Change
Lunch break passed by in a flash.
Honestly, wasn't the time too short? It didn't even feel like we'd talked about much, and yet that brief window had slipped away entirely.
Was it the weight of the conversation that made time vanish like that?
Or was it the person I was talking to?
Honestly, Kim Hyewon had been a good listener. Not only that — she'd offered her own thoughts on the matter, too.
Then again, what we talked about was pretty much badmouthing Chaeeun.
If this had been the past, I probably would've gotten really upset. Strange, then, that right now I couldn't muster any anger at all.
When I heard Hyewon's take on Chaeeun, it felt like a bucket of cold water dumped over my head — I just went cold, all at once. If anything, it seemed less like she was inventing things to tear Chaeeun down and more like she was stating the plain facts.
And thinking about it myself, Hyewon's words did hold some truth.
Assuming the look she'd seen in Chaeeun's eyes was real, anyway.
Maybe that was why.
"…So it turns out Jinhyeok likes tteokbokki! And I love tteokbokki too, so I'm thinking of asking him to go get some together!"
Watching Chaeeun chatter on about Yang Jinhyeok during the break that followed lunch made it hard to keep the smile on my face.
"Plus our hobbies secretly overlap! Like how I love watching movies — turns out he loves watching movies too! So I'm thinking, maybe this weekend I'll ask him to go see one with me?"
Really.
Come to think of it, maybe Chaeeun wasn't such a good person after all.
She was still beautiful, yes.
Still someone I'd built a mountain of memories with, yes.
"Oh, wait, never mind. Why don't you come too, Seojun? It'd be nice if you got close with Jinhyeok as well."
…Is this what they call love-hate?
I'd told you I liked you, plain and simple.
Even after my confession, I'd never actually given up on you.
So why did you announce that you liked another man right in front of a man who liked you — and then babble on about that other man like this?
Was I such a lightweight presence that I didn't even deserve that much consideration?
Or did you simply assume I was a good enough person to swallow even that and let it slide?
What on earth was the reason for this?
Why.
Why, for god's sake.
"…Seojun? Seojun, are you listening?"
She waved her hand in front of my face.
"Seojun?"
"…Yeah."
I barely managed to answer.
The smile was starting to crack.
Right now, I just wished Chaeeun would get out of my sight.
Before the ten years I'd spent with her curdled into a bad memory, I wanted them to remain as slightly faded, gently sun-worn recollections.
But at this rate, it felt like my love-hate feelings toward her would tip completely over to one side.
"Did you hear what I just said?"
"…I heard."
"What do you think? Want the three of us to hang out this weekend?"
"…No. Go without me."
"Huh? Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
Did I really have to spell it out for her?
Watch the girl I'm in love with laugh and giggle and play around with the guy she actually likes?
But I still didn't have the nerve to spit out words that sharp.
No.
I didn't want to spit them out.
Because doing so would feel like denying everything I'd poured into the time I'd spent on her.
Because I still didn't have the courage to deny those years.
"…You'd have a better time hanging out with just Jinhyeok. You like him, don't you?"
"W-well, that's true, but… being alone together would be kind of embarrassing…"
…
"…Anyway, you already had a good lunch, so that works out fine."
"Mm-hm…"
She paused at the word lunch, hesitated for a moment — and then I felt her stealing a cautious glance my way.
According to ten years' worth of accumulated data, that was the face she made when she had something to say but couldn't quite bring herself to say it.
Normally, in moments like these, I'd wait until she spoke up, or ask first myself, but…
"Are you maybe having lunch with Hyewon today, just you two—"
"Baek Seojun."
Today, none of that was necessary.
"Let's hit the school store."
Because my desk neighbor had grabbed my wrist and was pulling me out the door.
I could feel Chaeeun's gaze on our backs, but Kim Hyewon paid it no mind whatsoever, holding my wrist all the way out of the classroom. The sheer indifference to anyone else's eyes — talk about marching to her own drum.
By the time we reached the school store, I tapped her shoulder with my one free hand.
"…So. When exactly are you planning to let go of my wrist?"
"…Oh."
Swoosh—
She slipped her hand away, ever so casually.
It had been brief, but her body heat still lingered on my skin.
Then she gave a small cough and turned to look at me with careful eyes.
"Baek Seojun. Are you okay?"
What was she even asking… not that I bothered to ask back.
It was obvious.
"…Yeah. I'm fine."
"I don't think you are."
"I am. Really, I'm fine."
"Really?"
Out of nowhere, she reached out and took hold of my face.
The distance shrank.
Close enough that one wrong move would put our noses together.
"Your complexion looks bad."
My own face was reflected in her eyes.
Me, as seen through her gaze — well… I definitely looked pretty haggard, to be honest.
But still.
"I'm really fine, so, uh… could you let go of me first?"
"……?"
"…Everyone's staring."
"…Oh."
She wasn't kidding.
Students streaming into the school store for the break were looking our way and whispering.
Her sense of personal distance… might be a little off.
It did seem like she was genuinely checking me over out of concern, but come on — that was too close just now. Something about being around her seemed to scramble my sense of distance too.
How should I put it — the girl was hopelessly lacking in self-preservation instincts.
One slip and the whole school would be buzzing that we were dating.
Had it been any other guy instead of me, there'd have been plenty of room for a serious misunderstanding.
"Sorry."
"No, no. You were just worried about me, right?"
"…Yeah."
"Then that's all that matters."
Well, whatever — if she claimed it was concern, who was I to argue? If anything, being on the receiving end of her worry left me feeling so good that the sour mood she'd rescued me from had been wiped clean away before I even noticed.
"Pick whatever you want. I'm buying. Call it a thank-you for pulling you out of that Chaeeun conversation."
"Really? You'll buy it for me?"
"Yeah."
Hyewon glanced around, then grabbed a single banana milk without a moment's hesitation.
"Is that all you're getting?"
"…Can I pick more?"
"Of course."
"Then… this."
"A Chocobar?"
"Yeah. This thing is insanely good."
Of all the ice cream bars on the shelf, she'd picked the one with by far the strongest sweetness — the kind little kindergartners and elementary schoolers adore.
Maybe it was her little brother Kim Hyeseong's influence.
"You like sweets?"
"Yeah."
"Aha. So you have a sweet tooth."
When I let out a small laugh, she must have taken it as teasing, because her eyes narrowed to slits.
"For the record, I am not a child at heart."
"I never said you were."
"……"
Her mouth clamping shut was a wonderfully transparent thing to see.
Did she realize that by adding that, she'd basically confessed on the spot? Believe me, or don't.
"Then you must like dessert, too?"
"…Not really."
"Seriously? If you'd said you liked it, I was going to take you somewhere nice."
"…Seriously?"
"Dead serious."
"…Where's this nice place, exactly?"
"There's a spot in Mangwon-dong famous for its corn bingsu. It's ridiculously good."
Kim Hyewon swallowed audibly.
I could practically hear the gears of deliberation grinding from here.
So she really does love dessert.
"…Okay, fine. I like dessert. A little."
"A little?"
"…A little a lot."
More like a whole lot, if you asked me… but she'd admitted it herself, so who was I to press.
And watching her squirm with embarrassment, I couldn't help thinking she was kind of cute.
Cute things were, as a general rule, good for your mental health. Though Kim Hyewon herself seemed to have taken it as a jab.
"…I'm eating one more of these."
"Are you sulking?"
"I'm not."
"Aw, too bad. If you were sulking, I was going to buy you another one or two."
A beat of hesitation.
"…Okay, fine. I was sulking."
Having admitted it in record time, she scooped up even more Chocobars into her arms.
…Look, I said I'd treat her, but if she eats all of that, her teeth are going to rot. Is that really okay?
Regardless, she marched off to the register with her banana milk and her stack of Chocobars, shooting me a glare that said hurry up and pay. I couldn't hold back a snort.
I considered teasing her a little longer… but decided against it and just went up and paid.
And so, on the way back to the classroom —
She, strolling beside me and sipping her banana milk, snuck a glance at me.
"…Sorry. I was supposed to buy it for you, but I only ended up buying my own stuff."
Kim Hyewon genuinely looked sorry about it.
"It's fine. You can get me next time."
More than anything, thanks to her, the bad mood had evaporated completely. Compared to that, buying her a snack or two was nothing worth mentioning.
"…Mm. Next time, I'll really buy it for you."
"Sure, sure."
As long as the promise had been made, that was enough.
And just like that, I walked back into the classroom feeling lighter than I'd been when I left it.
The final class of the day finally came to an end.
Everyone was busy packing their bags to head home when Kim Hyewon, hers already slung over her shoulder, sidled up next to me.
"Let's go."
"Right. You're leading the way, remember?"
"Yep."
I was about to head out with her, nodding along —
"S-Seojun?"
Chaeeun blocked my path, in a composition that felt oddly, uncomfortably familiar. Her eyes darted back and forth between me and Hyewon, who was stepping out with me.
"…Aren't you coming with me?"
"…Ah."
I'd briefly forgotten.
"Sorry. I've got plans with Kim Hyewon today, so I don't think I can walk with you."
Even if that weren't the case, I'd moved into my own place now — there would be no more walking home with Kim Chaeeun.
Or walking to school with her, for that matter.
But I hadn't told Chaeeun any of that yet, which made this a little awkward.
Still, I'd have to come clean eventually.
"…Huh? With Hyewon…?"
"Yeah. Sorry, Chaeeun. We'll head off first."
"…Okay."
Just not today.
Someday, that day would come.
Right up to the last moment, I could feel her gaze burning into our backs as we walked away.