Shinryong-nim •ω• We're in Big Trouble
Shinryong-nim •ω• 8.
Shinryong-nim •ω• This was bad. Shinryong-nim was so furious that her horns had flushed a burning crimson. This was a level of rage I had never witnessed before. I had heard that when a dragon grew truly angry, the insides of their horns would blaze with heat, turning half-transparent so the core burned like living flame. This had to be exactly that moment.
“····.”
Shinryong-nim sat perfectly upright on a cushion with her back to me. The instant I lost consciousness and collapsed, she had slapped my cheek repeatedly, wiped away the semen, and glared at me with a face tight with fury. I had nearly drifted off, but her slaps kept jolting me awake. My body simply refused to obey me; I lay there limp, robbed of all control.
It had been so long since Shinryong-nim used her divine power directly on me like this. The last time I could remember was the day she saved me….
“U-um… Shinryong-nim…”
After the whole incident, she had bathed in silence, then dropped heavily onto the cushion like this. Once the paralysis finally faded, I approached her timidly, placed a cushion in front of her, and sat down. Shinryong-nim, who had been sitting with her eyes closed, turned her body so her back faced me once more.
Even when she was this angry, her expression barely changed. But I could see it—the pure, seething mass of fury burning behind that mask.
“S-Shinryong-nim…”
I called out to her several times, careful and hesitant, while she remained seated upright with her back to me. Of course she tried to cut me off by thumping the floor with her tail, which was lashing high in the air. Then her right knee began to twitch.
“···· What is it!”
She finally answered in a thoroughly petulant voice, so I clung desperately to that small opening, bowed my head, and begged for forgiveness.
“I’m sorry… I was wrong. I have no excuse…”
There was no defending myself. The biggest problem was that, in that moment, I had lost control of myself and slammed into her without any regard for anything else. Deep in the abyss of my mind, a tiny voice whispered that the lewd dragon who had tempted me with such a sultry tone was the one truly at fault, but I absolutely did not let it show. Absolutely. Not ever.
“Did I not tell you we should stop for today and wait for tomorrow!”
Shinryong-nim raised her tail high, flicked it about, then thumped the floor again.
“I nearly ended up pregnant with twins! Twins!”
The moment I heard that, I felt something in my head crack again, but I forced it back together with desperate effort, bowed deeply once more, and kept my head lowered.
“If you bring a child into the world so carelessly, how will you raise it? Have you properly understood whether you are in any position to take responsibility!?”
Her anger only grew fiercer. She shot up from her seat and whirled to face me. When I cautiously lifted my head to meet her eyes, she looked down at me with a terrifying glare I had never seen before and pointed a finger as if she wanted to stab me with it.
“A forest spirit who must never treat life lightly dares to try to force a child upon me, the gatekeeper of the soul world!? Is that truly something you are allowed to do!?”
Her words were daggers aimed straight at my heart. I could only stagger, pierced over and over, coughing up blood that wasn’t really there.
“If you have any excuse, then give it! Have I not treated you too kindly!?”
Truly enraged now, Shinryong-nim crossed her arms and lashed her tail wildly. I averted my gaze, but when she granted permission for an excuse, I could no longer hold back.
“I can take responsibility, Shinryong-nim!”
I was confident. After all, I had built up a great deal of life experience while living with her. If we had a child, Shinryong-nim would no longer have to face lonely days. Since we were both burdened with immortality, we would otherwise be trapped in the same unchanging life forever. If a precious child came into that dry, flavorless existence, I believed it would be a blessing for both of us—and for the child. I had resolved to give that child all the love in the world, so I declared it proudly.
But Shinryong-nim’s anger did not subside. It only burned hotter.
“I said no, you fool——!”
With a loud thwack, her tail whipped across my forehead, which I had foolishly held high, snapping my head backward.
“Even if you are ready, what about me!? Would you raise the child alone!? You may be prepared, but I am not! We have only just begun to fully accept each other—how can you speak of children now!!”
I clutched my aching forehead with both hands while Shinryong-nim rained down perfectly reasonable scolding. I was being trained all over again.
“Do you truly believe that bringing a child into the world with half-hearted resolve would be a good environment for them!? What do you take a child for? A child is not an object!!”
Of course I had been sincere about it. In the end I could not completely kill the part of me that wanted to argue back.
“It’s not half-hearted——!?”
“It is! It is half-hearted!!”
I rose to my feet as well, and the argument began in earnest.
“How dare you raise your head before your master———!?”
The moment I tried to stand, her tail whipped out with a sharp slap against the back of my knee. My legs folded and I dropped back onto the cushion.
“Nngh——”
“I am serious, Niyu———!”
Beyond her rage lay her true heart, one I had failed to notice.
“I want to stay with you and be happy for a very long time…!”
Tears that had been gathering in the corners of her eyes finally spilled over, carrying the feelings she had hidden.
“In this world where nothing remains whole and everything changes without warning, I wanted to control at least this one thing. I wanted to take it slowly with you, step by step…!”
I was so startled by the sudden revelation of her true feelings that I stared at her, wide-eyed. Perhaps the argument had brought back old memories; Shinryong-nim sobbed openly.
“You know what I fear, yet you still act this way… Did you mean to make me sad…?”
Seeing her like that, I stood there helplessly, hands and words both lost, hovering uncertainly at her side. In the end I stepped forward and pulled her tightly into my arms.
“No, no… That’s not it. I’m sorry, Shinryong-nim…”
I pressed down the complicated ache in my chest and apologized with all my heart.
“I just love you so much… My desire to love you must have broken through my consideration. I’m sorry…”
At some point her tail had drooped limply to the floor. The horns that had blazed like the karmic flames of hell had cooled again, returning to their usual smooth, beautiful shape.
I squeezed my eyes shut and hugged her even harder.
“I’m sorry…”
I had always thought I could handle everything. As long as Shinryong-nim accepted my heart, I believed I could guide us through anything. I thought I could take full responsibility, that I could carry it all. After all, Shinryong-nim was strong. The only weak one was me. So if I just did well, everything would work out.
That had always been true. If I simply did my part, things in the Great Cavity and everything that came after would usually resolve themselves. But… even the Divine Dragon who rules the world is not an omniscient god. In the end she is a living being just like me, with the same emotions, the same capacity to be wounded, to feel pain, to grow tired.
I… must have unconsciously believed that if it was Shinryong-nim, anything would be fine. That was why I threw tantrums without hesitation, made unreasonable demands, and assumed she could overcome any problem. Even though I myself had never overcome a single pain on my own. Even though Shinryong-nim could not endure every kind of suffering. I knew that. I knew it, and yet….
“Niyu….”
At that moment, the soft rustle of cloth was followed by her arms wrapping around my back. Her tail gently coiled around my ankle. I felt as if I had been pulled up from the deep abyss where I had been sinking.
“I am sorry. I was too… emotional…”
For some reason, I found myself facing an apologetic Shinryong-nim. I shook my head in panic.
“No, why are you apologizing——”
But she only gripped my clothes tighter and pulled me closer.
“As your master, I must always remain calm and protect you… yet I failed to do so…”
Her fingers gently stroked my face, then carefully touched the forehead she had struck with her tail earlier. I was momentarily speechless, then shook my head again.
“No, no, Shinryong-nim.”
So she could feel me more completely.
“That’s not it. We aren’t like that anymore——”
So she could look at me with eyes that saw me fully.
“I want to take responsibility for all of you. I want to accept every part of you.”
I cried out desperately.
“The weak sides of you that I haven’t been able to cherish until now, all your painful wounds—I want to embrace them all…!”
So she could trust me with everything and entrust everything to me.
“Just like you did for me———!”
Shinryong-nim froze for a moment. Then the tension left her body. She relaxed completely and held me again with those warm hands.
“····.”
She drew a thin breath, let it out, and spoke in her usual gentle voice.
“Then… stay by my side….”
She pleaded with me, almost painfully.
“Remain the same you that you have always been…”
For a second my eyes flew wide at her words. But then I realized tears were falling from my own eyes as well.
“Do not try to force yourself to change because of the things I dislike. Do not break your convictions because of my complaints and try to become someone else. Stay as the Niyu I have always trusted and loved. Remain the Niyu I will always trust and love….”
What Shinryong-nim feared most was this world’s cruel reality—that everything around her could change without warning or mercy. If there were no great threats, an immortal like her would have no choice but to carry that fear through her endless life. She had lost her parents when she was very small and lived alone ever since. She did not need me to undergo any great change. Simply remaining as I was would be enough to satisfy her. No… she did not want me to change at all. She did not want the one who would be with her forever to change.
That was why she had always looked at me exactly as I was. And I had never realized it. All this time, craving recognition that did not even exist, I had been trying to destroy her.
“Yes… I will…”
In the end, having accepted everything, I did not let her go for a long time. I would not release Shinryong-nim.
“I must…”
If I let go, she would be left alone in this lonely world again, struggling against solitude so heavy it was hard to endure. She would swallow all her pain and suffer for yet another stretch of endless time. I was afraid that someday I would have to leave her side. So I did not want to leave. I wanted to remain at her side forever as her faithful servant and worthy companion. Therefore, I would not leave. No matter what happened, I would not leave. Even if a day came when I had to, I absolutely, absolutely….
“····.”
After that, for a while we sat beneath the setting moonlight, holding each other’s hands with our eyes closed, sharing our warmth. Yes, when I thought about it again, the two of us were enough. The night was not yet so cold. For now, the warmth between us was still sufficient for love.
That was why I sat with Shinryong-nim on the wooden floor of the corridor, holding her hand tightly. She sat with her eyes closed and her legs politely together, leaning her whole body against me. Though I was small compared to her, she trusted me. Beneath the fading moonlight and the brightening dawn, I simply received her warmth, her breath.
“…When the hour grows this late, that day comes back to me.”
At some point our fingers had become intertwined. Shinryong-nim looked down at our joined hands and spoke.
“The day we first met… the day you told me you wanted to be with me first…”
“…”
I, too, suddenly recalled that day and looked up at the sky. The still-dark starlit heavens sparkled deep blue above the brightening dawn. The horizon, cut by the boundary and beginning to show scarlet, shone brilliantly together with the stars that had not yet faded. I remembered the sky we had flown through that day. I remembered Shinryong-nim willingly carrying me—someone who had been buried deep underground—high into the sky to confront the human world directly.
As I smiled faintly, remembering that memory, Shinryong-nim looked at me.
“———Shall we fly again, after so long, Niyu?”
I was a little flustered and met her eyes, but her sparkling gaze made me smile and nod.
“…Yes!”
When I answered with a bright smile, she did not hesitate. She lifted me in a princess carry, rose to her feet, and walked to the edge of the pond. Then she closed her eyes. The divine lights gathering around us began to swirl, wrapping us both. The moment that brilliant, mysterious power filled the air and was absorbed into her body—
“Whoaaa———!”
An overwhelming sense of gravity crushed down on me. My whole body felt flattened for a moment, but when I opened my eyes that I had squeezed shut, I saw that we had been carried high into the sky—so high that the villa in the shrine below looked as small as a speck of dust.
Shinryong-nim held me close. Scales had begun to sprout gently along her jaw and neck.
“How is it, Niyu?”
She asked whether I felt the same as that day. I was smiling with pure joy.
“Ahaha… No, it’s wonderful…!”
I was remembering that day.
“Even if life feels like being driven into a swamp, that does not mean you have no right to chase happiness.”
A dragon who knew nothing had broken into my dwelling, smashed all the malice, and trampled me. I hated it. I hated everything before my eyes. After all, she was a god of humans just like humans themselves. What could a mere god like that possibly do? What did she even want———?
Whoosh———!
“Uwaaaa!?”
Before I knew it I had been thrown into the sky. The dragon smiling happily before me asked,
“···· Is it not beautiful?”
That day, in a voice sharp as a blade, I had answered:
“You rotten lizard———!”
But… but….
Still.
“Ahahaha…!”
When the free wind rushed against me and I stretched out my limbs, lying on the vast bed of the sky, the gentle happiness that embraced me was the same.
“Don’t shove this shitty feeling into me…!”
That day and now, it gave me exactly the same joy. That was why Shinryong-nim, flying through the sky while holding my hand tightly, watched my bright smile for a moment before speaking.
“Then, from now on———”
She set me down in the air, vanished with a swift motion, and soon a shadow cast by a pure white silver dragon rose from beneath my feet. Shinryong-nim had taken her massive dragon form and caught me on her back. When I landed softly on her, she spoke.
“Let us fly, Niyu.”
I looked up at the sky with eyes that sparkled the same brilliant blue as hers. Beneath a sky that was always breathtakingly beautiful, I prayed that my fate with Shinryong-nim—who would always shine just as radiantly—would remain beautiful and lovely forever.
“Shinryong-nim, takeoff~!”
“———Very well.”
Together we cut powerfully across the sky. The abyss that had begun to seethe again somewhere deep inside me went entirely unnoticed, even in my dreams.
N…i…y…u….