The Promise
“Get lost, you prick.”
I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now.
Besides, this guy—how did he know when I’d wake up? It was enough to give me the creeps.
“A lot of people have come and gone while you were out.”
I told him to get lost, yet he just kept rambling...
Come to think of it, he’d been babbling about me being the Sword of Light or something, and wanting to see my memories. Had he actually looked into them?
They weren’t exactly grand memories, but they were certainly unpleasant ones. If he’d seen the whole lot, he’d undoubtedly have concluded that my humanity was beyond saving. And with the Gold Taeyang clan massacre happening on top of that, it was only natural he’d look at me with disdain.
It was even plausible that he’d come to warn me as a Hero, having branded me a dangerous element.
“I saw your memories.”
“Good for you.”
“Indeed. They were quite unique.”
“Unique? There’s nothing special about them.”
Yeah. Nothing special at all.
“People kill each other to survive, don’t they? Not just people—every living thing. It’s as natural as water flowing downhill.”
However many I’d killed, it was just the law of nature. This wasn’t self-justification. The bastards who died by my hand had taken the law of the jungle for granted and swung their power around; it was only natural they’d be devoured by someone stronger.
“Is it time for you to die? You’ve become quite poetic.”
“You son of a bitch...”
This guy really was something else. Vaguely, I remembered that when I was at my most unhinged, most people treated me like a ticking time bomb. But this guy? His attitude hadn’t changed one bit after seeing my memories.
“I have only one thing to say.”
“What is it?”
“You...”
THUD!
El burst through the door. I blinked in surprise, intending to greet her, but stopped short.
Did her body just grow?
If she had the physique of an elementary schooler before, now she looked like a middle schooler... no, wait, looking at the size of her chest, was she a high schooler now?
Was that El’s true form?
“Drae!”
El came running, tears in her eyes, and hugged me tight. We weren’t usually close enough for her to just go around hugging me, but thanks to the Tteok-Tteok Simulation, I knew she had feelings for me, so I wasn’t particularly flustered.
Still, I hadn’t expected her to still hold onto those feelings. With so many handsome men around her, I’d assumed she’d have forgotten someone like me in no time.
“You. You pass.”
“...Huh?”
Kaits, being the asshole he was, must have decided this wasn’t the place for him, as he walked out. Outside the door, Asita, Repelt, and Gold were peeking their heads in, checking on my condition.
What the hell? Kaits wasn’t alone? That was a relief. I almost got the creeps.
Sniffle, sniffle.
I could feel El’s cute, tearful sobbing soaking my neck.
“I was so worried...”
“......”
Honestly, I was grateful. But at the same time, it was agonizing. Did I even deserve to be worried about?
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. I just wanted to sleep.
Perhaps seeing me drift off, Asita patted El and led her out of the room.
Once again, I slept. As I dreamed, I saw various nostalgic scenes. The time Sihyeon and I cheered after clearing a difficult boss in a game. The time Siyoung mocked a manga, read it with me claiming she could critique it better, and ended up bawling her eyes out. The time I walked home from the dojo with Seo Yerin. And, the times I talked with Suryeon...
......
And then, I saw things that were both enjoyable and disgusting. The thugs begging for their lives. The masked men pleading for mercy, offering to sell out their comrades’ locations. The way Kang Gu-jin begged, offering to abandon his own son, Kang Gu-han. The clown-like sight of Shin Jin-seung wailing and pleading. The punks. The bystanders. The Gold Taeyangs. The collaborators... all of them dying by my hand, looking at me with eyes full of terror.
Man. I really am a piece of shit, aren’t I? The looks that should have been traumatic actually made me feel good.
However, there was one memory that wasn’t enjoyable. When my dad died. At that moment, the look in my dad’s eyes—a look I didn’t recognize. That expression faded, and the words he left me with... they were just too unpleasant.
‘
When I opened my eyes, bright sunlight was streaming through the window. Come to think of it, where was I? I hadn’t paid attention yesterday, but the interior was quite different from the Heart family’s place. I had applied for a dormitory, but was this the academy’s?
Even for Pruynar Academy, it seemed excessively luxurious.
...Anyway, it was already midday. Time to get up.
As I tried to sit up, I felt a weight on my lap. Only then did I discover the child sleeping with her face buried in my stomach. It was Rena.
She must have been sitting in the chair in front of my bed and, unable to fight the sleep, had let her head drop onto my lap. Sigh, sigh. Her steady breathing filled the room. She looked exhausted; there was no sign of her waking up.
I blinked and reached out a hand toward her, intending to get up and tuck her into bed. But in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to touch her. Every time I reached out, the faces of those who had suffered at the hands of these very hands overlapped.
Did I have the right to touch this kind, untainted child with these filthy hands?
I hesitated, staring at her, when perhaps it was the intensity of my gaze—Rena let out a soft groan, and her eyelids fluttered. When she finally opened them, they were dazed and unfocused, but as soon as she spotted me, her eyes widened in shock, and she bolted upright.
“T-Teacher! You’re awake!”
“...Yeah.”
She looked guilty, clearly embarrassed that she hadn’t been able to fight off the sleep. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her there was nothing to be ashamed of, but I didn’t know how to start the conversation. I just stood up and said one thing.
“You must be tired.”
“N-No, that’s not it...!!”
“You should lie down here and slee...”
I stopped mid-sentence, noticing the small girl’s hands trembling. Did my tone sound like I was scolding her? I hadn’t meant to at all. But still not knowing what to say, I just sat in the chair and stared at her in silence.
...Huh. I felt like I’d been in this situation before. Not with Rena and me, but with my dad and me...
Knock, knock.
“May I come in?”
A familiar voice. But not a friendly one. So, I didn’t bother answering.
Creak.
“I didn’t say you could come in.”
“...My apologies.”
She had every right to be angry, but Marien, a knight and one of the captains of the Graize family, bowed her head as if truly sorry.
“Since you’re awake, I thought you might like to have a meal. How do you feel?”
“I have no appetite.”
“I see.”
A brief silence. Marien seemed to be gauging my mood before opening her mouth again.
“If it’s not too much trouble, the Young Lady...”
“Hey.”
“......”
“Can’t you hear me saying I’m annoyed?”
Marien fell silent at my sharp tone. She must have realized, feeling the sinister hostility I was radiating, that I was dangerous right now. That’s right. This wasn’t like the Mirpur village incident. If she tried to pull that bullshit again, I wouldn’t just stand by. There was no need to keep acting like the nice, pushover idiot anymore.
But then I realized Rena was trembling, looking at me as if I were a stranger. I felt pathetic.
“Rena.”
“Y-Yes, Teacher...!”
“I’ll be back shortly after I finish my business with Ms. Marien. Wait here.”
Just as Rena looked like she was about to cry, I quickly added, “I... I don’t dislike you. Not at all.”
Whether it was my imagination or not, Rena’s expression seemed to soften a little. I wished I could have offered a better comfort.
“Lead the way.”
“Yes.”
Marien bowed politely at my insolent command. She must have decided there was no profit in arguing with me.
Once I stepped out of the room, even the hallway was opulent. It was flashier than the Entiaer Royal Palace I’d visited before.
“So, this is the Graize family mansion.”
“Yes. It was the Young Lady’s strong wish.”
El’s? That was a happy thought, but one thing bothered me.
“Did Gold just let it slide?”
“No. He expressed a clear intention to host Instructor Drae at the Heart family estate. However, after Ms. Elicia pointed out that the Heart family has had several unfortunate incidents recently and asked if you could truly rest comfortably there... well... he ultimately agreed.”
Ultimately, huh. Had there been a fight? That made me happy. It was definitely a happy thing that she’d fought for me. But even so, it felt like there was a gaping hole in my heart. So what? That was the feeling that followed. Why was I so hollow? I felt so lethargic.
I trudged listlessly behind Marien, only then realizing something odd. Instructor...? Was I still an instructor? Even after causing all that chaos and trying to draw my sword on the principal and my fellow instructors?
I was curious about how that had been handled, but I’d find out when I went to the academy, so it wasn’t urgent. I’d make sure to thank El and Leor, the head of the Graize family, for their hospitality before I left.
“Did El not go to school today?”
“It’s the weekend.”
I see.
That was when I saw them. In the distance, El, wearing a pretty outfit that looked like a cross between a school uniform and a formal suit, was walking toward us with a noblewoman in a dress. They seemed to be arguing about something.
“So, Clarire is...”
“El, a little more...”
Then, they spotted us. The noblewoman covered her mouth with a fan, and El’s face lit up the moment she saw me. Both were beautiful. The noblewoman had a face that made me wonder if this was what El would look like if she wore a cold expression. I’ll say it again—she was a very beautiful person. But there was an inhuman quality to her beauty. It felt a bit off.
For the record, El had returned to her elementary schooler body—whether I’d misseen it before or what, I didn’t know.
[Who knows.]
Mangshin was being vague. She said I hadn’t misseen it? ...Whatever. I didn’t care. Everything was a bother right now.
Seeing Marien acting with such extreme etiquette, this noblewoman had to be El’s mother.
“Drae!”
What was I supposed to say to this girl approaching me with such a bright face? Thank you? Or something else? I was annoyed at my own lack of social grace.
“Are you feeling better now?!”
“...Yeah. Thanks to you, the fatigue is completely gone.”
I bowed politely to the noblewoman who had arrived by our side. I caught a glimpse of deep cleavage at the edge of my vision, but perhaps due to my lethargy, I felt nothing.
“Sorry for the trouble.”
“Oh my~ Not at all. Ufufu.”
Unlike her impression, her voice was bright and her tone lively. No, it was an act. Her tone wasn’t off, but her eyes were calculating—no, evaluating me. It didn’t matter. Whether it was an act or not, as long as she treated me well on the surface, that was enough.
“U-Um... w-would you like to eat with us? Drae?”
“No. I’m heading to Pruynar Academy now.”
“Oh, i-is that so?”
Seeing El’s visible disappointment made me feel a pang of guilt, but I didn’t want to talk to her right now.
“I’ve left my servant in the room you lent me, but if it’s not too much trouble, could I borrow the room for one more day?”
A rude request. If they accepted, good. If they refused, I’d just take Rena and leave. Either way, I had nothing to lose. The noblewoman and El nodded without hesitation.
“Of course! How could we refuse a request from an academy instructor? Especially just to let someone sleep?”
“Yeah! Yeah!”
El echoing her mother was quite cute. Anyway, since I’d greeted the lady of the house, there was no need to meet Leor. It would be uncomfortable for both of us. Even if he said otherwise, I’d be uncomfortable, so I wasn’t going.
“Marien. Please see the instructor out.”
“Yes.”
“......”
She said to see me out, but it seemed there was some ulterior motive. Maybe she’d been ordered to make a proposal, or keep an eye on me. Let them. Since I’d been hosted, I’d allow them to accompany me to the academy.
Until I left, El’s passionate gaze and the noblewoman’s strangely evaluative gaze never left my back.
I arrived at the academy. I parted ways with Marien naturally. During the trip, I heard several things from her. Many people, especially those from the Ten Families, including Asita, had visited several times. Even knowing I hadn’t woken up, they’d come, waited outside the door, and then left.
How burdensome.
I also heard about how this incident had been handled. First, the Gold Taeyang clan I’d wiped out had been swept under the rug. It was self-defense, but it wouldn’t do any good for the world to know that thousands had died. However, she said those who needed to know, knew.
And, true to the Ten Families, their intelligence network was excellent; they’d identified exactly who I’d spared in this incident and taken measures to ensure there would be no repercussions later. The ones I hadn’t killed were the male victims and the lovers who had fleeced them. In the end, I’d sent those disgusting women—the ones who called themselves victims—back with their memories wiped, along with the men. Some had asked not to have their memories wiped, but most accepted it.
However, out of a bit of spite, I’d ordered Josa to ensure the male victims’ subtle anger and the women’s guilt remained, so I didn’t know how that would play out.
And the most important incident: the Demon King of Lust, Inris. He was a big shot among big shots. And that bastard had been completely annihilated. Well, of course he had. I’d seen with my own eyes that his body had been destroyed when the contract was signed, and his consciousness had been perfectly erased as his authority ended.
The problem was that because he was such a big shot, the fact that he’d been annihilated had been confirmed in many places, just as the Graize family already knew, and... the Demon World was in an uproar. I didn’t know if that was a big deal, but she said it wouldn’t be a good thing for my name to be widely spread in the Demon World. Belligerent demons might come looking for me.
Since it was known even in the Demon World, the system that had blared like an alarm—the users—must all know, too. Maybe guys like Poise would come looking for me. It was a bother. I wanted to rest without thinking about anything.
...Should I just kill them all?
I stopped walking. No. I couldn’t. Even a little annoyance made the urge to kill rise up. Even if this was my nature, I couldn’t live a normal life like this.
...No. Did I even want to live a normal life...?
I didn’t know my own heart. Everything was a bother right now. The Sword of Light Kaits talked about. The fact that Love Heart wasn’t my only assigned god. The strange notification sound I heard when I forgave Mile. The fact that the Demon World or users were watching me. Or the secrets of this world, like the Eight Demon Kings. Pruynar. The ‘Headquarters’...
Everything was a bother. Seriously. Why was I so lethargic?
......
......
Someone was tailing me. Had I been marked by some faction already? ...No. This was Pruynar Academy. Even I, with cheats like the Severing Sword and Spatial Sword, had found it hard to infiltrate. I’d hidden my presence as much as possible since entering the academy, so if they’d noticed me, they were high-level. Maybe another instructor?
Who was it?
There was a corner up ahead. I’d wait there.
I turned the corner with a quick step and erased my presence even further. A moment later, someone came rushing around the corner and jumped in surprise to find me right in front of them.
“Mom!”
“......Uh.”
An unexpected person.
“D-Draet. Ehehe.”
“...Meyal.”
Meich Love Yarte. Nickname, Meyal. She was right in front of me. It had been a week since I’d seen her... no, I hadn’t seen her for a while before that, so it had been over two weeks. She was still as cute as ever, boasting a contradictory yet beautiful appearance with a subtle sexiness. Casual clothes. They suited her. She gave off the vibe of a fashion leader who knew how to dress well.
“Long time no see. Draet. Hehehe.”
Why had she followed me? ...No. No need to think too deeply about it. Meyal was a kind kid, and she probably just saw a friend-like person from afar and came to say hello.
“Yeah. Long time no see, Meyal. See you later.”
“...Huh? Uh, uhh?”
I heard a flustered voice behind me, and then my sleeve was tugged. When I turned back, Meyal was puffing out her cheeks as if she were sulking.
“What is it, Draet? Where are you going?”
“Uh... the faculty office?”
“It’s the weekend, there’s hardly anyone there.”
I had nothing to say to that. I should have just said I was having a hard time instead of making up a lame excuse.
“I have something to check, so I’m going to meet some instructors.”
“Really? Then shall we go together?”
“......”
Meyal stuck to my side, smiling familiarly. Honestly, I was happy. But at the same time, it was uncomfortable. I wanted to be alone. And like with Rena, I wondered if it was okay for a kind, pretty girl like Meyal to be hanging out with someone like me. Was it okay for this good person, who followed me because she was worried about a friend, to be friends with someone like me? I’d killed thousands of people just a few days ago.
...No. This wouldn’t do. This incident had taught me something. I liked being alone. And that was the better kind of human to be.
“No, Meyal. I’m going alone.”
“Don’t be like that~ We haven’t seen each other in a while, this big sister will buy you a drink!”
“......”
“Uh... if I’m in the way, I’ll wait outside while you do your business?”
“Hey.”
When I called her name coldly, Meyal flinched. It broke my heart, but I had to push her away.
“Can’t you hear me saying I’m annoyed?”
“......”
Meyal blinked. Just as I was about to walk past her, the back of my neck was grabbed, and my clothes caught on my throat. I let out a pathetic ‘Keck’ before I could help it, and Meyal burst into laughter.
“Draet. You’re really bad at acting!”
“Keck... what?”
“You can’t even look me in the eye properly, so saying it with an anxious face doesn’t make it convincing, you know?”
“.....”
“Anyway, the rumor is that Instructor Drae doesn’t even teach, relying only on his power and backing~ Your reputation among the instructors and professors is terrible, so if your business is work, just ignore it!”
Uh... really? My reputation... is that bad...? No, I was planning on quitting or getting fired soon anyway, so it didn’t matter much... ...No. It was still a bit of a shock.
“Come on, come on. You’re supposed to rest on holidays, right?”
“Uh-oh.”
Meyal wrapped her arms around mine, grabbed my hand, and started pulling. Her strength and grip were impressive, but the sensation of her soft hands and the way my arm was brushing against her incredibly large, voluptuous chest had a destructive power that was immense. I was in trouble in more ways than one.
“I-I’ll follow you on my own.”
When I let go of her hand and said that, Meyal laughed. She dragged me to a bench surrounded by bushes. My immediate impression was that it was a cool spot. It was a very secluded—or rather, a cornered—spot, and there were actually no people around. I had a dirty thought that it would be a good place for couples to do their thing.
“Here. My private seat.”
“Private seat?”
“Yeah. Hardly anyone comes here. No one in our class knows about it except me. Sometimes when I’m having a hard time, I lie here alone and stare at nothing, and it’s really refreshing, or should I say, my mind feels stable?”
“Really?”
Meyal sat on the bench first and patted the spot next to her.
“Sit, Draet.”
“......”
I thought about refusing, but just followed without a word. Just sitting next to her, Meyal’s fragrant scent pierced my nostrils. I almost let out a dry laugh. A piece of trash who had butchered countless people was enjoying the scent of a girl his age.
“Hey.”
“Ugh.”
Meyal suddenly pulled my head. When I looked at her with a ‘Why?’ expression, Meyal chuckled.
“A secret technique of our Love Yarte family!”
“Secret technique?”
Pat, pat.
Meyal suddenly slapped her own resilient thigh twice and said in a confident voice, “Lap pillow!”
“......”
I was about to ask what kind of secret technique that was, but the sensation of her resilient, voluptuous thigh, combined with the sight of her beautifully balanced knees, made me think it was worthy of being called a secret technique. ...What am I doing? Let’s refuse. I shouldn’t have the right to enjoy such heavenly sensations...
“Ah, you’re making that serious face again.”
“Huh.”
“No more excuses. Lie down!”
In the end, Meyal forced my head onto her lap. The thigh my head was resting on was so soft I regretted resisting, and she smelled good... anyway, it felt great. Great enough to make my stray thoughts fly away for a brief moment. But it was only for a moment, and soon, self-loathing washed over me. Did I deserve to receive such consideration?
“Again. Your expression is serious.”
“......”
“Draet, you must have a lot on your mind.”
“...Hmm. Maybe.”
I felt so comfortable that I just mumbled whatever came to mind, and Meyal said kindly, “I suppose. Draet, you’re so thoughtful and considerate of others, so your worries must be incomparable to someone like me.”
‘Someone like me.’ I couldn’t believe Meyal would say that.
“Meyal. ‘Someone like me’... your worries must be much deeper than mine.”
“I’m happy you think so, Draet.”
The conversation died.
“Me too. We’re the same, Draet.”
“......”
“If Draet—if Drae belittles himself, saying he’s ‘someone like me,’ it makes me really depressed.”
At the end of her words, her fern-like fingers brushed through my hair. What is this? This service. Could this be a demon or a devil disguised as Meyal trying to corrupt me? No, wait, maybe?
Looking at her, a question suddenly popped into my head. A question that made me feel like shit just thinking about it, but one I had to ask despite knowing my place. I gauged her mood. Then, I took a deep breath and asked, “Then... did you do this for your... boyfriend?”
“Huh? Didn’t I tell you I don’t have a boyfriend?”
“No, well...”
I felt relieved, but I felt like an idiot for being relieved.
“Ah, ah. Are you asking because you’re used to lap pillows? I’ve done it for my younger sibling. I’ve received them a lot from my mom...”
So she had a younger sibling. That kid had seen this sight—this sight where her chest was so big you couldn’t even see her face properly. If it was a younger brother, I couldn’t forgive him. ...Damn. I was having unnecessary thoughts again. Self-loathing washed over me.
“Draet.”
“Yeah?”
“You know, I think that if you voice your worries, your heart usually feels lighter.”
“......”
“Want to try saying it? I might not be able to solve them, but I can empathize, right?”
Seeing Meyal patting her chest, I had no choice but to say in a dejected voice, “I don’t even know what my worries are.”
“Huh?”
“Just. I’m really depressed and lethargic. I don’t... really know why.”
“Hmm~”
Meyal, who had been pondering with her index finger on her lips, clapped her hands as if she’d had a good idea. “Then. Tell me everything.”
“I told you, I don’t even know myse...”
“No, no. I don’t mean you have to pinpoint it. I mean everything, even the trivial stuff. Just try saying it.”
“......”
“Like missing a bus, or hearing someone whispering behind your back. Things like that.”
I didn’t think someone talking behind my back was trivial. But since she put it that way, there were definitely a few things worth mentioning. But if I said these things, wouldn’t Meyal loathe me? ......What was I worried about now? I should be grateful for the consideration I’d received so far. If anything, a kind kid like this should stay away from someone like me. With that self-abandoning heart, I told her about my recent actions. Meeting the Gold Taeyang clan. Being unable to tolerate their actions and committing all sorts of horrific acts. I watched Meyal’s expression, but she still wore a benevolent smile and brushed my hair. ...Is this what it feels like to have a mother? Somehow, I felt relieved.
“I see.”
“......”
“So, Drae knows how to be angry, too.”
“Huh?”
Didn’t I get angry quite often...? Meyal giggled, perhaps because I was making a suspicious expression.
“Clarire, or Laiet, or many others—they were so rude, but you didn’t get angry, so I thought you were someone who didn’t know how to get angry!”
“......”
“So you were just holding it in! Good for you, good for you.”
“W-Wait a second...”
Being patted on the head was incredibly embarrassing.
“Still, I know why Draet is dejected.”
“Huh?”
“It’s because of guilt.”
Guilt. A word that didn’t suit me at all. I snorted without realizing it, and my nose was pinched by her pincers. For the record, Meyal’s grip strength was several times stronger than mine. In other words, it hurt like hell.
“Gaaah...!!”
“Who told you to snort!”
“I-I’m sorry...!”
“Hmph!”
She let go as if to say she was letting me off just this once. Her grip strength was ridiculously strong... As I rubbed my stinging nose, Meyal placed her hand on my shoulder and wore a benevolent expression again.
“Draet just doesn’t know his own feelings.”
“That’s a novel interpretation.”
“I’m serious! You have guilt, but you don’t know it. Drae’s attitude right now is exactly what I do, you know?”
“What’s that?”
“For example, I’m the type to be really proactive, right?”
She was lively, alright.
“When I do that, sometimes I think, ‘Was I too proactive? Didn’t I go overboard?’ like that.”
“......”
“When I think I’ve done something really wrong, I’m lethargic all day and keep thinking about it. I don’t want to do anything.”
Meyal laughed, saying that was exactly what I looked like right now. “And Draet, you hate yourself for not feeling guilt, right? A truly bad person doesn’t think like that.”
“Is that so?”
“That’s right! Still, I didn’t know Draet was such an immature person! I thought you were a real adult!”
I wished she’d stop patting my head. No, I kind of wished she’d keep doing it. Contradictory emotions collided. But, guilt. It was a word that made me feel relieved. I wanted to believe Meyal’s words—that I was a human capable of feeling guilt.
“Again?”
“Huh?”
Again? I looked up, puzzled, and she was still wearing that benevolent smile.
“Draet looks like he has a lot more to say.”
“......”
Yeah. Actually, I had a lot left to say. This time, I summarized my past, the story of what happened with Suryeon and my friend-like companions. I didn’t have to tell her I’d killed anyone, but I told her everything, as if making a confession. I looked at her, thinking she’d be completely disillusioned now, but Meyal was the same as ever.
“Draet, you really don’t know your own feelings.”
“What now...”
“Draet might have needed an excuse to run wild as he pleased. But listening to you, at least to me, it looks like you were incredibly angry because your friends were in trouble, rather than because of your own desires?”
“Huh?”
“Because, Drae, the whole time you were talking, you only blamed yourself and kept saying things like your friends shouldn’t have gotten involved with someone like you.”
“No... I...”
Actually, as Suryeon had said, I knew they were in danger. I might have been able to stop it beforehand, but I didn’t.
“Well, maybe it was wrong not to help your friends beforehand, but the bad ones were ultimately the people who harassed them, and Draet got angry for their sake.”
“That, that can’t be. I’m not the type of person to get angry for others... and...”
I didn’t deserve to call them friends. I... I knew something bad was going to happen and half-abandoned them, and in the end, they suffered terrible things. I just left them—the ones who could have been my friends—alone because of my own emotional issues.
“They aren’t friends.”
“......”
“They’re just friend-like people.”
Meyal stared at my face, then... she giggled.
“This sounds like proof that Draet felt guilt.”
“Huh?”
“Actually, you might have stayed still knowing the danger with the intention of wanting to run wild at first, but doesn’t it mean you feel so sorry about that intention that you can’t even call them friends? That’s what guilt is!”
“...No. I don’t think I’m that solid of a human.”
Meyal stared at me for a moment. “Draet, you’re really a bother.”
“...?!”
Gasp. That was an incredibly hurtful statement. It was scary because it felt like calling me by my name instead of ‘Draet’ meant she was fed up with me.
“You feel so sorry you can’t even be friends... but you don’t want to be completely separated either, so ‘friend-like’... hmm... am I like that too? Am I ‘friend-like’?”
With a face mixed with anxiety and sulking, I said in a panic, “...No. You’re a friend.”
“Good!”
She patted my head again, as if to say, ‘Well done.’ Somehow, I felt like I understood the feelings of a monarch corrupted by the words of a sycophant. Everything was packaged nicely, so it felt like my actions were being justified. But it wasn’t. I knew I was definitely a piece of trash who needed to be vigilant, and that Meyal was just being considerate.
“Again.”
“Again?”
“Yeah. Again. The remaining worries.”
“......I don’t have any left.”
“Liar.”
Meyal’s hand was placed on my cheek, and my heart almost stopped. What is this? My heart, it’s pounding. Let’s restrain ourselves, fuck. Did my romantic cells wake up at a time like this?
“It seems like the biggest worry is still left?”
“......”
“Like living kindly? Or difficult words like ‘Evil for evil, good for good’? There’s a lot left, right?”
“Uh...”
“You can’t deceive these eyes of Meich. Tell me the truth.”
Her clear eyes contrasted with her feigned arrogant tone. Just staring at her made me feel like I was dirtying her, so I looked away. But before I knew it, my mouth was voicing my deepest worries. The things that had been bothering me. Whether a villain like me should judge another villain... those kinds of worries. No matter how much time passed, Meyal listened silently, occasionally playing with my hair. Perhaps influenced by her nonchalant, benevolent attitude, I was spilling everything, even the most trivial things.
Then. Without realizing it, those words came out.
“...My dad.”
“Yeah?”
My dad... what came after that? It was a story that came out so unintentionally that I didn’t know what to say. But even though my brain thought that, my mouth, being an open hole, let the words spill out.
“When he died.”
“Yeah.”
“...He told me to live kindly.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t know why he said that. But I think I know now.”
Yeah. I think I finally knew. My dad had recognized my true nature—the piece of trash I was.
“I was adopted. Before I was adopted, there were some... problems. And Dad took me in. I didn’t know it then, but Dad knew I would grow up to be a dangerous person.”
“...Hmm. Is that so?”
Meyal tilted her head as if she didn’t quite understand. It was a story I’d never told anyone, but now, I couldn’t bear not to tell it. From then on, I couldn’t hear Meyal’s reaction. It was a voice I was telling myself. I was strongly recalling those days I’d spent with my dad.
“I was always full of anger somewhere in my heart. I don’t know exactly, but there were times when I felt like burning the whole world wouldn’t satisfy me... so. I couldn’t control my anger and caused quite a few accidents without thinking about the consequences. I was selfish from the start. I was.”
“Yeah.”
“Dad must have recognized my true nature, my bottom. He was such a laid-back person, so I always wondered why he adopted me... Thinking about it, maybe he took me in to correct me. I didn’t think he was that kind of person back then, though.”
“Do you think so?”
“I think so. Still, in the end, the correction must not have gone well. That’s why his last words were to live kindly... that’s what he said. To live a life that at least wouldn’t harm others.”
“Draet is living such a life enough.”
“Honestly, I don’t really know what living kindly means. But I tried to keep his words.”
“Well done!”
Feeling her gentle hand stroking my hair, I continued to spill words. “But I don’t know anymore. Why Dad said that. Why I have to live kindly...”
And. And... “Dad. Just before he died.”
That face, which had been so unfamiliar, came to mind. The sharp eyes, as if telling me to get lost, came back vividly.
“He had an expression like he was really annoyed by me.”
“.....”
“It wasn’t a mistake. He had an expression like I was annoying, like I was a hindrance. At that time, I stared at him without a word, and then Dad’s face soon relaxed... then we talked a little, he told me to live kindly, and then he died.”
“Hmm...”
My eyes stung. That memory still remained vividly in my head and wouldn’t leave. I didn’t want her to see me crying, so I did something I would never normally do—I turned my head and buried my face in Meyal’s stomach. Good scent and soft touch. There was a possibility Meyal would push me away, but I didn’t want to show my face, and fortunately, she stroked my hair. For a long time. As if comforting a child.
“...Why did Dad look at me like that?”
“Hmm... I don’t know...”
“...Was I a hindrance to Dad?”
Even if I was a hindrance to Dad, I still remember. I remember the red sunset light we walked under, holding hands. I remember him hugging me when we arrived home. I remember him holding back his strength so I wouldn’t get hurt when he knocked me down during sparring. I remember that even if he was annoyed when I said something, he listened in some form, and all the other things—all the memories.
“Maybe it’s natural. I didn’t like Dad either, so maybe Dad...”
“Draet, you know.”
“Yeah?”
“You really like your dad.”
“......”
Huh?
“Uhh?”
I tried to bolt up at the statement I couldn’t let slide, but she said, ‘Uh-uh,’ and forced me back down. I resisted, making a frustrated sound, and said, “Like him? Do you know how much that guy and I fought in our daily lives?”
But Meyal wasn’t listening to me anymore. She thought deeply and said, “What do you call someone like Draet... hmm... Father-con?”
“No. Listen to me...”
“But anyway. I don’t really understand Draet’s words. You said you were selfish... but don’t all people want to smash everything when they’re angry?”
“......”
“Draet, your range is just really, really wide. But you don’t actually put it into action, do you?”
“Hmm...”
I put it into action just a while ago. I killed thousands, but is that okay? But Meyal didn’t seem to care about what happened recently.
“I think whether you’re a bad person or a good person is determined by whether you put it into action or stop at imagination. But Drae, even if you suffer from unreasonable things, you endure it really, really well, don’t you? You’re a kind person! And didn’t you cause a lot of accidents when you were young? I think I caused a lot of accidents, too.”
“Meyal did?”
“Yeah. I once slapped a foreign princess’s cheek.”
“......”
Whoa.
“Even though our family was already drifting away from the Ten Families, I caused a huge accident and was... whack, whack! I got scolded so much. Ahahaha.”
“I-I see...”
If Meyal did that, there must have been a reason...
Then, Meyal stared into my eyes. Her face was close. Her gorgeous yet charming makeup and pretty face combined to create a fascinating charm. No. The light... It was like it was burning, dazzling and hot, so I couldn’t look straight at it. The moment I turned my head in embarrassment, “What were you thinking just now?”
“...Uh, you’re... pretty?”
Meyal was dazed, then her face turned red in an instant. I was the same. “...! T-That, thank you. Ehehe... B-But that’s not it! I asked what you were thinking after hearing my story!”
“Uh... just, if it’s Meyal, I thought it was understandable that she did that?”
“Yeah, I think so too.”
Whoa... her self-justification was insane. But it wasn’t her own story. Meyal smiled and said, “If it’s Draet. If it’s the Yeodrae I know, I think whatever he did, it was understandable. I think that way, you know?”
“......”
“I don’t really know what a psychopath is... but Draet, you know. You try to help when a friend is in trouble, and you endure it even when you’re being insulted, right? Even in difficult situations.”
“No, that’s...”
Before I could continue, Meyal stroked my forehead. “Normal people don’t do that. And me. I’m a bit selfish, but the people Draet killed are all bad people, right? Maybe that’s why I don’t really care. Rather, thinking about the intruders who broke into our house, I feel like you did well?”
“......”
“I’m not saying slaughter is something to be praised, but usually, bad people don’t agonize over whether they’re trash while killing people, right?”
“I-Is that so?”
That, I think that’s true.
“That’s right! Unlike those people, Drae is writhing in guilt, saying ‘I’m trash~ Why am I like this~’.”
“No, when did I?”
“Just now.”
“......”
Meyal, who had made eye contact with me as I sat up completely, smiled. “You asked why you have to live kindly, right?”
“......”
“Well. I don’t know, but I think Draet is already a very kind person. I want to be close to you, I want to help you if you’re having a hard time. I haven’t seen your face for a while, so I wanted to meet you, and today I saw Draet by chance. You had such a gloomy face, I wanted to comfort you somehow.”
To me, who was slightly open-mouthed, Meyal, who had been rummaging through her pocket, inserted something as if by surprise. It was sweet. “Is it delicious?”
“...Yeah.”
“I made it for my friends. So... Draet. It was originally something I was going to give to you. I’m glad it’s delicious.”
“......”
It was an out-of-the-blue chocolate, but I chewed it deliciously. It was sweet. Whether it was the actual taste or the mental part, it was sweet.
“And I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks Draet is a good person. Asita too. El too. It’s a bit unexpected, but Clarire too—I think they all think Draet is a very good person... hmm... you’re popular, Draet?”
She suddenly bumped her forehead against mine, saying she felt resentful. It didn’t hurt; rather, it felt ticklish. Whoosh. My heart pounded at her pleasant scent. Meyal, who had raised her head, had returned to her usual lively gal-girl self. She smiled like the sun. “This is the only kind of words I can give you, but if you’re suffering, find me anytime. We’re friends, so I can consult you anytime, right?”
Meyal smiled brightly, saying she would be my conversation partner or exercise partner anytime. “......” It wasn’t exactly a proper Q&A. Just stories that weren’t very logical, where I was just unilaterally comforted as if being patted. But my heart was feeling very light.
[...Kid.]
“?”
[You should really fuck this one.]
You fucking bastard. Don’t ruin the moment...