Agony's Desperate Resolve

'Fuck, this hurts like I'm actually gonna die.'

I tried blinking. It felt like my eyelids were moving, but everything was pitch black, so I couldn't tell if ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my eyes were open or closed. I tried moving my arms and legs. They seemed to respond, but since I couldn't see them, it was pointless.

'Okay... so this is Agony, huh.'

Right before this hit, I'd seen the message confirming I'd entered Agony.

'Ah, ah. What the hell. Can't even speak.'

Was my voice not coming out, or were my ears not working? A bit more thinking, and it seemed like both.

'Is Shae going through the same shit right now?'

Aside from the excruciating pain, messed-up senses, and total blackness, there wasn't anything particularly special about Agony.

'Is this what they mean by a near-death experience?'

Even my thoughts weren't right. Being able to think clearly in this situation was abnormal in itself. I think, therefore I am. According to that famous philosopher ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠dude whose name escapes me, since I was thinking hard in real-time, I must exist. But my body wasn't functioning properly... So was this the boundary of death? With nothing else to do, my thoughts spiraled endlessly.

Starting with the bastard who did this to me, Kaya and Shae came to mind. I couldn't give orders like this—what were they doing without me? When Shae had entered Agony, her Mentality had tanked hard. Maybe they were getting shredded because of me too.

My thoughts flowed backward in time. Kaya smashing a home run swing, the time with Shae in the rest area, the nightmare fitting the Terror Box in the terror room, crushing the revived Terror Bird's head... Shae joining, nearly dying with Shae in the instance dungeon. Trying to care for Kaya's Mentality and somehow ending up together. Grinding the instance for money. Getting forcibly ejected from 1-3 on my first main dungeon run. Picking Kaya first at the Hero Support Office.

And then.

'I had the stupidest fucking look on my face.'

Right up to zoning into this world and spacing out, getting chewed out by the junk dealer.

My short life in Seilroom and the dungeon had been denser and more proactive than any part of my old life.

'The desperate struggle to return to Earth is what makes me feel like I truly exist as myself.'

Ironic. Clear the dungeon, get sent back as a reward, and I'd rot in my room again—eating, sleeping, longer terror sessions. Chicken, pizza, fried stuff, burgers, occasionally jerking off to some hot chick. No one to watch, sleep easy. No threats.

But.

On Earth, I was just one of countless carbon dioxide factories. Barely alive, not dead. My contributions to society? Paying rent and delivery fees. Extremis: societal burden, borderline ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠trash.

But here? I'd helped overcome trauma, even if not fully. One word from me, and they charged bravely. From worthless, I'd become someone's benefactor, a leader. Forced or not, burning body and soul for a goal. No hesitation wielding an axe I'd never touched, splitting monster bone and flesh.

'So? What does that change?'

All that grand talk, but no real achievements here either. Still a Level 1 hero who hadn't cleared Zone 1. Not even 1-10—stuck in Agony at 1-6. Bragging about S-tier recruitment criteria, but my skills were meh.

'Still.'

I was certain. With Kaya and Shae, now precious to me, and the eventual fourth hero... I could find meaning in my life. Achievements. Friends, or more.

'So?'

I want to live. Desperately. Wake up, smash the fucker who did this—smash everything to the dungeon's end. Including this endless terror shoving fear into me.

'Move.'

Who'd save me here? Shae hadn't woken till combat ended.

'Move, damn it! Please! MOVE!'

Couldn't just lie here. I'm... their leader.

"…."

"…."

The world was blurry. Shattered.

The moment her leader, Hendrick, collapsed bleeding... Kaya's world crumbled too.

"Sis! Leader's still alive!"

"…."

"Sis! Kaya sis!"

Alive...?

"Snap out of it!!! Leader's not dead yet!!!"

Slap!—!

Her cheek stung. Burned. Hurt.

"Combat's not over! Why act like the world's ending, despairing on your own? Think I don't care about Leader? Get up! GET UP!! You damned fool, snap out of it! Kaya Epentzel!!!"

Slap!—!

Blood taste. Probably bleeding.

My world, my fate—leaking far more blood than in my mouth.

Ah. Need to heal. Even if it costs my body...

"She's completely lost it...!"

Why won't healing work? Shae. Why? Why hold your sword instead of healing Leader? Leader's down like he's dying—why approach that monster instead of staying by him?

Don't look at me like that. I'm perfectly fine. Most important is saving Leader somehow, right?

Raella. You gave an oracle. Said my fate lies here.

But does it end already? Before blooming fully, before going deeper. Is it my overreaching greed for deeper bonds with Leader?

I fear death. Feared it enough to endure those hellish childhood days. But if Leader or I must die... let it be me.

If my blood and flesh can save him, gladly given. Leader's a true 'hero' who'll reach the dungeon's end. Anyone can replace me, but not him...

So, Raella. Forgive your foolish daughter. Grant strength to the leader I trust and follow. Any price, I'm ready. Please, I beg—let this worthless body restore your brightest hero, even a little...

"...Ka, ya."

"………Huh?"

"Not... me... that fucker... "

"Ah, ah, aah...!"

Kaya's shattered world.

"Beat... it...!"

Reformed.

"Yes...! Leader...!"

As soon as I snapped back, combat messages flooded the corner of my vision. Before I could even check them all, I saw Kaya—eyes dead—aiming her mace at me, and my mouth opened without thinking.

Probably planning to self-harm via Battle Vestal's Penance to heal me, but I didn't want to discourage her intent—it was pointless anyway. My HP was -3; her heal would just waste her turn, handing it back to that thing. Smashing it was the play.

Panicking? Or scared from missing last turn? Still, the moment I ordered her to smash it, Kaya gripped her mace without hesitation.

Every step, she glanced back at me. Was I still there? Eyes open? Not keeling over from a breeze? She even blocked Shae from approaching.

Tears like waterfalls, face like ice, voice like a demon.

"Die. Die. Die."

Die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die—

Kaya's chilling mace swings only stopped when the Terror Warrior's corpse was unrecognizable mush.

"Leader! Can you move?"

"Leader!!"

"Hoo. First... bring... food, here."

Shae, fidgeting anxiously while watching Kaya, stuck close as Kaya approached, gazing worriedly at me.

Kaya was...

'Still kinda lost.'

Her mental state looked rough, but my body was priority.

'No heals post-combat.'

HP at -3. Alive only thanks to Agony—impossible otherwise. To push on without dying, force recovery with food. At least to 1.

"Food... plenty... bring... search... room corners... anything useful..."

"Yes...!"

While Shae searched, Kaya hauled the whole bag, dumping food on the floor. Grabbed one, opened it, stared between dry rations and me—then shoved it in her mouth, chewing fiercely.

'What the hell is she doing...?'

Somehow awake, but judgment foggy. No strength to speak or question. Then her face neared, and I got it.

"Ka... mmph!"

Smack—

No shame or hesitation, she kissed me, pushing her chewed food into my mouth. Like a mother bird feeding her chick. Panicked, mouth blocked, body limp—I had to swallow.

'This the legendary mouth-feeding play...?'

Body dying, situation dire, yet tension eased into weird vibes. When blood filled my mouth, I freaked, trying to stop her—but she sucked it all, chewed more, fed again.

Three helpings like a baby bird, and HP crossed 0.

"...Thanks. You did great."

Lick.

Kaya licked her lips instead of replying. Pressed close, staring intensely.

Eye contact burdensome, I checked logs.

'Fucked.'

Carefully managed Mentality back to rags. Still, I forced a grin.

"We're good."

To their grave faces.

"For real. We're good. Don't worry."

"Leader..."

"You doubt me?"

Kaya and Shae shook heads fiercely.

"Then trust me like always. Follow me. I'll get up, lead, show your path."

Pat pat. Stood, dusted butt. Pointed to 1-6 exit.

"Let's go."

Footsteps soon tripled.