War Named #5: "I Dump a Million Lives in Siberia and End My Turn"
"I dump a million lives into Siberia and end my turn."
"I deploy all my Ends across the field."
"Reverse card activated—scattered counterfeit bills. And trap card activated—printed currency! Turn every End on the field to trash, and every End in the deck to trash too."
"Nani?!"
Shibusawa, wielding a deployment deck, clashed against the Dark Secretary-General's deck-destruction build. They were locked in a shadow duel over Tokyo Bay, wagering the soul of Japan itself. Meanwhile, in France—Paris had recently joined hands with London, but deep down, there was a nation seething over the real estate boom radiating from London. They'd agreed to be allies in the Great War Against Germany, but as investors, they were blatant rivals. After all, who else in Europe could claim the role of "master"? London, or Paris.
Germany? That pack of thugs rampaging through Europe like America in the Americas. But in terms of global influence, it was a straightforward duality: London or Paris. The problem was that both France and Germany happened to be crammed into the same continent. And France herself had recently suffered a crushing "breakup" with Germany—bad enough to force her into Britain's arms.
Maurice Rouvier, Prime Minister of the French Republic and the rising star who had just pushed through the Separation of Church and State law, tapped his index finger repeatedly on a country marked on the map, muttering to himself.
"No bites at all, huh?"
The Korean Supreme Leader's slush funds flowing entirely to London was no secret anymore. London had slyly spread the word herself. And as a result, even Paris's money was trickling away to London lately. She couldn't say it out loud anywhere, but damn, it stung her pride hard. What was this if not bankrolling a competitor's boom?
"Give up on that country, Prime Minister. They won't switch hands unless pushed to the brink."
"Who said anything about switching? We're the ones reaching out."
To France, something smelled off. London was gnashing her teeth, screaming that Korea was her bastard pup, but Korea seemed utterly indifferent—that vibe, that atmosphere. And usually, in cases like this, the country in question would turn to Paris. America had, Ireland had, India had. But this time, the fish weren't biting at all. They'd casually dropped pro-China and pro-Japan feelers as usual, but no contact whatsoever.
More direct approaches risked provoking Britain. Still...
"Should we try reaching out more directly?"
"Britain would have a fit. Last time it was the Vatican; now Germany too, and it'd be perfect."
This guy?
"But Britain has badass India, and we don't. Britain gets the Indian Empire, France gets the Korean Empire—that's the match, right?"
"Save France before you go rescuing her India."
Fair point. Frustrated, the Prime Minister lit up a chain of cigarettes and pulled a fresh report from his drawer.
"So it's true—the state of the Russo-Japanese War, or should I say the London-Russo-Japanese War, is this pathetic?"
"Yes, they're fighting like they're not even trying. Korea's clearly only joined because of Japan."
"Britain's pressure again?"
"Has to be."
At this point, France had a habit of blaming everything on Britain. She probably thought her own defeat to Germany was because Britain had backed the Germans back then.
"Doesn't Britain realize she needs to drag Russia into the Great War Against Germany?"
"She probably knows, which is why she's doing this."
True enough. Korea's declaration about supplying drinking water to Siberia—before the war even ended—had given everyone plenty to ponder. Drinking water? Sure, but that "water" probably included food, clothing, booze, firewood, the works.
"Russia's preparing another mobilization order?"
"Yes, but it looks like it's for the western front, not the east."
"That gossip's real?"
"The reinsurance treaty between them expired ages ago. No barriers left between Germany and Russia right now."
"So that mustachioed bastard isn't just running drills?"
"Screaming pan-Slavism his whole life, and now while Russia's in a proper showdown with those yellow hordes, he wants to club her in the back of the head."
"Gotta secure living space before Russia gets eaten up—total bullshit, obvious as day."
Just like with Morocco, those Germans were purely out for their own gain, trampling British and French interests without a shred of compromise.
"Hand it over."
"No."
Unlike how France yielded Egypt to Britain and Britain yielded Morocco to France, those German pigs were straight-up trying to muscle in on colonies like Morocco by force.
"We merely demand our place in the sunlit lands?"
Those sunlit lands are Britain and France's, you Teutonic swine.
"Your Excellency, didn't the British side recently float the idea of us bridging things with Russia?"
"They want us to play matchmaker between Russia and Britain? To get Korea and Russia to a ceasefire? Why the hell should we?"
"But Your Excellency—"
"If anyone's mediating, it's us. We'll reconcile Korea and Russia ourselves!"
"No, Prime Minister, wait! Those two have zero interest in fighting!"
"Shut it!"
If Britain wanted to reconcile Korea with Russia, France would beat her to it by reconciling Russia with Korea first. Great France wouldn't be dragged around by Britain. Absolutely not.
Germany eyeing Russia hungrily. France urging peace with Korea. Korea seeking peace with Russia. Britain telling Korea to make peace with Russia.
With Korea having crushed Japan, there were no real obstacles to Korea-Russia reconciliation. Everyone except Germany wanted it.
"Clear out."
"Yes, sir."
The Japanese troops ended up salvaging nothing but beaver pelts on their way home, but honestly, neither Britain nor France cared about Japan right now—she was the one who needed to clear out. With Germany's ambitions crystallizing in Europe, was Japan in Asia really the issue?
Whether Japan's Prime Minister lost his soul to the Korean Premier in that shadow duel, or the Supreme Leader evolved from one nation's Premier to another's—none of it mattered.
Britain and France just told Korea to end the war with Russia, and they did—swiftly. Because it wasn't the priority.
Fitting for a ceasefire brokered by these civilized powers, Korea's demands were predictably mild.
"Pardon? You want us to give Russia money?"
"Frankly, you fucked around pretty hard."
Korea had squeezed Japan for cash and handed it straight to Russia. Japan had beaten on Russia, so she owed compensation, right?
The Supreme Leader, freshly minted as Japan's Prime Minister by imperial decree yesterday—
"Who said an imperial decree alone makes you Prime Minister?"
—now serving as both Korean Premier and Japanese Prime Minister, had seized Japan's infrastructure with his vanguard, then extorted Japan to pay Russia. He hated spending his own money, after all.
Was it all good for Russia? Not quite.
"Looks like we're a bit too chummy for comfort, Russia."
"What?"
Korea demanded to slice off the land east of the Urals—taking Perm, which she'd occupied—as the basis for establishing a constitutional monarchy. Not the Tsar's autocracy, but a dominion with a parliament and voting rights, right there in Siberia.
Sounds aggressive? By this era's standards, it was genuinely moderate. Because it mirrored the form of autonomies within the Russian Empire itself.
France and Britain couldn't oppose Korea's demand. They'd trashed Tsarism themselves, after all.
Korea proposed creating a gray buffer zone between them, keeping necessary distance while staying tight-knit.
"What the hell? You slap my cheek and now want to be buddies?"
Tsar Nicholas II first thought it was insane, but when Korea warned that any more sabotage on the railways meant she'd treat everything east of Perm as seceded—he had no comeback.
Even the Tsar was speechless before reality. So he agreed to trial a constitutional monarchy in Siberia, since "the people wanted it so badly."
Fine, if they want it that much, try it in Siberia.
Secretly, he hoped the revolutionaries would all fuck off to Siberia. Above all...
Will there really be no more sabotage next time?
Even he couldn't guarantee it. Russia was a den of revolutionaries now. For the "father of the nation," this betrayal hit hard.
Yield what must be yielded. First things first: Germany.
With internal enemies looming and both Korea and Germany eyeing her flanks, the triangular tension was terrifying. He didn't want this—pure Poland partition vibes.
The weak-willed yet prideful Nicholas reassured himself over and over, analyzed the situation, and concluded: give what must be given.
Especially tempting: create the buffer dominion, and Korea would join the Great War Against Germany—for 100 years.
Not just friendly neutrality, but active intervention. Not a measly decade or two, but a century. Intriguing. Reassuring.
Not demanding outright cession, just a mutual buffer? His bureaucrats urged approval immediately. And she was offering money too—Russia always needed cash.
Negotiations wrapped up, and amid Germany's ambitions, the two nations hastily ceased fire. Britain seemed pissed, but she couldn't complain—she'd urged reconciliation herself.
Plus, it was Germany-limited. Korea and Russia looked suspiciously chummy for recent enemies. Britain felt a chill.
She knew they'd joined hands for Siberian development. But Korea had always called Russia her top potential threat, number-one enemy. What potential threat? Looked like a provisional alliance.
For mere independence guarantees, it outshone the mutual defense pact Britain had with Korea. Britain wondered:
So if not Russia, who's Korea's number-one enemy?
Korea was undeniably a garrison state. Every kid left their mother's arms at five for elementary school, trained till fifteen, then enlisted as trainees till twenty—five years of summer and winter drills, plus labor. Only the top 10% in specialized fields could go to high school instead of service; the rest hit university or grad school post-duty.
Pour that much into military, and you better get results. And those troops needed a target.
Britain had assumed Russia. But clearly not. Qing? China? Too minor for the investment. Who the hell was Korea building her army against?
Britain was stumped.
"Your Excellency Supreme Leader, this airplane from America—you didn't overpay, did you?"
"We don't recognize patents, or achievements? Hell, we got it cheap."
"Not buying exclusive rights, just handing those brothers a fat stack for the blueprints?"
"Do we recognize patents or not? Whether we pay top dollar or not, we don't acknowledge that shit. Freezing our asses over monopoly rights."
Patents? Monopolies? Barbaric concepts.
"If you think I divvied up territories among cooperatives and called it granting monopolies, that's a huge problem. I didn't even take a cut. I just kickstarted the divisions; now it's natural selection—no, natural alliances and negotiations among them."
I deferred to experts in a field unless some PTA tried forming an air force regiment or academy. Let the cooperatives merge and split as they negotiated. Armbanded referees meddling blindly? That's the root of corruption, fraud, hulks—no, ultimately the point where underlings stop listening.
I don't trust public officials. Not businessmen either, but gold standard alone proves armbanded fucks are the least trustworthy. Meaningful that—collective punishment—is the only thing I kept from the Yushin reforms: privatization of public power.
Any bureaucrat's spine would chill. I brushed off the whines about "collective punishment being uncivilized" with: officials have fixed salaries; live above that, and your relatives will know.
I saw privatizing public power as uncivilized, so treating those uncivilized fucks uncivilized was fine.
This era's trend: "The state is an extension of organized crime; monopoly's just a protection racket. Common point? Waste management is key. Know the difference?"
"What's that?"
"The state doesn't need that mob bullshit. That's why it's a tad better than the mob. But let's just go full mob?"
Patents? Assuming the king has rights from the get-go, then auctioning exclusive sales to businessmen? Pure British barbarism.
I hate almost everything British. Patents included. Next they'll patent the sun? To me, current patents are no different.
Developer effort? Dedication? Breathing? Harmony? Pay royalties to the caveman who first sparked fire and started cooking. Only Joseon, worshipping the Supreme Ancestor and offering to the Ming, could call Qing savages. Britons denying cavemen royalties have no right to patents.
Patents? At least fifty years premature.
So whenever we snag something cool abroad, I just hand the developer a fat check and done. Not beggars—why hand over sales rights? Praise the achievement, shove money in their pocket.
"And that coal carrier you're building—too heavy and huge? Hardly any ports can handle it."
Oh, come on! We pick the dope based on you. That size is needed for carrier-class. Subs for defense, carriers for offense—armed with those two, we could take on the world.
No plans to fight the world, but if it comes at me, I gotta be ready, right?