Gray Memories 3
Blood sprayed across the room, then sprayed again. The children who still clung to any proper sense of morality vomited on the spot. Among them were a few who tried to stop me.
“Hey, stop it!”
“Stop what?”
“That’s murder! If you keep going, that person’s really going to—”
“I don’t particularly care if you die, but don’t drag me down with you, you idiot bastard.”
I shoved the kid trying to hold me back and stomped on him. I was already in a hurry; the interruption only pissed me off. After a few solid kicks he went quiet. Since the boy had been somewhat popular, the others started stepping in to stop me too.
“Hey! You don’t have to go that far! She’s a girl, how can you—”
“Between the people tied up in here and the men waiting outside this room… who do you think would be easier to kill?”
“Are you insane? What the hell are you talking about?”
“It’s easier to kill the ones tied up here than to fight people stronger than us.”
“What are you suddenly—”
“Listen carefully, you idiot bastards. There are three answers. Do nothing and we all die. Go outside and fight those men—and yes, they have guns. Or kill the men and women in here. The answer’s obvious.”
If it was for my own sake, for the sake of my survival, I didn’t care how many others had to die. At least the me of that time believed that was only natural, and anyone who thought differently was a fool. That was why the children trying to stop me looked like idiots. They hated killing, hated dying, yet also hated the idea of fighting the men who had locked us up… In the end they were fools who couldn’t even choose an answer.
The kids who tried to stop me eventually turned their knives on me. Number 69, who seemed to be their leader, threatened me with his blade.
“Stop…”
I casually laid my index finger on top of his knife and provoked him.
“Does this mean you want to fight me?”
I had been ready to kill the children pointing knives at me. Since they lacked the resolve to kill anyone else in the first place, I figured I could handle them without breaking a sweat.
When the others shrank back, Number 69 raised his trembling knife. At least he had the guts to point a weapon at someone’s face. But I simply laughed at him and mocked him.
“I don’t understand the situation? If you hate murder, shut up and watch. Shouldn’t you be thanking me for dirtying my hands in your place?”
“You… crazy bastard.”
“What, you want to stab me? Go ahead. But if you were capable of stabbing someone, you would’ve stabbed these people already. Besides, even if you kill me and save them, we’ll still all get wiped out in the end, right?”
Unable to endure my taunting, Number 69 squeezed his eyes shut and thrust the knife at me. I had no intention of dying either, so I aimed for his throat first. This was self-defense; I thought the adults would forgive me to some degree.
But suddenly an arm shot between us and blocked both strikes. It was Lee Baek.
“Alright, alright. That’s enough fighting.”
“What? You think the same way this bastard does?”
I had believed we could communicate, but her sudden intervention left me feeling betrayed.
“Are you going to stop me too with the same pathetic talk about murder?”
“That’s not it, so stop jumping to conclusions, okay?”
Then Number 69 suddenly shouted.
“You stop him properly too! Weren’t you coming out here to stop him?”
“That’s not it. What are you even saying?”
“What?”
“If we do as our Number 200 says and she kills all the adults here, we’ll owe her our lives. I hate owing debts more than dying, so I came out to stab them with her?”
At the time, part of me was glad she agreed with my opinion. Another part was annoyed. She had said “our” right in front of the other kids. I wanted to die of embarrassment. Well, that was how all the children were back then. The boys had arbitrarily decided that getting involved with girls was shameful.
“Hey, why did you say ‘our’! Our!”
“Aww, is our little brother upset that big sis said ‘our’?”
“Before we touch these people, I’ll kill you first.”
“If you can, go ahead.”
Leaving me lamenting her complete lack of follow-through, Lee Baek turned and moved to stab the man beside her. Our hero of justice, Number 69, tried to stop even her.
“Hey, are you crazy?”
“You’re the crazy one. If we keep going like this we’ll all die. Are you telling us to just die?”
“No, I…”
“If you don’t have a clear answer either, just shut up and watch. And stop interfering when we’re the ones willing to get blood on our hands.”
When Number 69 backed away without a rebuttal, the children who thought like us began to gather. Lee Baek flashed me a bright smile.
“Leave idiots like that alone. In the end they’re the kind of morons who pat themselves on the back for being better than everyone else while secretly hoping others will do the dirty work for them.”
“But what does ‘pat themselves on the back’ mean?”
At the question Lee Baek’s face turned bright red, and she knocked me unconscious with a shoulder throw. Thinking back now, that was clearly sexual harassment. The fact that it ended at a shoulder throw was thanks to her mercy. In normal society that question would have earned three years in prison. Of course, one could laugh at the idea of three years for such a question. But that idiot thing called law had always been that way.
“So those men only gave this to our room?”
“Yeah. They said we did a good job and handed it over.”
The one who had tried to kill first was me. Lee Baek had taken three lives by herself. As a special reward for the two of us, they gave us chicken.
The first chicken I ever tasted was indescribably delicious. It was completely different from the usual stew and bread—or rather, the cheap boxed lunches they normally gave us. I’m not sure if they were trying to teach us that good things happen when you kill people.
“Baek-sa. Baek-sa.”
“What?”
Lee Baek, who had been watching me tear into a chicken leg, smiled softly. She slid her finger across my lips, then showed me the crispy batter crumbs clinging to the corner of my mouth.
“Is it so good you’re getting it everywhere?”
“Honestly, this is the first time in my life I’ve eaten something this delicious.”
“Hahaha, eat as much as you want.”
With those words Lee Baek brought the piece of batter that had been on my lip into her own mouth. Back then I thought it was dirty. Now that I think about it, it’s a little embarrassing. If adults did the same thing, it would have been pure sex appeal. Of course, neither the me nor Lee Baek of that time had any such awareness. Or perhaps Lee Baek did. She had always been extremely precocious.
Lee Baek offered me another chicken leg.
“You eat both legs.”
“What about you?”
“Just watching our Baek-sa eat is enough to fill me up.”
“Hey, what kind of nonsense is that?”
She responded by repeatedly chopping my forehead with the edge of her hand. As I’ve said many times, that girl never did anything as a joke. Every strike was lethal. In other words, it hurt like hell.
Seeing me clutch my oily forehead, Lee Baek covered her mouth and giggled, then spoke in a coquettish voice.
“So when big sis gives you a leg, you say ‘thank you~’ and eat it nicely.”
“I’ve been wondering this for a while, but you don’t even know how old I am. Why do you keep calling yourself big sis?”
“Because I’m stronger than you.”
“What kind of bullshit logic is that?”
It was the law of the jungle, yet I was completely thrown by this brand-new theory of ‘weak little brother, strong big sis.’ But Lee Baek was even crazier than I imagined.
“You know how in movies about gangsters, even if the boss is younger, everyone calls him big brother if he’s stronger? It’s the same thing.”
“I’ve never seen a movie like that, and I have zero desire to call you big sis.”
She immediately put me in a rear naked choke.
“Kek… kek…”
The surprise attack was so sudden I couldn’t respond. Lee Baek demanded my surrender.
“Call me big sis and I’ll let you go.”
“Kek… kek…”
Lee Baek was truly a crazy child. Logically speaking, how could anyone call someone “big sis” while being choked? I kept shouting “big sis,” but all that came out were the dying sounds of someone being strangled. That day I nearly died while eating chicken. They say ghosts who die eating look peaceful. I almost became one of those elegant ghosts.
“Ah, I was still choking you.”
Only then did Lee Baek release me. I finally understood how precious oxygen was. As I gasped for breath, she patted my back.
“Are you okay?”
“Argh, you crazy bitch… And I’m not even throwing up, so why are you patting my back?”
“Oh, right.”
Once I had caught my breath, I grabbed Lee Baek by the collar.
“After tasting blood today you’ve awakened to murder, huh? Are you so far gone you want to kill me too?”
“Hahaha, it’s not like that…”
Lee Baek looked away, searching for an excuse. But the evidence that she had nearly killed me was far too clear, so she seemed to have no way out. Finally giving up, she smiled at me.
“If I let you eat all the remaining chicken, will you forgive me?”
“Who do you think I am… Well, that changes everything.”