In Any Fight, It's Always the Mediators Who Suffer the Most
The crown prince raised his hand in a gesture straight out of the UN, trying to put an end to the pointless quarrel between us. "Enough with this meaningless fight. Let's handle this a little more peacefully..."
"Grand Duke? Please. A guard dog abandoned to the barren northern wastes, only fit to handle demonic beasts..."
"The Glacia family, was it? I heard the current head was involved in all sorts of corruption. Something about laying his hands on a young maid and even fathering a bastard child."
"That's nothing but slander!"
"And I heard he proposed to our mother only to get rejected like the idiot he is."
Fuck. He proposed to Glacia's mother? To that gothic-lolita hag Melissa? Is this guy a fucking pedophile?
"Do not insult our father! He may have an eye for beauty, but he is a magnificent man!"
That bastard Hoon jumped right in to back him up. "That's right! He's the one who had a deep, meaningful discussion with me about the ideal panty color for maids!"
Not helping. At all. Though personally, I've always been team white lace.
"We had a fierce debate over pink cotton versus black cotton!"
These Apostle bastards... Yeah, no. Corrupt morons like this couldn't be left alone.
"Haa... There's no value in listening to any more of this. How utterly, painfully inferior."
What a pathetic, boring taste. A bunch of idiots who couldn't appreciate the beauty of white lace panties hidden beneath the classic black maid uniform.
Then that damn Hoon suddenly went full throttle. "Hey, you're the one they call Glacia-chan, right...?"
"My name is Glacia Winterhart. Refrain from attaching arbitrary nicknames."
"Why would someone as kind and gentle as you follow a wicked bastard like him?"
What the hell is this son of a bitch even saying? How am I not kind?
Glacia grabbed Hoon by the collar. "If you insult my fiancé, Lord Werner, one more time, I will tear that repulsive mouth of yours into a thousand pieces."
"Aha, I get it. So that's the situation."
Get it? Get what, you brain-dead fuckwit?
"He must be blackmailing you into this political marriage, right?"
I felt genuinely wronged. I was the one who kept running away. The Winterhart family was the one applying the pressure. Even if my mouth got smashed to pieces, some things needed to be corrected. I had to fix this bastard's rotten habits.
"That's enough, outsider. Our engagement is none of your business. A lowly worm like you has no right to interfere."
"Shut up! You power-abusing octopus bastard threatening Glacia-chan!"
You fucking idiot. How the hell would someone without any backing pressure a grand ducal family? Did this moron leave his common sense back in Japan? And why the hell am I an octopus? I have a full head of hair.
"Haa... Before I summon the knights and have you thrown out..."
"Werner Alton! Make a bet with me!"
What the actual fuck is this guy on about now...
"If I win, you break off the engagement with Glacia-chan! If you win, I'll fight you for the right to take her!"
"There's no need for that. She's already my fiancée..."
"A real man doesn't run from a challenge!"
"Haa... Fine. But if you lose, you will accept whatever I order you to do without complaint."
"Deal!"
Accepting such a vague condition... This wasn't just idiot behavior. This was peak fucking moron behavior.
"Lord Werner..."
"Do not worry. I have not lived so pathetically that I would lose to a greenhorn like this."
Hoon suddenly pointed his finger at me. Who the hell do you think you are, pointing at your elders, you little shit?
"Hmph. Enjoy that confidence while it lasts."
"Oh? So what are the events for this match?"
"Best of three! First to two wins takes it all. The disciplines will be swordsmanship, bare-handed combat, and magic!"
I couldn't stop the laugh that burst out of me. It was like watching a newbie plant a flag in the middle of Orgrimmar's front yard without a clue what he was doing.
"I'm not particularly confident in hand-to-hand, but dealing with a crawling insect is annoying enough. I'll accept."
Though if you only looked at the dialogue, I really do sound like a mass-produced isekai villain. From what I hear, those types usually get killed off around episode eighteen in the manhwa adaptation. And even if they get an anime, the art is usually garbage.
"Hmph. Don't come crying later."
Then the horned woman suddenly grabbed Masato by the collar. "Be careful, Masato. No matter how far he has fallen, he is one of the 8 Heroes. He is not an opponent to take lightly."
"8 Heroes?"
"Indeed. The heroes of old who sealed away countless demons, the Demon King, and the Demon Dragon. The Holy Sword Hero Zeek Dragnity. The Saintess of Salvation Media Les. The Great Warrior of the North Melchior Winterhart. The Vampire Queen of the Red Moon Melissa Winterhart. The Strongest Knight Ricardo Carven. The Phantom Thief Who Shook the Continent Scua Alton. The Heavenly Demon Oh Cheon-ryeong. And finally, the genius archmage Werner Alton."
"Hooh. More impressive than he looks."
Masato started scanning me from head to toe. Maybe I should just gouge those eyes out.
"Still, challenging someone like him in magic is not something I would recommend..."
"Don't worry. I have a skill granted to me by that little goddess."
I'd love to know what kind of skill that lazy brat actually gave him. Death regression? Instant-death cheat? Was he a prime minister in his previous life? Or did he bring a smartphone with him?
"With my skill Battle Future Prediction, a guy like this is nothing!"
That skill does sound pretty useful... But who the hell announces their trump card right in front of the enemy? What's this guy's IQ? About the same as a mayfly larva, I'd guess.
"Haa, sure. I don't know how useful that skill of yours will actually be, but give it your best shot, outsider."
"Hah! I'll crush that arrogant attitude of yours one day!"
The crown prince, sweating profusely, finally managed to put together a mediation plan.
"Then we will set the conditions as you and the outsider have stated... The location will be the arena in the imperial capital, and the date three days from now. Does that sound acceptable?"
"Very well."
"Prepare yourself, you bastard. I will definitely defeat you and—"
"Hey, outsider... I've been letting you run your mouth this entire time, but you really don't know when to stop crawling up the ranks. Do not attach arbitrary nicknames to my fiancée. A lowly worm like you."
The way this bastard kept hitting on Glacia pissed me off, and the way he kept adding "chan" to her name was so disgusting I couldn't hold back anymore. I'd make this idiot clean every public restroom in the capital with a toothbrush until they were shiny enough to see his own stupid reflection.
Airi asked with a look of great interest. "...So that annoying fellow proposed a bet like that to you?"
"It's just a bit of entertainment. Nothing more."
It was the kind of pastime where you'd spin-kick a punching machine or pound roasted sesame seeds. Honestly, what could a kid like that even do?
Still, that skill the little goddess supposedly gave him does bother me a little.
"Then if Master loses, it's goodbye forever for you, isn't it, Grand Duke Glacia?" Airi giggled as she poked Glacia in the side.
"Haa... This is exactly why monkeys... There is no chance Lord Werner would lose to such a greenhorn."
"Well, that's true. Unfortunately."
"Exactly. So if you understand that, please shut your mouth and go to sleep quietly..."
"Kukuk... Ah, I wish I'd heard it too... That line he said... 'Glacia-chan! I'll definitely save you!' Ah, I'm going to die laughing... kkk..."
Airi was now clutching her stomach, laughing hysterically. Camellia had turned her head away, covering her mouth, desperately trying to hold her laughter in.
"Having a worm like that cling to me is unpleasant enough. I would appreciate it if you refrained from joining in."
"Of course, of course, Glacia 'chan.'"
"I've never liked your way of speaking since long ago... This is the perfect opportunity to correct that bad habit of yours."
"Ooh, you wanna go?"
The two immediately squared off. Glacia drew her sword. "This is simply education for my junior. It is not a fight."
Airi smirked and began chanting. "Light, my enemy—"
At this rate the new house was going to get demolished, so I had to intervene. Honestly, what was wrong with hot-blooded young people fighting? The problem was the house and furniture. Especially that horse painting on the wall. I actually quite liked it.
"Now, now, Lady Glacia, calm yourself. Airi, put away your magic..."
"But Glacia 'chan' started it first."
Airi covered her mouth slightly and lifted one corner of her lips in a smirk. Ah. That's a clear provocation.
"This damn..."
It looked like Glacia was actually about to cause a serious incident, so I had to shut Airi up.
"Airi, if you keep provoking Lady Glacia like that, I'll tell everyone that story that would embarrass you."
"Huh? I don't have any stories like that?"
"When you were eleven, you drew a map on your bedsheets. When I asked about it, you claimed it was juice that had spilled..."
Airi's face turned bright red as she clamped her hand over my mouth. Glacia immediately began teasing her with that fact, the fight escalated, the horse painting frame on the wall shattered, and the painting itself was ripped to shreds.
Fuck.