Chapter 40: What Are You So Afraid Of?
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 40: What Are You So Afraid Of?
The guild was as bustling and noisy as ever.
Even at an hour when most people were asleep, the drinking party was just hitting its stride.
Standing behind the bar as usual, Mikhail skillfully mixed a cocktail and served it to the customer before him.
"Ugh, drinks made by men taste like crap. Aren't there any women around here? A pretty one?"
As Mikhail dealt with the drunken patron, another bartender stepped behind the bar.
"Mikhail. Time for your shift change."
He spoke informally, but his eyes held a deep respect for Mikhail. After all, no one in the guild would dare cross him.
Mikhail stepped out from behind the bar and headed for the second floor.
The pleasant, picture-perfect smile he wore for the customers vanished, replaced by a cold glint in his eyes.
A subordinate, who seemed to have been waiting for him, approached and handed over a file.
"Here's the file on the investigation target. He's a knight from the Duchy of Delmark, so it took some time to get the information."
"Good work."
The subordinate bowed deeply and departed. Mikhail flipped open the file.
It contained the personal details of Caligo Elparind, the man Blair had commissioned an investigation into a fortnight ago.
[Abandoned in front of the temple shortly after birth, he was discovered and taken in by a priest, growing up in the temple's orphanage.
He was raised in the temple until the age of thirteen, when he joined the Knights of Delmark on the recommendation of Pope Gerard Lumiel.
Since then, he has fought in the war alongside Duke Delmark…]
As Mikhail read through the document, his indifferent expression slowly gave way to a frown.
Why him, of all people?
Caligo Elparind was connected to someone Mikhail despised. Could this truly be a coincidence?
Finishing the report, he couldn't help but wonder.
Why was Blair investigating this man?
* * *
"A banquet?"
Blair’s eyes widened in surprise at Mason’s suggestion as they walked through the rear garden, enjoying the rapidly warming weather.
"Yes. Since the late Duchess passed away, no banquet has been held for the past ten years."
"Ah…"
"Now that you seem to have adjusted to life in the Ducal Mansion, Madam, I thought it might be a good idea to host a banquet to welcome the spring."
A banquet wasn't just a party; it was an event where a family put everything on display for outsiders.
Not only their wealth but also the family's atmosphere, the relationship between the head of the house and his wife, and even the family's influence within the empire, which could be gauged by the guests in attendance.
It was an occasion to lay bare every facet of the family.
The first banquet hosted by a new lady of the house was especially significant.
It was an occasion where not only outsiders but also the family's own vassals would size up the new lady they were meant to serve.
This made the prospect all the more daunting for Blair.
Come to think of it, I held a banquet around this time in my past life, too.
When she was an Imperial Princess, she had never needed to prepare a banquet herself.
Blair’s personality wasn't one for boisterous parties, and major events like her birthday or coming-of-age ceremony were handled by the Imperial Family.
The Imperial Princess never had to lift a finger.
No matter what kind of party she threw, who would dare to judge her or gossip about the Imperial Family's wealth?
For Blair, who had come from such a world, preparing her first banquet had been a clumsy, difficult affair.
Besides, back then… my health was also very poor.
She had prepared that banquet under immense stress and hardship.
At that banquet, Blair had overheard the family's vassals slandering her for a variety of reasons.
They complained that the Imperial Princess had mindlessly thrown money around, that she had served white wine instead of red, that she hadn't even prepared a separate celebration for the children…
Those words had clawed mercilessly at her heart.
More than the criticism of her efforts, her chest ached at the thought that she had brought shame upon Herdin and the Delmark name.
But she knew better now. No matter how perfect the banquet, they would have found some excuse to slander her.
It wasn't the banquet they disliked; it was her—Katrina's daughter, a member of the Imperial Family.
And because she knew this, she also knew there was no reason to let their words wound her.
"The House of Delmark has run smoothly for the past month on the budget you drafted, Madam. Thus, I believe you will be able to handle the banquet preparations without any trouble."
Seeing Blair hesitate, Mason assumed her passive nature was making her timid and decided to praise her recent work.
Understanding the sincere encouragement behind his blunt words, Blair replied without hesitation.
"Yes, it's about time we hosted a banquet."
She personally had regrets about that past banquet and wanted a chance to make up for its shortcomings.
"I'd like to review the records from past events. Could you please prepare them for me?"
"I will have them ready for your review first thing tomorrow."
Just as she finished speaking with Mason, Blair heard hurried footsteps. It was Meli.
"Madam, Her Majesty the Grand Empress Dowager has summoned you."
The news was unexpected.
* * *
It was their first private meeting since the wedding, and the very first thing Katrina asked about was a pregnancy.
This was nothing new. Her mother had always been this way.
Blair answered calmly.
"No, not yet."
"Are you consummating the marriage regularly?"
"Yes."
Katrina picked up her slightly cooled teacup and began to speak.
"Men are foolish creatures who can only see what's right in front of them. It's only when they have a child of their own, someone dependent on them, that they learn what it means to be afraid and finally behave themselves."
The subject of her lecture was, of course, Herdin.
Having been her daughter for twenty years, Blair knew her mother wasn't saying this without reason.
It made her wonder what the two of them had discussed when they were left alone at Katrina's birthday banquet.
"Did something happen?"
"I hear you have been meeting with Countess Lorellain regularly these days?"
Blair, who was lifting her teacup, paused.
She had no intention of hiding it; she wasn't doing anything wrong. She was merely trying to set right what should have been corrected long ago.
She had only refrained from mentioning it because she knew it was a sensitive topic for Katrina.
"And you're even planning to undergo hypnosis?"
The fact that Katrina knew Countess Lorellain hadn't yet attempted hypnosis meant she was being kept appraised of the counseling's progress.
And to have such timely updates, she must have planted a spy in the Ducal Mansion.
"…Did you plant a spy?"
"I worry about you. How else am I to know if that Duke is mistreating you?"
Katrina didn't even try to hide it. She was utterly unapologetic, cloaking her actions in the guise of a mother's love, as always.
The unwavering sincerity in her eyes only made Blair's heart ache more.
If you were so worried about me, then why did you leave me to fend for myself in my past life? You saw how isolated I was in the Ducal Mansion, you heard the rumors, and you did nothing.
A long-held resentment pricked at her, sharp as a chestnut burr hidden under the sheets.
Blair swallowed the feeling down, the prickly sensation lodging in her throat.
Setting down her teacup, Katrina spoke.
"Go and tell the Countess you're stopping. It's unpleasant, having my own daughter doubt me like this."
"I am not doubting you, Mother. I am merely retracing the parts that didn't make sense back then."
"You are doubting the testimony I gave, are you not?"
Katrina's voice began to rise. She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again, her expression one of utter exasperation.
"I'm sick of it. It's dreadful. How much longer must I be haunted by the ghost of that madwoman who died ten years ago?"
"Mother."
"What will change by digging it up now? Will that dead woman come back to life?"
"…"
"She's dead! She was a jealous lunatic who had to be medicated, and she died trying to take her madness out on you!"
Blair stared quietly at her mother, who shuddered at the very mention of Esmeralda's name.
Blair had spent her entire past life under the suspicion of Herdin and the Delmark vassals in connection with Esmeralda's death. Because of that, she didn't want to doubt her own mother so carelessly.
Above all, she was afraid. Afraid of doubting her own mother.
On that day ten years ago, Katrina had personally gone to Gerard to ask for help. Katrina, who never went to see anyone herself, had gone out at that late hour just to save her.
That incident had made Blair realize that even if Ivan always came first, Katrina was still her mother.
If forced to choose between Ivan and Blair, her mother would discard her without a second thought. But her desire to save her that day… that must have been sincere.
Perhaps that was why she had clung to Katrina's love even more after that incident.
Still, Mother loves me.
She had leaned on that hope, that affection. She had truly believed it.
No matter how much her mother treated her like a trophy or used her as leverage for her son, surely she wouldn't go so far as to endanger her life.
But seeing Katrina now—not just reluctant, but terrified of her recovering her memories—a doubt she had long suppressed began to take root.
"Mother. If that is the truth, what are you so afraid of?"
As their eyes met, a tangle of emotions swirled in Katrina's gaze: anger, betrayal, surprise, and… fear.
Reading that fear, Blair pressed on.
"Do not try to control me anymore, Mother."
"…"
"If you ever truly thought of me as your daughter."
Determination hardened Blair's eyes, though a trace of sorrow remained.
She was still afraid of what lay behind the veil of truth, but this time, she had no intention of running away.