Seventeen, and the Death Anniversary (3)
On the way back, the car was strangely quiet. I leaned my head against the seat and stared blankly out the window. Every time cars sped by on the road, my reflection flashed briefly in the glass between them. The crying had stopped long ago, but my eyelids still felt puffy from all the tears. They stung every time I blinked.
"You okay?" Ajusshi asked cautiously.
"Yeah... I'm fine."
I answered by barely moving my lips, my gaze still fixed outside. I'd heard that question—who knows how many times. Honestly, it was starting to wear on me a bit, but I couldn't snap at Ajusshi for it. After what happened at the ossuary, and with so much time passed since we left, it was natural he'd be worried when I hadn't said a word.
Through the passing cars outside, I could faintly make out the driver's seat in the reflection. Every time, I saw Ajusshi glancing my way. And if our eyes might meet, he'd quickly look ahead again.
...He'd been worried about me the whole time.
The light turned red, and the car slowed to a stop. I glanced at Ajusshi's reflection in the window, then carefully spoke up.
"...Hey, Ajusshi."
"Yeah?"
He replied shortly. His eyes stayed forward, but I could tell he was attuned to me.
"Do you... know why I ended up like this?"
Ajusshi didn't answer right away. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it and just stared ahead. A moment later, the light turned green, and the car started moving again.
"I heard it from Yoon Sajang once... that his second daughter had a big accident a while back..."
Ajusshi's voice was especially careful as he began. From then on, his sidelong glances at me increased even more. If he knew that much, he probably had a rough idea of what came next.
"It was fifth grade."
My mouth felt parched, so I swallowed once before continuing.
"It was raining. I was on the phone in front of the convenience store. No good shelter, so I was half under the awning at the entrance."
That part I remembered clearly. What followed felt like relaying what Seojin had told me.
"Then suddenly, there was this flash in front of my eyes. I turned, and a motorcycle was barreling toward me."
I kept talking, staring ahead.
"But someone came and hugged me tight."
My throat clenched for a moment; I pressed my lips together hard before managing to continue.
"Later I heard... some person suddenly rushed in and wrapped around me. Tried to pull me back... but the timing... it was just too late."
By the time I got that far, my chest felt even heavier. This was the first time I'd told anyone the details, and it choked me the whole way through. My words suddenly felt awkward; my mind went blank on what to say next. My tongue felt bone-dry, my whole mouth parched.
"They died..."
I finally forced the words out, low and quiet.
"That person. After... saving me."
I never imagined it would end like this. If I'd noticed just a little sooner. If I'd been a bit more careful. Maybe... there was a better way. But now, those thoughts were useless. What was done couldn't be undone. Everything was ruined. Me, my family, and Seojin too...
"What about the motorbike?"
Ajusshi asked as I unconsciously bit my lip under the crushing guilt. His voice sounded a little angry. Still facing forward, but rare wrinkles creased his brow deeply.
"It sped off right away..."
I continued carefully.
"But there was CCTV, so the investigation started immediately..."
Ajusshi waited silently for me to go on. That silence weighed even heavier on my tongue.
"Suicide..."
Each word was a struggle, my throat so tight.
"The case closed with that. Something like... no prosecution due to death? Or whatever... haha..."
The laugh that escaped was so hollow and weak, even I hated hearing it. It was absurd all over again; I couldn't tell if I was laughing or crying. Once it stopped, the car fell quiet once more. Just the turn signal clicking, wind rushing past the window, and other engines humming around us.
I clasped my hands on my lap, then let them fall, over and over. Trying to stay silent just made the tension build in my fingertips.
Ajusshi said nothing too. He gripped the wheel, staring ahead, his lips pressed tighter than before.
We drove on like that, time blurring, until Ajusshi finally spoke.
"You don't have to say more."
I turned my head slightly to look up at him. He didn't meet my eyes, just kept watching the road. But his voice was much softer now.
"This is hard for you... You don't have to keep going."
I let out a quiet breath. I started to nod, but even that felt burdensome, so I just turned my gaze back to the window.
After that, the car was silent again. We stopped and started at lights, countless times. I lost track of how long passed.
"...You hungry?"
The unexpected question made me blink.
"We haven't had lunch yet."
Ajusshi added, still facing forward, trying to sound casual.
I hadn't even noticed hunger, but hearing it made my stomach suddenly feel empty.
"Now that you mention it... yeah, a bit."
I answered carefully, and I caught him nodding ever so slightly.
"Alright, let's grab something. My treat. Anything you want?"
"Hm... Nothing specific, really... Anything sounds good right now."
"Anything it is, then."
Ajusshi flicked on the turn signal and changed lanes. The car picked up speed on the main road. The scenery shifted gradually. Low buildings faded away, replaced by dense glass high-rises. Ahead, a bridge crossed the river, its pillars and streetlights lining the gray water, with layered city outlines sharpening beyond.
Ajusshi's car smoothly turned toward one of the buildings. It stopped, and a staff member hurried over, leaning toward the driver's side. Ajusshi rolled down the window and flashed a card; the staff nodded.
Wonder what that card is.
"Just leave the keys; we'll take care of it."
Ajusshi nodded, got out without killing the engine, circled to the passenger side, and opened my door.
"Let's go?"
I took his outstretched hand and followed him inside. Past the glass doors, the atmosphere changed completely. Polished marble floors gleamed; soft lights stretched along the ceiling. Not crowded, but the scattered people were all in shirts or suits. I felt out of place in my hoodie.
Ding!
At the elevators, the metal doors slid open smoothly. It was spacious inside, with a full mirror on one wall reflecting me perfectly. We stepped in side by side. Ajusshi pressed 20 and rolled up his sleeves. The button lit up, and we ascended quietly.
The doors opened to a restaurant entrance right ahead. The sign had letters neither Korean nor English—Italian, maybe? By the entrance, lobby-like sofas sat, and a suited staff member approached with a smile.
"Wow..."
The admiration slipped out unbidden. It was like something from TV or dramas; my feet stuck to the floor for a moment.
The staff came over and bowed slightly to Ajusshi first.
"It's been a while, Han Yeonho-ssi. This way, please."
I blinked at that. Ajusshi smiled lightly in greeting, glanced down at me gawking around, and gently took my hand.
"Come on."
Ajusshi held my hand. Snapping to, I followed him slowly inside.
It was even more lavish than from the entrance. White tablecloths draped neatly over tables, wine glasses and cutlery arranged precisely. Beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows stretched the river and cityscape. Not empty, but plenty of open seats. Still, the staff led us straight to stairs at the back, ignoring them.
Up the stairs opened a different space—fewer tables, quieter and more serene. The staff stopped at a door at the corridor's end, in the corner. Unlike the main hall's glass partitions or standard doors, this was thick wood with a gold handle. A small sign beside it read Private Dining.
"Right this way."
The staff stood familiarly by the door, glanced at us, and opened it quietly.
The room came into view at once—a whole space reserved like a private room. One wall was all glass, offering a broader vista than below. The table by the window was already set with water glasses and cutlery; opposite sat plush sofa-like chairs.
"Whoa..."
The sound escaped again. It screamed special treatment, not for regular guests.
"Shall we go in?"
While I stood dazed, Ajusshi gave me a gentle push inside. Only then could I move my stiff legs.