Chapter 106
Chapter 106
But the other person never showed their "true colors."
No, thinking about it more, maybe those "true colors" had actually been on display from the start.
Everything I thought I knew had been completely rewritten in just a few months since my memories went dark.
For instance, the attitude of every servant in the mansion was different from what I remembered.
Starting with Yang Hye-in.
"Is there anything in particular you'd like to eat today?"
"Will you be having dinner outside?"
"I'll be waiting."
She used to never speak to me first. I would have to force out a tiny voice just to ask for something before she'd comply. Now, oddly enough, she kept reaching out to me.
Even without me initiating, she'd let me know what needed to be done and ask for my opinion. When I tested it and gave an answer, she actually respected my wishes.
It was completely different from the living doll she'd been before.
What in the world happened in between?
I hadn't asked yet. If they thought I didn't know something I was supposed to know, that attitude might revert to the old one.
And then there was the girl called Shin So-hee.
I only found out she was the replacement for my former personal servant by overhearing a conversation between Yang Hye-in and Shin So-hee. She called Yang Hye-in "senior" with an easy familiarity. If my eyes didn't deceive me, Yang Hye-in didn't seem to dislike it either.
But this girl was different from the other "servants."
When we were alone, she dropped all formalities with me.
Actually, she usually dropped them even in front of others. The moments she addressed me politely and acted like a servant were strictly when it was genuinely necessary. Like when she needed to play the servant in front of anyone besides Yang Hye-in.
Yet, strangely enough, I didn't mind that confident, almost brazen attitude.
Truthfully, I'd never met a person like that before.
Everyone in front of me wore invisible masks and tried to treat me with repulsive kindness. But, and I feel a little bad saying this, Shin So-hee was so straightforward she almost seemed thoughtless.
Was she that happy I was "safe"? She'd boldly grab my hand, link arms, or even hug me.
All of it was a bit bewildering. Those were all things I'd only ever done with Mother. Doing them with someone else was a first, at least since I was very young.
So, a first in my memory, I mean. Because it seemed like over these past months, Shin So-hee and I had done these things as casually as breathing.
Truthfully, compared to Mother's hugs, it was a little uncomfortable.
Not emotionally. Physically.
Shin So-hee never bothered with things like controlling her strength when she was with me. She'd pull my arm, drag me by the hand, and hug me with all her might until my face was buried in her chest.
But, strangely, I liked those suffocating hugs.
Was that the influence of the "me" in those hazy memories?
No, perhaps it was because I could feel, in those actions, that she genuinely, sincerely liked me.
Ah, so this is what a friend is.
I learned that through Shin So-hee.
The kid named Lee Su-a wasn't as rough as Shin So-hee.
She'd often have an expression so adorably shy it almost made me embarrassed too, but she also didn't bother to hide that she liked me.
If there was a spot next to me, she'd hurry over and link her arm through mine. She'd gently press herself against me, and when she held my hand, she'd lace our fingers together.
When Lee Su-a stood beside me, she smelled nice. It felt familiar somehow, and when I thought about it, it was the same scent as the shampoo and body wash I used.
Which made sense. It would have been stranger if she smelled different. Both Shin So-hee and Lee Su-a had been staying in my room, after all. One as a personal maid, the other as a guest.
Right, and that "guest" slept in the same bed as me.
Honestly, that's the one thing I still haven't gotten used to. Maybe because barely a week had passed?
Whenever Lee Su-a lay beside me, she'd face my way and quietly watch me. That gaze was embarrassing. Once, I forced myself to meet her eyes directly, but that look on her face, supremely embarrassed yet refusing to look away, made something deep in my chest tickle, and I ended up squeezing my eyes shut.
Yes, it was embarrassing.
Embarrassing, but strangely, I didn't dislike it.
Is this what it would have felt like to have a sister who shared a room with me?
And every morning when I woke up, the maid who had definitely fallen asleep in a different bed would somehow be sleeping right next to me.
But I didn't dislike that warmth.
The changes didn't stop there.
The servants now hurriedly bowed their heads whenever our eyes met. Before, they'd ignored me like I was invisible, offering at most a perfunctory greeting. Now, they clearly recognized me as their "employer."
Seeing the same people who had ignored me trembling like that was, unexpectedly, a pretty hollow feeling.
I just ignored them right back, exactly like they'd done to me.
School had changed the same way.
I was no longer invisible.
"Hi."
Walking down the hallway, someone would invariably greet me as they passed. Even if it was a student whose face I didn't know, whose impression didn't even register in my hazy memories, they'd still toss me that short greeting.
Some kids would subtly avert their eyes when they met mine or hurry past. Others would stare at me, Shin So-hee, Lee Su-a, and Yu Ha-neul, the four of us sticking together, as if we were some kind of spectacle.
It wasn't a bad feeling.
The kids who actually spoke to me were a minority. Most still treated me like I was hard to deal with. But it was far better than being treated like I didn't exist.
When I was young, how desperately had I raged, trying to get a life like this?
The bare minimum of attention I could never earn, no matter how much I screamed and shouted for someone to talk to me, to look at me; I was receiving it now.
Just how...?
That was the question.
"After that day, it seems like the other kids' opinions have been changing little by little."
In the middle of a meal at school, the blue-haired student spoke. Sitting at the same table and eating with us, the girl's nameplate read "Son A-reum." She was apparently a disciplinary committee member.
"Since they realized nothing bad actually happens if they just talk to you. Maybe all those rumors going around really were just nonsense?"
Nonsense rumors.
Right. She called those rumors nonsense.
The treatment I'd received until now, the treatment that had gnawed away at my life, had been because of nothing more than "nonsense rumors."
Because of that, I'd even thought about dying.
Now that I knew the truth, strangely, I felt nothing.
Toward the cause of those rumors spreading, and toward the people who'd been fooled by them.
I was oddly calm.
*
"Sara."
It had been exactly a week since I "returned" when that kid named Yu Ha-neul, who'd been keeping a slight distance and watching me, carefully called my name.
While Lee Su-a and Shin So-hee had been actively closing in and openly showing their affection, Yu Ha-neul had just watched me with a worried expression.
She ate with me and sometimes held my hand or linked arms, but unlike the other two who'd barely peel themselves away once they latched on, this girl would pull back after a short while.
I wasn't exactly curious why. The people around me usually acted far more distant than that.
If anything, to my eyes, her behavior seemed very friendly.
But that didn't mean I was completely unobservant.
Did Yu Ha-neul dislike me?
Or had she figured out that I'm not the "me" from before?
I'd dealt with plenty of people since childhood who came to see me while hiding their true intentions, so I could usually tell when someone was concealing something.
Yu Ha-neul was one of those people. At least in my eyes.
She didn't seem like a bad person, but she also didn't seem like someone who'd let things slide easily.
"What is it?"
I was gradually figuring out how to have a conversation.
It still felt a little awkward. I was scared that if the other kids saw me talking, they might think I wasn't the person they believed me to be.
But there was no point in trying to hide it in front of someone who already knew.
"I have something I want to say."
That's what Yu Ha-neul finally said after a long hesitation.
I followed Yu Ha-neul out of the classroom, and we ended up on the rooftop.
I'd been up here a few times before.
I'd even wondered, once, what the success rate would be if I fell from here.
Yu Ha-neul stopped by that railing.
I stopped a few steps away from her.
So-hee, who'd followed us, asked, "Same talk as last time?" and then said she'd wait by the rooftop door.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
Yu Ha-neul stared down at the field for a long time. Then, as if she'd made up her mind, she looked at me and spoke.
"I made a promise. I really did."
"What promise was she talking about?"
"But no matter how much I think about it, I feel like you shouldn't just go on not knowing."
As she spoke, a glimmer of moisture clung to Yu Ha-neul's eyes.
With an expression that looked ready to spill tears at any moment, Yu Ha-neul looked at me and said,
"You are 'Ye Sa-ra,' right?"
It was a nonsensical question.
But I knew exactly what she was getting at.
There was no point trying to keep up a front, was there?
She would have known from the start that I wasn't "that person."
"Yeah. I'm 'Ye Sa-ra.'"
The one feeling an undeserved happiness she'd always longed for, yet unable to accept it.
The one always thinking, in a corner of her heart, that these kids must ultimately want something beyond me, not me myself.
The one hiding the truth all this time, terrified that if they found out "I" wasn't "me," everyone would leave.
A coward hiding in the dark and running away.
I still didn't fully know what "I" had done over the past three months.
But the person who made this current situation happen was definitely "me."
The "me" that even I didn't know.
"And the memories from the past few months?"
"Gone."
I answered flatly.
"I see."
Yu Ha-neul nodded.
Then she slowly opened her mouth.
"Before you came back, there was another 'Sara' who met with us."
I listened without a word.
"That girl, she was really worried about you."
"...What?"