The Sooner You Clock Out, the Better

"Hiya."

"Is one minute early really that shocking? Successful people have always moved one minute ahead of everyone else. The reason I'm standing somewhere above all of you right now is built entirely out of differences like this one."

"We're actually playing Bato today. It kept bothering me that I never got to yesterday because you people would not stop interrupting."

"Obviously. I already had my cheat day, but the chicken you eat in Bato is zero calories, so it's fine. Everyone knows food you eat in a game doesn't make you gain weight, right?"

Whew. Bumped up the nicotine a little yesterday and I feel incredible. Shots are going to land today.

"Alright. We're dropping Alul. A real woman drops the desert, obviously."

"Die instantly? Please. I'm planning to drop ten-plus kills and eat chicken today, so sit quietly, crack open some popcorn, and enjoy the show. Oh, and for the record, caramel popcorn is the best kind. People who eat plain popcorn have basically given up on half of what makes life fun."

"Nachos? Nachos get cheese sauce on your clothes and that stuff never comes out, so those are disqualified. Preferring a food that comes with that kind of risk... you people really are thrill-seeking perverts, aren't you."

"Oh, we've got company. This is that Pongpong Chicken place, or whatever it's called..."

"Was that not it?"

The second she stepped through the doorway, a shotgun was sitting right there waiting for her.

"Mm. The heavens have issued me a revelation: become the undisputed queen of close-quarters combat. With this one gun, I can establish the order of this place myself."

"My aim? My aim is precise enough to have been measured with a ruler. The same way my face is perfectly symmetrical, my bullets draw a perfect trajectory straight into the enemy's heart."

Bang-bang!

"Did you see that? Someone just departed. The moment you hear my shotgun, you may as well treat it as a funeral bell."

"That wasn't luck. That was my actual skill. Have you never watched me land Yasuo Q pokes in League? That microscopic sense of distance is what just came into its own here."

"Oh, an M4. The game's over. From this moment on, you are about to witness the most elegant massacre in Bato history."

"Why not? A phrase like that is allowed to exist. You people are drowning in prejudice. Be more awake, like me."

"I hear it. I have ears. You don't need to tell me."

Vrooom—!

"Come on out. Hands up and I'll mercifully finish you with a single headshot."

"Wow, what is that person? Are they hacking? They're dodging way too well."

"No, that person is just really good at moving. This is not an aim problem. The other party was moving in defiance of the laws of physics. My brain issued a perfectly accurate order to strike the correct location. The fact that they moved faster than my order is their fault."

"Ugh, this is irritating. I'm having a cigarette."

She drew on the e-cigarette, and a pale bloom of vapor flooded the camera.

"Don't start in on me for smoking. I told you last time. Smoking doesn't make you ugly. Ugly people smoke, and that's why it looks that way. The more I smoke, the more my beauty glows through the haze like something out of a dream."

"Alright. We're going again. Forget that cheater just now. They were probably some pitiful soul who went blind looking at my face and couldn't play properly anyway."

"My stream is already famous enough that Bato players all over the world are watching. The person I'm fighting right now is probably shaking because of my face."

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"See? That last burst missed, didn't it? That's because they looked at my face and got nervous."

"Hiding behind cover is also a skill. I value this beautiful body of mine, so I seized an appropriate position. A beautiful woman should know how to treat herself as something precious."

"Oh, that's a good clause. I'll add it."

"Don't underestimate my driving. In real life I have a license... ah, I don't have a license, but I have played some driving games."

"I'll be the exception. The world has always been advanced by exceptional people, and I happen to be standing at the center of that revolution."

Vroooom—!

"Look at this. How stable is that? This feeling of cutting through the wind... it's as if I've become one with nature it—"

"Ah. Could the admins please patch this bug a little faster."

"That's enough. I can hear all of you laughing from here. But I don't break. Heroes grow by passing through trials. That crash just now wasn't because my driving was lacking. Earth's gravity simply loves me too much and pulled."

"Oh, already down to ten? I told you. I said I was eating chicken today. Tryhard mode starts now. I'm going to ignore chat a little. I need to focus."

"I'm not shutting up. It means I'm pushing my brain's operating range to one hundred percent. People say humans normally can't even use ten percent of their brains, but in this moment I am using one hundred and twenty."

An enemy came into view.

The instant she saw them, she pulled the trigger.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Clean, right? You don't need to apologize. You people underestimating me is not a new development."

"Three left now. Me and two others. They're probably shaking. They've already sensed that a catastrophe named Asel has descended on this zone."

"Be quiet. There. Found one."

The second she locked on, she cooked a grenade and threw it.

BOOM—!

"Alright. One versus one. Last person, where are you? Come out already. I'm so hungry I'm getting dizzy. I want to finish this and clock out."

A rustle.

"Found you."

BRRRRT—!

"Woooow. Did you see that? That is who I am. I said I was eating chicken, didn't I? Everyone who doubted me, go slam your heads into the floor."

"It was skill, not luck. Luck has a habit of finding people who already have skill. The same way being pretty is a skill, and shooting well is a skill. If you want to argue, go look in a mirror first."

"I think I streamed a little too passionately today. I spent a whole thirty minutes on a single game of Bato. That was the longest, most hard-fought thirty minutes of my life."

"Yes. I burned through so much energy I need to refuel. I'm going to go eat that chicken I mentioned. I already ate it in-game, so now I have to eat it in real life or the balance will be off."

"In-game chicken is zero calories, but real chicken is delicious, so it's fine. Haven't you heard that delicious things are zero calories? If you people want to get as smart as me, read a book once in a while. Ah, though watching my stream is probably more educational than reading a book. It's packed with ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my wisdom, after all."

"I'll come back even prettier tomorrow. Ah, wait — I'm already pretty enough that prettier might not be possible? Anyway. See you tomorrow. Good night."