Chapter 125: An Emotion Resembling Sorrow
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 125: An Emotion Resembling Sorrow
Just as the nobles stood around exchanging awkward smiles, Beatrice broke the tension.
“Indeed, the Duchess’s peace of mind is of the utmost importance, especially during such a physically demanding time. It is a wise decision, Your Grace.”
Beatrice sided with Herdin, subtly stepping closer to him.
“Still, it is a shame you have no one to dance with after making such a rare appearance. If you do not mind, may I have the honor of being your first partner?”
Beatrice took it for granted that Herdin would accept. While it was unusual for a lady to ask a gentleman to dance, men seldom refused, as it was a matter of courtesy and pride. Moreover, since Beatrice was one of the hosts, becoming her first partner would also allow Herdin, an honored guest, to stand out.
However, Herdin shattered her expectations.
“I appreciate the gesture, my lady. But my heart would not be at ease enjoying myself with another woman while my wife, who is carrying my child, is all alone.”
By explicitly mentioning “my wife, who is carrying my child,” he simultaneously put the rumors surrounding Blair to rest and gave himself a justifiable reason to refuse.
Beatrice bit her lip. Having been raised as a pampered only daughter, she was unfamiliar with rejection, and it stung. But she couldn't let it show. She had lost any excuse to pursue a man who claimed he couldn’t rest easy leaving his pregnant wife. Forcing a calm smile, Beatrice conceded.
“That is a pity. But if that is how Your Grace feels, there is nothing to be done.”
She turned away, hiding her wounded pride. The other nobles, their amusement dampened, also averted their gazes.
Having finally shaken off the unwanted attention, Herdin picked up a nearby glass of wine. At that moment, he felt a stare lingering on him. He turned his head and saw Beatrice. Standing beside her was a familiar face.
...A cleric?
Herdin’s brow furrowed as his eyes met Miella’s.
“This is Miss Miella, my savior and my friend,” Beatrice announced to those she was introducing. “She is a cleric from the Ardel Empire, here on her ascetic training to spread the will of the gods.”
Miella greeted the nobles, pulling her gaze away from Herdin. He watched her with cold eyes. Was it truly a coincidence that he had run into her in this distant, foreign land? The question crossed his mind, but he couldn’t interrogate her based on mere suspicion. Nor did he have any desire to approach her.
Herdin looked away, ensuring their gazes wouldn’t cross again.
* * *
Herdin’s efforts were in vain.
Miella followed him when he left the main mansion after a respectable amount of time had passed.
“Your Grace!”
Herdin, who had intended to ignore her and head straight for the annex, reluctantly stopped. He didn’t want to lead her all the way there.
“This situation could easily be misunderstood. I assume your business is urgent enough to risk that by chasing after me, Cleric?”
Miella, catching her breath, stared at Herdin’s gloved hand.
“Your hand… the one you injured the other day… how is it? I wasn’t able to treat it back then…”
Herdin let out a dry laugh.
“Surely you didn’t chase me all the way from the Empire to this distant land over a mere scratch.”
The amusement vanished from his eyes, replaced by a cold, piercing glare that demanded her true intentions. Miella trembled under his sharp gaze but didn’t back down.
“Because… I was worried about you, Your Grace.”
Her face, as she spoke in a clear yet trembling voice, looked pitiful, but it failed to move Herdin in the slightest.
“Did I seem so weak that I needed your worry? Or perhaps I looked pathetic?”
“That’s not what I meant…!” Miella protested before biting her lip. Looking at him with tearful eyes, she continued, “...I love you, Your Grace.”
Yet even in the face of her painful, sorrowful confession, Herdin’s expression remained utterly cold.
“Why are you confessing your feelings to a married man? Do you intend to become my mistress?”
“N-No, I have no such intention! I only… I only wanted you to know that I would never do anything to harm you. I just hoped you would at least accept my goodwill…”
There wasn't a trace of falsehood in her eyes. It was her pure, unadulterated sincerity. And at the same time, it was an innocent malice, born from her belief that this sincerity was for his own good.
Just as Herdin parted his lips to respond, a now-familiar headache tore through his mind.
Of all times, why now…
He furrowed his brow at the sudden pain, swallowing a groan.
A memory of Miella appeared. The setting was his office. She was embracing him. And through the crack of the open door behind her, his eyes met Blair’s.
Herdin tried to push Miella away, but his past self in the memory did the opposite, pulling her closer.
Blair looked utterly shocked. Her violet eyes trembled so violently he could see it clearly even now. She stared at them, her vision blurring with unshed tears, before stumbling backward and fleeing. At that moment, the memory ended, and he snapped back to reality.
What on earth is this…
Why did these memories that didn't belong to him keep resurfacing? His chest tightened at the inexplicable vision.
“Your Grace? Are you alright?” Miella asked, her face etched with concern. Seeing him stumble, she stepped closer to check on him. “You look pale—”
Herdin dodged her outstretched hand and turned back toward the annex.
At that exact moment, his eyes met another’s.
Blair was standing there, watching him with trembling eyes, just like in the memory.
* * *
An hour earlier, Blair had returned to her bedroom after a bath and shivered involuntarily at the chilly air. The weather had grown significantly colder. Although the temperature was mild compared to the Empire, the coastal breeze made it feel much sharper.
As the cold set in, she found herself missing the warmth of a fireplace. While she was no longer as terrified of fire as before, she was still reluctant to light one herself.
When will Herdin return?
The thought startled her. It felt as though she were waiting for him. She quickly shook her head, dismissing the notion, and lay down on the bed, intending to fall asleep before he returned. Unfortunately, perhaps because she had napped too long during the day, sleep eluded her.
After tossing and turning for a long while, Blair finally gave up. Wrapping a thick shawl around her shoulders, she stepped out of the room. The maids waiting outside looked at her with questioning eyes.
“Madam? Are you not sleeping?”
“I couldn’t fall asleep, so I thought I’d take a short walk.”
“Ah. Are you going out to meet His Grace?”
Blair flinched and vehemently denied it. “No. I’m just going for a walk.”
The maids accepted her answer without another word and prepared to follow. Feeling slightly embarrassed by their earlier remark, Blair stopped them.
“I’d like to walk alone, if that’s alright.”
“Of course, Madam. But it is quite chilly, so please return quickly.”
The maids backed down easily. Ever since her argument with Herdin at the elementary school, his surveillance over her had lessened. Besides, there was no way for her to escape Count Nerha’s estate.
As she began her walk, the baby’s movements suddenly grew more active. Startled by the noticeably stronger kicks, Blair soon let out a soft chuckle and whispered, “Why don’t you move like this when your father is around? He’s waiting so eagerly.”
Walking while responding to the baby’s kicks, she eventually stopped, realizing she had wandered close enough to see the main mansion. The chilly night air made her cough.
“Should I head back now…?”
Just as she was about to turn, she heard voices nearby and glanced in their direction.
There stood Herdin. He was with the woman he had loved in his past life.
The moment she saw them, she knew.
Ah. I was waiting for him. Like a fool.
Blair forced strength into her trembling legs to keep from collapsing. She had to turn back before he noticed her.
Unfortunately, he was faster.
Only after their eyes met did Blair manage to turn around. She wanted to run, to flee from him. No, if she could, she wanted to vanish from this very spot.
“Blair.”
Her desperate wish was in vain. Before she could take more than a few steps, his hand caught her arm and spun her around.
“Let’s talk.”
“It seems your conversation isn’t finished. Go on, don’t mind me.” Her voice sounded calmer than she expected. It had to be. She had to remain desperately calm to keep from feeling miserable.
Blair tried to pull her wrist from his grasp, but Herdin wouldn’t let go.
“No, I want to talk to you. Now.”
“I doubt there is anything so urgent that you must abandon your guest to speak with me.”
Herdin swept his bangs back in frustration and let out a sigh. “That woman and I are not what you think.”
“Whatever your relationship is, you don’t need to explain it to me. It has nothing to do with me.”
Her calm response made Herdin’s lips twist into a grim line.
“...It has nothing to do with you? No matter what kind of relationship I have with her?”
“Even if it were an improper one, taking a mistress is common in noble society. It’s not my place to interfere. So…” Blair paused, steadying her breathing to hide the tremble in her voice before continuing. “Go back and finish your conversation.”
She even forced a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
A dry laugh escaped Herdin’s lips. “Am I truly nothing to you?”
“…”
“I’d rather you get angry. Interrogate me! Even hit me!” Herdin raised his voice, and Blair blinked in confusion.
“I… don’t understand why you’re angry right now.”
She truly couldn’t comprehend it. Hadn’t he been the one who wanted her to ask no questions, to not run away, and to simply play the role of a quiet wife for his own purposes?
Herdin, still gripping her arm, parted his lips several times before finally looking directly into her eyes.
“Because I love you.” He poured out his feelings with a sigh that sounded like self-mockery, or perhaps sorrow.
“Because I… love you.”