Chapter 2: I Should Never Have Loved You
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 2: I Should Never Have Loved You
The woman Herdin had brought with him was named Miella. Blair had seen her at the temple a few times.
She was a cleric—a fitting profession for someone with such an angelic face.
At the goddess’s command, Miella had been on a spiritual journey to the North when she happened upon the Knights of Delmark. They had been devastated by a magical beast attack, and she had offered her aid.
Taking this as a sign, Herdin recognized her remarkable abilities. He hired her as an aide for the magical beast subjugation and kept her by his side, even bringing her back with him to the Imperial Capital.
A brilliant talent, and a master with the eye to recognize it.
On the surface, their relationship was nothing more, but the servants whispered freely.
“His Grace and Lady Miella… don’t you think there’s something going on between them?”
“His Grace and Lady Miella? I’m not so sure.”
“You know how His Grace is. He never shows his emotions. But you can’t tell me Lady Miella isn’t fond of him.”
“That… I suppose you’re right. I mean, she returned to the capital but never went back to the temple. She’s staying here instead.”
“His Grace will fall for her soon enough. Any man would, with a woman that beautiful and capable showing him such affection.”
“True. In any case, she’s better than the daughter of his enemy.”
The maids’ giggling voices drifted to Blair’s ears as they cleaned.
Blair pretended not to hear, shutting out their words. She was afraid that any reaction would be an admission that the rumors were true.
And so, the suffocating summer passed, autumn faded, and the bleak winter returned.
After returning from the main castle, Herdin never sought Blair out—a habit he had started the day she became pregnant. He was always busy with his duties and rarely saw her, even when she went looking for him.
At first, Blair had tried to mend their fractured relationship, but eventually, she gave up on visiting him altogether.
The only small mercy was his occasional interest in Asiel, though their son, for his part, didn’t seem to recognize the stranger as his father.
One day, pinning her hopes on that faint flicker of interest, Blair went to Herdin’s office.
Asiel’s birthday was in two weeks. Blair planned to suggest they go to the villa in Holstein to celebrate and spend some time together as a family.
As she reached for the office door to knock, she froze. It was slightly ajar.
“Herdin—”
The sight through the crack in the door made the name die on her lips.
Miella was in Herdin’s arms.
Blair’s vision wavered.
“Ah…”
She instinctively stumbled back, trying to flee the unbelievable reality before her. In that instant, her eyes met Herdin’s as he glanced toward the door.
He looked surprised for a moment but didn’t look away. The thought of avoiding her gaze never seemed to cross his mind.
He pulled Miella closer, his cool eyes still fixed on Blair.
It was as if he was putting on a show just for her.
Staggering, Blair turned and fled. She couldn’t remember how she made it back to her room.
When she looked down, she saw that one of her slippers was gone, lost somewhere along the way. She was breathless, her breath catching in her throat.
“Hah, hah…”
The moment she closed the door, the tears she had been holding back burst forth.
She couldn’t forget the look in his eyes as he held Miella.
The thought of those same gentle hands holding another woman, of that same languid voice whispering to someone else, was suffocating.
Even if his affection had only been a fleeting moment after their marriage, she still loved him.
Though she had run from the scene, she could not escape the truth she had faced.
“Hah, ngh… Hhng…”
Her lungs, badly damaged in a fire a decade ago, couldn’t handle the short sprint and the sudden bout of crying. She began to gasp for air.
Blair wept, striking her own chest as she struggled to breathe.
But the pain in her heart was far worse than the ache in her chest, which she struck until it bruised.
* * *
The next day, Blair left a message with the butler: I want to spend Asiel’s birthday at the villa. Please, no matter how busy you are, be sure to come. Then, she fled to Holstein with Asiel.
Even then, a secret part of her hoped. She hoped he would come and explain that what she saw was a misunderstanding.
But by the day of Asiel’s birthday, not a single letter had arrived from Herdin.
As Blair stood by the window overlooking the main gate, her eyes lifeless, a small shadow toddled over to her.
“Mama! Mama!”
It was Asiel, all dressed up for his birthday.
As if she had never worn a troubled expression, Blair smiled and lifted him into her arms.
“My son, you’re wearing such pretty clothes today. Oh, you’re so lovely.”
Asiel beamed, basking in his mother’s kisses, then suddenly seemed to remember something and pointed out the window with his tiny hand.
“Dada?”
He remembered how his mother would pace by the window every evening, holding him and waiting for his father.
At the name from Asiel’s lips, Blair’s forced smile crumpled for a second.
“…Yes, Dada will be here soon. It’s my baby’s birthday, so he’ll definitely come.”
Just as she was repeating the words she desperately wanted to believe, a knock echoed at the door.
It was the butler.
He glanced at Asiel in Blair’s arms, then delivered the news with a troubled expression.
“Madam, His Grace… his schedule has been delayed more than expected. He said that for this birthday, it will have to be just the two of you…”
At the news, the last glimmer of hope vanished from Blair’s eyes.
* * *
“Sweet dreams, my baby.”
Blair gently kissed the top of Asiel’s small head as he slept in her arms, then laid him in his cradle. The child was sleeping peacefully, sucking on his fingers.
A faint smile touched Blair’s face as she gently stroked his tiny hands and feet before returning to her own room.
Only then did the smile she had maintained for her son disappear.
The room, where she always spent her time alone, felt particularly desolate and silent tonight. Sometimes, when the emptiness grew too large, she would bring Asiel to sleep in her bed, but tonight, she had deliberately left him in his own room.
She felt the tears she had been holding back were about to burst.
She didn’t want Asiel to see her like this.
She hoped her lovely child would never know this side of his mother.
“Hah…”
Blair collapsed onto the sofa as if her legs had given out.
The child had celebrated a modest, yet happy, second birthday. He was surrounded by servants who congratulated him, ate delicious food, and received a mountain of gifts from the vassals.
It was a perfect birthday.
Except for the fact that his father, Herdin, was not there.
The child giggled as if his mother were all he needed, but his eyes darted to the door every time a servant entered, searching for his father.
Every time she saw it, Blair’s heart shattered.
She could understand Herdin treating her coldly. But she couldn’t bear his indifference toward Asiel.
Asiel doesn’t know anything. He’s at an age where he deserves nothing but love from his parents…
Her heart ached, the guilt gnawing at her as if Herdin’s neglect was all her fault.
Suddenly, she regretted ever loving that indifferent man.
If I could go back, I would never love him.
Just as Blair was swallowing a rising sob, the creak of a door echoed through the silent room.
She looked up, a sliver of hope in her heart.
“…Herdin?”
But the figure at the door was an intruder in a black mask.
The man’s face was obscured by the mask and the darkness, but his dark eyes, reflecting the moonlight on his drawn sword, and the hideous scar across the bridge of his nose were clearly visible.
Blair’s heart plummeted.
Seeing the man striding toward her, she was about to scream, but she remembered Asiel sleeping in the next room and clamped her mouth shut.
If I scream, the child will wake up.
If he cries, the intruder will find him. He’ll kill him. I can’t let that happen.
Blair turned her trembling body and ran toward the bell pull next to the bed.
But in that moment—
Shunk—
Something cold and sharp plunged into her back.
“Ah…”
Along with the horrific pain, something hot gushed from her mouth.
It was blood.
Staggering, Blair clenched her teeth and pushed toward the bed.
She desperately yanked the bell pull.
Help me.
Please, someone, protect my baby.
Even as she collapsed, unable to hold on any longer, Blair did not let go of the cord. Not even when the intruder, a step too late to stop her, yanked the dagger from her back.
At the same time, the sound of pounding footsteps echoed from the hallway.
The intruder, having retrieved his dagger, vaulted over the balcony and disappeared into the night.
Blair stared blankly at his retreating back. A unique crest engraved on the hilt of the dagger glinted in the moonlight for an instant before it was gone.
Only after he had completely vanished did she let go of the bell pull she had been clutching so tenaciously.
Thank goodness. I didn’t have Asiel sleep in my room today…
She felt the shadow of death creeping over her.
I can’t die like this.
My baby… what will happen to my poor baby when he looks for his mother?
There are still so many things I want to do for him…
Blair thought of Asiel’s face, flickering like an afterimage, and finally let her heavy eyelids fall.