Seventeen, and the Death Anniversary (2)
About my older sister, I can say this: she's immature but strong and kind. No matter how much older I got, that never changed.
We were a family of five—Father, Mother, older brother, older sister, and me. Back when we were kids, Mom and Dad both worked, so they were often away from home. My brother, who was quite a bit older and great at studying, was always holed up at cram schools or reading rooms. That left me spending most of my time with my sister. She was closer to me than anyone else. Sometimes we'd hang out without any pretense, like friends; other times she'd scold me for my mistakes and give me advice. Sure, she had her childish, reckless side, but I really liked her that way. Even as we grew up and bickered more, she remained the person I relied on most. And she treasured me just as much.
That's why... I could never see her again.
"You goddamn bitch, you think you can just crawl in here? I told you, didn't I? If I ever see your face again, I'll kill you!"
My sister stormed toward me the moment she spotted me, snarling like a wild animal. Her footsteps thudded closer and closer. Her right hand twitched visibly—she was dead serious about hurting me. Of course I was scared. But it didn't matter. If taking a beating would ease her anger even a little, I'd endure it. It was frightening, but bearable. I'd been through it once before.
"What do you think you're doing? What are you going to do to this child?!"
I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself, when suddenly Ajusshi shouted. When I opened them again, the first thing I saw was his back. His broad shoulders and back blocked my view completely, and beyond him stood my sister with her right arm raised. Looking closer, I saw he'd grabbed her wrist. He was gripping it so tightly that even as she grimaced and struggled to pull free with all her might, his hand didn't budge an inch.
"And who the hell are you? Let go! I said let go!"
My sister shrieked, her voice nearly a scream. Ajusshi didn't release her arm; instead, he took another step forward, positioning himself to shield me.
"And who are you to lay a hand on Seojin?!"
He matched her furious yell with a voice just as fierce. I couldn't see his face from behind, but I imagined it mirrored hers—and that terrified me. I'd only ever seen his gentle side until now.
"Whether I lay a hand on her or not, what's it to you? Would you just stand there if you were me?!"
My sister bellowed at the top of her lungs. "If it weren't for this bitch, my brother wouldn't be like this—would you just stand there?! Huh?!"
Even screaming herself hoarse, she didn't back down a bit. Her eyes darted between Ajusshi and me, bloodshot and wild, like she was on the verge of losing all reason—glaring as if she'd kill us both.
"Please calm down first. You know this isn't the place for this!"
Ajusshi tried to speak calmly, soothingly, but his voice betrayed his tension. The two went back and forth, grappling intensely. When she couldn't free her right hand, she shoved at him with her left and pounded his chest. But he didn't flinch, and soon he seized that hand too. With both arms pinned, she stomped her feet in a complete rage, howling incoherently. Even Ajusshi, who'd been trying to talk her down, was losing patience. His voice rose bit by bit, veins bulging on the back of the hand gripping her wrists.
"What's all this commotion?!"
The security guards finally rushed in after what felt like an eternity of chaos.
"That's enough!"
They forced the two apart. I thought things might settle, but not my sister.
"Aaaah! Let go! Let me go! Who the hell are you to interfere?!"
Even with two guards holding her arms on either side, she thrashed and craned her neck forward, screaming nonstop.
"Seojin, you okay?"
Meanwhile, Ajusshi turned to me. He crouched to my eye level, his voice gentle with concern. Seeing him like that eased my mind a little. But every time I glimpsed my sister still glaring daggers over his shoulder, my shoulders twitched involuntarily.
"...Let's get out of here first."
Noticing my reaction, he quietly wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me toward the elevator. Just the feel of that large hand steadied my breathing a bit. But her furious shouts from behind showed no sign of stopping.
"Where do you think you're going?! Where, you fucking bitch?! Get back here! I said come back!! I'll kill you!! Kill y—"
A piercing wave of murderous intent crawled up my spine. As I quickened my steps to flee, a warm softness enveloped my ears. Ajusshi had gently cupped them with both hands. Her voice faded away. All that remained was the pounding of my heart and the comforting warmth seeping through his palms.
Once we were outside and the automatic doors slid shut behind us, he slowly lowered his hands. But I couldn't move. With my back to him, I just hung my head, staring blankly at my feet. My chest still thrummed wildly. I lacked the courage to lift my gaze. My legs trembled so much I felt rooted to the spot.
"That woman back there..."
Ajusshi paused, choosing his words carefully before asking softly, "She's family to the person who saved you... right?"
My throat felt choked; no words came at first. I bit my lip, then managed a single syllable.
"...Yeah."
I nodded faintly. Even that much twisted my gut. He must have figured it out already—no need for me to say it. After that meltdown, it would be weirder if he hadn't guessed our connection.
"You okay...?"
His tentative question made my lips quiver. I just had to say I was fine. One little word, and it'd be out. But my throat clenched shut, silencing me. Of course I wasn't okay. They were my precious family, the ones I loved more than anyone. The person I'd spent the most time with, laughed and talked with the most. And now, she saw me as her mortal enemy. Maybe not just her—my brother too... Father, Mother...
That's why I couldn't go back. I'd never made it past that elevator to home. I'd thought it a thousand times: If only I'd done better. If I'd been a little faster. A little more competent. Maybe neither I nor Seojin would have ended up like this.
So... of course I wasn't okay.
"Seojin."
Ajusshi called my name. Was my silence frustrating him? I couldn't tell his intent, but I still couldn't respond easily.
"...If you want to cry, it's okay."
Those words hit me right in the chest. Something deep inside, something I'd shoved down hard, stirred and welled up. Like a void filling with heat—it soaked into the depths of my heart in a strangely profound way. I chewed my tightly pressed lips and turned around. But I didn't look up. If I did now, if anyone saw this face, I'd shatter completely. So instead, I took a step forward. No—a desperate lunge straight into Ajusshi's chest. Closer than I'd thought; my nose hit first, right in the middle of his chest. Or maybe the solar plexus. It stung a little on impact, then my forehead settled against him. I thrust out my arms and clutched his shirt like I was tearing into it.
"Seojin...?"
Startled by my sudden move, his voice trembled slightly.
"I'm sorry."
I buried my face in his chest and forced the words out. "Just... let me stay like this a little while..."
My voice was small, but my arms clung to his shirt with all their strength. The fabric brushed my nose. A faint detergent scent mixed with an unfamiliar adult smell wafted up. ...Or maybe it was just Ajusshi's scent. It wasn't unpleasant. If anything, it felt... good. The more I breathed it in, the hazier my head grew, yet my heart eased into an inexplicable calm. I wanted to cling to that smell even more.
As we stood there locked together, a warm sensation settled on my head. A hand. I knew without looking. Large enough to nearly cradle my small head entirely, endlessly warm. It rested gently atop my hair, stroking slowly up and down several times along the strands.
In that moment, whatever I'd been barely holding back snapped.
"Hic... hngh..."
The choked sound escaped like a dam breaking, turning swiftly into sobs. Everything I'd compressed deep in my chest surged up at once. I gripped his shirt harder, tearing at it as I tried to swallow my cries, hugging him tighter.
"Hngh... hwaaang..."
But in the end, I couldn't hold back—I wept out loud.