Starting Over (37)
"She's not a good person... why would he be seeing someone like this?"
Whenever 'Problematic Behavior' was noted in an employee's profile, a green light would blink over their resident registration number, phone number, and address. There were many things that didn't make sense. An employee marked with problematic behavior should be a candidate for termination, yet the registration date showed it was from a year ago, and they were still listed as active. When I opened the personnel file, it initially showed standard performance reviews, but the following pages contained something entirely different—data accessible only to executives. It listed the papers she had written, the titles of her thesis and research papers, citation counts, and more. Her educational background was also detailed, and the specs of this 'problematic' employee were...
"...4.3. Well, I suppose that's doable..."
Following that was a mountain of research achievements and papers, including an overseas academic journal. The publisher of the overseas paper was, unsurprisingly, BP plc.
"What the...?"
[ A Study on the Applicability of Vegetable Oil from Seaweed and Other Algae as a Domestic Gasoline Alternative Fuel, Min Suyeon, 20XX, Seoul National University ]
[ A Study on the Effect of Octane Rating Differences in Alternative Gasoline on Internal Combustion Engine Performance, Min Suyeon, 20XX, Seoul National University ]
[ Study: Chemical Differences and Performance Changes of the Internal Combustion Engine Extracted from Cultured Seaweed and Natural Seaweed, Min-sooyeon. 20XX, British Petroleum plc. ]
[ A Study on Combustion Characteristics According to Changes in Hydrocarbon Properties of Alternative Gasoline, 20XX, Green Energy Society ]
[ Comparative Evaluation Study of Biodiesel and Alternative Gasoline, 20XX, Korean Society of Industrial and Engineering Chemistry ]
[ Development and Supply Outlook of Vegetable Gasoline for Existing Commercial Internal Combustion Engines, 20XX, Seoul National University ]
An odd person. Yes, she was an odd person. A problematic employee would never be capable of such work.
— "It is difficult to make an immediate diagnosis for mental illness."
"...."
"However, after having several conversations with the patient and reviewing the test results..."
Well?
"For starters, it is confirmed that there is delusional disorder and paranoia... However, it is judged that it does not fall under schizophrenia. There are several types of delusional disorder; if you look here..."
Min Suyeon looked at him with an expression of disbelief. It was he, not the patient, who was receiving a detailed explanation of the illness. The psychiatrist suggested she had persecutory delusional disorder—simply put, a persecution complex.
"In fact, since a psychiatric diagnosis requires sufficient time, what I've said today might differ from the facts. This is the same for every doctor. No doctor can identify a disease the moment they face a patient."
"Ah, yes..."
"And beyond the delusional disorder, what I am considering more is..."
The doctor then listed a series of conditions: antisocial personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, mood disorders, anxiety disorders.
"In the case of antisocial personality disorder, I cannot diagnose it because I have not met the patient before the age of 15, but I mentioned it because it appears to be a suspected condition—"
"As for why I diagnosed her with avoidant personality disorder, it seems the patient is reluctant to form relationships with people unless there is a specific expectation. Unless she has the certainty that 'that person will be unconditionally favorable to me!', she seems to avoid approaching others or forming relationships with those who approach her. From your perspective as her guardian, is that actually the case?"
It seemed so. Someone who treats her unconditionally well—that was him right now.
...Is that why she did that in the car yesterday?
"Also, she lacks too much confidence. Patient, I failed to get into Seoul National University... of course, I'm talking about medical school, but even though you possess remarkable intellectual ability, you try too hard to hide it. You don't have to hide it, but thinking of yourself as inferior to others and believing and acting that way is a main characteristic of avoidant personality disorder."
In reality, Min Suyeon didn't talk much about the things she had researched. No, not 'much'—almost nothing at all. It even seemed like she would deliberately change the subject to avoid talking about such things. I needed to know why. Only then could I properly win her over and guide her back to doing what she does best—helping GPL.
As I was thinking this, the female doctor, who looked to be in her 40s, said to me:
"By the way, what is the relationship between the two of you... the person here is the one who appeared on TV..."
"Ah, Ms. Min Suyeon is an employee at our company. I suggested we visit the hospital."
"Ah... I see, hmm..."
"Is there something you'd like to say...?"
"Well, the patient here... hmm, this might not be accurate, so. If you could leave the patient here, I'll do a bit more checking."
"Ah, yes. Understood. I'll step out."
I quickly closed the door and stepped out. As soon as the door shut, the doctor spoke.
"You like him, don't you?"
"....?"
"It seems you like your guardian."
"...What are you talking about? Shut up. If you're going to say useless things, I'm leaving..."
Seeing her lash out with profanity even at the doctor who had just examined her, the doctor began to speak as if she weren't angry, but rather understanding.
"Avoidant personality disorder, as the name suggests, means you only like people who are good to you, and you don't form relationships with people who you think might not treat you well, even slightly. Also, you hate being embarrassed, and you show a tendency to be very ashamed of revealing something hidden about yourself."
"Just now, when your guardian closed the door and left, you were staring at that door for a long time. Usually, patients with mental illness wouldn't come to the hospital willingly with their guardian. There are many people who come here and throw things or brandish knives, but you barely even got angry, and you received all the tests as you were told."
"...That's because that person..."
Min Suyeon had been docile throughout the entire diagnosis. Instead, she kept trying to check whether he was there or not, whether he was standing or sitting next to her. How important must that have been for her to realize her own behavior only after hearing the doctor say it now?
"..."
"Has your guardian done anything particularly kind for you?"
She had expected to be locked up if she came to a psychiatric clinic, but feeling like she was just getting a check-up at a local hospital, she stared at the doctor for a moment and decided to speak. Because,
"There are no handcuffs. Just go and answer honestly as they ask. ...Saying it like this, it sounds like I'm going to a police investigation."
"Hey, do you think I'm a fucking idiot? You think I'm a piece of shit, so because I acted like that yesterday, because I'm a piece of shit, you're trying to tie me up somewhere...!"
Because he had said that. Because he was the one who tried to understand her, who understood her, who didn't curse at her severely even when she made mistakes, who didn't blame her for being stupid or a burden.
"Just..."
He valued the research achievements she had made, read through them one by one and told her she was an essential person to the company, and told her that if she paid off her debts and worked hard, it would be fine.
"...I thought he would be interested in my body, but he wasn't..."
"Ah~ I see."
"And..."
The stories they shared while eating steak in a high-rise skyscraper, and the way she was slowly drawn to him. Drawn to him? Rather than that...
"...To be honest, that's it. I had a thought... what if I carried his seed? I still do."
"I see."
Only because he had told her to be honest, she followed his instruction, and the doctor, having heard far worse things than this, nodded and responded as if she understood.
"You're going to keep all this a secret, right?"
"Of course, I won't tell your guardian."
"..."
"Then, could you explain why you want to carry his seed, and why you had such a thought?"
"That is..."
"Then I can get pregnant... and then I can stay by his side forever... I can tie him down like that."
"He's a married man, but, well... my life is already ruined and useless, so I'm fine with being a mistress..."
"Is this a problem? I'm doing it because I like it... It's not illegal. ...So I wanted to do it."
The doctor checked the two boxes labeled 'Unable to conform to social consensus, laws, and social climate' and 'Impulsive.' It wasn't done with bad intentions. A doctor must diagnose a patient accurately. With this, she had met the diagnostic criteria for these two aspects of antisocial personality disorder.
"I see. Right... Then may I ask why you want to keep your guardian by your side?"
"That's obviously because I like him," she covered her mouth.
"It seems I was right, as I said, isn't it?"