Yoo Serin (2)
"Arina, me going fiwst."
"Mm-hm. See you tomowow, Serina."
"Okay!"
Leaving behind Arin, who wiggled her fingers like she didn't want to let go, I headed off.
Because Mom was waiting right in front of me.
"Serin, hand."
"Hand."
As Mom held out her hand with a soft smile, I stretched mine out and toddled toward her as fast as my little legs would go.
And then I froze for a moment.
"Serin, what's wrong?"
A flicker of confusion passed through Mom's eyes as she tilted her head.
Hmmm...
At my age, holding my mom's hand was kind of embarrassing.
Wait, no—let me rethink this. I'm only six years old right now, so it's not really something to be embarrassed about, is it?
"Ahh-mm, noffing!"
I grabbed Mom's hand.
Her hand wrapped completely around mine.
It made me squirm and giggle, but it was, without a doubt, a reassuring feeling.
"Did you have fun today?"
"Ah, mm! Today wath fun!"
"Anything special happen?"
"Nope, noffing!"
I shook my head back and forth at Mom's question.
Okay, sure, there had been some minor incident today, but I didn't see any reason to bring it up.
Mom would definitely worry.
Acting like nothing happened was clearly the better move.
Truly, I am a filial child.
"Really?"
"Mm, weally!"
"Your teacher said otherwise, though?"
Ah—!
I'd forgotten about the teacher.
If the teacher was involved, of course she'd know!
Realizing my blunder, I immediately dropped my head.
"It... it weally wath noffing."
I could see Mom watching me with eyes full of worry.
My chest prickled for no good reason, and I looked away.
"Serin, we promised not to lie to Mommy, remember?"
"Uhh... uuuh. But, but shtill..."
She had a point. I had made a promise with her, after all.
Buuut.
...A tiny spark of rebellion welled up inside me.
My lips poked out all on their own.
My body swayed side to side without my permission.
This was my own personal protest.
I couldn't help it. I mean.
"I'm a gwoff-up now toooo..."
...I'm an adult now, after all.
I can think like a grown-up, and I've got life experience on par with Mom's, so technically I could call myself an adult, right?
So controlling me down to whether I can even tell a little wh—lie? I don't think so.
For the first time in either of my lives, I was rebelling against my mother.
Ah, well, I probably did it in my past life too, but still.
In any case, actually pulling off a rebellion made me want to giggle to myself.
My heart went ba-dump, ba-dump.
"Serin."
But what came back was Mom's voice, her tone dropping just slightly into something stern.
Gasp.
My whole body went rigid.
Had I... done something very, very bad?
My heart pounded like a drum.
That feeling of having done the thing you must never do.
I hunched myself down and squeezed my eyes shut.
It was scary.
Boo-hoo, I'm sorry, Mommy.
I stayed huddled up like that for a while.
"Er... um... Serin? You didn't actually have something else happen, did you? Why are you squeezing your eyes shut like that? Did somebody hit you?"
What came back wasn't a scolding, but a voice brimming with worry.
Her voice was even gentler than usual, and my heart melted all on its own.
I cautiously opened my eyes.
Mom had lowered herself to my eye level, down on one knee, gazing at me with anxious eyes.
Black hair the same shade as mine, spilling down over her shoulders and flowing all the way to her waist.
It was the kind of face that made me think, if I ever grow up, I'll probably look just like her.
Skin still fair and soft, a neatly upturned nose.
...And above all, she smelled wonderful.
I wanted to bury myself in her arms right then and there.
"Maman"... is that what they say?
She's my mom, so she really is a maman, technically.
"Serin?"
When I went quiet for a moment, Mom called me again.
The expression on her face as she looked back and forth between me and the kindergarten seemed to grow steadily more frightening.
"Did something really, at the kindergarten—"
Ah.
I had a gut feeling that if I kept dithering like this, something bad was about to happen.
Some kind of weird commotion might break out.
"Ah? Ah! Mm-hm! Nothing weally happened! Juth something got in my eyeth all of a thudden!"
I shook my head back and forth as hard as I could.
Obviously, Mom wasn't going to scold me or get annoyed over something like this.
Those soft, gentle strokes—swoosh, swoosh—had always been warm and comforting.
Why on earth had I been so scared of her?
...Well, moms are always portrayed as terrifying figures, so maybe that's just how it goes?
No doubt this, too, was entirely the fault of my past-life self.
Useless guy.
Of course, I don't mean me—I mean the me from before.
"You're really sure nothing happened? If anyone ever bothers my Serin, you have to tell me. Understood?"
Mom spoke in such a warm voice that my heart turned soft and squishy, all on its own, again and again.
"I know. Nothing weally happened."
I nodded at Mom so vigorously I could practically hear my head wobble.
Mom still watched me with a doubtful, worried look, but since nothing had really gone on at the kindergarten, she seemed willing to let it slide.
It helped that this kindergarten was a pretty well-known, reputable place to begin with.
'By the way, this short tongue of mine is kinda bothering me...'
Talking with Mom had made something painfully clear to me.
My thoughts flow along just fine, but because all these slurred little sounds keep coming out of my mouth, Mom obviously keeps treating me like a baby.
My face flushed hot with embarrassment.
"Okay, Serin. And listen—no matter how old you get, you'll always be my baby. Lying is a bad thing, understand?"
Was I wrong, then?
Was Mom always going to see me as a kid?
Even after I finished my pronunciation practice, I was still a baby to her.
Hmmm... that stung a little.
But, well.
...I suppose I should listen to my mom.
There's that old saying, too—cherish them while they're here.
That was knowledge I'd learned in my past life.
"Uuu... I knowww...."
"In exchange, no matter what naughty thing you do, if you tell me honestly, I'll forgive you."
"Weally?"
"Mm, really. As long as you don't lie, and tell Mommy the truth, I can forgive anything."
Mom gave me a soft smile.
It was beautiful enough to make me lose track of myself.
But still—forgiveness for anything, as long as I'm honest?
...Not a bad deal, I thought.
She's always kept her word, so she's got credibility...!
But just in case.
"I know. Then it'th a pwomith."
"A promise."
I stuck out my pinky.
Mom smiled faintly and hooked her finger firmly around mine.
For some reason, I got the feeling that if I broke this promise, I'd have to agree to swallow a thousand needles, like in that super-famous yuri fairy tale—what was it, Snow White?—but I managed to hold it in.
Okay. Good.
I'll keep this promise nice and tight, and then cash in the forgiveness when it really counts.
That was how seriously I resolved to keep it, and then—
"Pfff."
"Why awe you waffing?"
Mom laughed.
Wait, was the promise fake?
I pulled a slightly sulky face, but—
"Because you're just so cute, Serin?"
Oh. So it's just because she likes me.
Fan service on my part too, then.
...No, actually, let me just say what I feel.
"I wuv you too!"
"Really?"
"Mm!"
The moment the words left my mouth, Mom's expression started to morph into something strange.
"Uhh... uuuuh!"
It was the look of someone who had no idea what face to make.
Why, though?
The second I tilted my head—
"Uuuuuuh! My Serin! You're so cute, what do I do!"
Suddenly—wham!
Mom scooped me up into a hug.
Urgh.
"Mommy, I can't bweathebweathebreathe."
"Kyaaah! Too cute!!!"
Hel... help me.
Why is it that so many people keep squeezing me like this?
Pat, pat.
Thankfully, once I was tucked into her chest, Mom's grip loosened a little.
Whew... haaa.
I breathed in and out, filling my lungs again.
An incredibly soothing, cozy scent washed over me.
A pleasant floral fragrance.
Having never learned much about flowers in either of my lives, I couldn't tell you exactly which bloom it was.
All I knew was that it made my heart flutter and yet feel safe all at once—a scent I desperately wanted to learn to name someday, no matter what.
So there I was, snugly wrapped up in Mom's arms, savoring the warmth of her chest, when I felt someone's gaze and turned my head—there was Arin, staring right at me.
Eh.
Embarrassment crashed over me out of nowhere, and heat rushed up to my face.
It was like throwing a tantrum in front of my mom and getting caught red-handed by a friend.
...No.
That's exactly what it was, actually...!
"Uh... Mommy. I... I'll let go now."
"Aww, why? Is it so terrible to stay like this with Mommy forever?"
"Emb... embawassing...."
"Are you embarrassed of Mommy, Serin?"
"No, no, that'th not it at all! Everybody'th watching!!"
"Pfft."
I could hear it in Mom's voice—she was thoroughly enjoying this.
Excuse me, I am in a serious crisis here.
However much I look like a toddler, I am an adult.
Ugh... so embarrassing.
And so I hid my face, clutching the hem of Mom's clothes.
The world went dark.
There. Now Arin can't see me.
"Arin! Want to come in for a hug too?"
"Nooo! Don't do that! Mommy!"
Apparently, Mom's playfulness wasn't finished yet.
Wh... what are you even saying...!
"Reawwy?"
Why do you sound so interested?
"I... I do!"
"Come here then, sweetheart? How are you this adorable, hmm?!"
"Don't-don't-don't-don't!"
I heard the sound of hurried little footsteps, followed by a hesitant stop.
Or maybe I just imagined that THUD! sound effect I swear I heard.
"S... Serin, do you hate me?"
After that came a voice damp with tears.
"N... no, it was a joke. I wuv you, Arin."
"Hehe, really? I wuv you too, Serin!"
Before long, with a flurry of little hops, Arin wedged herself into Mom's arms right beside me.
Her eyes sparkled, and she was snickering to herself, clearly finding this whole situation hilarious.
Mom's laughter rang out too, warm and cheerful.
Being all bundled up together like this... well.
Honestly, it didn't feel bad.
If only the people around us weren't staring.
"Haaaaah...!"
So embarrassing, dammit...!
"Seatbelt fastened?"
"Mm. All fastened."
The second the words were out, vroom—the car pulled away.
I sat in the back, Mom in the driver's seat.
Obviously, I'd tried to get in the passenger seat to help her out, but she'd refused, saying I was still too little.
My lips had started to stick out in a pout, but—
Nothing I could do about it. I'm six. That's just how it is.
Still, in my own way, I figured Mom might end up driving drowsy or something, so I decided to keep watch on her face through the rearview mirror.
Maybe it was because she didn't know I was watching.
Unlike the gently smiling face she always wore, hers was nearly expressionless.
It wasn't a lack of love—more like an expression that fatigue squeezed out of her all on its own.
On Mom's silent, driving face, I could see a weariness I'd never once noticed before.
I wouldn't have caught it in my old life.
...But now, somehow, I could understand it.
I'm six years old.
My sister is eight.
And Dad isn't by our side.
...They'd said that if we just spent a thousand nights, Dad would come back.
Now I couldn't help but understand what that really meant.
Ah. Dad passed away.
Mom was raising the two of us all by herself.
Working a job, and taking care of two kids who didn't listen.
When I thought about it like that...
...it must have been so hard for her, all this time.
The realization hit me all at once, straight to the heart.
I felt a pang of pain.
What was this feeling?
It was like a dull ache prickling deep in my chest.
'...He did tell me to cherish them while they're here.'
Receiving this feeling too late would only have brought him sorrow.
Still, it was a mercy that I'd grown up enough to understand it now.
From this day on, I decided, I was going to take good care of her.
I have to become Mom's light.
Dad, are you watching?
'I'll take good care of Mom, I promise!'
I'm a grown-up now, after all. So—
'Don't you worry, Dad!!'
I'll take responsibility for Mom in your place.
Ah, and for Sis too—I'll look after her in your stead as well.
I made a firm, unshakable vow deep in my heart.
...And then, thump.
"Huh? Why did this fall?"
A single book had tumbled out of the cargo area.
A children's book about black holes.
I'd skimmed through it ages ago and left it in the car, and now it had dropped, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Eh, I guess it just fell."
I picked it up and set it back in place.
Hum-hum.
For some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that, anytime and anywhere, I was searching for an answer to something.