The Past of the Two, Part 4
It was past five o'clock when the three of them finally finished their lunch—or perhaps it was dinner by now. With the meal concluded and dessert served, they dove straight back into the main topic.
"Don't think about the age gap. Do you think your ex-husband didn't know that when he married you? He knew, and he married you because he loved you. So, do you really want to keep showing him that pathetic side of yourself, acting like you're always lacking just because you're younger?"
"No, not at all, not at all." Having listened to their advice while eating, she seemed to have calmed down, her voice now clear and steady.
"I saw the news, and you should check it properly when you get home. GPL didn't go bankrupt. Some investor—I don't know if they were foreign or domestic—bought the shares at a high price. The rest was acquired by Doowon and is still being researched as a department. Even I know that much, so why don't you?"
"I was just too indifferent... I kept trying to treat Suhyun like he was insignificant..."
"If you treat a husband who does everything you ask like he's insignificant, then what on earth is important to you? That makes even less sense."
"You're right. I... I realize that now." She spoke with a self-deprecating tone. Seeing her so compliant, Seohee and Hayeon stopped scolding her and continued with their advice.
"As for the relationship... the sex, I don't know. Just do whatever. Your thoughts are what matter, Jia. What are you planning to do?"
Hayeon looked at her, and Jia, after carefully reading the room, spoke up.
"...It happened a while ago, when I went to find him during a dinner with another company."
She began to recount what had happened. She had tried to get her ex-husband drunk and seduce him; even then, she hadn't wanted to give up on the pleasure she enjoyed. Even though her father-in-law had strictly warned her not to let him drink, she had done it anyway, causing his personality to flip completely. He had turned into a different person and taken her roughly.
"...He glared at me like he wanted to kill me... It was so intense, to the point where it actually hurt a little... I felt like I was going to die from the exhaustion, and on top of that, he took money out of his wallet and threw it at me like I was really a prostitute... While I was washing up, I couldn't even move, so I just lay there, and he kept going for about two more hours..."
"...So, is it a trauma?"
She shook her head vigorously. Then, with a slight blush, she lowered her head and spoke cautiously.
"...That's the thing..."
The act of him having sex with her as if he wanted to kill her, treating her like a slave. Without a single trace of the gentleness he used to have, the thrill that made her think she might actually die if she made a mistake. And the fact that he didn't do it in short, repetitive bursts like he used to, but instead did it all at once, without a break—she confessed that she loved it. She told them everything.
After hearing it all, they asked, "I didn't understand why I kept trying to take the upper hand... Suhyun used to look like a younger brother to me, but after that, he felt like a dependable man in his mid-30s, like a husband with a huge age gap..."
"You said he hit you."
"That... that felt good... Strangely enough, I never knew that getting hit could feel so good."
Everyone looked at her with shocked expressions as she spoke with a flushed face. Then, one of them asked, "Can you keep up with that? Honestly?"
Without a moment's hesitation, she replied, "...Yes. Actually, I want my ex-husband to do it to me one more time when he comes home... I don't think I'd get tired if he did. I even... don't want to go to work anymore. I took the husband who loved me every day for granted... I know now that he's someone I can't live without, and because of that, everything I do with him is good, but among those things, the way Suhyun changes and tries to do all those things to me... I love it so much."
"Well, that's that, then."
"...I don't think this is a problem anymore."
However, the two friends warned her not to have a baby. It would be like throwing dirt on a perfectly cooked meal. She agreed. They decided to keep the fact that she had received contraceptive treatment a quiet secret.
"You're right. As for the baby... if he starts liking me again... I'll do it then."
"You're actually saying something sensible for the first time in four hours."
"You don't have friends like us, Jia."
"...I'm sorry."
Her expression was genuinely apologetic. It couldn't be helped; one friend was on maternity leave, and the other had taken a day off just to meet her. They had come out because they thought it was important when she asked for help.
"Shouldn't we have sent you to a hospital instead of us?"
"Seriously. I didn't know you'd end up like this while we weren't looking."
Meanwhile, she was deeply resolved. When she got home, she would follow exactly what her friends had said, put in the effort, and face reality. She decided not to get lost in strange thoughts, not to be emotional, and to verify only the facts.
It was a good opportunity to tell the truth about everything and get advice. So, she walked into the house with a gait that had a bit more strength than when she had left. 'I will definitely do as I planned. Truly.'
She did the housework, cleaned the master bedroom, and went into the gaming room to wipe all the finger grease off the keyboard and mouse. Even if he came home and didn't say a single word to her, she decided to wait. Then, she made a call.
"Yes, this is Seo Jia."
"Ah... by any chance,"
"I'd like to change to long-term leave."
"...?"
She called the department in charge at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and brought up the subject of long-term leave. Her influence was so great that it was something she could handle over the phone, even if it was a big request.
"No, why all of a sudden..."
"My relationship with my husband has become distant. I was so focused on work that I lost my own time. So, I want to take a break."
"There are still many pending cases..."
"It's good to help other employees grow, too. I'll step out for a while. I'll study in my spare time and come back."
A few minutes after hanging up, the inspector and the North American Bureau Director called her in turn, but she didn't answer. A few hours later, she received a long, detailed message, and after that, she confirmed on the civil servant attendance app that her status had been changed to long-term leave. She even smiled slightly.
Determined once more not to act too rashly, she finished the remaining chores, sat in the kitchen for a moment, drank a glass of water, and steadied her breath. Just then, she heard him arrive home. She wanted to welcome him, but he passed by her with indifference, cooked for himself, and she watched him as he took a call during dinner. Hearing a woman's voice on the other end of the line and watching him rush out somewhere, she felt her resolve waver and her eyes welled up with tears.
'I had something to say...'
She thought that if she didn't talk to him, she could just wait until he did. She had permission to stay in the house, and he didn't seem to take issue with it. But now that he was trying to empty the house entirely, and thinking about the thing she hadn't told her friends—the strange scent of apple on his clothes—she trembled, sank to the floor, and cried, just a little.
Around that time, she recalled what her friends had said. 'You're just one of many things to be laughed at.'
If another woman had entered his life, she would have no expectations even if she told the truth now. She couldn't even satisfy him with sex, so how else could she turn his heart around? It was so sad to see him talk to a woman so openly, and tears streamed down her cheeks endlessly at the thought that she was the cause of it all.
If only he had told her it was just a new secretary, her heart might have eased just a little, but he hadn't said a word, hadn't told her where he was going, and just left.
'What do I do...?'
She wiped her tears, drank some water, washed her face, and went into her room. She barely managed to pick up a pen to write in her diary, staining the page with tears once again. Then, a thought occurred to her.
'...Should I meet them one more time? Seohee and Hayeon...'
'...Or should I really go to a psychiatrist...'
Tears flowed endlessly, and she was thinking such things because she had no idea what she was supposed to do here.
'I really don't know...'
Feeling as though the slight anticipation and hope she had held just moments ago were all vanishing, she clutched her chest in pain. She thought about being overbearing again, even if it burdened him, but since she had been told not to do that, she gave up. She considered leaving the house for a while, but she felt like he would already be remarried by the time she tried to return.
'What am I supposed to do when the person won't even come home...'
She pondered and pondered, only to conclude, '...It's better to sleep and at least have a dream.'
She barely managed to fall asleep, hoping that he would appear affectionately in her dreams. On the rare occasions he appeared in her dreams as he used to be and held her, she would inevitably wake up and wash away the tears she had shed in her sleep. She closed her diary, tucked it into the bookshelf, and as always, lay down on the carpet, covered herself with a small blanket, and drifted off to sleep.