Destroying Your Desires Is My Desire (2)

Yuno's resentment was gradually transforming into a contradictory sorrow.

Trickle.

Trickle, trickling.

The proof that she was alive flowed without the slightest hesitation.

"I know all too well the scandals and corruption of the Europian royal family. I also know what Uncle Kronos did to you. That's why... I can't even comfortably resent your betrayal, can I...!"

I stood with my back against the wall and relaxed my tightly clenched fist.

Yuno's sobs seemed to seep into the wall, filling my eyes with stinging moisture.

"Hic... Sob."

My mind grew tangled.

The female lead's resentment and confession were shaking my heart.

Trickle.

Trickle, trickling.

If I turned my head now, wiped her tears, and offered warm words of comfort...

We would surely end up licking each other's wounds, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sharing affection and twisted love-hate.

But.

I can't. If I mix any more conversation here, I'll genuinely start to develop feelings.

I steeled my resolve with effort.

The moment I developed feelings, I might have to risk my life helping Yuno navigate the political arena of the capital, Valerium.

My only goal was a quiet, peaceful life as a freeloader.

Risking my life to protect the female lead like the male protagonists in romance fantasies had no place in my plans.

Trickle.

Trickle.

I forcibly turned my emotions aside and struggled to focus solely on the sound of Yuno urinating behind me.

Paradoxically, the sound of life proved beyond doubt that Yuno was truly alive.

We were too close....

For twenty-four hours straight inside that narrow carriage, I had held her tightly in my arms to prevent any seizures.

In the cold night air, her thin, trembling shoulders had leaned against my chest.

Our breathing had fallen into perfect sync.

Our breaths had grown alike.

Our body temperatures had blended on my bare skin after I removed my armor.

While embracing Yuno, I had unknowingly drawn comfort for my own war-weary heart from her warmth as well.

An embrace... is mutual comfort, after all.

Against my will, we had memorized each other's body heat far too deeply.

Before long came the rustle of adjusting clothes, and Yuno's sobs gradually subsided.

I took a deep breath, deliberately shifting the subject in a businesslike tone as I turned ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠around.

"From now on, the ground beneath the carriage wheels lies within Valerian territory."

I looked at Yuno, her face ruined by tears, and spoke dryly.

"You can no longer enter the capital in the manner of a defeated nation's prisoner. Here in Halo, we will prepare ourselves properly, don attire that complies with Valerian's laws and customs, and continue onward."

At my flat, bureaucratic tone, Yuno gazed up at me with dazed eyes.

"If you've finished urinating, I'll wash you now."

"...Will you be the one doing the washing, Lassen, you bastard?"

Yuno asked in a feeble voice.

It was a question thrown even though she knew her broken arm prevented her from washing herself.

I soaked the towel in the lukewarm water I had drawn earlier in the wooden tub and casually threw back the self-deprecating metaphor she had used moments ago.

"What can we do? Just as you said, I've gone and dragged the person out of the shit bucket."

I squeezed the wet towel and spat the words out.

"Once you've come out of the dung tub, we should wash away the stench quickly."

That indifferent, crude reply of mine.

A thoroughly practical and dry statement that carried neither sexual desire nor political oppression.

The moment those words landed.

A faint crack appeared across Yuno's face, which had been crushed beneath despair and obsession.

"Ha... Hahaha...!"

A hollow, deflated laugh leaked from between her lips.

A laugh laced with absurd relief.

With a dejected smile, Yuno casually slipped the shoulder strap of her mourning clothes down.

Then, lifting one corner of her mouth, she muttered.

"Yes... Since you pulled me out of the shit bucket, I suppose I need to be washed."

Staring at the lukewarm water in the tub, she tossed out a self-mocking joke.

"This will be... your last chance to violate me, Lassen."

Buried within Yuno's dejected joke was a resignation that she would no longer attempt seizures or self-harm.

I picked up the wet towel and silently approached her.

On this night after crossing the border, we set history behind us and adapted, little by little, to the art of survival.

The water in the wooden tub quickly took on Yuno's color.

The grime covering her body dissolved into the lukewarm liquid.

I silently wiped her back and shoulders with the wet towel.

My touch remained careful to avoid her broken left arm, and the atmosphere stayed utterly clinical.

I made every effort to maintain nothing beyond the demeanor of a caregiver bathing a patient.

Yet that very dryness of mine seemed to serve as a trigger for Yuno, who had let go of everything.

"Lassen."

Leaning back in the tub, Yuno suddenly spoke in a languid voice.

"Do you know where and how to stroke a woman's body... to make the water in this tub turn sweet and viscous?"

"...Pardon?"

The hand holding the towel froze.

For a moment I thought I had misheard.

It was not a line that should ever emerge from the noble princess of Europia, the queen of a defeated kingdom.

But Yuno turned her head slightly, glanced at me from the corner of her eye, and offered a smile so grotesquely seductive and vulgar it showed through her wet strands of hair.

"I'm asking whether you might ignore this broken arm of mine... and stir between my legs with those large, rough hands of yours. Don't you want to see how vulgarly the chastity I've guarded as a princess collapses beneath a few of your fingers?"

At that blatant, vulgar provocation I let out a dumbfounded sigh.

It seemed she had simply chosen a different form of self-harm.

A twisted compulsion to drag her own dignity to the floor in order to provoke me.

I wiped all expression from my face, moved the towel again, and roughly scrubbed her ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠nape as I answered.

"I see. You called it a 'human waste bucket' so elegantly in the bathroom earlier, yet the moment you switched to 'dung tub' I knew. You've completely let go."

"You're going to drag me to the capital of Valerian and sell me as the old king's whore anyway, aren't you?"

Yuno lightly splashed the tub water and laughed with self-mockery.

"I'm simply practicing how to wag my tail at you before we reach the capital, since you'll be the first to claim my body's price. If this carcass can't satisfy even one of your lusts, it will have no value as merchandise."

"You really don't utter a single empty word. You called it the last chance to violate you earlier. You couldn't even wait before starting again."

I completely shut down Yuno's vulgar temptation, soaked the towel once more, and wrung it tight.

After all, this woman was not being driven by sexual desire right now.

She was merely provoking me thoroughly to create justification for her own destruction.

I could not fall for such a shallow ploy.

"Even as a monarch of a ruined country, you are still a princess and a queen."

Yuno murmured.

"Shouldn't you stand by the words you have spoken?"

"Thanks to Your Majesty's admirable consistency between word and deed, my eyes and ears are suffering greatly."

I cut off Yuno's provocation as cleanly as slicing weeds, draped a large towel over her freshly washed body, and wiped away the moisture.

Then, before she could spout more nonsense or sudden actions, I lifted her wet form into my arms and left the bathroom.

"There. Now go to sleep."

I dressed her in the clean nightclothes Baron Eraf had prepared beforehand and laid her on the soft bed.

Then, exactly as I had done inside the carriage, I lay down and wrapped both arms tightly around her waist and shoulders to prevent any self-harm.

It ended up looking as though I were using Yuno as a blanket to cover myself.

A soft bed to lie upon after so long.

Yet the breathing of the Yuno trapped in my arms was anything but peaceful.

The candle in the room was extinguished and darkness descended.

Just as fatigue surged over me and I tried to close my eyes.

Yuno, still held in my embrace, braced her unbroken right arm against the floor and twisted her head back.

Her face suddenly filled my entire field of vision.

Smooch. Slurp.

"...?!"

Yuno's hot lips covered mine.

It was different from the violent kiss in the carriage where she had slammed her mouth against me.

Firmly bound in my arms and unable to twist her waist, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠she began persistently sucking at my lips.

Slurp. Smooch.

In the silent bedroom the wet, messy sound of saliva intertwining rang out shamelessly.

Held against me, unable to push her tongue deep, she only sucked relentlessly at the surface of my lips, stimulating my reason.

This woman really...!

Dumbfounded, I moved to push her away and issue a warning, slightly parting my lips.

Slippery.

Seizing that instant gap, Yuno's hot tongue drove into my mouth.

"Mmph...!"

Soft mucous membranes collided, and Yuno's saliva flooded inside.

I could taste the scent of soap freshly washed away mingled with her faint natural body odor in her breath.

I had to cut off this fatal intimacy at once, the kind that might shatter my peaceful retirement.

As a warning for her to withdraw, I lightly bit the tip of the tongue rummaging through my mouth.

Yet.

"...Mm."

Even as her tongue was bitten, Yuno merely let out a short nasal sound and refused to separate her lips.

Instead she pushed the bitten tongue even deeper, confronting me directly.

The taste of blood began to mix in.

The kiss grew even more decadent in temperature.

In the end.

I relaxed the pressure of my teeth.

I released the arm binding her waist and gently pushed her face away.

"Haa..."

Viscous saliva stretched like a silver thread before snapping.

To the heavily breathing Yuno I tossed a sarcastic remark.

"You say you want me to violate you, yet the waist held in my arms doesn't budge and stays rigidly stiff. You only offer your lips, panting like this. In the end, even though you claim to have let go all the way to the bottom, you still want to protect your nobility?"

If she had truly intended to seduce me into ruin, she should have twisted her body to stimulate my lower abdomen or behaved far more like an animal.

Yet Yuno's body had only gone slack in taste within my arms; below that it remained tense.

It was proof that her unconscious still refused to relinquish dignity.

At my mockery Yuno licked the blood droplets from her lips and replied coldly.

"I'm showing the minimum consideration for the honor of the one who will violate me. If you desire the miserable sight of a man overpowering a woman by force, I can writhe as much as you like."

She had completely shed the frailty and helplessness she had shown while weeping in the bathroom.

This was enlightenment beyond resignation.

Only the clear purpose of driving herself into hell burned vividly in her eyes.

I lightly pushed Yuno's forehead, returning her to her original position, and drew a firm line.

"Wake from your dream. My desire is not your body. It is only peace. Safely escorting you to the capital and preserving that peace is my sole lust."

Yuno gave a twisted smile.

"Is that so? In that case... I will destroy that desire of yours by any means necessary."

Yuno whispered something close to a curse.

"I will carve into that peaceful future you long for the indelible stigma of a traitor who violated the queen of a defeated nation and dragged her into corruption."

We lay side by side on the same bed, tightly embracing while sharing body heat.

Yet within that suffocating embrace there existed not a single grain of affection or warmth.

I, in order to protect my desire called peace.

Yuno, in order to shatter my peace.

We confronted each other tensely atop the precarious line we had drawn, yielding not an inch.

That night.

Slurp. Smooch.

There were no beastly moans, only hate-filled kisses and breaths intent on binding and devouring each other that filled the bedroom.

We spent the night as though strangling one another's throats, staying awake until dawn.

Far from the guest room where Lassen and Yuno stayed, in the temporary office of Halo.

Baron Eraf rubbed his sleepy eyes and scratched away at a parchment with a quill.

It was a progress report to be sent to the central chancellor in the capital, Valerium.

Baron Eraf paused his quill for a moment after writing that far.

In his mind rose the image of Lassen and Yuno from early evening, dismissing the escort soldiers at the door and entering the room together.

He stroked his chin.

Logically, the queen of an enemy nation and the officer responsible for her escort had traveled together in one carriage for days and were now spending the night alone in a room with a single bed.

Moreover, Lassen was the very man who had destroyed her homeland.

In a relationship of hatred and domination, what a man and woman might do after locking the door was something even a blind and deaf person could imagine.

Of course the reality was a human restraint to prevent self-harm, but the baron had no way of knowing that.

Hmm. There's no need for me to rashly describe their sexual relations. It will suffice to report only what I have seen with my own eyes.

Baron Eraf added no further embellishment and wrote only the dry facts.

Exactly what sort of flowery rhetoric the capital's old raccoon of a chancellor would add to this short, dry line...

he left entirely to the cunning old officials at the center.