What the Queen Cannot Give
People are prone to becoming emotional. And as they age, as experience accumulates, they grow better at concealing it.
There were those who possessed the knack from the start, of course. But I believed that reason—and the social instinct that came with it—was something one learned in the great swirling vortex of human relationships called society.
Titania knew well how to hide herself. Every action she displayed was consistent with a single stance: she would receive the Hero as an honored guest, but she would not give them the sap of the World Tree.
"…"
"What is it? You as well—leave at once."
"I had something I wished to say as well."
"…"
"No. More precisely, I've come to have something to say."
Titania made no effort to hide her displeasure, but I merely gazed up at her with the same untroubled expression.
"Speak."
"Have you no thoughts on the matter at all?"
"Thoughts on what, exactly?"
"Olivia— ahem. The Hero could have torn through this Elvenheim whenever she pleased, had she set her mind to it. She could have wrung out what little life remained to her and gone on a rampage simply to survive. It would not have been impossible, either, to threaten you by invoking Rayna, who tried to assassinate her."
"…"
"And yet she chose none of those paths. She asked you. She conveyed only the objective truth. Does that stir nothing in you at all?"
"What is it you are trying to say?"
"I've heard the rumors well enough. That Titania works solely for the elves—and that while she observes the minimum of courtesy toward outsiders, she is never warm toward them."
Even a closed realm like Elvenheim had elves who had entered human society. There was exchange with humankind, and elves who wandered the outside world as a matter of course.
"You are a wise woman. You must already sense that the Hero is somehow different from the woman she once was."
"The blade that used to cleave good from evil as cleanly as a knife has gone dull. Put unkindly, she has lost her qualifications as a Hero. Put kindly, she has become more human."
Had this been the Olivia of the past, she would never have forgiven wickedness. She would have cut it down in a single stroke. But the Olivia of now had learned to agonize.
Because she was the Hero, she had cried that evil must be struck down, and judged her opponents as fiends and demons. She had believed that being the Hero granted her that authority. Now, she no longer possessed that certainty. Unless it reached the level of toying with human lives, as the Reaper Cult Leader had done, she could not bring herself to dole out private punishment. And if that malice was directed at herself, the blade grew duller still.
All it had done, in the end, was return a woman imprisoned by the obsession of being a Hero to an ordinary human being. But when that human being was the Hero, the repercussions were vast.
Olivia, however, was all right. Her humanity amounted to this: I'll give you every chance I can. But if you refuse even then, so be it. She had, after all, reached for the Holy Sword when Rayna, in their conversation, had ultimately refused to speak.
"The Hero has grievances. There was much she could have laid at your feet. And yet she spoke of none of it, and simply asked. If this is how you treat the Hero who saved the world, then you have no right to be shocked by what Rayna Forest has done."
"…"
"I understand that occupying that seat requires one to set aside a measure of morality and ethics. Even so, there is something I cannot quite comprehend."
I paused, then looked at Titania.
Titania's brow furrowed. She seemed, for a moment, wrapped in something like passion.
How frightening.
She would be strong, as befitting Titania. Stronger than I was, most likely.
"And it is not only the Hero you flee from. You flee from Sylphy as well. Are you truly sitting in that seat as Titania? Can you look yourself in the eye and declare that every word spoken in this chamber, in this moment, was for Elvenheim?"
"You are rather bold. Your insolence has exceeded all bounds."
"I am aware. But do not misunderstand me. Persuading you is not my role. I have walked this path only to help."
"Why?"
"…"
Why, was it.
I had heard that question quite often. Why did everyone keep asking? When one person helped another, why did they always hunt for a reason?
"Why do people forgive? Why do they hate the sin, and yet refuse to hate the sinner?"
"…"
"Because no one is perfect, and people will always make mistakes. Because the day will come when I, too, will err—and in that moment, I will wish to be forgiven."
"That is selfishness."
"Did you not know? Whether human, elf, dragonkin, dwarf, or beastkin… even monsters must hold themselves most precious of all. Because they hope, someday, to be repaid. Because they hope, someday, that the world might become even a little better."
I looked Titania straight in the eye.
"I—"
"I find myself wondering whether that desire is consistent with what you do now. …We will come again. I want the Hero to live. In a world this harsh, this parched by hatred and rage of every kind—is it not a good thing that someone like her exists, even if only one?"
"…"
"If you refuse us, and if there is a reason you are hiding—tell us that reason, and she will be glad to help you. …She may not look it, but she still broods a great deal over what she did the last time she was here."
Even if one were to say, Come now, I saved your lives—wasn't that a bit much?, the fact that she kept bringing it up and grumbling about it might mean that, somewhere inside, she wondered if she hadn't gone too far herself.
Or perhaps she was more troubled by the racially charged remarks she had flung at the elves than by the trees she had felled. In the past there had been Rayna. Now there was Sylphy among her companions. She might well be uneasy about having said things that amounted to a desecration of the elves.
There were times she showed a bold, broad-hearted presence, almost masculine in its bearing—and then, now and then, she would turn unexpectedly sensitive.
Well. That was what made her human, I supposed.
"Forgive the intrusion."
Ah, this is exhausting.
This was why talking to people in high places was so tiring. I meant it. I wasn't joking.
Ah. That's right.
I turned my head before stepping out into the corridor.
"Come to think of it."
"…"
Titania's eyes narrowed at me as if to say, what now—but I paid it no mind.
I believed that life became exhausting unless one accepted that there were people who would love you for doing nothing at all, and people who would hate you for equally little cause. I made a point of not concerning myself with those who disliked me. I was busy enough attending to the people who liked me.
"Examine Rayna's neck."
"Rayna's neck?"
"I have no certainty, but there will be something there. Of course, you are free to ignore me. …And with that, I shall take my leave in earnest."
I bowed in farewell, and left the audience chamber.
"They prepared a larger room than I expected."
Olivia looked around, her eyes widening.
It was a place that could well have been called an elven mansion. They had not lent us a room so much as an entire building. Permission had been granted to stay here for at least as long as we remained in Elvenheim, and the hospitality was more generous than I had anticipated.
That gesture alone was enough to understand that Titania harbored no direct grudge against Olivia. In other words, her refusal to give us the World Tree's sap might not have been a matter of unwillingness so much as inability.
"So what now?"
The moment she sat down, Olivia folded her arms and spoke as if at a loss.
"What do we actually do? She listened even less than I thought she would!"
"Indeed. I didn't expect her not to meet even my eyes…"
Olivia and Sylphy each seemed disappointed, for their own reasons. Well, for all practical purposes, this first attempt at dialogue could be called a failure.
I used the utensils that had been prepared to brew coffee, speaking as I did.
"Please, calm yourselves. There are several facts we gleaned from the conversation, but… there is one possibility that matters most."
"A possibility?"
"Judging by the conversation, Titania herself bears Olivia no particular feeling—much like the elves we saw when we first entered Elvenheim."
"Really? She was glaring pretty hard."
"That's just the shape of her eyes. You used to look much the same, Olivia."
"R-really?"
She'd been at a level where she looked in a foul mood every single day.
"Then why won't she give us the World Tree's sap?"
"Right! She could just give us some!"
Olivia nodded vigorously in agreement with Sylphy's question.
"May I share what I observed?"
"Lois."
"Yes?"
"Sylphy and I can't do a thing without you. Give us the analysis. Quickly."
"Please don't drag me into this."
"Then would you like to go talk to Titania again by yourself?"
"I'll pour the coffee, Lois."
Shameless, the pair of them.
But being able to look one's own lack of strength in the face and entrust the rest to another was a good thing. People could not live alone, after all. No matter how remarkable one might be, a problem was bound to arise somewhere.
"To state the conclusion first: this is only a possibility, but it may not be that she does not wish to give us the World Tree's sap. It may be that she cannot."
"What?"
"How did you arrive at that conclusion?"
"I had a sense of it from the moment we arrived, actually. As a Spiritist, I am rather sensitive to nature, and I felt a dissonance from the instant we entered Elvenheim. Titania's attitude just now only confirmed it."
"What attitude?"
"The attitude of bearing Olivia no resentment, offering no explanation, and yet refusing to yield the sap and the sap alone."
If she had openly disliked Olivia, one could have thought, ah, she won't give it because she hates her. But to take that stance while showing neither resentment nor any such emotion made it more natural to conclude that there was a reason she could not give it, rather than a reason she would not.
"Well. This remains in the realm of hypothesis. We will need to gather a little more evidence."
"If there's a reason she can't give it, what else is there besides the World Tree? Don't tell me something's wrong with the World Tree itself?"
"Surely not! It's practically a divine miracle bestowed by the Goddess."
"Even a rock that looks unyielding will wear away if water drips upon it for thousands of years. If something has gone wrong with the World Tree, which has poured its blessing over every forest for so long, Titania's attitude would make sense."
"How so?"
I took a sip of the coffee Sylphy had poured, and spoke.
"Among the elves, it would be no exaggeration to say the World Tree is an object of faith. In other words, it is a state secret. …Speaking to an outsider about a problem that has arisen with it is hardly an easy thing. All the more so when, even if her wariness is low, she is hardly well-disposed toward us."
"All right. Let's go again tomorrow."
"Do you intend to go every day?"
"I'll go until this life of mine runs out. Who knows—she might get so sick of us she just hands it over. If I look pathetic enough, maybe she'll feel some pity."
"It's good that you've become more human, Olivia, but the sudden increase is startling at times."
Olivia looked faintly displeased at the discovery that she had been given water rather than coffee, then turned to me and smiled.
"I like the me I am now better."
"I do as well."
"…Huh? Wait—"
When I agreed, Olivia flushed in confusion, then came closer and said,
"I like a house with a yard. I think I'd feel healed, watching children and a dog playing in it."
"Lady Olivia has wandered off again. Lois, you do have a way of saying things that stir a woman's heart, now and then."
"If I had to specify, it was a thing that stirs Olivia's heart."
I wasn't sure whether saying such things to another woman would move her at all. I could only hope it had suited Olivia's tastes.
"Ahem."
Olivia, having returned to reality at some point, drained her water in a rush and stood.
"All right. Let's go."
"Where?"
"You're not suggesting we go to Titania again, are you? I-I-I've already used up all the courage I had for today…!"
I hadn't known courage was a consumable.
Sylphy was trembling, but Olivia laughed.
"I want to look around Elvenheim."
"Look around Elvenheim?"
"The last time I came, I did nothing but official business. I never had a single genuine interaction. That's why, even though I'd been to Elvenheim before, I knew less about it than Lois."
I was silent for a moment.
"So this time, I want to know it. Elvenheim. It's not too late to pass judgment after I understand."
"You may end up with painful memories."
I hoped not—but depending on the circumstances, there might well be people reckless enough to curse Olivia to her face. Like fools who, with Olivia standing right in front of them, believed she would never raise a hand against them. The possibility of such words being spoken was not zero.
But Olivia smiled.
"Then that would be the price of having refused to know, until now."
"…"
"That's why I'm moving now. To learn even that."
Hah.
I don't know.
"All right. I'll go with you. What about you, Sylphy?"
"I… I would only be a burden if I came along."
"That doesn't matter."
Olivia spoke with complete assurance. Sylphy's eyes went wide.
"You're trying to make a place for half-elves in this Elvenheim, aren't you? Then you should be the first. If you yourself aren't accepted, there's no way other half-elves will be accepted and live well."
"…"
"No, wait. That came out in a way that could be misunderstood."
Olivia laughed awkwardly.
"This isn't a test directed at you."
"Then what is it?"
"A test of Elvenheim. Whether they will choose goodwill or malice—I have to see that, too. …I hope the world is still a place worth living in."
"Uh. You're not using me as an experiment, are you?"
"…"
Olivia closed her mouth. Apparently that particular thought had not occurred to her.
"Ah. Well."
Olivia scratched her head carefully.
"I can see how you'd feel that way. I didn't think of it. I'm sorry. …Would you rather stay here?"
Sylphy and I looked at Olivia with matching expressions of disbelief.
Then Sylphy let out a small sigh and said,
"I'll go too. I think I'd like to put Elvenheim to the test myself."
It was more of a field survey than an experiment, really.
Well. I might as well go along.
Frankly, if I sent those two off alone, they were liable to do something impulsive.