Chapter 105
Chapter 105
Having experienced it firsthand, I can say this: when your own memories and emotions mix with someone else's, it's never pleasant.
Maybe it would be different if the other person's memories and feelings were good, but the thoughts and emotions I had to endure belonged to someone who'd never lived a happy life.
Ye Sa-ra had lived a life of suppression and confinement since childhood, a life in which no one spoke to her. Her thoughts were astonishingly simple.
Loneliness, happiness, and hatred—three emotions, stark and simple.
Two of those emotions came from a single person.
The 'mother' who locked Ye Sa-ra away in this silent mansion, visiting only on precisely determined days to dispense affection like charity.
......Choi Na-kyung.
The memories were just as simple, so simple that my attempt to sort through them felt foolish in retrospect.
The mansion and the school. Those were the only two places in Sara's memories.
Sometimes she'd strolled through the mansion's garden. Sometimes she'd walked out of class to sit in the park. Occasionally, Team Leader Han Ga-ram had spoken to her.
But that was all.
Ye Sa-ra had closed off her heart long ago, back in childhood.
Her sole focus was Choi Na-kyung; she knew nothing else and had no real desire to. After all, what Ye Sa-ra had wanted wasn't something money could buy.
......I'd always wondered why Ye Sa-ra committed those acts in the main story.
Looking at it now, the reason was simple.
She truly had nothing left to hold onto.
I still haven't grasped Choi Na-kyung's true feelings, but in the end, Ye Sa-ra came to believe that even Choi Na-kyung was just another adult after her money. And so, through Ye Sa-ra's eyes, Choi Na-kyung's face gave off no light.
Maybe, if Ye Sa-ra had truly known 'nothing,' she wouldn't have ended up this broken.
......But.
But there was one very subtle way this world differed from the one I'd lived in.
I don't just mean that the Seoul cityscape was different from the Seoul I knew. I'm not talking about the different laws or company names.
In this world, everyone possessed some kind of ability.
Most were at a level where they might, or might not, offer a slight convenience in daily life, but occasionally there were abilities that granted a huge advantage in navigating the world.
For instance, the game's protagonist, Yu Ha-neul, had the ability to instinctively recognize a wrong choice. It was a mechanism the game provided to prevent game overs, but if that were an ability you could use in real life, you'd live a life of overwhelming success compared to others.
And then there was...... Ye Sa-ra's ability.
The ability to see light shining from certain people's faces. Honestly, it was less a sixth sense and more a genuine superpower.
Now that I'd assimilated Ye Sa-ra's memories, I felt like I could understand it a little.
This ability was a kind of instinct.
An instinct to find 'someone who will change your life.'
The reason Sara, Su-a, and So-hee's faces shone wasn't simply because I knew their futures.
It was because those three people had treated Ye Sa-ra in a way completely different from everyone else she'd ever known.
Su-a had spoken to Ye Sa-ra when no one else would.
Ha-neul had called out to Ye Sa-ra, who hadn't heard her at first, over and over until she finally got through.
So-hee hadn't cared in the slightest that Ye Sa-ra came from a different world than hers.
Right. The people with shining faces weren't special people who therefore shone.
The truth was that even ordinary people's faces could have looked radiant.
Ye Sa-ra had simply never met anyone that ordinary.
......And so, Ye Sa-ra, who had never learned how to form relationships with people—
maybe she'd tried to grasp those signals in a 'different way.'
Smashing everything that had ever interacted with her,
running away somewhere far off,
and casting off all of life's complications—
the joy, the happiness,
the loneliness, the sorrow.
Maybe, deep down, she'd been wishing for a fresh start.
That's what I thought, from the very depths of Ye Sa-ra's heart.
*
How long had I been out?
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the same ceiling I saw every morning.
The ceiling light was shining brightly.
"......."
I felt like I'd had some kind of dream.
I'd definitely swallowed a handful of sleeping pills. If those pills weren't fake, I shouldn't be waking up right now.
I should have closed my eyes and never opened them again.
......And besides, the uniform I was wearing was one I'd never worn before. Maybe it was the uniform I would've worn if I'd gone on to high school.
Right. I never even had the chance to go to high school. I was supposed to be dead.
That's how it should've gone, according to plan.
"Sara!"
"Ugh."
Someone next to me suddenly shouted, startling me.
The only person who could enter this room was the maid—I thought as I turned toward the voice. And sure enough, a maid was there.
Yellow-dyed hair. Skin that looked sun-tanned. Tall.
She gave off a somewhat imposing air.
Yet the clothes she wore were unmistakably a maid uniform. The top three buttons of her shirt were undone, so the very feminine area beneath was clearly visible. Honestly, if the maid uniform hadn't been the same design I always saw, I'd have assumed it was some kind of costume.
Eyes glistening with tears, she was clutching my right hand tightly in both of hers.
Maybe because she had a pretty face, the tears welling up in her eyes suited her strangely well.
...But... this person... I didn't... know her?
No. Deep in some distant part of my memory, I felt like I did know her. But it wasn't 'my' memory.
How should I put this.
Sometimes, in dreams, you find yourself experiencing things as someone else.
Most of the memory fades when you wake up, but the feelings, like 'that was fun' or 'that was interesting', sometimes linger.
That was the impression. Like someone I'd met vaguely in one of those dreams.
......Then again, I'd barely dreamed at all since middle school.
So it was odd that I could remember even this faintly.
"Sara, are you okay?"
This time, a voice came from my left.
Turning my head, I found a girl with a different impression sitting there.
Her hair, tied up in two pigtails, gave off the image of an energetic kid, but her expression looked ready to burst into tears at any moment. That made her seem terribly fragile and pitiful instead.
Still, at least this kid wasn't wearing a maid uniform. Though I had no idea why she was in this house.
That's what I thought, my head still hazy.
Only then did I realize my room looked different from how I remembered it.
The spacious, empty room now had a second bed in it. Next to that bed stood a simple clothes rack, and underneath it, several bags were lined up.
"......."
I couldn't figure out why. Since when had things been this way? Who were these kids, and why were they boldly standing in my room?
"......."
Then my eyes met a girl's.
Unlike the two holding my hands, she'd been watching me from a little farther away, and when our eyes met, she flinched. I hadn't even said anything.
With her fine chestnut-brown hair tied back, she also seemed like she should have been the lively type. Her skin had good color, and unlike my gaunt frame, her body looked reasonably healthy. And...... she was reasonably well-developed too.
She was the complete opposite of me, someone who'd spent her days almost never seeing sunlight.
But despite that kind of image, she was looking at me with eyes full of strange, deep fear.
"......."
For a while, silence hung in the room.
Was I supposed to say something?
I'd almost never initiated a conversation with anyone before. I thought a lot, but I'd never really believed that anyone would answer me even if I spoke first.
I didn't trust people. Had no reason to.
Yet apparently, at some point in the past I couldn't remember, 'I' had spoken with these three kids.
Even inviting them into my room, at that.
......Right. They'd been there too, during that meeting with Mother.
Had I grown close enough to them that they'd followed me and witnessed that meeting?
"......."
I hesitated briefly.
Was asking these people questions the right thing to do?
Was it right to try and understand the situation by asking them directly?
Yes, my reason nodded and told me that was the right choice.
You have to judge things correctly when you're in unfamiliar territory. That's how you get through what's ahead.
But my 'emotions' shook their head.
Why? My reason asked.
I don't really know. My emotions gave that answer.
But somehow, I feel like I have to.
"......."
I thought about it once more.
Right. These kids...... at the very least, they seemed sincerely worried about me.
I couldn't be sure, actually. It could all be an act. Mother had been after my money too, in the end. I'm sure all her claims of loving me were lies.
So I concluded that these kids' tears must also be false. My reason ordered me to judge it that way. Because I'd never experienced a situation like this. Someone genuinely worried about me, shedding tears by my side, and one of them so frightened she couldn't even manage to speak.
But I don't want to.
My emotions shook their head, refusing.
So...... that's how it is.
Someone is crying out of worry for me. Someone is so concerned about my state that they can't get the words out.
......This was a situation I'd never experienced once in my entire life. At least within the bounds of my memory.
And that's why my emotions were clinging to me like this.
Because I'd never been through it before.
So, couldn't I just...... enjoy this, just a little longer?
At last, my reason admitted that my emotions had a point.
Nodding, as if to say: Right, there was also that note you wrote.
That note.
Right.
—I just wanted to spend a week like everyone else.
I remembered leaving those words behind.
It was my last memory.
"......Yeah, I'm okay."
Opening my mouth for the first time in a while, I answered in a cracked voice.
I couldn't manage a smile. I'd almost never smiled in front of anyone except Mother. Even forced, it probably wouldn't have looked very nice.
But even though I didn't smile, the two kids on either side of me beamed at me.
They smiled. For me.
......And they cried. For me.
And not from some distant place—right here beside me.
I barely knew them, but strangely, that made me so incredibly happy.
Why?
I'd never seen anything like it. Even Mother had never shown me that kind of expression.
What had happened over these past three months?
In a corner of my mind, a memory wafted up like a small wisp of smoke.
I could tell something had happened, but not clearly enough to be sure.
Only enough to bring the possibility to mind.
It felt like a finger tickling a deep, hidden corner of my chest.
Could it be.
Really, could it be.
Had the thing I'd wished for so desperately actually happened over these past three months?
......All right. Just a little.
Only until they show their true colors.
I'll go along with them until then.
Getting fooled now and then isn't so bad.
Just like when I meet Mother.
I can save the crying for later.