Crossroads (3)
The moment Elderin answered my call, she came flying over at a terrifying speed.
Well—she must have flown, really. The distance from where she lived to here was considerable, far enough that I almost regretted dialing her number. And yet, if my memory wasn't failing me, the car racing toward me now was unmistakably Elderin's.
Barely an hour had passed. So that pure white car must have had wings. Without them, it would mean Yoo Se-rin had been flooring the accelerator like a madwoman.
Did she speed the whole way?
In this day and age, a stunt like that would rack up a mountain of fines—and demerit points to match. No matter how I turned it over, I couldn't find a single reason for her to go that far for me. She'd already accepted my sudden request without a single question. That kindness alone was more than enough.
But it seemed my guess hadn't been wrong. The Elderin who stepped out of the car looked thoroughly disheveled.
"Daeun!"
She'd clearly come straight from the gym. A coat thrown over body-hugging tights, her hair hastily tied back—it was obvious. And this was the same woman who'd once coaxed me into styling my hair nicely.
Was it gratitude that she had rushed over on a single phone call? Something in my chest gave a heavy lurch. I'd thought I'd managed to settle my heart somewhat, but I couldn't just sit still. I limped toward her on my crutches.
Just as my strength gave out and I nearly toppled over, Elderin caught me. Last time we'd met, I remembered the scent of perfume. This time, a faint smell of dried sweat clung to her. When that soft warmth pressed against me, my eyes suddenly burned for reasons I couldn't name.
"Have you been waiting long?"
"No, I'm fi— hic— hkk—!"
Oh no. Mom always said I looked hideously ugly when I cried. Right now, I must have been a complete mess.
We couldn't exactly walk into anywhere decent. Se-rin was dressed in a way that made wandering around outside awkward, and my eyes were bloodshot and raw. The face I'd glimpsed in the side mirror as I climbed into the car was pure crybaby. I'd cried myself completely empty.
The car interior, still thick with my sniffling, was the only place we could reasonably be. Fortunately the tears settled quickly—but then a different kind of trouble set in. I was mortified at having acted like a child. More than that, I at least owed her some explanation of what had happened…
Where was I supposed to start? How much could I tell before it became too much for me? I'd never done this before, and I had no sense of it at all. Right now I just wanted to bury myself in warmth. Should I ask her not to ask anything—just hold me for a little while?
No. Even I could tell that was far too selfish a wish.
Elderin seemed to see straight through to that feeling.
"It's, um, well…"
"Take your time. I figured we'd head somewhere we can get some air—that okay?"
"Yeah. Thank you."
"And if it's really too hard to talk about, you don't have to say anything."
"…"
On the way, we stopped for coffee. My body seemed to want alcohol, but Elderin was driving, so that was out of the question. We arrived at a quiet spot overlooking the sea—the kind of place no one seemed likely to come and go, and somehow that alone settled my heart. Waves reached the shore in a steady rhythm: crash— crash—
"Not bad for somewhere I just picked. Want to sit over there?"
We found a decent spot and sipped our coffee. It was the same coffee I'd had a hundred times, yet today the bitterness barely registered. True to form, Elderin settled in right beside me—close enough that the slightest shift would bring our skin together. Craving the warmth, I leaned against her first. A soft hand patted my other shoulder.
My heart still… wasn't sorted out. So I started with something else.
"Sis, why are you so good to me?"
"Hm? Well… yeah. I guess you'd wonder."
"Honestly, our first meeting wasn't exactly great."
The first time I'd met Elderin was during the period when I was bleeding from between my legs. My cramps were brutal and the flow was heavy. My mood swings got so bad I'd go around slaughtering streamers left and right. Elderin had been one of the victims. By any fair accounting, she had every reason to dislike me—none to like me.
"Promise you won't get mad when you hear this?"
"How could I get mad at someone who came all this way for me?"
"I had a little sister. Just like you—pretty like you, and looking just as fragile."
The body and the mind are tightly bound. When the body falls ill, the mind sickens with it; when the mind falls ill, the body soon follows. Yoo Se-rin's little sister was a case of physical sickness that had infected the heart as well.
One day the girl fell seriously ill and could no longer leave the hospital. At first it was manageable. There was hope she would improve, and her sister held on well enough. Once the disease deepened, that became impossible.
"I put more money in your account. Buy whatever you want."
"I don't need it. Didn't I already say I don't want to see your face?"
"I can't just not come, you know that. How's your body? Dr. Park said there was some improvement."
"I think I'd get a lot better if I just stopped seeing you."
The treatment was agony. A person's heart has a fixed capacity, and her sister had been forced to pack that space full of pain, pressing it down tight. So from the well of her heart, only suffering flowed.
When had Se-rin last seen her smile? The memory was hazy. Even their once-close sisterhood now felt like nothing more than a dream.
To ease her own pain, the girl chose to inflict pain on others. It wasn't right. Elderin took plenty of wounds, and her sister threw hysterics at the nurses and medical staff as well. Sometimes Se-rin overheard the gossip and went to protest.
She couldn't understand it. She was doing everything she could for her sister. Why did this child only ever treat her so cruelly? Se-rin hadn't done anything wrong.
"You think I'm a joke, don't you? Cooped up in a place like this…"
"Don't say that. I've never thought that, not once."
"I told you to get lost if you don't want to hear this! Get out—get out! Just having you walk around in front of me makes me sick, so please don't even come near here!"
"…Alright. I'm sorry. Get some rest. I'll go."
Looking back, it had been a scream—the kind that spills out when something hurts too much. A cry for help that had met a diseased, rotting heart and come out reeking.
Se-rin back then simply didn't have the room. She was human; her heart had a limit too. She couldn't endure the stench of that festering wound. Beaten down by the world, she would come back only to absorb her sister's resentment—spending the hours meant for recovering her exhausted body and mind on collecting fresh injuries instead.
Naturally, Se-rin wore down. Perhaps she had already been past her limit for a long time.
So when, one day, the doctor called her aside—
"You should start preparing yourself."
"Preparing myself?"
"Your sister will soon…"
—Se-rin felt relief.
She would no longer have to earn the hospital fees. No more working day and night through the weekends. No more listening to her sister's bitterness. From now on she could live solely for herself.
Ah. Liberation. Freedom had arrived.
The doctor must have thought those were tears of loss. But of everyone in the world, only Yoo Se-rin herself knew the truth: those tears had been tears of joy at finally being free.
She felt grotesque for it, but she never let it show. Even right up to the end, she stayed at her sister's side. Today would be the last—she was ready to take whatever cruel words came.
"Sis…"
"Yeah. I'm sorry. You said you didn't want to see me."
"No. That's not it. I'm sorry for everything. Forget everything I said."
"W-what?"
In those final moments, her sister apologized. Suddenly Se-rin's chest ached. That single I'm sorry hurt worse than any thorned, barbed word from any other day. She didn't even notice her grip on her sister's hand going slack. It was her sister who caught the briefly loosened hand—barely able to move a single finger, yet leaving warmth behind.
"It doesn't hurt anymore, so… I can say it. I love you, sis. Thank you for being here… I never hated you. Not once."
Those were her last words. With them, her sister stopped. And at the same time, something in Se-rin's mind stopped too.
Never hated me, not once.
Then what about me—who felt relief at your death? What about me, who couldn't even give you a smile at the end…?
While the medical staff came in and put the room in order, she sat holding her sister's hand and could not move an inch. Only when the doctor shook her shoulder a couple of times did the tears come. Those tears held loss, and grief, and regret.
And a few years later—by the time she was called "Elderin" far more often than "Yoo Se-rin"—a girl found her inside the game.
Huu… hh. Aha… hah-haat.
Unstable breathing. A laugh that sounded half sadistic, half twisted. And a body pressing close as if to embrace her. From the girl who was strangling her throat, Se-rin felt a strange sense of recognition.
Somehow, she understood.
The girl's laughter was, in truth, a scream.