Starting Over (23)
"People, at the very least, can accomplish anything if they feel pride and passion for their work and try their best. Yes, I failed. That’s true. But just because I failed, should I just sit down and cry? Why are you speaking so pessimistically?"
"If we had given up on semiconductors because making 256K DRAM was difficult, Doowon Electronics would have vanished without a trace by now. But people even older than us, the generation before us, they took on the challenge. Do you think they did it because they knew they would succeed? Perhaps they did it knowing they would fail even more than we have. Like madmen."
"Who would have thought that Favipiravir would finish Phase 3 clinical trials and come out as an AIDS treatment? Because there were people who kept trying, thinking, 'This will probably fail too,' that’s how it became a medicine, and that’s how the moment came when AIDS was no longer an incurable disease. Well, it’s still hard to cure completely, but... anyway, the people who kept supporting it, the people who received that support and believed they would surely succeed, the people who stayed up all night immersing themselves in research—were they... were they just dumber than you, unable to think of what you’re thinking?"
He felt his head heating up. Her cynicism, her sneer, the way she dismissed everything as child’s play—it was too hard to endure. 'Why do I have to listen to this?' These words, which started from a question he asked himself in his own mind, eventually turned into a dagger filled with rage, stabbing Min Suyeon’s heart without mercy.
Because,
"You say the chaebol throw away opportunities? Have you ever been a chaebol? We’re human too. We have to achieve more success than others, and if we make a single mistake, we have to endure the insults poured on us from all sides. Have you ever sat in a position like this? Do you think I’m here because I wanted to be?"
"Are all the employees I work with idiots? Are they idiots because they can't even think of what you thought of, and are just stupidly continuing on? We aren't certain we’ll succeed either, but we’re trying. I... we are all relying on each other, believing that’s why we can do it, because we can’t just do nothing and suck our thumbs!"
After firing off those words, both of them fell silent. He thought he had been too excited, unlike himself, and tried to apologize for his slip of the tongue, but—
"..."
Min Suyeon was still looking at him with eyes that seemed to pity him, as if looking at something pathetic, while simultaneously thinking about something else.
"...I’m sorry. I was too..."
"..."
"I spoke too harshly. ...Anyway, that’s how it is. I..."
"Yeah."
With the final words of "Go ahead and try," Min Suyeon slammed the door open, got out of the car, and walked toward her house. He was wondering where he was when he realized the building on the left was her home. Just as he was climbing the stairs to follow her—
"I’m not done talking yet!"
"..."
"Ah, I spoke a bit too harshly! There’s still... I have more to say! Over there..."
Ah, he’d ruined everything. What should he do? He followed her into the building and looked for the elevator. ...There was no elevator. He scrambled to chase after Min Suyeon, who was walking up slowly without a word, and just barely caught the door before it closed—
"...I told you I wasn't done talking."
"You really are a stalker."
"That’s not it, I told you I paid 5 million won to buy your day."
"My day is worth 5 million won..."
Hmm, was this statement also a mistake? He was full of mistakes...
"Yeah, let’s talk inside instead. Look at my hand, if this keeps up, it’s going to get cut..."
...This was also a mistake. Trying to barge into someone else’s house...
"Are you crazy?"
"No, that’s just a figure of speech. I really do have something to talk about."
"Ha... you’re really fucking clingy. Hey, no, you son of a bitch, if a person talks, just listen, please, really, huh?"
She hadn't written down what to do on the weekend in her notebook, so it seemed like she didn't have a schedule, but Min Suyeon had plenty of things to do. The more determined a person is to die, and the firmer that resolve becomes, the more things that need to be done start to appear. But since this attempted sexual assault suspect kept getting in the way,
"Ah, I’ll just give you 5 million. You beggar."
"It’s not about the money..."
"Fucking hell, you keep saying five million, five million, are you crazy? What, if I give you 100 million, will you let me use you like a dog?"
Ah, he had intended to do that...
"We need to talk about money, we need to talk about work, and also...!"
"Fucking hell, the people downstairs are going to chase you out, you idiot!"
"That’s why let’s talk inside!"
"Ha..."
However, Min Suyeon felt it was hard to just refuse him outright. It wasn't anything else, but the way he had been shouting and straining his neck in the car just a moment ago, venting his frustration, felt a bit like her past self. ...Because she knew exactly what that felt like.
"...I’ll give you 5 minutes. Say what you have to say and get lost."
"Yes."
"You crazy psycho..."
-
"....Ugh, no..."
"If it’s that fucking disgusting, get lost right now."
The house was in a state of total disarray. It looked like someone living alone. It was half the size of the monthly rental room Seo Jia had bought near Sillim-dong when she was living on her own. On top of that, thinking that the dust he was stepping on from the entrance would stick to his socks kept giving him goosebumps.
"A guest has arrived, don't you have anything to offer?"
"...Offer?"
"Like tea..."
"If water laced with cyanide is okay, you can have that."
...He was scared because she really seemed like she would give it to him.
"Tea is fine..."
"State your business and get lost, I hate hearing your fucking voice. Ugh, fucking hell, the smell of perfume..."
Wow, that really hurt his feelings...
"Haha... money, how much money do you need?"
"...?"
"I told you earlier. I know you’re very short on money. Anyway, why on earth do your superiors know you’re poor?"
"So it was them who told you, you con artist."
"...I never said that."
Why was she so obsessed with finding the culprit... why was she like this?
"Tell me who it is first."
"That’s not what’s important. Exactly how much do you need?"
"...?"
Min Suyeon looked down at him from her desk chair, as he was sitting cross-legged on the floor because she hadn't even offered him a chair.
"Why, if I tell you, will you give me whatever I ask for?"
"I could. Depending on your capabilities..."
"...Ha," Min Suyeon suddenly grinned. "Ah, this... this is taking advantage of a weakness. It’s grooming, isn't it?"
"...? I’ve been curious since earlier, what exactly is grooming?"
"That fucking pity you keep blathering on about."
"I have never pitied you."
Min Suyeon looked down at him as if he were ridiculous, and he looked up at Min Suyeon with his eyes full of intensity. These weren't ranks that should be behaving like this...
"If a person feels that way, it’s pity, it’s not for you to argue about..."
"Stop straying from the point, I asked how much money you need."
"Money?"
Then,
"Why, are you going to give me money and make me work, and then keep me as a concubine at night? You said you were married."
"...What kind of concubine..."
"It’s true, isn't it? Why, don't you have plans to keep a girl like me—who looks a bit easy—as a concubine? It’s true, isn't it? If that weren't the case, there’s no way you’d follow me here and keep talking about money."
He sighed as if the ground would collapse, pounding his chest as if he were frustrated.
"No, you son of a bitch, I’m saying give money and make you work, that’s where it ends, please!"
"I’ll tell you in advance, killing someone in my house is nothing."
"..."
As she said that, Min Suyeon opened her desk drawer, rummaged through whatever was in there, and pulled out a folding knife. A chilling sensation.
"Do you think I’m lying?"
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Obviously, you’re a rapist who came to commit sexual assault, and I have to protect my body."
He didn't know what kind of life she had lived. However...
"I haven't done anything wrong. What kind of sexual assault, what kind of rapist am I? I have a wife at home..."
They were divorced, but he tried pretending to have a wife for a moment.
"So what. That’s why you want a concubine."
"No, why do you keep talking about concubines? Put that knife down first."
"Fu...cking hell, if you move, I’ll really stab you."
This was almost at the level of a gangster...
"Let’s talk with words."
"..."
"How much money do you need?"
"Hey, you don't know because you don't know, but..."
Min Suyeon, who had sat down slowly within his reach while holding the knife, said,
"I’m not a virgin, you know?"
"....?"
"I’m fucking promiscuous. I’m a much dirtier bitch than you think, is it even worth buying me with money?"
What the hell is this...
"I’ve even been gang-banged at a club, you know? If I just sat in the bathroom, guys would come to fuck me. I sold my body a lot because I didn't have money. I’ve had abortions, maybe two... three times? Probably."
"No, what are you talking about?"
"I spread my legs at the company so I wouldn't get fired. Did you hear that rumor and come here too?"
"...."
"If I act a little... if I pretend to like it, they give me a lot of money. It was easy to earn, so what was I supposed to do? If I didn't do at least that, I’d have to sit out on the street."
"Excuse me, Min Suyeon-ssi, this is..."
"Why, are you disappointed?"
No, listen to my story... why the fuck do you keep cutting me off.
"I’m telling you clearly, I have absolutely no interest in Min Suyeon-ssi’s body. You have a misunderstanding..."
"If I’ve said this much, isn't it time to give up?"
"Excuse me, you keep cutting me off, and I don't think that’s polite as one person to another..."
"That’s right, I’m an AIDS carrier, but... are you still going to give me money?"
There was no getting through to her.