Starting Over (22)
"Wait, why am I telling you all this?"
"..."
I wondered if she was slowly opening her heart, but then again, I knew this wouldn't be easy. So, I responded as calmly as possible.
"It doesn't matter. It’s not something I’m aware of, and well... I’m not a woman, after all."
"..."
"So, I intend to listen. I want to learn from you about what I don't know."
It wasn't my original goal, but I had to make up an excuse. It was obvious that the more information I had, the more leverage I’d have in negotiations, and the more I listened to her, the more our intimacy would grow. Min Suyeon read my expression, then looked out the window. She recognized the buildings passing by and realized we hadn't arrived at her home yet.
"...Just manage your company. Do you have any idea how many sex offenders are in there?"
"Why don't you tell me about that in detail?"
"Ha, and what makes you think I’d trust you?"
What makes me think...? "If I talk here, do you think you’d believe me?"
"No, that’s not it. I can believe you. If there’s concrete evidence..."
"...Evidence," she scoffed. "If I let you grope my ass, could you leave evidence right away?"
"..."
"Can you prove if it was intentional or an accident? See, you... damn it... why is it that men never know anything? You’re just too stupid to know. You’ve probably never been on the receiving end of it."
"Even so..."
"That’s why you don’t know. We all know when someone is touching us, brushing against us. You guys think women are stupid."
"..."
I asked her to tell me the details of what happened at the company. I told her I wouldn't be suspicious, that I’d learn the facts, and then I’d investigate later or report it to the police.
"What makes you think—"
"You told me to manage my company. So, report it first. I’ll handle the management after that."
"..."
Min Suyeon stared at me for a moment before speaking.
"Do you know what they say in the smoking area? They say it’s fun to 'break in' a strong-willed woman like me. They say if they feed me alcohol and take me, I won't even know. I’m walking right past them. Do they think I can’t hear them? Those crazy bastards..."
"And then they come upstairs and talk about the company dinner so casually. I wanted to beat them to a pulp. If I were a man, I would’ve killed them."
"You think it’s just talk? There were guys who actually did it. Did they get disciplined? No, the woman got fired. Report to the police? Then what about her severance pay? What if they find some excuse to claw back her salary?"
"I’m always trembling in fear. Every team loses a woman that way. I’m just too disgusted to stay quiet, so I fight back. Damn it, they’re the ones who raped someone... and then they act happy that the 'slut' finally quit. It makes me want to vomit. Do you think I’m talking nonsense? Hey, they do that and then treat the woman like a troublemaker."
Yeah, it sounded like nonsense. How could such people exist...
"...You don't believe me."
But I couldn't tell her I didn't believe her.
"I am neither a party to that incident nor a witness. I have to remain neutral. For now, I’m just listening..."
"...What kind of bullshit neutrality is that? Hey, what are you believing? If you’ve never been through it, you don’t know anything. Why the hell are you pretending to understand? Stop pretending. It’s so hypocritical..."
Still, I could feel her emotions fluctuating more than before. Then, she added:
"Well... I guess you know, too. That I’m an outcast at the company."
"...? No, I didn't know..."
"You must have already looked into it."
"This isn't school. What do you mean, 'outcast'?"
Min Suyeon began to tell her own story.
"Why would being an outcast only happen in school? Nobody likes me. No matter how well I work, they give me the lowest performance rating."
"..."
"Didn't you look at my personnel file? I’m all 'R's."
R was the absolute bottom. It was a rating that prevented promotion. If R ratings accumulated, it could lead to disciplinary action or salary cuts.
As she said that, I suddenly remembered the accident investigation report. If this woman had written it herself, she clearly wasn't incompetent... no, she was definitely on the talented side. It was written logically, from the identification of the cause to the results. The highly sophisticated vocabulary was the writing style of someone well-educated.
"Did you write that report?"
"Then who else would? Do you think I have someone to help me?"
"...So that’s why you said you had more work."
"I have a mountain of things to hand over..." She started to say, then clamped her mouth shut. There was no need to let the whole neighborhood know she was planning to die soon.
"Anyway, I did all that investigation myself... but I can't put my name on it alone. When they approve it upstairs, they don't let it pass with just my name."
"Then..."
"Those people are all fakes. Call them and ask what they were in charge of. They won't be able to say a word."
I’d have to look into this. It did feel like this woman had written the report all by herself. It was a report that felt untainted by anyone else’s touch. I could tell just by looking at it.
"Damn it... nothing changes even if I do this, but it’s so frustrating,"
"Have you ever thought about moving to another company?"
"..."
She was about to say, 'Because they pay the most,' but feeling her pride wounded, she clamped her mouth shut and turned her head away for no reason.
"I don't know why I keep saying these things. I’m walking."
"Wait a moment."
Why is she like this? I didn't ask her anything she couldn't talk about.
"I paid the money, so I bought your time today."
"That’s funny."
"...Is it funny? Five million won. Isn't that a lot of money?"
"Hey, it’s nothing to you, so—"
"But it must be a lot of money to you."
Now it was my turn to speak.
"I heard you’re very poor."
"Who the hell is going around talking about me? The Research Center Head? Or the Development Team Leader? Who is it?"
"That’s not important."
Since she said she didn't get along with Eunbyul, mentioning her name now would only lead to bad results.
"Just like I paid five million won just now, I will make sure you never have to struggle with money again."
"..."
"Isn't that a pretty reasonable offer?"
"I told you I’d think about it and let you know."
"...I’m in a hurry, so."
I really was in a hurry. The narrative arc was normal, but GPL had gone from 'Introduction-Development-Climax'... and now it couldn't even reach the 'Conclusion' and had fallen back to 'Introduction'. With national support and the attention of the entire nation focused here again, I had to produce some kind of result—even if it was something made by mistake, like Viagra.
So, I just said,
"Let’s be honest. Your research papers, the path you’ve walked so far. I like them very much."
"..."
"I didn't sit you down here to commit some kind of sexual crime. Don't you have any intention of working at GPL? As far as I know, you tried to join the Water Energy club but went somewhere else."
"Hmph, I don't go to such crude clubs."
"..."
No, you wanted to come... Is your pride hurt because you were deceived by Eunbyul?
"Why didn't you come?" I decided to just ask.
"I told you. I don't go to crude clubs. What could they possibly do, gathered together like that..."
"Then what can *you* do?"
"That’s... I’m the one who wrote the paper you saw...!"
But she had returned home like a fugitive after being properly humiliated abroad. So, Min Suyeon tried to shout, then lowered her voice.
"Our club is, even if it’s a bit weak... even if it’s crude, it’s a place where people with passion have gathered."
"When we go to talk about business, when we gather in the conference room, the employees' expressions become very bright. They say let’s try anything together, and even knowing they might fail, they challenge it. They keep trying. Do you think we’re wasting our opportunities? Absolutely not. Even at this very moment, we continue to research, experiment, modify data, and try again. That’s your prejudice."
But Min Suyeon looked at his words with an expression that didn't agree—
"Go ahead, try it. Will it work?" She showed a sneer.
There was a reason things had turned out this way. It was the disappointment she felt watching GPL, which was trying to do the same thing, fall to the bottom after failing. Because of the finger-pointing they received despite it being a mistake, everyone had lost their motivation. And, '...I’ll end up like that too.'
She knew well that the more she pushed herself, the closer she was getting to the impossible. I had plenty of money, so I could resolve things somehow, but in this dirt-poor household, such reckless challenges meant social ruin and imprisonment.
So, I said,
"If you keep going, there’s a possibility..."
"Go ahead and try."
"..."
"Will it work? It’s impossible. You still don't know how difficult it is? Hey, a few college students. A few people in their 20s gather and do it themselves, and you think you’ll find an answer? How many people have tried to replace oil? If it were something you guys could do, it would have already been made and released to the market."
She was right. In reality, something to replace oil was constantly being created, and at this very moment while she and I were talking, some university lab had probably discovered an element. However...
"Well, if oil runs out completely, then maybe you could sell it. 70,000 won per liter? Something like that? Would people buy it?"
The more we talked, the more a bleak future was painted. I couldn't even respond, so I just stopped talking. What this woman was saying wasn't wrong. Perhaps, before falling into the pit of failure, a god—a god who spoke very filthily—had come to help me, but...
"Then you’re not doing it?"
"...?"
"I’m asking if you’re not doing it just because it seems like it won't work. Is that the right thing to do?"
This was my fight.