Save Me, Bro – My Mind's Going Blank
My head was going blank. I hadn't prepared any backup plan, so if I lost my house right now, I'd have nowhere to go. Sure, I get that I'd been scammed. But why? Why the hell would a noble like him scam me and then bolt?
"Why?! Why did the count run away? Explain!"
I grabbed the poor debt collection office clerk by the collar and demanded Orlan Count's whereabouts. He looked at me with pity but didn't back down, explaining the exact situation as he knew it.
"W-well, you know Orlan Count, the one who provided you with the house?"
"Yeah. That frog-faced bastard."
"He made some investments."
"What kind?"
"Military supplies."
"—Huh?"
And then he handed me proof of Orlan Count's investments—the ones tied to the very house I'd rented. Just as the clerk said, it was an all-in gamble, every last coin poured into military goods.
"And here. See this red line?"
"...Straight nosedive."
"That's what happened to Orlan Count's fortune. He bet the farm—even pulled the spine right out of his back—betting on the war dragging on. But it ended, and poof, his wealth vanished."
"Give it back...."
"That's exactly what we're here for. We've told you a dozen times."
Crazy... that crazy son of a bitch!
A hollow laugh escaped me. Out of all the investments in the world, why'd he dump his money into that? Did he think the war would go on forever? Logically, if we won—which we did—it'd be worse than shit, a total junk stock.
...This bastard. Did he think we'd lose?
And with that, my pea-sized brain spat out a perfectly logical deduction.
Orlan Count, that guy who loaned us money and called us friends... deep down, he'd hoped we'd lose...?
If so, he only had two choices left: live or...
"—So he ran?"
"Yes."
"With my life savings?"
"Spot on."
Thud.
My legs gave out, and I collapsed. How many times in my life had this happened? Even facing the Demon King, I'd always steeled myself, pushed to the limit. But now? I couldn't even stand on two feet like a goddamn human.
I'd trusted Orlan Count as a friend—no doubts—because his daughter shows up at the academy in the original story, so I figured his house was safe. But no, I went and slayed the Demon King to "save the world," and that tanked his family?
What kind of twisted fate is this? I... I... I feel like shitting my pants.
"That dog bastard! I'll kill him—!! Should've known something was up when he cozied up calling me 'friend' and renting this place cheap. You fucking asshole—!!"
After that day, I hit rock bottom. From a swordsman who'd beheaded the Demon King in his prime... to a clueless beggar who'd handed fish to a kitten.
"Shop auntie, sorry on short notice, but can I get some credit?"
"Joseph! Y-you still look rough.... But for you, anything. Pick what you want."
"Got any coal briquettes?"
"What's that?"
"...Fuck, fuck!! What kind of bullshit romance fantasy is this? Everything else exists, but no coal briquettes?! Can't even die comfortably—!!"
"Kyaaaaah—!!"
About two weeks later, when my street nickname had become "Wrathful Beggar Joseph"...
"Ahh, ahh...."
Cough, hack hack—!!
"What's the point of surviving like this? I'll see if I make it to morning, then just die."
Unable to find shelter again, I huddled against the late winter chill, hacking as I sipped the toxic air. That's when someone appeared out of nowhere.
It was the mailman who sometimes stopped by my house.
"Ah, there you are. Been looking for you, Joseph!"
"...What do you want? I can't even pay postage anymore."
"A letter came. Can't deliver to your old address anymore, but face-to-face works, right?"
A letter...?
To Joseph,
I heard the news. Come to the capital first. Don't worry about lodging.
— Hero Laval Lagrange
"Who from?"
"Hero Laval Lagrange."
".........!!"
At that name, my ears perked up, tail wagging involuntarily.
Laval-joa. Sir Laval Lagrange!
Yeah, he was there! I'd always seen him as my mentor, but I never knew those two syllables could roll off the tongue so sweetly.
Looks like the greatest hero of this era had heard of my plight and dashed off a letter. And its contents? Three bold lines only a true man among men could write.
"Heard the news. Come to the capital first. Don't worry about living expenses."
"Bro.... Big bro.... Meeting Sir Laval like this hurts my pride. But now wasn't the time. Life was already fucked—crying over mustard while hunting for coal briquettes.
Let's be real. I'd worked my ass off... The world's gotta be wrong if I have to die like this, right? Right?
"Been a while since you visited."
And so I arrived at the Lagrange Count's mansion. Wait, post-Demon King, his title got promoted. "Lagrange Duke's" capital estate now—whale-back huge fit perfectly.
Before being picked as hero, he was just a plain count. Back then, visits were to a modest three-story place. But this? Site and buildings everywhere—way bigger now.
"Whoa. Could get lost in here easy. How do I even enter?"
Standing before its grandeur, my ragged self looked pathetic today. So, at least to avoid total shame, I rubbed at my stained clothes, sniffed for body odor.
Suddenly, a familiar voice from behind—no footsteps.
"Hey."
Mom?!
"—Sir Laval?!"
From his youth, but age whitened his hair more, those deep purple eyes looked down.
He must've just returned from out—fancy clothes fluttering on his one-armed frame.
"Long time, Joseph. You've gotten thin."
"Ah, well..."
"Enough. No more words—come in. Let's share a meal."
Kya. As expected of this era's man—different caliber. Skipping the messy talk, stuffing my gut first. Nice.
"...Thank you."
Maybe he knew it all already. But lifting my spirits like this? I know how hard that is.
I'm not one to cry easy, but tears are welling up. I'm crying, bro.
He dragged my filthy ass into the grand duke's mansion without a care.
"Heavens!"
"Who is this?!"
"Long time, Joseph."
The duke's retainers we passed gawked but welcomed me warmly. Same kindness as always. I'd tried retiring quietly, but they'd never forgotten me.
"Head chef Sasha. Can you handle this?"
"Heavens, Your Grace! It's Joseph?"
"My old comrade visits after so long—show your skills."
"Of course! I'll prep your old favorites right away."
Thanks to Laval's thoughtfulness, I ate a proper meal for the first time in ages. The taste... to die for.
"Ahh, ahh...."
Walnut pie sweet enough to stick to teeth—realization of being alive made me smile despite the misery.
Then meat buns oozing juices—flashback to sharing them with Laval in the field.
Pitying my state, he grinned awkwardly.
"Eating well."
"Obviously. Without this kindness, I might've starved today, Sir Laval."
"That Orlan bastard put you through hell. Glad I could help a little."
"Your grace... truly your grace."
"Haha... Grace, huh. You like it?"
"No reason not to."
And right then, Laval said it. Could be heavy, but straight to the point.
"If you're inclined, live here."
"Pardon...?"
"No need to ask back. You came after the letter, and I said don't worry about living."
Thoughts raced past my ears. Huh? Really live here? Way better than Orlan's rental. ...For free? But in my desperate state, tempted for a sec, I calmed and replied.
........ Too good, but no.
"...No. I can't do that, Sir Laval."
"Why."
Reasons galore, but one clear answer.
"Obviously. This mansion isn't mine. I'll gladly take the meal, but I can't sponge off you like some freeloader."
"Nonsense. Why isn't it yours?"
"Pardon?"
Laval quieted, stroking his severed right arm stump, eyes on me.
"You don't remember this scar?"
"...How could I forget the wound from slaying the Demon King."
And oddly, a hint of sadness? From a guy who'd bleed no drops if stabbed. Hits harder from someone who doesn't usually show it.
Genuine, for sure.
"When I got this, if you hadn't stepped up against the Demon King, our party would've been wiped."
"Yeah, probably."
"Simple then. Without you, none of this I enjoy now."
....
......
Fair point. Without me, party dead to Demon King—world ended too.
"But even without that, I'd have given you the mansion. After our years together, how could I abandon a brother in need?"
"Sir Laval...."
"Doubting me?"
But a tiny issue: his heart, not mine.
No blame. Kings don't know hearts. Bro might pity the poor sibling, invite him in. But a brother of such a noble wants one thing: show thriving without worry.
That's it. Life wrecked coming here felt off already. Now the offer? Can't swallow pride.
Face matters—I'm almost a full carton of eggs soon.
"I appreciate it, Sir Laval."
So I said.
"But no living here. Just... no."
"I see."
"...Instead, one shameless request?"
His brow twitched—positively.
"Anything."
"If helping, set me up to rebound."
"...Not giving fish, but a net to catch them?"
I nodded.
"You see me as a kid always, but I'm twenty-nine. Unmarried bachelor, no dependents—can restart anytime. Right?"
"Ah, Joseph."
And then, Laval—sad-faced till now—ducked under the table, shoulders shaking faintly.
"Hahahaha...!!"
"Bro?"
Satisfied, he chuckled weakly. What the—?
"Sorry for beating around the bush."
"What?"
"Deep down, I hoped you'd say that."
"...Huh. Why."
"The Joseph I know wouldn't leech off anyone."
"Testing me?"
"Test or confirmation. Sometimes you reprove known formulas. Just that."
"Karma building... hobby's rotten."
Then it hit: kidnapped since the invite?
Deflated, I nearly melted into the chair.
"Joseph."
"...Yes."
"Go to the academy."
".........As a late student? It's all twenty-year-old babies."
"Ridiculous. Humanity's strongest swordsman who killed the Demon King—learning what?"
"Then what am I...?"
"I'll put in a word. Become a professor."
And worst of all, ass on chair edge, I froze.
Not anything else—those cruel two syllables. Professor.
Fucked.
The academy. In my crazy cousin sister's mad world, the maddest place with maddest people. Avoided main story kicking—fate converges anyway.
Charles Darwin wins every world.
.......
......
....
"Ha, at this age with kids..."
"Don't worry. This class is full of monsters."
"I know. That's why I'm worried. Quiet life ends there."
"...True, retirement revoked. Hate it? Say so. Your call."
But staying meant dying on streets.
"No."
"...Oh?"
"Fuck it, let's do it."
My fate, my hands. No teaching experience, no talent—but all-in now.
Right then, Laval said—as if relieved I took it, or hooked proper.
"Good then. Got a solid pillar now."
"Pillar...?"
"My daughter's at the academy too. Since it's like this, look after her. Weekend here—escort her on the way?"
.... Daughter?
Ah.... Her.
Shit. My retirement.