Under the Crystal Palace (5)
After sending Evan away, I left the ballroom as well.
I had only come to show my face. If I was absent from the place that carried the Crown Prince’s name, people would start questioning my loyalty.
I had no interest in talking to anyone, and I certainly had no confidence that I could enjoy the noisy ball. Still, I did have a responsibility to the bodyguard knight I had brought with me.
I absently adjusted the soft shawl draped over my shoulder and began to walk. He had said to meet on the balcony, so he was probably waiting there for me.
I passed through a corridor bright with chandeliers, then entered a darker hall.
It was so dark that even the smallest glimmer of light was missing, but for some reason I found it rather pleasant. This corridor, stripped of its soft curves, the rhythm of the waltz, people’s gazes, and all that uproar, felt more comfortable than anywhere else at that moment.
I began to walk alone through the silent passage, where not even a single candle flame flickered.
I remembered having this habit even as a child. Whenever I walked alone down a dark road like this, maids would come running to scold me, fussing that it was dangerous and dragging me stubbornly toward the light.
But had that place truly been bright? Every gaze directed at me carried darkness within it. A darkness that gnawed at me, picked me apart, turned me inside out.
When I had thrown tantrums and cried as a child, saying I hated such things, my father would lock me in the attic where not even a sliver of light could get in. And by the time I no longer had to go into that attic, I had stopped throwing tantrums altogether.
Now I could only laugh at how much peace that darkness gave me. The very place I had once dreaded had become the place I now sought out, walking into it alone.
Standing in the middle of the corridor, I kept moving forward. Each time I stepped onto the empty floor, the sound of my footsteps rang out and came back to me like an echo.
Tap—tap.
That steady sound gradually returned calm to my heart. I looked up at the faint starlight gathered by the Crystal Palace, then turned my gaze to the window cut into the middle of the corridor.
It was the only place in the dark hallway that welcomed light. I stepped carefully into the opening, and moonlight began to pour over me.
When I lifted my head, I saw murky darkness—and between it, stars and moons etched so densely that the sky seemed stitched together. Even amid such blackness, the moon still shone brilliantly, and I found that strangely wondrous.
Even though night was devouring every other light around it, the darkness seemed unable to touch only the moon and stars, veering away from them as it slowly settled over the world.
If only I could shine like that too—
At the thought, a green light flickered again before my eyes. That dazzling green glow I had seen on the night of the festival.
“...Ah.”
Only then did I understand. What I had seen was nothing more than an illusion. The light that had flickered before my eyes had only been the image of one person who had stood beside me.
Evan Fried. I murmured his name softly.
Clutching my shawl, I exhaled a breath that had sunk to the bottom of my chest. The feeling rising up inside me made my heart ache, and I frowned without thinking.
My hand felt as if it hurt. Only now did I realize I had been holding a rose, and even when I tried to let it go, I understood that I couldn’t.
It was buried too deeply.
How could I have known that thorn, like a hook, would dig into my flesh so deeply that I couldn’t let it go no matter how hard I tried? My hand looked perfectly fine, as if it would start dripping blood at any moment, but in the moonlight it was only so pale it seemed nearly white.
I could not let go anymore. Knowing that, all I could do was smile bitterly.
I felt sorry for him. So sorry that he had become entangled in my selfishness.
If he did not leave, then I would not let go either. I could no longer release the warmth that had seeped into my heart. If that warmth disappeared, it felt as if winter would come forever. I was too frightened to let it go.
Perhaps I wanted it.
I knew the smiling people around me were hiding cold mockery beneath their smiles. I knew my family wanted perfection from me. Someone who would smile even when I made mistakes, someone who would simply smile at me with warmth.
Maybe that was what I had been looking for.
When I turned my head, I thought I saw light wavering far away.
In the dark corridor, where there had definitely been no light when I first walked in, a glow now flickered and swayed its tail as if trying to lure me closer.
I walked toward the place where the blue light of the Crystal Palace, the stars, and the moon shimmered.
Why could I see light ahead of me?
But the question vanished almost at once.
My bodyguard knight, who had been staring blankly at me after I appeared so suddenly, narrowed his eyes and spoke.
“...My lady?”
It felt as though the darkness that had veiled my eyes like mist was finally being lifted.
The corridor I had been standing in all this time seemed almost unreal, as if it had never existed at all.
Radiant brilliance gathered around us and began to glow in blue.
Even within the deep curtain of night, the one shining alone was looking at me.
Whenever those green eyes that did not suit autumn rippled in the darkness, whenever that gold hair that did not suit the night whipped in the wind, my chest would tighten.
I let out a heavy breath, then looked at the figure standing before me.
“Evan.”
The voice that slipped between my lips was warm.
The cold that had always dwelled in my arms was already gone. Whenever I was with him, that chill seemed to melt away, and I found myself more at ease than I ever was with anyone else.
Perhaps the warmth of the blanket that had once wrapped around my body had transferred to me.
At that thought, I smiled faintly. It was not the kind of fake smile I usually wore. The corners of my mouth trembled awkwardly at the genuine smile that emerged.
“Have I kept you waiting long?”
“No. I was just surprised you came earlier than I expected.”
I had to admit it now. Evan Fried was my bodyguard knight.
Unlike the bodyguards I had had before, he was the one who would remain my knight in the future as well. No matter how much I had tried to push him away, I could no longer do it now.
He was different from the people I had seen in the ducal manor. He smiled sincerely, worried about me sincerely, and never expected anything from me in return.
In the darkness that had settled over Yuris, he was the only star faintly shining.
As the tightness in my chest finally faded, I exhaled again and looked up at the sky. The softly curved moon seemed to be smiling directly at me, and I closed my eyes as I gazed into that heavens above.
The decision I had finally made seemed to unravel, all at once, the suffocating pressure that had bound me like shackles.
Was deciding on my feelings always this liberating?
When I opened my eyes again, my body felt much lighter, as if everything that had once constrained me had vanished.
The wind blowing in carried the crispness of autumn, and with it came the thick scent of grass so strong it made the tip of my nose sting.
When I placed my hand on the cold crystal balcony, the sharp wind struck my cheek.
Even that felt good. Now that the suffocating pressure in my chest had vanished, I felt as though I could accept anything positively.
“Did something happen?”
At the sound of his voice, I turned my head and found Evan looking at me with clear curiosity.
Something had happened, yes. But he would not know that he had anything to do with it.
“No, nothing happened.”
“...Is that so.”
The expression on Evan’s face as he answered seemed a little darker than I remembered.
Was it because the paint of this darkness had stained him as well?
But I could not know the exact reason, so all I could do was keep looking at him.
#
It was easy to tell that the chill surrounding Irene had grown a little thinner.
Her expression as she walked into that dark corridor looked far brighter than before. It wasn’t simply because the moonlight shone especially clearly; she seemed more like someone who had finally resolved one of the worries festering inside her.
But why? I had no way of knowing, so all I could do was look at her and smile bitterly.
I was the one who felt so suffocated, and yet I had no idea what kind of thought had led her to bring me here.
Still, I couldn’t scold Irene, so I simply rested a hand on the balcony and let out a faint sigh.
After a while, Irene quietly came up beside me, gripped the balcony rail, and looked up at the sky with me.
“...Are you curious why I brought you here?”
I was startled by her sudden question, but after a moment I nodded and looked up at the dark sky.
Irene kept her gaze on the heavens as she continued.
“Arranged marriages between Roman and Yuris were common. Of course, they were carried out not because the people involved wanted them, but because they were meant to strengthen the bonds between the pillars that supported this empire.”
I knew that much already. Not only her, but arranged marriages among high nobles were common.
It was one way to preserve each family’s power, and within the nobility, where cooperation was often chosen over confrontation, it was always the young man and woman who were sacrificed.
“We met when we were children and stamped our seals on documents we had no interest in. We didn’t even exchange rings and swear vows like other people did. It was nothing more than a procedure, something done because it was necessary.”
The blue eyes that had been fixed on the sky flickered, then lowered toward the balcony below.
Looking at the countless carriages lined up on the ground, she spoke again.
“From childhood, Adell and I attended countless events together. Whether I liked it or not, we did it because the adults told us to stay together.”
“Then wouldn’t it be easier to simply keep doing that, like always?”
“No. It’s uncomfortable.”
Her answer was firm. She broke her gaze away from the sky and looked at me.
She seemed to be frowning a little, truly and sincerely as though this so-called fiancé was making her uneasy.
“...I thought time would make it better. I thought if we kept going everywhere together, my heart would ease a little. But it didn’t. Bringing you to this ball—yes. Honestly, that was because of my selfish feelings.”
Selfish feelings? When I looked at her with a questioning expression, Irene narrowed her eyes and went on.
“Isn’t it strange? That being with a bodyguard knight you’ve only known for a few months feels more comfortable than being with someone you’ve known since childhood. I brought you here for that very reason. Because the moments I spend with you feel more comfortable than being with anyone else.”
......
“At first I didn’t like it at all. I thought you’d be the same as everyone I’d met before. Those puppet-like knights with blank faces, serving only their duty as bodyguards. I thought you would be like that too, but when I actually met you, you seemed a little different.”
Irene’s expression as she said that looked immensely relieved.
The dark shadow that had surrounded her was gone completely, and moonlight poured down over her more brightly than ever before.
Was this the story she had been holding inside her heart?
My eyes, fixed dumbly on her, trembled with surprise.
“I don’t really understand why I’m like this either... but, well, when I’m with you, my heart feels at ease.”
“My lady...”
She closed her eyes for a moment, let out a faint sigh, and then continued.
Looking as though she truly didn’t understand herself, she twisted her lips and shook her head once.
“Just a few days ago, I was thinking of casting you out. I really was. But now I can’t do even that.”
“......”
“From now on, I’ll be relying on you. Evan.”
For a moment, all I could do was stare at her with a blank expression.
It wasn’t that I failed to understand what she meant. It was that I understood it far too well, and that was what left me stunned.
I had thought she was drawing a line between us, thought that whenever I tried to get closer she would push me away.
But was that not the case after all? Had it all been nothing more than my own misunderstanding?
Her words—from now on, I’ll be relying on you—flew at me like a dagger and buried itself in my heart.
And that dagger would not come out. No matter how hard I tried to pull it free, it was not something I could remove once it had been driven in on its own.
Then Irene looked at me and offered a faint smile.
A pure smile I had never seen from her before.
The darkness she had been carrying was lifted in an instant, and the moonlight that had been shining so brightly seemed to take her into its arms.
The stars twinkled. I thought the deep navy dress she wore looked just like the night sky.
Her blue eyes, which had always held a trace of coldness, rippled.
Had the ice frozen by winter’s chill finally melted? Her eyes, now filled with a warmth that did not suit her at all, curved softly at last.
A scene only an autumn night could create.
Darkness rising high above, and the Crystal Palace shining brilliantly in the moonlight.
But what shone most of all was her faint smile.
I could only stand there with my eyes wide, staring blankly at Irene.