I Cannot Return Yet

In the peaceful city of Seoul. Beyond this strikingly modern metropolis lies an ancient forest where malice accumulated over hundreds of years still lives and breathes. It is the story of Shinryong-nim, who dwells in the Great Cavity within the gray forest once called the burning purgatory by human tongues, and her precious servant Niyu. On the fated path where they must fight the threat of the Abyss together with the one they love, this is the tale of servant and deity, of Niyu and Shinryong-nim.

These are the days I spend with Shinryong-nim. Days with nothing lacking and nothing to regret. Shinryong-nim loves me, and I love her just as deeply. It is not perfect. It can never be perfect… but that is exactly why it is love. I love her even now, and I will go on loving her forever.

After finishing my morning duties, I came down into the city to buy the ingredients that had run out and a few other necessities. Of course, if someone asked where an ordinary-looking person like me got the money to shop, the answer is simple. Travelers who occasionally visit the Great Cavity leave donations and offerings at the shrine, which we cleanse through Shinryong-nim’s divinity. The sum is surprisingly decent, so we live comfortably on it.

Prices have been soaring lately, though. Maybe we should raise the minimum tribute. Shinryong-nim dislikes the idea, of course. She always asks why we should extort human wealth when divinity and divine power can solve everything. I agree that solving things with divine power is convenient, but if we live that way we risk losing our humanity entirely. I believe brushing against humans and savoring mortal life is the true way to love this world. Shinryong-nim understands this, but I still felt I had to say it aloud. After all, what ultimately builds and sustains the world is neither gods nor spirits, but humans.

Lately I feel that truth more keenly than ever. Without people, how would these delicious fruits exist? How would these addictive drinks be made, or these convenient everyday goods appear? Without people, how could we fully embrace the joy of being the only two left in the world? Without people, how could we accept the preciousness of my love without hesitation?

Humanity is not something humans alone require. The word carries the unique identity every existence possesses, and the emotions that can only bloom once that identity takes root. It may sound like sophistry, but when you examine it, gods are fundamentally the same as humans, and spirits trace their origin back to humanity as well. Shinryong-nim… may be a little different. But that’s fine. Shinryong-nim is cute, after all.

“Oh, it’s the young lady from the Great Cavity shrine~”

“Good day to you.”

The uncle at the fruit shop I stopped by greeted me warmly. He always selects the best produce himself, bringing in only the freshest and most affordable items, so I visit often. He remembers me well, and I’ve grown fond of his good nature.

While I was examining the fruit displayed outside, wondering if I should peel an apple for Shinryong-nim today, the uncle spoke again.

“Is everything all right in the forest lately?”

I felt a flicker of unease. “Why do you ask?”

When I pretended ignorance, he looked surprised that I hadn’t heard, then stepped closer and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“There’s a rumor circulating among the customers that there’s a gate to the Abyss inside the Great Cavity.”

At those words, my body stiffened before I could stop it. The uncle noticed my reaction and continued carefully.

“That’s why the Great Cavity has become a hot spot for ghost-hunting among the kids lately. I know the Abyss is supposed to be a terrifying place… You seem to know more than you let on, so I won’t say much. But if you come across any lost children, please send them back safely.”

I listened, growing more puzzled about how rumors concerning the Great Cavity had spread so thoroughly. I knew it had become harder to contain information recently, but we had managed to keep the stories sealed until now. How had word of the Abyss leaked so widely?

Of course, the rumors themselves wouldn’t cause immediate disaster. They would only increase the chances of real trouble. More people drawn by curiosity would visit the Great Cavity, but we who seal and manage the Abyss could not predict how the stimulated darkness would react.

“…Thank you for telling me, sir.”

I expressed my gratitude, assured him there was no need to worry, and hurried back to the shrine. For some reason my instincts were screaming that today was a bad day. The fact that even the uncle—who usually paid little attention to trends—knew about this was an extremely bad sign for someone like me who had to keep such information hidden.

“——— I’m back.”

I returned to the shrine at a near run. Usually Shinryong-nim would come out to greet me right away, so her absence made me uneasy. Still, it was no good to assume the worst just because of unpleasant rumors. Maybe she was simply playing by the lakeside and hadn’t noticed my return. The thought of stealing a glimpse of her rare, adorable side while she enjoyed herself alone made my heart flutter. Pretending I was only putting away the groceries, I quietly crossed the courtyard of the annex.

“Huh?”

But Shinryong-nim was not by the decorative pond in the garden either. The bad premonition I had felt ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠earlier now seemed to be turning into reality. The countless footprints at the entrance to the Great Cavity. The strange atmosphere that had settled over the forest lately. The lush, disturbingly accurate rumors about the Abyss.

“····.”

Without even finishing putting away the groceries, I headed straight for the training room Shinryong-nim used when managing the forest. Fortunately she was there, sitting alone in the center of the vast space with her eyes closed. She seemed unharmed, yet she was pressing her tail firmly against the ground in deep concentration. The morning duties should have ended long ago.

The increasingly ominous feeling drove me to approach her at once. I placed my hand on her shoulder so I could see what she was seeing.

What came into view was—

“Jimin-ah, run right now——!!”

“Oppa———!”

Shinryong-nim was desperately helping two lovers chased by the Abyss, moving the forest itself on their behalf. The Abyss that had escaped its seal deep in the woods was surging violently, trying to swallow them whole. Using the terrain to block its advance, Shinryong-nim opened a path so the couple could escape the forest as quickly as possible. But whether because their spiritual power was too weak or for ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠some other reason, they could not perceive the Abyss clearly and kept taking the wrong turns.

Shinryong-nim was sweating, clearly exhausted, her divine power nearly spent.

“···.”

The moment I realized this, I pulled my hand away. At the same time I unwound the tail that had been comfortably wrapped around my waist. Without hesitation I headed outside, intending to rush to the area where the couple was being pursued.

“Do not go.”

Even with her eyes still closed, Shinryong-nim stopped me with her subconscious.

“It is still too early for that body of yours to be exposed to malice.”

Her conscious mind was fully occupied with helping the couple, yet even her unconscious self sought to protect me. She was trying to prevent me from coming into direct contact with the Abyss. I shook my head and answered her consideration.

“Shinryong-nim… please lure those humans toward the shrine.”

“——— Niyu.”

Shinryong-nim raised her voice desperately to stop me, but I continued.

“In this situation, I must be there to seal the Abyss again.”

Normally it might have been different, but after expending so much power just now, she would clearly struggle to do it alone. Ignoring her plea, I broke into a run.

Since my true nature was once that of a forest spirit, the paths were familiar enough to traverse with my eyes closed. I raced through the trees, recalling the couple’s location from the vision and finding the shortest route. Shinryong-nim, who had been guiding the lost pair by bending trees to let in sunlight, reluctantly began leading them toward the shrine the moment I left.

I climbed a suitably tall tree at a good vantage point and held my breath, waiting for the couple to pass. A brief moment later, hurried footsteps drew closer. With a grotesque gurgling sound, ominous darkness surged up behind the lovers and lunged at them. The instant the two stumbled past the tree where I hid and the foul violet-tinged darkness began to swallow the path they had taken, I reached into the air, tore open space, and drew a pitch-black dagger. Without hesitation I leaped down.

The dagger, like shattered glass, sank into the darkness with a solid thud. The Abyss, forced to reveal its true form, scattered shadows as it was caught in my grasp. It was a fragment of the Abyss—a human-shaped shadow born from condensed malice. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I drove the black blade deeper and shouted.

“Just what dragged you out to manifest in this world——!!”

In that same instant the couple spotted Shinryong-nim’s mirage and succeeded in fleeing to the shrine. The moment I confirmed they were gone, I gripped the materialized malice tightly, determined to drag it back into the sealed Abyss. I spotted its weak point, pulled the dagger free, and prepared to stab it once more.

“What…!?”

It was not alone. The instant I withdrew the blade to strike again, another black shadow burst from the spreading darkness, seized my arm, and dragged me down. The sudden force threw me to the ground. I lost my grip on the first shadow and fell into the darkness, where the second immediately began choking me with both hands.

“Hngh…!”

I reached into the air again to summon another black dagger, but—

“Ugh, khk…!”

The one I had stabbed earlier swiftly grabbed my other hand and pinned it. At the same time, a voice rang from the depths of the Abyss beyond the darkness.

At once I felt the Abyss itself piercing my skin where I was held, burrowing and corroding. The darkness began to tear my body apart and invade.

“Ack, kheuk, ugh…!”

The moment the darkness forced its way inside me, my head spun violently. The world tilted and spun. My breath was cut off by the strangulation, and I could barely keep my sanity. Countless voices filled with human malice overlapped in my ears as the black shadows crushed and scraped at my flesh.

“Haaah…!!”

It was then.

“Not yet…! I cannot return yet———!!”

Clenching my teeth, I somehow held my scattering mind together and reached out with the hand that was still free, grasping the verdant blue-green light of the forest. Fortunately I managed to seize that ancient power which no longer had to obey me now that I was no longer a pure spirit. I felt the energy of the forest gathering from every direction. I released a brilliant flash from my hand, illuminating the surroundings. With a loud bang the darkness retreated, and the two shadows that had been holding me warped and fell away.

“Kheheek, haa, haaa…!”

Unlike the days when I had been close to the forest, using this power with my new body was still unstable. The divine power inside me was insufficient and erratic, so I felt my lifespan being shaved away in real time. Yet I could not allow myself to be corroded by the Abyss again. I had someone I loved. Someone waiting for me back there. I wanted to return to her no matter what.

Therefore—

“From now on, pray with sincerity, you filthy lump…!”

I gripped the hand still holding the light with my blackened, corroded fingers and poured in more strength. The moment the two shadows tried to rush me again, I prepared to burn everything I had once more—for this splendid forest, for the one who lived in this splendid forest—ready to unleash the sacred light of the forest that had kindly answered my call.

“Step back.”

It was her voice. Shinryong-nim’s voice rang out from behind me. The instant it did, the two materialized shadows of malice vanished like shadows before the sun. The warm azure divine power that drove away the darkness and gently enveloped everything loosened all the tension in my body at once. The strength I had been gathering drained away. My knees, which had been supporting me, finally gave out and I began to collapse.

Shinryong-nim caught me softly from behind and drew me into her arms. The moment she noticed the corroded skin on my neck and wrist, the relief that had been on her face vanished, replaced by a dark shadow. She pulled me tighter and spoke.

“Did I not tell you not to go?”

I had never forgotten. I could never forget. The sight of Shinryong-nim personally tending to the forest every single day even though she did not have to. The way she had taken on every single burden of making me her subordinate by herself, even while sealing the Abyss should already have been more than enough. That was why I wanted to help her. When Shinryong-nim grew tired from being unable to confront the Abyss directly because of her bound feet, I wanted to help. That way I could stand shoulder to shoulder with her and become a proper servant who could truly support her. I thought I could finally begin repaying the grace she had shown me years ago.

Yet Shinryong-nim only wore a sorrowful expression. She carefully touched the terrible corroded parts of my body, driving out the Abyss that had invaded me bit by bit with her warm divine power.

“You really are hasty beyond measure…”

Her voice sounded almost resigned. When I let out an embarrassed laugh, she continued in a stern tone.

“That was not a compliment. You must learn some restraint.”

“Your body has become vulnerable to the Abyss, yet you tried to face two manifestations of malice alone. Of course you ended up using divine power that your body cannot handle.”

I could only sit beside her with a gloomy face while she finished healing me completely. She poured divine power into me to check ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠whether any of the Abyss had seeped deeper, her hands carefully examining every part of me.

“I told you that your soul itself has difficulty accepting divine power, so no matter what happens you must not use it by force and should call me instead…”

Shinryong-nim’s loving scolding grew longer and longer. I pouted and grumbled.

“But didn’t you plant it in me for times like these…?”

Shinryong-nim let out a deep sigh.

“You fool. I did not plant it in you so you could use it even at the cost of your lifespan.”

At her voice full of affection I smiled and wagged my tail gently. After all, I had done my best and managed to drive them back.

Of course, once Shinryong-nim had calmed down a little, I asked the question that had been on my mind.

“Still, if it’s eternal life, even if my lifespan is reduced, won’t it all amount to the same in the end…?”

Shinryong-nim shuddered as if recalling something she did not want to remember.

“No matter how eternal you are, if you carelessly sacrifice your lifespan you will earn the hatred of the Goddess of Causality and eventually die of old age.”

She trembled as though the very thought chilled her.

“That one has disliked me for a long time and is always watching for any chance to make me die of old age…”

When I began to imagine the Goddess of Causality, Shinryong-nim told me not to and finished checking my entire body.

“It is done. Let us return.”

She helped me to my feet.

“From now on, absolutely never face the Abyss alone.”

Of course, if a situation arose where I was needed I would still rush out without hesitation, but for now I nodded at her words. Only then did Shinryong-nim, who had been so deeply worried, let out a long sigh of relief. We walked slowly together along the forest path back to the shrine. Only then did I wrap my tail around my waist again.

“···.”

Thinking about it now, there had been no need to hide the stigma of my corruption from its very source. Keeping it wrapped all the time was inconvenient for movement, so I had let it out, but now that I was showing something so hideous to Shinryong-nim I felt bad. Ah, what happens at night is a separate matter, so that’s an exception. That is… an instinctive issue.

“Did the people… return safely?”

I suddenly remembered the couple and asked Shinryong-nim. She walked slowly beside me for a while without answering, then briefly wore an uncomfortable expression and gazed into the distance. In a very small voice she replied.

“…The man had already been corroded.”

My whole body stiffened at those words.

“I tried to help, but it was already far too late. The moment he tried to corrode the woman as well, I had no choice but to eliminate him.”

We both stopped walking.

“Right before her eyes… I had to destroy him.”

I looked carefully at Shinryong-nim.

“…She must have suffered a terrible wound.”

She seemed caught between guilt and pity. I took her hand and held it tightly for a moment.

“…It will be all right, Shinryong-nim.”

I spoke gently.

“At least he was able to die while still human. Once she realizes the truth, she will surely feel grateful to you.”

Shinryong-nim slowly met my eyes. She closed them, nodded, and in a trembling little voice repeated “Yes, yes,” as if shaking the emotion from herself.

“Thank you, Niyu…”

Despite bearing the grand name of Divine Dragon, she possessed a heart more fragile and human than any person. The preciousness of that beauty was almost too much to bear. I vowed deep in my heart that I would protect her. I would not stop supporting her until the day I could perfectly crush the Abyss with my own power, without any loss. Even if the distant past were to repeat itself and that day came again, I would become Niyu once more and remain at her side. I filled my once-empty chest with love and resolve for Shinryong-nim.

I can definitely do it. Because I am Shinryong-nim’s faithful servant, Niyu.