The End of March
"Why?"
"It's nothing."
Her face said she had plenty left to say. I didn't open my mouth to push her, though.
You have acquired 34 System Points!
I could already guess what she was feeling, and it wasn't something that could be fixed right then anyway. Jeong Ayeong's expression stayed sulky, her gaze cast heavily downward as she stared at her own fidgeting fingers. It had to be complicated for her. Still, I didn't try to untangle the knot in her chest. Didn't they say the woman who finds the courage is the one who gets the handsome man? I had driven the stake in first, but Ayeong hadn't denied it either. No helping it.
Even so—dating was still dating, right? It might have been moving a little fast for day one, but I slowly lifted my hand and gently closed my fingers around her sulky ones. Her eyes rounded as they met mine, and a flustered sound slipped out between her trembling lips.
"U-uh…?"
"We're dating, so. Practice."
"……"
Color flooded her. Ayeong's face burned red. I didn't stroke her hand or make any obvious moves. I simply let the warm heat pass between us. Maybe ten seconds went by like that. When my hand finally pulled away, a deep breath of something like regret escaped her. Things felt a little awkward after, but so what? Ayeong looked happy, and I found that version of her cute. A kind of mutual benefit.
You have acquired 22 System Points!
Of course, the darker feelings still surfaced now and then.
That evening, maybe because her heart wouldn't settle, Jeong Ayeong only made it home later than usual. Nothing dramatic had happened. She had simply sat in the nearby park zoning out before finally heading back.
"You're late."
"Come eat, Ayeong."
"I'm fine…"
Her half-hearted answers made her parents tilt their heads. In a family dynamic they knew by heart, this different look stood out. Had something happened at school? They stopped her just as she was about to disappear into her room.
"Did something happen?"
"N-no. No."
"…Alright."
Her face flushed in an instant. Ayeong clearly knew it too; she fled into her room like she was escaping. At the strange reaction her parents only smiled, fond and a little surprised. Thoughts followed naturally. Their daughter, who they had believed had no friends at all—in love? They had worried she might be into girls, so this was a relief. If there was only one boy in the picture… it was probably that kid, right? Tonight's dinner conversation was already decided. They would grill her thoroughly.
Meanwhile, once inside her room, Ayeong collapsed onto the bed. Her body sank with a soft thud, the fluffy blanket wrapping around her.
"Ugh…"
She squeezed her eyes shut and darkness came. Maybe it was the warm room and the cozy fabric, but the day's events rose on their own. Pretending to date. Pretending to date. Pretending to date. The words looped endlessly inside her head.
—Thud. Thump. Thud.
Every time the phrase surfaced she moved her hands and feet, batting at the mattress. The hits weren't strong; it was closer to timid thrashing. Petty sounds filled the room, and guilt toward her own pathetic self spilled out.
"Idiot, idiot, idiot, moron…"
She really was a moron. If you like someone, just say you like them. Ayeong groaned and thrashed some more. Why am I like this…? Her emotions whipped around like a sudden wind. Even while she sighed at herself, a sharp little pain kept poking at her chest.
They were dating. Han Sein and Jeong Ayeong had become a couple. That was an undeniable fact now. The problem was that it hadn't come from her own will—it had been someone else's doing. A relationship forced into place. Not even an arranged marriage. Practically no different from being thrown together in a zoo breeding enclosure. The more she thought about it the more pathetic it felt, and another miserable sound escaped her.
"Pfft…"
Then a deflating little laugh slipped out. I must be crazy, she thought for a second. Of course she did. A moment ago she had been in pain, and now excitement was climbing up again. Twisted as it was, the fact they were dating hadn't changed. It still stung that it had turned into "pretending," yet at school, at least, they really were a couple. Ayeong buried her face in the blanket and rubbed it back and forth. Rustling fabric, the soft texture against her skin. The corners of her mouth rose on their own and a sly little laugh leaked out.
Han Sein's hand? Even during the last MT she had carried him on her back, but times he had reached out and touched her first like that were rare—especially if you counted only the romantic kind. She remembered the soft feel of his fingers. Couple. Yeah. If we're a couple, I can hold it, right? Ayeong set herself a goal she would never actually reach. Tomorrow she would definitely hold his hand. Of course, the second she saw Han Sein's face the next day she froze solid and did nothing at all.
Three more days slipped by. It was the end of March. One more day and it would be Friday—and the first of April. Nothing major happened. Maybe it was Kim Hyeongmin's idea of consideration; this week he told us not to show up at lunch and to go on a date instead, then set us free. Whether that was the reason or not, running into Kang Hyeona dropped off sharply. We were already in different classes, and outside of lunch the floors themselves were different, so unless someone went looking you barely saw each other.
Nothing big had changed. Which meant the small things had. Namely:
"I heard those two are dating?"
"I'm so jealous."
The rumor had spread through the whole school—more precisely, through the first years. In Hoerang, where contact with second- and third-years barely existed, the story that Sein and Ayeong were a couple floated everywhere. We had already been treated like invisible people, but someone had clearly fanned the flames. Kim Hyeongmin, most likely. I worried a little about what Kang Hyeona—who already had feelings for me—would think when she heard it.
That aside, I couldn't take it anymore.
"Something you want to say?"
"N-no."
The eyes that had met mine skittered away. A sigh left me on its own. Ayeong, who had been reading the air, gave a tiny tremble. That hot gaze of hers. Every single moment we spent together she looked at me like she had something burning to say, yet the second I asked she shook her head and dodged. It was so frustrating I could die. If the points hadn't been on the line I would have charged in ages ago. In the end I had to step up again. How much overthinking did it take to hesitate even on something this small?
I stood, closed my hand tightly around Ayeong's, and she flinched hard enough that she almost jumped up with me.
"Snack bar."
"S-should we…?"
The timing was a little vague, but we had enough room to go and come back. Skinship between a couple wasn't strange, yet with us right now it still felt careful. No—correction. It was only careful for Ayeong. So what we needed was a pretext. I took her hand naturally and headed for the snack bar. The rumor had already done its work; eyes gathered on us. From the boys came something close to disgust. From the girls, envy. The first was probably the slut rumor. The second was aimed at Ayeong.
I walked a little too fast and my breath started to catch. Half-convinced I might actually drop dead, I stopped. The path to the snack bar. In the quieted hallway only the two of us were left; we had taken a shortcut people rarely used. I slowly turned my head and looked up at her. A questioning gaze came down. I gently let go of the hand I had been holding.
"Sorry."
"…?"
Ayeong's expression began to crumble. She must have already guessed why an apology was coming out of my mouth. Even so I put the reason into words. I needed to drive the stake in deeper and more firmly.
"It has to be hard, dating when it's forced. I'm sorry."
"Ah…"
Her eyes trembled harder. They started to sink, hollow. The lips being crushed under the weight of it tried to form a denial. I opened my mouth a beat faster, aiming straight for her heart—poking the caterpillar that had been carefully tapping the stone bridge.
"Thinking about it, holding hands was a little over the top. I won't do it again."
"No…"
"No. You looked upset. I wanted to apologize."
"……"
"No choice, right?"
The moment the words landed, the muscles she had been using to keep her face under control collapsed. Trembling eyelids, eyes soaked to the extreme with feeling, locked onto me.
"Ayeong?"
"No."
There was real will in the word. Sudden and rough. As if a trigger had been pulled, her body moved. Her right hand clamped tightly around my left.
"I'm not upset. So—so."
Worry, excitement, agitation—too many feelings crowded her eyes and they lost their place. The gaze and the head that had been fixed on me swung back toward the hallway. Years of bullying had made her timid; even now she couldn't quite finish the courage.
"Snack bar. We'll be late."
"Uh… uung."
Pain rose from the gripped hand. Not severe—just enough to annoy. The difference in strength. The situation flipped in an instant. The destination was still the snack bar, but earlier I had been leading. Now it was closer to Ayeong dragging me along. Thanks to the fast pace we almost reached it. The pressure in my hand, though, kept getting worse. The one silver lining was that she was out front, so I didn't have to keep a blank face. I followed with a slightly crumpled expression, struggling to keep up.
Problems, of course, always jump out from the places you least expect. At the end of the path to the snack bar stood Kang Hyeona. Alone, no group around her. But the eyes that held me were trembling. Only then did I realize how I must look. Worry and hatred. In Kang Hyeona's gaze fixed on me there was worry. The hatred was aimed at someone else.