The Past of the Two, Part 3
"I honestly don't know what you're talking about anymore."
"What's wrong with you?"
Seohee and Hayeon spoke at the same time.
"...It's something I've been thinking about for a long time."
"..."
"No matter how much land he has, Suhyun is a chaebol. I thought from the start that he and I were economically incompatible. I kept suppressing it, but... after that point, I couldn't stop thinking about it. And even though I could offer him various kinds of help as a woman one year his senior, financially... I never had the opportunity to do so."
They all stared at her without a word. She took a slow, deep breath again.
"It's not just about the age gap, but after Suhyun went through that failure... it was cool how he tried to do things on his own without his father's help. But I wanted to, just a little, take advantage of that moment."
"You know that's wrong, right?"
"You know that's just an inferiority complex, right?"
She dropped her head as if to bury it in the floor, thought for a long time, and then gave a slight nod.
"That was all just in your head from the beginning."
"...You're right."
"Has your ex-husband ever looked down on you for having less money than him?"
"...No, he hasn't."
She had spoken her mind, but instead of feeling relieved, a sense of discomfort lingered.
"But it's something that could happen someday, and even if it's not about money..."
"Okay. Jia, be quiet for a second. Let's sort this out."
The two friends, who had told her to eat first, whispered to each other and jotted something down on their phones. Then, they spoke.
"Alright. We've organized it. What you were thinking."
Seohee slowly lifted her phone and read the contents.
"First, the reason you started festering in your own emotions: The fact that you aren't from a wealthy family like your ex-husband, and that you're older than him. You felt like you were submitting during sex rather than being on top. You thought your ex-husband failed because he was incompetent. So, he didn't look reliable to you anymore. Am I right?"
She nodded slowly. Then, Seohee continued reading down the list on her phone.
"And then, the things that changed in you: You fell into an inferiority complex and deluded yourself that your ex-husband would leave you someday, you thought you could treat him like a servant with money, and you thought that because he was kind, if you asked for a divorce, he would grovel, apologize, and do whatever you told him to do."
"That's right... I really..."
Her expression was one of genuine regret, but her close friends Seohee and Hayeon looked at her with disapproval—a mix of frustration and the thought, How did she end up like this?
Seohee, who had majored in psychology, spoke slowly.
"Jia, isn't it just that you've become like this because you overthink things?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know how you fall into delusions when you overthink? That habit of twisting things to make what you think seem like reality."
It was like thinking a hundred times, 'He's the type of person who would do that,' until you truly believe it. And once you believe it, that thought manifests into behavior, and you manipulate the situation so that the person actually becomes that way. And when they finally do, you say, 'See? I knew you would,' fitting the pieces to your own narrative. It was a bad habit that some people have. There had been many studies on it in the field of psychology.
Hayeon took the phone and continued.
"You're regretting it now, right?"
"...A lot. Really, a lot..."
"Then why aren't you apologizing?"
"...I did, in my own way,"
"Wasn't that just something you said casually while you were with him? I mean a real, formal apology—admitting exactly what you did wrong, explaining the situation, and acknowledging that your thoughts were all a misunderstanding. Like that."
"..."
"Have you ever said, 'I made a mistake, so I am truly sorry for that, and I will make up for it, so please give me a chance'?"
She couldn't continue. She had thrown herself at him, been stubborn, had sex, and moaned apologies, but she had never done that. She looked into her own thoughts. Until now, she had never said a word of apology, instead sending implicit signals of apology through her actions whenever she made a mistake. Meanwhile, she teared up thinking about the letters he had written her in the past. He had apologized so directly and in such detail.
"I think... I really was in the wrong. I didn't even apologize."
While this was happening, Hayeon checked the time on her phone. It was already 4:00 PM. They told her to eat first, and they all picked up their utensils, carrying a strange mood with them.
They talked for a long time. Starting with what she should do from now on.
"First, look for an opportunity, and try to make him feel better. Start with your actions."
"...Okay."
"And when your ex-husband isn't busy. When you can have a serious conversation, tell him."
"I'll do that."
"Don't be too pushy with your ex-husband. You are legally divorced, aren't you? You're a stranger to him now. Break those old habits and throw away everything you think is right. He's not your husband or lover from the past anymore. Don't act rashly."
As she ate, she confessed that she truly loved Suhyun and had contemplated suicide after failing to last even a few months following her divorce from Han Suhyun. Her friends, putting the past aside for a moment, counseled her on what to do first. And they added:
"Tell your ex-husband the truth about losing all your money in stocks."
"If I do that, he'll hate me..."
"That's the only way he'll even feel a shred of pity. And you have to be open about your failures, too. Just as you were burned badly while trying to use others, you need to be burned yourself. You can't just selfishly escape this on your own. If you don't, it will only hit you harder as time goes on."
"..."
"You said you weren't being calculating, but your ex-husband is the one who will inherit Doowon, and my precious friend Seo Jia isn't even a chaebol like that. At best, you'll just be dipping your toes into politics later. As the years go by, he will surpass you by leaps and bounds, but you'll keep falling behind. At some point, when he truly erases you and forgets you completely, and has no feelings left for you—if he finds out you lost your money then, you'll just be a laughingstock."
"..."
"Conversely, even if he still has good feelings for you, if he finds out you blew away the money he earned with his own blood and sweat, even the affection he had will vanish. You have to tell him about your failures, too."
She felt depressed as she listened. Her friends' prescriptions were quite direct. She used to be the one playing that role, but now it felt like she was receiving it all back. However, she couldn't get angry or respond emotionally. They were listing reasons she could agree with and finding solutions for her. If anything, she should be thanking them.
"And stop trying to possess people."
"...Okay."
"Does your ex-husband think of you as a possession? If so, what are you going to do? You said you'd go back into that house and work like a maid. Imagine that he really does think of you as nothing more than a sex slave. Don't think of it as uncomfortable like you do now, but enjoy it, have fun with it. Do you like being touched on the chest by strangers in between other people whenever there's a reception?"
"...I hate it, it's humiliating."
"Exactly. But that's what you were trying to do. Don't you think your ex-husband would feel that? Maintaining an executive position at a company is hard even with the 'son buff.' It's literally at the level of a temporary employee. Jia, it wasn't because you were great or capable that he followed you and treated you well."
Hearing those words, she regained a bit more of her rationality.
"You were the one who was mistaken. He didn't think of you as his master; he was just a man who liked you a lot and tried to accommodate you, doing whatever you liked. You were the one who, all by yourself, thought you were the one who made him great, and that he was a man who needed you to be great."
Only then did she start to see things clearly. If asked why she didn't know such a basic thing, she would probably make the excuse that, living together, she had truly, literally, been deceived by familiarity and failed to treat him with care. That was why she had fallen into such thoughts. The inferiority complex and jealousy she felt upon waking up didn't turn into a desire to overcome them, but rather into a determination to make the other person submit.
"You're right... Hayeon. Seohee, too..."
"We're not done yet, Seo Jia."
The two of them, genuinely thinking she had become strange, raised their voices, desperate to rescue her even now.
"We've figured out why you've become like this, so we're going to change it all. We're going to go through everything one by one... so that you can go back to how you were."
She swallowed the saliva in her throat, starting to feel a little scared.
"Remember everything we're saying, and go home and write it down. ...You are not normal, Seo Jia."