Interlude: Dieta (3)
"I like you, Najin."
She said it. She had actually said it. While her reason screamed itself hoarse and foamed at the mouth, Dieta thought, honestly, that she had found him a little annoying.
Wasn't that fair?
She had been laying her feelings on thick, and yet Najin always stayed so perfectly calm. Dieta did not care for that. Was she someone who needed to feel inferior anywhere she went? Honestly, if you judged by looks alone, how many women in the Empire were prettier than her?
At the very least, a little tremor. A hint of fluster when she closed the distance. That would have been nice.
If the problem is that he doesn't understand romantic feelings…
Then she would at least make him aware that she liked him. Once he knew that, could he still treat her the same as always? There would be a change in this relationship, one way or another.
For better or for worse.
Of course, if things went badly it would hurt a little—maybe more than a little—but that was a problem for later. Future-her would figure something out. Half worried, half hopeful, Dieta watched Najin's face.
And Najin reacted.
First, his eyes went wide.
Then they wavered. Still staring, he tried to step back, only to find the fence blocking his retreat. He couldn't go any farther.
Thud. His back hit the fence.
Anyone could see he was rattled.
2.
Najin possessed reaction speed that left ordinary people in the dust. He had been that way even before he became a Sword Expert, before he became a Sword Seeker. In raw dynamic vision and reflexes, he had never lost to anyone.
Because of that, situations in which Najin allowed a "sucker punch" were rare. He had taken hits from people stronger than him, but taking a critical blow from a weaker opponent—or even an equal—was almost unheard of.
But in this moment, Najin took the sucker punch. And it shook him hard. Who, exactly, had ambushed the youngest Sword Seeker in history? Had it been too fast to dodge? A strike from behind? Or was the attacker a Sword Master?
None of the above.
The other party had walked up slowly from the front—a girl who had lived her entire life with her back turned to the martial path. And to that girl, Najin had conceded a critical hit. His pupils trembled.
What did I just hear?
Too clear to have been a mistake. The pronunciation, flawless. A perfect strike that refused to let him escape. Reflexively trying to retreat, Najin's back met the fence with a dull thud.
I like you, Najin.
Dieta had said it, clear as day.
Even for someone who had lived his life as far from romance as possible, Najin understood what that single sentence meant. A confession, direct and unadorned—the kind of line that belonged at the climax of a fairy tale or a hero's saga.
Najin felt pure bewilderment. He was the kind of man who always read several moves ahead and answered every attack—but he had no answer for Dieta's thrust. It had been an assault he never saw coming.
How was he supposed to answer? How was he supposed to react?
At a loss, his gaze drifted naturally toward Merlin. Merlin was his guide. Surely she would know the proper response. He looked to her for help, but—
Wh-what… what?
Merlin was no better off than he was.
If anything, she was worse. Eyes round as saucers, she slowly tilted her head. By the time that tilt threatened to snap her neck, her lips moved.
Did I just mishear that? I must have misheard. No—tell me I misheard. That's the only acceptable answer.
Merlin stared at Dieta in pure disbelief.
The most important thing in a confession is the mood! The atmosphere! You don't set the scene and just fire it off like that? Is romance a joke to you? A confession is something you make by a lakeside under the moonlight, crowning the end of a long journey. Not in a half-baked situation like this!
She squawked at the top of her lungs.
Of course, Merlin had never confessed to anyone, nor been confessed to. She had only ever daydreamed about the kind of place she would prefer if someone ever confessed to her. Without realizing it, she had just spilled her own preferences, and her volume climbed.
What woman in the world—what man—likes a confession this abrupt?! I can't even. Does this brat look so easy that a cheap move like that would work? If that's what you thought, you're dead wrong. You shameless little brat!
Stamping her feet, Merlin whipped her head toward Najin.
Right? Huh? You should hurry up and ans—
Merlin's eyes narrowed.
She peered at him through half-lidded lids.
What. What's with you?
What about me?
Your eyes. Your pupils! Why are they shaking like that? What, don't tell me—
Of course I'm shaken. Anyone would be in this situation.
Uuuuurrrgh!
Merlin clutched the back of her neck as if she might foam at the mouth and collapse on the spot. No help coming from that quarter. Najin let her shrieking pass in one ear and out the other, and focused on the Dieta standing in front of him.
"…"
She watched him in silence.
She clearly had no intention of stepping aside until he gave her an answer. And Najin had no intention of brushing this off, either. He was not so rude as to disregard the resolve of someone who had confessed her heart to his face.
Silence, and thought.
After a minute that felt like an hour, Najin spoke.
"Dieta."
"Yes, Najin."
"To be honest, I don't really understand what kind of feelings you have for me. If the question is whether I like you or dislike you, then of course I like you, but—"
He knew.
"What you're talking about isn't something that simple, is it?"
"To put it bluntly, it was a confession that I want us to be lovers. It's a little embarrassing saying that out loud myself, though."
Dieta fidgeted with her fingers.
Embarrassment catching up to her at last, she mumbled in a voice that shrank into her throat, and Najin smiled bitterly.
"That's why it's hard for me to answer right away."
"May I ask why?"
"Because I still don't know. What it means to like someone. What the feeling you're having for me actually is. Answering your confession without knowing any of that… feels cowardly to me."
I want to take the challenge you've laid down seriously. Meeting it with some half-hearted answer, some convenient words, would be an insult to you. That was what Najin meant.
"I see."
Dieta found herself laughing without meaning to.
Cowardly, huh. Exactly the kind of answer the man in front of her would give—and one she had more or less expected.
"I figured you'd answer like that."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. If you apologize it feels like I've been rejected. You only postponed the answer—you didn't turn me down. You're not planning never to see me again for the rest of your life, are you?"
"Well, no, but…"
"Then don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize for."
This hadn't been a confession she fired off without knowing how it would land.
She had even prepared herself for outright rejection. By that measure, this was not a bad result.
"I already knew. That you still don't understand romantic feelings. That this would be your reaction."
She hadn't done it in a fit of impulse.
Knowing all of that, Dieta had still confessed to Najin.
"Originally I planned to take it step by step. Claim each of your 'firsts' one by one, and finally take the place of lover as well."
Dieta smiled shyly.
As if she couldn't help it. As if she were a little embarrassed.
"I just couldn't wait any longer."
She said it with a smile.
"You're leaving for somewhere far away, aren't you? They say when the distance grows, the heart grows distant too. So I got restless. A bigger stage. A higher place. A more extraordinary seat. You'll clearly go far beyond anything I can reach…"
Youngest Sword Seeker. Youngest dual-star.
Even now, Najin had already achieved the absurd—and Dieta was certain this was only the beginning. Certainty made her anxious. She was afraid that to the grander being he would become, she would be remembered as nothing more than a connection of a certain season.
She did not want that. Not at all.
"I wanted to leave you with a memory you couldn't forget. You said it yourself, didn't you? That the first of anything is what matters. So remember this. That the first person who ever confessed to you… was me."
Saying so, Dieta curled the corner of her mouth upward.
It was a captivating smile. Enough that even Najin caught his breath.
"What can I do? This is the kind of woman I am. Are you disappointed?"
"Not at all."
Najin smiled.
"I rather like it. Honesty is a virtue of a knight."
"Should I take the knight's exam, then? I feel like I could pass it right now."
"I'll help you. I can teach you swordsmanship."
"Now that is tempting."
Trading jokes, the two of them looked at each other and laughed—at the sheer absurdity of it, and because it was fun. After laughing for a long while, Dieta let out a long breath and said,
"Najin? Anytime is fine. When you figure out what romantic feelings are, make sure you tell me. I'd prefer if the other person is me, but even if it isn't, that's all right."
A breeze rose.
Dieta's hair stirred.
"From now on, I'm going to make you fall for me… and even if you fall for someone else, I'll make sure that in the end, you choose me."
Brushing back the wind-tousled light-brown hair, Dieta wore a look of pure confidence. Her bright yellow eyes shone like stars.
"It's an auction. If a rival appears, you simply throw better terms and more wealth at the problem and snatch the prize away."
She said it as if it were nothing.
"I am the snake that swallows gold coins. A merchant who will become the greatest magnate in the Empire. If I can't even purchase a single human heart, the name of magnate would weep, wouldn't it?"
I will have you. Without fail.
Faced with the force of the girl who had just declared that ambition, Najin had to admit he had been pushed back. Najin, who had never once lost a contest of presence—who would charge headlong even at a Sword Master with his chin held high—took a step back for the first time.
It was Najin's defeat.
But it was not an unpleasant one.
"That was an impressive confession."
"Right? Even I think the lines came out pretty well. So? Did your heart race a little?"
"A little."
Dieta snorted a quiet laugh.
She reached out and gave Najin's chest a light shove. She meant to put some distance between them and part naturally—but she only made it a few steps before she stopped.
The original plan had been to say "See you next time" and leave. Looking at his face any longer and her heart might explode. Unfortunately, the distance from here to Cambria—specifically to her office—was rather long.
If I walk from here to the office…
The sun would already have set by then.
Dieta glanced back at Najin.
"…Hey, Najin?"
"Yes, Dieta."
"Sh-shall we head back? Together?"
Whatever had become of the presence she had just projected, Dieta was now stammering and looking everywhere but at him. Najin couldn't help laughing. In the end, Dieta returned to her office cradled in Najin's arms.
And for the entire trip, she kept her face buried in her palms and never once managed to meet his eyes.
3.
No romance.
"Excuse me?"
I said no romance!
The first thing Najin encountered upon parting from Dieta and returning home was Merlin, fuming. She jabbed a finger at him and shouted.
Listen carefully. Arthur never once fell in love, all the way to the end of her journey. It's not that no fools tried to confess to her. But Arthur was lofty. She never—never!—gave her heart to anyone.
Having gotten that far, she smiled with utter confidence, as if she had discovered the perfect argument to persuade him.
So? For someone who admires King Arthur and wants to be like her, isn't that reason enough not to date?
Najin stared at her for a long moment, then carefully monologued in a way Merlin could not hear.
Is this person an idiot?
Had Merlin heard that, she would have gone wide-eyed and roasted him alive—but fortunately, Najin's private thoughts never reached her ears. He gave her a complicated look.
What. What is it. Why.
"No, just…"
Trailing off, Najin tossed the next line as if it were nothing.
"You said King Arthur never dated, right?"
Of course. I was Arthur's guide—I'll vouch for it.
"Then if I go ahead and fall in love, doesn't that put me one step ahead of King Arthur? Because I will have done something she never did."
…Huh?
"Looks like I've found one more reason to date."
While Merlin's pupils shook, her mouth hanging open, Najin straightened his clothes and flopped onto the bed. He pulled the blanket all the way over his head and turned his back on her.
Wait. Wait just a second. That's not what I— Hey! Stop pretending to sleep and get up. Get up!
Merlin yelled, but Najin ignored her.
She could make noise, but Merlin had no physical force to exert on him, and she couldn't grab his shoulder and turn him around. Normally that kind of racket would at least keep someone from falling asleep—but for Najin, who had slept just fine on the alley floors of a subterranean city, it was useless.
You're sleeping? You're really going to sleep? Hey, are you seriously doing this?
Using Merlin's whining as a lullaby, Najin drifted off.
It was Najin's victory.