Gacha Isn't Rigged

"Huh? Y-You're not mad?"

"I am mad."

"B-But you're still gonna give it to us?"

"Yup."

I nodded at my two flustered disciples. That was that, and this was this. I wasn't planning to stop using the QP shop anytime soon, and there was plenty I still wanted to buy. So the heroes needed to start raking in points ASAP.

"Yup."

Status window?

"Not mine?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Show me."

Blue status windows popped up above Haring and NyaNya's heads. They looked similar to mine but a bit different—no physical stats or QP, but this weird "Affinity" stat instead. The girls couldn't see them, though; they were just peeking at me nervously.

"Quests... what should I give 'em?"

"Uh, anything's fine..."

"We'll do our best no matter what!!"

"Sure?"

In that case... let's start with the easiest method I'd recently discovered for growth without formal missions. I tilted NyaNya's head down, opened the quest menu, and patted her head.

"Good girl."

"Huh?"

A message floated in the air, and NyaNya—suddenly praised out of nowhere—tilted her head in confusion before bowing.

"Uh... thank you?"

"M-Me too! Praise me too!"

"Hmm...?"

"You too—lower your head."

"Yessir!"

Haring dropped to her knees and bowed low. I patted her head gently.

"Good girl."

"Hehehe... thank you!"

Same result as before.

"Total dud."

"Me?"

"Dud. Big dud."

Just EXP transferred over—no QP. Looked like "praise" didn't count as a quest. Great for quick hero growth, but no points for me. Leaving dejected Haring behind, I pulled up the quest list I'd used before.

Back in the day, I hadn't seen these directly—just figured something like this would do. Seeing them now felt kinda novel, so I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠tapped the air.

"Edit?"

Hmm... "Too hassle."

Eh, they could figure out the descriptions. I set everything to auto-input and shoved the quests at my disciples.

Haring and NyaNya's reactions to the forty-odd quests were... interesting.

"These... aren't these the ones you gave us before?"

"So? Hate 'em?"

"N-No, not that."

"Great! Love 'em. Haha."

"Good enough~."

I shooed them out of the palace without a second thought and headed back inside.

"Time for Netflix."

A week had passed since I'd handed out all the quests they'd been dying for.

I'd learned a few things in the meantime. First off:

'Quest! Quest cleared!'

'Salty af.'

'Huh? Chicken?'

'Chicken's always salty.'

Salty. Super salty QP. 3 points? 4 points? Not enough for gacha, let alone a decent chicken dinner. In a whole week, Haring and NyaNya scraped together just 800 points total. And that was with bonus points from their high affinity.

"How'd I even get 40k...?"

I definitely had nearly 47k when I first opened the status window. I'd given quests before, sure, but not a ton this past week. Two people doing them fast—twenty clears a day easy. Sure, they slowed down as fatigue set in, but still.

I stared into space, pondering, then it hit me.

"...Ogre?"

Ogre Lords were beasts even the strongest current-gen heroes struggled with. My disciples taking one down? Must've netted a fat QP haul. Points scaled with quest difficulty, after all.

Munch munch.

"Maybe have 'em take down a Legion Commander."

Legion Commanders made Ogres look like chumps—demons on another level. If an Ogre gave ~40k, a Commander quest would rain QP. Problem was, current heroes couldn't even scratch one.

"Suicide run. They'd respawn a thousand, million times and still fail."

Squish...!

To beat a Commander, they needed to be "real" heroes like the old legends—not mass-produced ones. Even calling Haring and NyaNya A-rank, you'd need a thousand of 'em. No way, even with my guidance.

"Keep praising 'em? Hmm... feels too Evan-like..."

A few headpats wouldn't turn them into powerhouses overnight. As I mulled it over, my gaze stayed fixed on empty air—which wasn't empty to me.

Munch munch.

A massive screen filled one wall of my huge room, playing footage impossible in my old life.

—We'll stop that alien! Go, hurry!

—Insolent fools. You think you can stop me?

"Ooh..."

A hero flick famous from my past life. I'd loved it back then, but 300 years post-reincarnation had wiped most of it from memory. The "I'll buy your brain if you haven't seen it" classic? Yeah, I was that guy now.

I set aside my worries and dove into the screen. Finally, the villain gripped a massive gauntlet and declared to the heroes:

—I'll show you. This world needs me...

Riiip.

"Ah!"

The screen went dark.

"Right at the good part...!"

I crushed the caramel popcorn tub in my arms. This was bullshit!

"Old hag! Don't you know karaoke rules?!"

Interrupting mid-scene? Unheard of! I hissed and clawed at the air furiously, but all that distorted was the message.

"You... jerk!"

After fuming for a bit, I checked my remaining points.

"...Just enough."

Good, I could afford one more. But a week from now? Another 2k, plus chicken. Oh, and I'd saved the "Goddess's Word of the Day" since day one—had to use it soon. Meant to stretch it out, but gacha flops left me with just two uses.

Day two's word? "Gacha isn't rigged."

"Lies. Total rig."

Who'd believe that? No rig, and a uselessly durable bunny doll pops from an SS-grade random box? Scam. Straight scam. I stretched the doll's cheeks today too, then chucked it at the sofa.

"Yup."

"...Rock bottom."

I sighed softly and sank into the plush sofa.

"Gotta start over."

Midway in after a break kills the flow. Hit play—the familiar logo, and the movie began. I rang the golden bell by the sofa for popcorn. Unlike cola, the chefs could whip up something close if I asked. Normally caramel, but penny-pinching time now.

—It's coming to Earth.

—We all have to fight it.

"...Nah. Two ain't enough."

Guess I needed more earners.