a ball, the shouting in the First Queen's room wouldn't cease that day."
"......"
"To look only at her, to love only her, not to send his gaze to others, the First Queen pleaded with His Majesty like that. And His Majesty listened to the First Queen's words."
"So that's why you said love is blind and poisonous..."
...I felt like I knew the reason why the First Queen committed suicide without hearing any more. They were too blind to each other, and in the end, that blindness became a deadly poison, leading the First Queen to take her own life.
A terrible imagination fills my head.
And as if to add to that terrible imagination, the Queen Dowager continued the story.
"...You asked why the First Queen made the choice to take her own life."
I nodded slightly.
"Would you believe me if I said it was because His Majesty exchanged greetings with a female envoy from another country?"
....Terrible.
At the First Queen's terrible blindness, I couldn't help but frown.
"The First Queen's suicide note was ghostwritten by me, so it was known that the First Queen just took her own life because she was tired and struggling, but her original suicide note was written so messily that it was hard to read properly."
"......"
"The contents of the suicide note, which was terribly stained with blood and ink and impossible to read, only had words I could barely read like 'Your Majesty.', 'Love', 'Always by your side.' That was about it."
The Queen Dowager's face also began to frown as she continued the story. As if she didn't want to recall it anymore, the Queen Dowager shook her head vigorously, let out a big sigh, and looked at me.
"...After that, while His Majesty's mind wasn't clear, you were able to ascend to the position of Second Queen due to the arbitrary actions of the Council of Elders, who insisted that the Queen's empty seat must be filled."
"......"
"And as you remember, immediately after the wedding, His Majesty locked himself in his room and began his seclusion."
Clearing her throat with a "Khem," as if her throat was parched, the Queen Dowager gulped down cold water again and looked at me. I didn't know how to answer or what expression to make at that gaze, so I just stared quietly at the plate of food.
"...Is your curiosity satisfied now? Second Queen."
*
