Light (9)

"Unnie…!"

It was an old dream.

A scene from the past that had cut through her again and again, sharp enough to leave a mark.

"Look at this…! Flowers! They're flowers! White flowers!"

In a vast garden, a little girl was smiling like that.

At Erika. At her.

"Yeah, Ere. They are."

She looks so much like me, Erika thought.

Long golden hair streamed around her, woven through the sculpted blossoms. Eyes of pure white, as if they had stolen the brilliance of diamonds, were fixed on her.

Always.

A bright, cloudless smile lit the girl's face.

"Unnie, which flower do you like best?"

"Unnie…"

Had she ever had a favorite flower? Had she ever even had the luxury of caring about something like that?

Hers was a life already strained to the breaking point just keeping up with monster subjugations and work. She always carried a quiet guilt for how little time she could give her little sister.

She hurriedly turned her gaze, taking in the flowers around them.

"Ah… mist flowers?"

White mist flowers.

"Mist flowers? Mist flowers are pretty! I—I know the flower language too!"

"The flower language?"

"Yeah! Um, uhhh…! Ah, I knew it a second ago!"

"You can take your time."

"It's not that I don't know! I really do!"

Ere kept glancing at the mist ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠flowers hidden among the bushes, her thin hands clutching at her own hair.

"Ugh…! Ah! A pure heart!"

"A pure heart?"

"Yeah! It suits you perfectly, Unnie! You're so kind…!"

It doesn't suit me at all, Erika thought.

"Me?"

"Yeah! You buy me lots and lots of food, and you call me sometimes! And, and…"

There was nothing more to remember. Of course there wasn't. Erika simply hadn't spent that much time with her sister.

Their parents had been gone a long time. The two of them had to keep living on their own. In an age crawling with monsters and runaway Awakened, protecting what she wanted to protect demanded a great deal.

She needed money. She needed strength. Effort went without saying.

It had only been a short while since she had entered the Association with a ranker's credentials and begun to find her footing.

She worked day and night, throwing herself into beast subjugations. She had shed blood more times than she could count, hunting down the most vicious criminals.

But there was no other way. No matter how grueling or exhausting the work became, she wanted her little sister, at least, to be happy.

"I didn't know our Ere thought so highly of her unnie."

"Of course I do! Do you even know how much I love you?!"

Her smile was beautiful. The shape of her eyes was beautiful. She was lovely. The flowers around them barely registered.

I want to protect her, Erika thought. I don't even want to show her the underside of the world.

And for that, she had to be strong. Very strong. Overwhelmingly so.

Of course, the stronger she became, the further she would drift from her sister. That future was already written.

"Erika. You've been working hard lately. There aren't many talents as remarkable as you."

"Thank you."

"I hate to say it, but you're going to get even busier. Gate numbers have climbed all the way to Lender-grade. The Awakened aren't going to miss an opportunity like this. They'll spread out even further and start cooking something up through the back channels."

Erika nodded without a word.

Her superior jerked his chin toward the door behind him. Beyond it, the office was a blur of staff in constant motion. The noise had doubled; the room was thick with the sound of phone calls.

"Well… the office atmosphere's been a mess lately too, so I'm sure you already know."

"Yes."

There was nothing to be done. It was simply how things worked. Environments changed, and people had to adapt.

The hour she made it home ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠grew later and later, and every time it did, Erika could only sigh.

It was deep into the night. The streetlamps were dim, barely giving ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠off any light. The vermilion-lit streets looked only damp and oppressive tonight.

"Haa…"

With heavy steps she entered a darkened building off to one side of the city and stopped in front of her own door.

The apartment was bright. That was her sister's consideration. She would have left the living room lights on so Erika could come in, then fallen asleep in her room.

She eased open the door marked Ere's Room and peeked inside. Ere must have tossed in her sleep; the blanket was a little rumpled where she had turned over.

Her face wasn't visible.

How long had it been since they had properly seen each other?

She gently closed the door again. When she turned her head, a plate of fried rice wrapped in plastic sat on the table, a notepad stuck beside it.

The handwriting was neat. It was the spitting image of Ere's gentle nature.

But worry rose in Erika at the same time. Ere was the type who felt loneliness keenly. She probably didn't have many friends around her. Erika knew all too well what it felt like to have no one to lean on.

She peeled back the plastic and picked up the spoon left beside the plate. She didn't bother heating it in the microwave. She scooped up a generous bite and put it in her mouth. It had gone cold, but it was still warm.

The taste hadn't changed at all from when they used to eat together.

I want to do something for her, she thought.

As it happened, Ere's birthday was coming up soon.

"You're awake?"

"Mm…? Unnie…?"

It was early morning. The clock pointed to seven.

"Unnie… aren't you late…?"

"It's okay if I'm a little late."

Wrapped in her blanket, Ere rubbed her eyes. Then she saw Erika perched on the edge of her bed and threw her arms around her all at once.

"I love you so much, Unnie…"

"Mm. Unnie loves you too."

Erika stroked her hair in silence. The glossy strands tickled her hand.

After a quiet stretch of time like that, Erika spoke.

"Ere."

"Yeah?"

"Ere… what's your favorite color?"

"My favorite color?"

Ere, who had buried her face against Erika's chest, lifted her head gently and met her eyes.

Round amethysts filled Erika's vision.

Ere thought for a moment.

"White!"

"Hm, white?"

"Why?"

"No reason. Just wondering."

Erika looked away. Ere watched her for a beat, then couldn't quite hide the corners of her mouth twitching upward.

Erika knew it instinctively. Ah. She caught me.

Of course she had. This was the girl who lit up so brightly on her own birthday. It made sense. That was the one day she could spend peaceful time with her unnie.

There was no way Ere herself didn't know that today was her birthday. Or why Erika had asked about a color.

"Unnie."

"I'm late, so I'd better go."

"Hehe. Okay."

Ere was two years younger, but in moments like this, Erika was the one who lost.

Even so, she was happy. As long as she could see that smile, nothing else mattered.

Red. So very red. Vivid scarlet poured out across pure white clothes. Irritation surged; the stress was crushing.

Her body had been filthy for a long time already. Her heart, her clothes, her hair—all of it.

Gripping a long sword, she pushed up from one knee. A few ribs felt broken, and the violent pain hammering through her chest told her the wounds were serious.

Ah. This is going to take forever to heal.

She scowled, chewing on the searing pain. Her comrades lay scattered around her as well.

The beast subjugation had succeeded. The Gate was closed, and the people had been saved.

Blood surged up her throat. Erika slumped back against the wall and forced herself to breathe again.

It hurts. I want to see Ere. It's late. Her birthday? Today's her birthday. No—yesterday.

Of course a beast subjugation was never going to wrap up quickly. The night was deep, and midnight had long since passed.

Ere went to bed at eleven. Or would today be different? She would have believed Erika would come before twelve, and then sat alone in some corner of the apartment, crying.

She had to go.

She propped her comrades up as best she could and put in a request to the Association for reinforcements. Calling the medics would be enough.

"Erika… you should be admitted…"

"I'm fine. Just wrap some bandages on me roughly."

"Do you really have to go home right now?"

"My only little sister's birthday is today."

No. It had been yesterday.

She had broken a promise she had never even spoken aloud.

The woman in the white coat nodded and began a quick disinfection.

It hurt.

After the bare minimum of emergency treatment, Erika came out with bandages wound around her abdomen and chest, throwing a top on over them any which way.

She had bought the birthday cake in advance. She had stored it carefully in the Association ward's refrigerator.

The cake was white. Ere had always liked whipped cream. Erika thought she had heard the reason once. She liked it because it was white, or something like that.

Why white, though?

Cake in hand, Erika hurried along. She wanted to run, but she didn't have the strength. Her abdomen ached. Her chest ached. Her leg seemed to be dragging, and her breath was turning dry and thin.

But she couldn't ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠stop. It had already been days since she had left Ere alone at home.

She reached the building and climbed the stairs. There was no time for the elevator. She swallowed rough breaths and kept climbing. Only when the air was scraping the top of her throat did she reach their floor.

With urgent steps she arrived at their door and opened it.

It was dark. Far too dark. It was always bright. She always left the lights on.

After a few seconds her eyes adjusted to the dark, and her field of vision widened enough for objects to take shape.

A small desk. She had bought it for Ere when they first moved into this place. And on top of it, what looked like a chocolate pie. A single candle was stuck into it.

The candle wasn't lit. A thin thread of smoke was still visible.

"Hic… hh…"

"Ere! Ere!"

Only after the phone with its flashlight still on slipped from her hand did the figure come into view. The long golden hair was tangled every which way. Her face was blotched and dark, the skin around her eyes flushed red.

Erika rushed in and pulled her into her arms. She could feel the trembling in Ere's breath. A small whimper rose and then faded.

"U-Unnie…?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ere."

The floor was a little damp. The violent pounding of a heart rang loud in her ears.

"N-No. Mm. It's okay, hic, Unnie."

"Ere, I'm sorry. Unnie's sorry."

How many hours? How many hours had she been waiting for me?

She couldn't tell. Ere wouldn't say.

Ere hurriedly scrubbed around her eyes with her hands and sniffled. Then she let out a shy little laugh.

"It's okay, Unnie. I know you're busy. I can wait this much. Did you buy something?"

Her tone was casual, but to Erika, who had watched her for so long, every word was shot through with lies.

Her breathing still shook. Her throat worked. Her voice was a little raw, as if she had been crying for a long time.

Alone, in this dark place.

"Ere…"

"Hm? Look. I said I'm fine. It's just a cold."

The way she blinked, as if she truly were fine, only hurt more.

Erika couldn't open her mouth any further. She wasn't sure she had the right.

"A cake, and…"

And a scarf, as a gift.

"Waaah! This is the whipped cream cake I like! I'm so happy!"

She was steeped in exhaustion, but excitement still melted through her voice. The corners of her eyes lifted; her pupils widened. Erika forced a smile.

That expression of hers—the one that insisted she was fine—felt like it was crushing her instead.

She needed to say something more, but the words wouldn't come.

What finally came out only came after she had listened a little longer to Ere's delighted sounds.

"The weekend?"

"Yeah. The weekend. How about the weekend? It's been cold lately, so we can't go too far. We could walk around downtown, do some shopping, eat out?"

"Yeah! I love that! But aren't you busy, Unnie?"

"Weekends are fine. Unnie needs to rest too."

Spending time with Ere was rest.

In the truest sense of the word.

She wanted to make up for it somehow. It might have been a selfish decision, an attempt to ease her own guilt toward Ere.

But anything was fine. As long as Ere could smile even a little.

She was gently smiling at Ere like that when the call came in from the Association.