The Crown Prince Who Pukes at the Sight of Women
When they announced that Crown Prince Golden Sun was coming, Lorsha and I hurriedly dropped to our knees. Fuck this goddamn monarchy. My knees that had stood unyielding before any absurdity were now forced to bend like this. One day I would have my bloody revenge.
The Crown Prince who appeared before us… was the very epitome of a Golden Sun. Hair like polished gold that seemed to shine with its own light, skin the warm brown of milk chocolate… Fuck, he was exactly the type of Golden Sun bastard who shows up in NTR stories. Maybe even the vomiting-at-women thing was just a setup to lower the other guy’s guard. These fucking NTR-obsessed Golden Sun pricks… I swore on the River Styx that if I ever met one I’d plant my fist square in his face. A vow on the Styx is absolute, so even if I threw the punch it wouldn’t be my fault—it would be Hades’s for failing to manage the river properly.
The moment I clenched my fist, the Crown Prince looked at my face, then at Lorsha beside me… and let out a long, wet Gweeeuuuuurgh! before starting to vomit. That wasn’t acting. Having practiced that exact sound for years, I could tell the difference. This was real, honest-to-god puking.
Whoa, so our Crown Prince had shrimp and chili for lunch. Ah, fuck, it was shrimp vongole. This son of a bitch was basically bragging that he’d eaten shrimp vongole for lunch. Was this the so-called food flex? Like posting “Guys, rate my shrimp vongole lunch.”
But the part about him actually vomiting at the sight of a woman’s face wasn’t a lie… Fuck, how long is this guy going to keep puking? Wow, so for breakfast he’d had salad, beans, and bacon. What the hell? Did he mistake me for a personal trainer and decide to give me his dietary report? The salad had vitamins and the bacon had protein, so I could accept that. But if he seriously wanted muscles like Major Armstrong, he shouldn’t have touched the vongole. Didn’t he know carbohydrates are the enemy of muscle? Honestly, wanting to eat everything in sight and still build muscle—what kind of thieving mindset was that?
Whoa, if he keeps this up he’s going to puke his internal organs out. The beautiful garden was turning into a vomit field. Was he trying to fertilize the soil? I knew manure worked, but did vomit have the same effect? My agricultural knowledge was too shallow to understand His Highness’s noble act of fertilization.
Having finally finished his fertilizing, the Crown Prince wiped his mouth and spoke.
“I’m sorry. Had I prepared myself it might have been different… but I let my guard down the moment I saw a woman’s face and involuntarily…”
Lorsha accepted the Crown Prince’s apology with grace.
“Thank you, Tower Master Lorsha.”
If someone vomited the instant they saw your face, anyone would feel disgusted. If it were me, I would have planted a soccer kick in his jaw and told him to shut the hell up. Yet Lorsha forgave the Crown Prince with such generosity. The rumor that personality is proportional to breast size must have been vicious propaganda spread by the big-breasts faction. Look at Lorsha—she had zero chest yet possessed such a broad mind.
And fuck, big breasts don’t automatically mean good character. The people who used to protest in front of that particular station also had large bodies, which naturally led to large chests. But were their personalities anywhere near Lorsha’s level? If any bastard answered yes, my righteous hook kick would not forgive him. Those traitorous big-breasts faction rats—if I caught them I’d show them the burning taste of a Brazilian kick, then turn them into kimchi pancakes with a club.
The Crown Prince still looked nauseated. He really did vomit just from seeing a woman’s face. There was no longer any doubt. Not every Golden Sun was an NTR-loving piece of trash. Besides, in today’s world it was common knowledge that Golden Suns were the incarnation of pure love. How dare any bastard discriminate against someone based solely on appearance and cause them pain? I, the living embodiment of Confucianism, would never forgive such scum.
“And Sir Werner… no, Teacher.”
“Yes…? Your Highness, what did you just—”
“It’s been a long time, so I called you by the old title. Does it offend you?”
This Werner bastard had definitely frozen the young Crown Prince like he was Dooly back then, so why was he being so friendly? Fuck, is this a trap card?
“No, not particularly… It’s just sudden to be treated so familiarly…”
“Hahaha. Between you and me, Teacher, what is there to hesitate about?”
The Crown Prince said this and placed a hand on my shoulder. Ah, fuck. So this guy was into that? Had he awakened that kind of sexual identity? Instead of NTRing women away from me, he was trying to NTR me away from the women. As expected, one’s appearance really does reflect their character and deeds. Even if the hole he was aiming for was different, instinct couldn’t be denied. You probably didn’t want to become that kind of monster either. I would end the life of the monster that forces its way into others’ back entrances, so be grateful.
I clenched my fist to strike his temple, subtly raising my middle knuckle. But Lorsha suddenly spoke to the Crown Prince.
What? Fuck, so he wasn’t aiming for the back entrance? I quickly unclenched my fist. Then why had he vomited after looking at Lorsha? Could it be that he suffered from megaphilia and microphobia—loving big breasts and hating small ones? Then the one who spread the nonsense rumor that flat-chested women have bad personalities was most likely the Crown Prince himself. With his authority, spreading such a rumor would be child’s play.
Having caught the traitorous bastard who spread the rumor that flat chests equal bad character, I prepared to demonstrate my righteous hook kick as promised. That is, until I heard that the Crown Princess was arriving.
Lorsha and I knelt once more… and the Crown Princess who appeared was wearing a half-mask resembling the one from The Phantom of the Opera. From what I could see she was quite beautiful… so why cover it? Perhaps the Crown Prince followed Islam and forced his wife to hide her face? After the big-breasts faction traitor came patriarchy… the reasons to forgive this Crown Prince bastard were rapidly disappearing.
Lorsha and I bowed our heads in greeting while kneeling, and the Crown Princess smiled and told us to rise. However, even by the most generous measure her chest could not be called large, so I couldn’t understand why a megaphile and microphobe like the Crown Prince had married her.
The Crown Princess, seeing straight through my thoughts, spoke.
Yeah, honestly at first I’d wondered if the Crown Prince was gay. The Crown Princess removed her mask. Beneath the beautiful left side of her face, the right side was horrifically scarred from burns.
So that was it. As expected, today’s Golden Suns truly were symbols of pure love. To be capable of loving only one woman… it was perfect trash material for a romance fantasy novel.
The Crown Prince smiled at me.
“Your Highness…”
“Yes? What is it, Teacher?”
“That… Back when I was young and foolish, I froze you for dozing off… and tied you to a tree root when you got distracted. I committed such rudeness…”
“Oh, did you?”
Fuck. I had barely managed to forget about that, but by running my mouth I’ve summoned the blade of revenge. They say the mouth is the root of calamity. I should have just kept quiet.
Huh? This wasn’t the reaction I expected.
“So you… don’t mind what happened when you were young…”
Whoa, fuck. He wasn’t a Golden Sun—he was the actual sun. If anyone disrespects my liege, I will burn them to ash with magic on the spot.
So this Werner bastard was the true educator who had inherited the Hose family’s blood…
Yes, my lord. I shall tear the limbs from those kidnapper bastards and present them before you.