Made in Hell... Japan
Most of the bastards who reincarnate into another world from Japan are complete idiots. Present company excluded, of course. Why? Not all of them, but they're the morons who run around causing chaos with their half-baked scraps of knowledge. These guys don't even realize that the scariest person is the one who's only read a single book. If we're getting a reincarnator, it'd be nice if it was a science or engineering graduate student. Not these dumbasses who just parrot theories they half-remembered from TV or educational manga without understanding a damn thing.
"Lord Werner, is something wrong with your complexion?"
"No... My head just hurts a little."
Please let it be a STEM major. Please let it be a STEM major. I prayed desperately as I opened the door to the audience chamber.
What greeted me was an ordinary guy with messy hair and shifty eyes... Fuck. The disaster vibes were already hitting me like a truck. And those clothes... isn't that a goddamn school uniform?
"I am Akahara Masato! An ordinary Japanese high school student, and a Reincarnator who received skills from that little goddess."
This is already completely fucked.
A Japanese high school reincarnator with shifty eyes, still wearing his school uniform... He was the living embodiment of nuisance and stupidity. Goddamn it. They should have reincarnated someone with at least a shred of common sense. Did God sign some outsourcing contract with the other world's deities and start illegally dumping trash here?
Next to him stood a red-haired girl with horns... and a blonde wearing some weird uniform-like outfit... This was bad. I hadn't even heard their voices yet, but I was already certain. Those bitches were idiots too.
"This is before His Highness the Crown Prince. Show some respect, foreigner."
I made him kneel because I couldn't stand watching that bastard act up.
"Hoh... So in this world, interrupting someone else's conversation is considered polite?"
Ugh, that typical nerd habit of nitpicking every little thing. After getting discharged from the military, I thought I'd never have to deal with these morons again... Congratulations, you damn pervert chuunibyou. Turns out bastards like you exist everywhere.
"Your Highness the Crown Prince... You must not overlook this foreigner's rudeness."
"That statement is also correct... But as you know, Teacher, no one expects etiquette from the Rekur tribe in the south, do they?"
The Rekur were basically monkey people... Ah, I see what he means. As expected of my lord. He hadn't even considered that idiot a person from the start.
"Who the hell are you to interfere with my meeting with the Crown Prince?"
This bastard who clearly ate etiquette for breakfast and shit it out. Should I deploy the respect injector? The respect injector here is a club.
"Address him as 'Your Highness,' foreigner. I am Werner Alton, who once served as the Crown Prince's instructor and now stands as the Royal Mage."
"Royal Mage? That's just a fancy way of saying the royal family's dog, right? There's even a dog that brags about its own leash."
Then the horned bitch suddenly spoke up.
"Werner Alton... Isn't he that loser mage who ran away twelve years ago because the work got too hard? To me, it's utterly laughable."
Bullseye. But then the Crown Prince suddenly shifted his posture and declared,
"I can tolerate a certain amount of rudeness directed at me... but if you insult my teacher, Sir Werner, even once... I will behead you on the spot and display your head in the public square."
Oh, my lord... Maybe I didn't reincarnate as the heroine's teacher. Maybe I reincarnated as the Crown Prince's teacher instead?
"Tsk... Fine, I'll let it go. Anyway, the reason I came here is to bring innovation to this world."
Ah, here comes that godawful development.
"First, the item I want to introduce is a sword."
Oh, fuck.
"Huff, I had it commissioned from a blacksmith. In my homeland, we call this a Japanese sword."
That Masato—or Masao—bastard drew the katana with a ringing clang.
Why did my shitty predictions have to be so accurate? How much of an idiot was that blacksmith to forge something like that? I'd rather use an OKC 3S than that pathetic blade. I know because I went through my own chuunibyou phase and tried using one. I nearly died that day.
"May I inspect it for a moment?"
"Hehe, you seem quite surprised by this Japanese sword. If you wish, I could even equip the empire's soldiers with them. Of course, only I know the manufacturing method."
I know it too, you idiot.
I raised my hand and struck the side of the katana. As expected, the stupid sword shattered pathetically from a blow to its flank.
"My... my Kamikiri..."
Kamikiri my ass.
"Your Highness, it appears a sword that breaks from a light tap to the side holds no value."
"Indeed. A sword's strength is its life. This kind of blade is completely unusable."
"Eeeek..."
How's that, you Masao training-wheels bastard?
"Then I shall show you the second item—a device for cold weather."
Oh please, God. Please.
The training-wheels guy clapped, and servants brought in a low table, a futon, and a red gemstone. It was that thing. That fucking thing.
"Hehe, you've probably never seen one before? This is what we call a kotatsu in my homeland."
Whoever that little goddess was who dragged this guy here, I was seriously going to kill her. Forcing me to witness this stupidity right in front of someone who inherited the spirit of the independence movement.
"You spread the blanket over the table, place a wooden board on top, then put a salamander's magic stone inside... It warms up right away. How about it? I'll sell you this idea for a good price."
"Hmm..."
"Your Highness, I fail to see any practical use for this ridiculous, bizarre table..."
"I share the same opinion as my teacher."
"Hehe, you must have been so astonished by the kotatsu that you nearly fainted."
No, you idiot. This is a Western-style fantasy world.
"Most tables in this region are designed for sitting in chairs. Are you suggesting nobles should sit on the floor in an undignified manner? Besides, nobles can simply burn plenty of firewood. There's no need for such a strange table."
"Are only nobles human! For the powerless commoners, a kotatsu is—"
"It's so foolish it's not even funny. Can people who can't even afford firewood possibly buy expensive salamander magic stones? Think before you speak, foreigner."
"But with just one magic stone, you wouldn't need to buy firewood at all—"
"One salamander magic stone could buy two months' worth of regular magic stones."
"Yes, with money for two months of firewood, you could stay warm through winter—"
"The warmth from a salamander magic stone disappears after a week, you fool."
Is this guy actually mentally disabled? It really seemed like most people who reincarnate into another world are idiots except for me. Especially high schoolers.
"Th... third is...!"
Heh, I wonder what it'll be next. Just introduce sushi already, kid. If you bring out something stupid like an encirclement annihilation formation or claim soy sauce and tofu are specialties from your hometown, you're dead to me.
"It's a political system called democracy."
This crazy bastard... This is the imperial palace, you moron. Since I didn't want my fellow Asians to die, I had to shut this idiot's mouth.
"First, the citizens would choose their own leader—"
"Your Highness, there is no need to listen to this foreigner any further."
Masato, you should be thanking me on your knees. I just saved your life. If you want a revolution, go organize some rebels instead of spouting democratic reforms in front of the Crown Prince.
"Hey, you bastard."
I wondered what new idiot was interrupting this time, but it was the blonde in the uniform-like clothes.
"Masato-kun is kindly sharing his knowledge, so what's with that attitude from the beginning?"
No, you dumb bitch. That training-wheels bastard should be performing three kowtows and nine prostrations in gratitude to me. That idiot nearly got beheaded for mentioning democracy in the imperial palace.
"Hoh... Which family's daughter dares to show such behavior toward the Royal Mage?"
"I am Carrot Glace, second daughter of Count Glace."
Why the hell do nobles in this world have names like that? It was taking every ounce of willpower not to laugh. As expected, that carrot-fried-in-butter bitch was a blockhead too.
"Using worthless knowledge to blind His Highness the Crown Prince, attempting to steal from the imperial treasury with pointless drivel, and interfering in politics despite having no expertise. Under normal circumstances, this would be a grave crime worthy of execution."
"Masato-kun is my savior!"
No, you carrot-fried bitch. I'm saying the guy got caught trying to scam people, so why are you suddenly talking about yourself?
"Masato-kun saved me when I fell into a trap inside a dungeon! I won't stand for anyone insulting Masato-kun!"
Heh heh heh, fuck. Am I really having a conversation with an animal right now?
"Sigh... There's no point in continuing this conversation. Your Highness, let's end things here. It's a waste of time."
"Yes, that would be for the best."
"Next time, just stick to begging, foreigner."
"You bastard!"
The carrot-fried bitch drew her sword. This crazy woman was pulling a blade in front of the Crown Prince. The carrot family must have gone insane trying to ruin their own house.
Even if she came at me, I probably wouldn't be able to handle it easily... Still, I should at least send her off without pain... As I was thinking that, clang!
Glacia knocked the carrot girl's sword away with her bare hand.
Wow, so that's possible with a hand blade.
"A mere count's daughter... How ridiculous."
Glacia wiped her hand with a handkerchief, then spoke in a voice full of dignity.
"For the second daughter of a mere count family to dare mock the fiancée of a grand duke... Know your place."